The Roommate Arrangement

by Vanessa Waltz

  Luke let out a long moan that made my heart thud against my chest and then his cock jumped inside me. I collapsed against his heaving chest, paralyzed with joy. As I looked up at him and stroked his hair, it was almost in a loving caress. He kissed me hard, his hands still moving all over my body. He broke away, breathing heavily.

  “I needed this.” He gave me another smoldering look before he kissed my neck. “You make me want to go again.”

  His words thrilled me, and for the second time, I felt afraid. I was giving too much of myself to this man. I looked at him and knew that I would be devastated when we parted ways. Was this love or was it infatuation?

  He sighed into me. “I’m getting really confused about our arrangement. I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

  “Does it feel like a bad idea?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Then why can’t we enjoy it?”

  “Because we said we’d keep things professional. I don’t want either of us getting attached.”

  “I’m already attached. It'll hurt no matter what.”

  His eyes were shining. He cupped my cheek and didn’t look away. “Jessica.”

  I hated the softness in his voice. He said nothing more, but he didn’t have to. His face was full of regret. I slipped from his lap, tears already falling down my cheeks as I bent down and gathered my clothes.

  “Jessica. Jessica, wait!”

  I ran into the bathroom to escape him. He doesn’t want me like I want him. The whole point of this was to help Luke. He was paying me a huge sum of money, and I had no right to be upset. Luke had said from the beginning that this would never be anything more than a two-dimensional relationship. I needed to accept that.

  “Jessica, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have—”

  The bathroom door ripped open as I yanked it open. Rage exploded in my stomach. I was still naked, but Luke had pulled on his pants.

  “Don’t you dare say you shouldn’t have done it. Don’t tell me it was a mistake. I’m not a mistake!”

  There was a desperate plea in my voice that made me feel sick.

  Luke looked horrified. "I would not say that. Of course, you're not a mistake. Jessica?"

  All the anger deflated from my chest. I wanted to curl in a ball under my sheets. It’s your fault for making me feel like I had a chance.

  Luke hovered near the doorway, the conflict wreaking havoc on his face. He wanted to comfort me, but he was afraid of upsetting me.

  "Look, we have to fly to Chicago tomorrow to visit my father at the hospice. I can't put it off any longer. Let's talk about this after that. I felt so overwhelmed with my father, and you made me feel good. You always make me feel good."

  His cheeks went a little pink, and I hated myself for the hope soaring in my chest. I wiped the tears staining my cheeks and nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Luke hesitated, guilt written all over his face as he looked at me. “Okay.”

  Even if it amounted to nothing, I gained a victory tonight. I had sex with a man, and it hadn't been a disaster. It hadn't been painful. It was awesome.

  8

  “I told you so,” Natalie said for the umpteenth time. “I said it right before you left that this would happen.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  The phone was hot on the side of my face and damp with my sweat. As I paced the hotel suite and spoke in hushed whispers, I was careful to avoid Luke in the living room. Natalie and I were long overdue for a chat. She wasted no time in telling me she was right.

  “I don’t care if you’re right. It’s worth it. I feel different, Natalie. I don’t know what it is, but he makes me feel better, even if it’s temporary.”

  Natalie’s voice was soft. “Well, he seems like a decent person,” she admitted. “I’m happy for you, but I’m worried this will blow up in your face. You won't feel so great when he ditches you.”

  “We’re not together. He can’t ditch me.”

  I could hear her rolling her eyes at me.

  “Yeah, whatever. The way you talk about him, you might as well be together.”

  Jerk. “Well, I’m flying to Chicago today.” After a beat, I added: “To meet his dad.”

  “Wow, your fake relationship is getting pretty serious.”

  I scowled at the humor in her voice. “I’m kind of losing my shit. This isn’t my territory. Do I stroke his ego? Should I be a yes-man?”

  “No. Just be polite. Be yourself.”

