“I want more than a romp. I want to spend time with him. I’m not trying to marry him, I just want to be with him sometimes.”
“That’s not you. I’m not trying to act holier than thou. I have messed around before, but you are different. You are classier. You don’t have to do anything like that.”
“I don’t, but I want to.”
“Does this man know that you are attracted to him?”
“I’m not sure. I think so.”
“Why don’t you talk to him?”
“I’m not ready for that.”
“If you can’t talk to him, then you are not ready to have a relationship with him or anyone else.”
“Mama, I just like being around him.”
“Be careful with your heart,” she provided. “It’s easy to fall in love with someone you can’t have. It’s best to try to work on your marriage because you won’t find happiness messing with someone else’s husband.”
“Maybe you are right.”
“Things will work out.”
“I’ll talk to you later. But I can’t promise that I’m not going to pursue this man.”
“Call me tomorrow. Talk to your husband and try to work this problem out. You’ll do what is right. You always do.”
“We’ll see. Bye now.”
I was not working shit out. I tried to but Dexter just ignored my pleas. He was not trying to work with me and I wasn’t going to beg. He could have this pussy, but you had better believe it belonged to me, even though I wanted to loan it to Travis. As I said, all I wanted from him was sex and a little romance on the side. He wasn’t someone I was trying to marry. I was already married and if this shit didn’t last, I wasn’t trying to do it again.
Marriage was so hard. I had done more than my share of trying to keep this shit together. I had caressed his body with my soft, sexy, well-shaped frame. I had kissed his ears and lips and sucked the nipples on his chest. I had even tried to suck his dick for a second time. It was so funny. I was going to surprise him one night. I got my candles and lit each of them. I placed them in strategic places around our bedroom, so I could freak him good by candlelight. I was going to make this motherfucker love me like he did when we first got married.
I soaked in a nice, hot bath with my favorite sweet vanilla bath oil from Bath & Body Works. I was preparing my mind to give my husband the night of his life. Once I dried off, I went to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and took out the chocolate syrup. I was looking for some whipped cream, but we were all out, so I had to find something to work with that was sweet. I also grabbed a banana Popsicle and walked up the twenty or so steps to work some love magic on my man. I eased into the bed and kissed him slowly as I slid next to him. Kissing his lips, I walked my fingers lightly down his leg until I reached his manhood. Gripping it gently and massaging him, using my thumb and index finger to guide his penis tenderly, I slid down to lick him. He moaned. He lifted his body, so I could accept his dick into my mouth. I sucked him. He moaned in ecstasy.
I sucked long and hard, pulling his dick all the way near the back of my throat. He grabbed my head and pumped his penis into my mouth. It tasted so sweet. He was my husband and I truly loved him. I was willing to save our marriage. I was willing to do whatever it took to give him pleasure. Maybe if I did a good job on him, he would do one on me.
With his dick in my mouth, I reached for the chocolate syrup. Pulling the top up, I removed my mouth from him long enough to squirt the syrup on him. It was thick and sticky, and when I put my mouth back on him, it was too damn sweet. Chocolate syrup is good on vanilla ice cream, but on my husband’s dick, it was extremely sweet. What was I thinking? His body was a sticky mess. We both burst into laughter. “Malika, where did you get this idea?” He was laughing and caressing my arm.
“I wanted to try something different. That’s all. Heck I thought it would work.”
“Baby, you know I love you. You’re funny.”
Reaching up, I kissed him. I allowed our tongues to mingle and dance together. “I love you too. I just want things to work with us.”
“Hey, didn’t I tell you I was happy?”
“I need more from you.”
“More of this?” He pulled his body up over mine and entered me. He plunged hard into me. “Is this what you need, Malika? Talk to me, baby, do you need me to do this more?” He thrust into me harder with each question.
This was turning me on. I liked how he was taking control. “Yes, baby, this is what I need. Give it to me, baby. Fuck me like you mean it.” With that all you could hear were our bodies slapping against each other.
“Oh, baby, this feels so damn good.” Lifting my leg up and putting it over his shoulder, he pounded into me like a man on a mission.
Reaching up, I grabbed his head, bringing it down to my lips, and kissed him as my body began to tingle and come to an amazing head. “Oh, I’m coming.” With that, both of us increased our speed, him pumping and plunging his penis deeper inside of me, and me circling my hips and gripping his penis with every muscle in my vagina. Finally, we lay there holding each other with our bodies throbbing from the intense orgasms we’d just experienced.
See, I told you I was not a dick sucker. I only did that shit in my mind. I was the ultimate head whore, a superhead, but when it came down to the real thing, having the real dick in my mouth, I was just like a virgin. This was my second attempt at trying to suck my husband’s dick in two months so in my own mind, I was still a dick-sucking virgin, having yet to achieve what I wanted. But tonight was a good try.
That night brought us closer together. We discussed the incident and laughed because the act was nice, but highlighting it with that syrup was a disaster. My husband said, “I know you don’t suck dick.” I simply laughed because he didn’t eat pussy. We were going to try to work on this marriage and try to do things to satisfy each other. At least, that’s the promise we made that night. In the past, both of us had attempted oral sex, but it wasn’t something we participated in regularly. As a matter of fact, we had tried less than the number of fingers on one hand.
Although we fucked that night, or shall I say, made love, I never got a chance to use that banana Popsicle. That shit melted in its wrapper and I tossed it out later. Next time, I planned on using a Popsicle and showing him how a cold mouth felt on his dick. I wondered if it would be sexy. Maybe the coldness would keep him hard. Tomorrow, I was going to buy some whipped cream. Next time, I was getting this shit right.