  Wasn’t that what Luke had told me? Be yourself, Jessica. Try as I might, I couldn't feel comfortable with the idea of Luke's father. He was an ass, and he reminded me too much of my foster parents. How would I handle it if he bullied me? My face flushed with hot anger.

  “You can handle a cranky, sick old man. Like most men his age, he just wants attention.”

  But it wasn't that simple. He wasn't just a cranky old man; he was a grumpy old man in charge of a multi-billion dollar industry. There were millions of dollars riding on this meeting. The fate of Luke’s finances depended on me. I wanted to laugh and laugh until I passed out. What if he didn’t like me?

  Natalie could sense my disquiet. “Just don’t think about it, or you’ll mess up. I don’t know what to tell you.” There was a slight pause. “I almost forgot to tell you this, but I’ve been keeping tabs on all the tabloids about you and Luke.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “They still don't know who you are, but if you ask me it’s a matter of time before they find out.”

  “You can’t tell the media anything. I’m serious, Natalie. It’ll put everything in jeopardy. Tell Ben not to say anything, either.”

  “I would never do that! Are you crazy?”

  “They might offer you lots of money.”

  “I don’t care. There’s no way I’d cave, but someone else who knows you might.”

  “Like who?” As far as I was concerned, there was no one else who knew me. I never talked about my personal life to anyone. If they asked my coworkers at the soup kitchen, all they could get from them is the city where I lived. “Listen, I’ve got to go. The car will pick us up soon. I’ll text you when I land in Chicago.”

  “All right. Good luck.”

  I hung up the phone and clenched it in my palm, wiping my other hand on my jeans. Luke was silent the whole ride to the airport. I kept looking at him, wanting to confess my fear of meeting his father, but the whitened look on his face stopped me. I didn’t want to make him feel worse, so I didn't say a word.

  He barely spoke during the flight. His red-rimmed eyes stared straight ahead. I wanted to help him, but there was nothing I could say. So, I sat next to him and held his hand.

  We were exhausted when the plane landed, but Luke told me we would head to the hospice. In the back of my mind, I thought we were playing right into his father’s hands. Wasn’t it unreasonable to expect Luke and I to hurry over there after a ten-hour flight? Whatever, it wasn’t my call.

  It looked more like a vacation home than a hospice. There were atriums containing all different flora, regionally specific and temperature controlled. Workers pushed dying men and women in wheelchairs through them. The floors and walls exuded an aura of comfort, but underneath it all was the faint stench of cleaning supplies—of hospitals and death. Death lingered in this quiet place, and all of its bright walls and colorful paintings couldn't overshadow the dark gloom lingering in the halls.

  No wonder he’s miserable. No one wants to die in a place like this.

  I thought about it for a moment. Where would I like to die? Probably in the comfort of my apartment, with Natalie nearby. Yes, people wanted to be with their families when they died. Didn’t they?

  I looked at Luke, who strode through with a look of perfect indifference. It was plain he couldn't care less about his father. Who would he want to be with?

  He gave me a quick smile, and my heart did a backflip.

  “Don’t look so nervous, Jess.’ It’ll be okay. Well, actually,
it might not be.”

  Thanks for the vote of confidence.

  We were meeting with the nurse charged with Giacomo's case. I imagined that she would be strung out with stress at all the unreasonable demands Luke's father made of her, but she turned out to be a chipper forty-something-year-old woman.

  “Mr. Pardini, it’s great to meet you.”

  He nodded. “How is he?”

  “He keeps us busy,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. “Visitors keep him in good spirits.”

  “Visitors?” Luke raised an eyebrow.

  “Yes. His nephews visit every month.”

  I tried not to whimper as Luke crushed the bones of my hand. What did it mean?

  “He’ll be so glad to see you. He talks about you all the time.”

  Probably to complain about him.

  “Oh, I’m sure.”

  The nurse’s smile faltered at the tone of his voice, but she recovered. “Well, it’s this way.”

  She opened the door for us, and I swallowed hard as I walked through first.

  An aged man sat upright on a hospital bed. He was so thin that thick round bruises covered his arms like a dark disease. I stood in the room, breathless as I took in all the tubes and instruments humming, keeping him alive. I was astonished at how similar they looked. Though his body was wasted, his face held the vestiges of great looks. His icy eyes, sharp and alert, cut through me as if he could see through my disguise. I trembled as his lips pulled into a grin, his eyes skull-like.

  “Hi Dad,” Luke said as he approached the bed. “This is my girlfriend, Jessica.”

  Somehow, my mouth spasmed into something resembling a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Luke tells me that your parents are dentists. Do they approve of you flying around with a man you barely know?”

  So, he was getting right to it. Fine. Bring it on.

  “Dad,” Luke said in a sharp voice.

  I held up a hand. “No, it’s fine. Your dad is just trying to protect you. It’s a valid question.” I smiled at Giacomo. “The answer is, I don’t know. I don’t talk to them anymore.”

  “Ah!” he yelled in triumph. “I see. My son is the same way; he only talks to me when he wants more money—or when he wants to discuss work.”

  Why would he want to call you? All you do is make him feel like crap.

  Despite himself, Luke’s cheeks flushed pink. “What do you think all these visits from my cousins are for? Do you think they’re doing it out of the kindness of their hearts?”

  I wanted to kick Luke’s leg.

  Why is he antagonizing him?

  He gave a hollow laugh as his father’s face went purple. I clenched my hands into fists and watched the volley of insults back and forth like a tennis match. This couldn’t be going any worse.

  “At least they don’t treat me like a checkbook,” he spat. “Do you think I can’t see through you and that bitch standing over there?”

  My leg twitched, and I glanced at Luke’s white face. Shit. It was too late; Giacomo had noticed the exchange and his eyes narrowed.

  “Dad—apologize now,” he said through his teeth.

  “Or what?” He grinned, knowing full well he alone held all the power, that his son could do nothing. “You’re pathetic. I knew from the second I saw those tabloid photos that this was a fraud.”

  Oh, shit. It was all unraveling. I turned to Luke in a voice I hoped was innocent. “What’s he talking about?”

  Giacomo gave me a nasty look. “So, how much is he paying you? I don’t think he ever paid any of the whores he left with in those clubs.”

  “Shut the hell up!”

  His father looked startled at his son’s outburst. “You’ll never get what you want from me. I won’t allow it!”

  I wanted to bend over and throw up on the pristine floor. His whole body trembled as he stood over the bed. I sprang forward, convinced that he would reach over and strangle his father.

  “Go to hell, Dad.”

  He spoke with such quiet venom I flinched, afraid of the poison infecting his voice. I turned around as Luke stormed out of the room, indifferent to his father’s yells and my pleas.

  When the door swung shut, I wheeled back to him, unable to keep the disgust out of my tone. “What’s wrong with you?”

  He pushed himself up on his pillows, giving me a look of justified anger. “I know what you’re both doing. What, am I supposed to be pleased that my son is trying to scam me with a hooker?”

  He was a jerk, but he was still nothing compared to the abuse I had experienced. Giacomo Pardini was child’s play. I kept my face neutral, refusing to allow his insults to harm me.

  “I love your son.”

  I felt my face grow hot. I hadn't meant to say that—it came out. There was a ringing in my ears, and I licked my dry lips. Giacomo's face was stony, but I forced myself to continue. "I fell in love with him because he's the only one who understands me. He gets it."

  He eyed me and his voice rose with contempt. “Are you that stupid? He may have convinced you otherwise, but you’re just another broad for him to fool around with. What the hell does a middle class woman from suburbia have in common with my son?”

  His barbs sunk deep into my flesh, stinging me. "We met in a support group for children with parents like you."

  I was pleased that Giacomo flinched as though my words had hurt him.

  “Do you know what Luke thinks about you? He thinks you made his mother commit suicide. Now, you’re trying to bully me because treating people like shit takes the edge off hating yourself. You make me sick—”

  His eyes went wide, and he grabbed the edge of his hospital bed, looking like he wanted to climb out of it so he could kill me. "You shut your mouth about things you don't understand." He clenched his teeth, and his thin arms trembled with the energy of keeping himself upright.

  His voice cracked with emotion. The wind knocked out of me. I couldn’t look away from the electricity in his eyes.

  For a moment, he looked like he wanted to scream, and then the words burst from his mouth as though he had been dying to say them for years. "I did everything I could for that woman. Therapists, psychiatrists and all of that bullshit—Luke never knew. I hid it from him. Don't you dare accuse me of trying to harm my wife. I loved her. She wanted to die, and there was nothing I could do to fix it."

  Was this true? Was this a manipulation or did Luke really have the wrong side of the story? My heart thudded against my chest.

  “What about when you sent him away after his mother’s death to live with strangers? I suppose you did that to protect him?”

  “You’re damn right, it was. Do you think I wanted him around my vulture in-laws? I didn’t want him to witness all the fighting over the money and the disgusting lawsuits filed against me. When she died, their cash flow ended, and they weren’t happy.” Giacomo sunk into his pillows, looking very much like a tired, old man. “He needed to grow up away from all this madness. I wanted a normal life for Luke, but he turned out to be just like the rest of them.”

  What followed Giacomo's voice was a ringing silence. I stood stock-still, unable to believe what I was hearing. Everything Luke said about him made me hate him before laying eyes on him, and yet he said things that made me question what Luke told me.

  “He didn’t turn out like the rest of them. You damaged him. What he needed was his father, not to be sent over the ocean to a strange place while he grieved for his dead mother.”

  He sat up again with renewed vigor, spittle drizzling his chin as he screamed at me. “Everything I did was for my son—everything! You don’t know what it’s like to watch your own brother and your son fight over your corpse like dogs!”

  I refused to relent the attack though Giacomo’s words had bothered me more than I would admit. “Instead of telling your son you’re doing what’s best for him, you belittle him every chance you get. Why?”

  Giacomo’s fist smashed into bed. “Because he needs to grow up! I'
m a person, not a goddamn bank account.”

  “You'll die alone if you don’t mend things with your son.”

  The nurse appeared at my elbow. “Miss, you need to leave. You’re upsetting my patient.” The breathy girlishness was gone from her voice.

  But the statement only served to further enrage the Pardini patriarch. “I’m allowed to be upset!”

  “For the record,” I bellowed over his voice, pushing the nurse aside. “I don’t care whether you put Luke in your will or not. I think it would be good for him if he cut you out of his life. At least, he would never have to deal with you anymore.”

  “Miss—”

  I ripped my elbow out of her hands. “I’m leaving.” In a fog of rage, I stumbled from the room without knowing where I was going. Luke was nowhere to be seen. My pulse raced with all the things he said—all the things I said. I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn’t know what effect my words would have on Luke’s father. What if he took everything I said to heart and cut him off like I suggested?

  You’re an idiot. You’re a moron. Luke paid you to do a job, and you blew it!

  I stopped midway down the hall. It had been a quarter of an hour, and there was no sign of Luke. Maybe he left. Ahead, I saw a sign for a restaurant and bar and followed it.

  I found Luke perched on a barstool. It was eleven in the morning, so most of the place was empty. The bar was deserted. He stared down the tiny shot glass, a small row of empty ones beside it. I edged up to him as he stared downwards, not even acknowledging my presence, playing with the drink with his long fingers.

  “Three shots at eleven A.M.? Must be some record."

  Luke shrugged, and I placed my hand over his to stifle his movements.

  “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

  I blinked. “Why?”

  “You heard my father. I won’t be able to pay you anymore.”

  “Luke, I don’t care about the money.”