But Dexter simply reverted to his old, tired ways. I was trying hard to live right. I had done everything in my power to get Travis out of my head. But that shit was a bitch. You could get a man out of your head, but you sure in the fuck couldn’t get him out of your heart. My head said, stop thinking about him and think of your husband. But my heart said, I love him and I want him. Why was my heart trying to betray me? I loved my husband and I wanted to sleep with Travis, but something kept pushing me to that threshold and I knew it wasn’t love. It felt like love, but I knew it was lust.
Sometimes, when you want something so bad and it is denied for whatever reason, the desire to obtain it becomes stronger. Deep down, I knew I didn’t love this man, but I wanted him because he was making himself unobtainable. Even though he was there to share my feelings and my concerns, he was withholding his emotions from me. I felt something for him. But I wasn’t sure if he felt anything for me. Sure, he touched me, caressed my arms, touched my thighs, and smiled and teased me, but he still never voiced his feelings or his interests.
I knew exactly what I was going to do. The next time I saw Travis, I was going to gently brush this big ass up against his dick and see if I could get it to rise. If it did, I knew it was mine. When I saw him, I was going for the gold. No more wondering for me; I had to know if he was attracted to me. So rather than ask him how he felt and get hurt, I was going to let my body do the questioning and let his dick do the answering.
Chapter 7
Cold Vibes in the Fall
Air
One week before Halloween, my staff and I planned a party for the families in the program. We scheduled the party for October Twenty-eighth. Our program worked with women who lacked parenting skills. Our goal was to teach them how to parent their children in every area of each child’s life. Our parents were put through a series of workshops and training sessions on issues such as disciplining children, child development, social play, and positive reinforcement.
We decided not to have a “Halloween” party, as most of us did not believe in celebrating the devil’s day, as it had been called. A fall festival and workshop were more suitable. We were sitting in the conference room, planning the activities to make sure they were age appropriate, when I looked up and saw Sarah staring at me. I looked back down and raised my head quickly to see if she was still staring. She was. I asked, “You need something?”
“No!” she stated quickly.
Everyone at the table looked up almost simultaneously to see what was going on. Felicia laughed while everyone else looked to see how I would respond. Today, I did not feel like being bothered, so I continued to write down the goals of the workshop we were planning. The room became quiet. I ignored it and asked Felicia what she thought about giving small children candy.
“Malika, I think we should give fruit. That candy could slip down the children’s throats and choke them.”
Sarah jumped in. “You are right, Felicia. Giving children candy is like giving them matches.”
“How so, Sarah? I don’t get the comparison.”
Frances put her two cents in. “Sarah, what in the world are you talking about? What you just said did not make sense.”
“Never mind, y’all just don’t get it.”
“Get what?” asked Frances.
“Let Sarah share her opinions with us,” I said.
“I said that it was okay, Malika.”
I was getting sick and tired of that bitch. I had to count to ten and take deep breaths to keep from reaching over and punching her upside her hard-ass head. She really did test my professionalism. I knew she was trying to break me. I wasn’t about to allow her to do that. So I moved the meeting right along. Our parent educator discussed the food that would be served. “We can serve fruit for the older children and applesauce to the young. We can also give out soft candy bars. Kids can eat candy as long as they are older than five. But I wouldn’t want to give that to them because it is not nutritious.”
“I agree,” I said.
Felicia said, “I will organize and pick up the food.”
“Who will supervise games?” I asked.
“I will,” said Bridgett, the health instructor.
I wrote all the information down. Finally, turning to Sarah, I asked, “What activity will you supervise?”
“Whatever!”
“What do you mean?”
“Whatever you need me to do.”
“I need you to make sure the place is cleaned up when we leave. Some of the workers will help you, but make sure the building is spotless. I will check to assure that it is since we want to make sure we can use the Jensen Center again.”
Sarah’s face scrunched up and her eyes tightened almost like little slits and she kept kicking the table legs like she was angry, but she didn’t say anything. She knew she had asked for this poor assignment by trying to outsmart me. Now she had the worst chore of the day and she couldn’t blame anyone but herself.
“I will type everything up and pass out the assignment sheet to you all later. Felicia, please make sure everyone signs off on the original memo once they receive it. I want to ensure everyone knows exactly what they are supposed to do and that there is no room for a breakdown in communication.” I smiled at Sarah. She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling and kept smacking her lips while slamming her papers on the table. She mumbled something to Frances. Sweat beads had emerged on her forehead. She was showing in her gestures that she wasn’t too pleased with her assignment. She was frowning, but the staff ignored her.
When I adjourned the meeting, we all walked to our assigned offices to finish our work.
I felt good. I didn’t have time to play with Sarah. I had the budget to complete and a new grant to write. As I walked toward my office, the outside door swung open. It was Travis.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning,” I returned.
“You are having network problems. I came by to find out what is happening with the system.”
I asked him, “How do you know we are having problems? We haven’t even used the Internet today.”
“I can tell from my office. I have a code that I use. I checked it this morning, and then came right over.”
“I’m glad you came by because we have a lot of work to do and we need the system up to complete it.”
“How was your weekend?” he asked.
“It was fine,” I said as I walked into my office. He followed me.
When I turned around, I noticed that he was staring at the picture of my husband that was sitting on my desk. When I looked at him, he smiled.
“Is that him?” he asked.
“Is that who?” I asked.
“Your husband!”
“Yes, why?”
“Just wondering.”
He stood there staring at Dexter’s picture with a smile on his face. Finally, he turned and said to me, “He looks mean.”
“No, he is a good guy, maybe a little stuffy, but a very good husband, father, and provider.”
He looked at that picture again and turned to look at me. I saw him take a couple more looks at the picture and then it seemed that his mind had settled to the fact that I was married. We stood in my office, smiling like two Cheshire cats. Then, after a while, we started talking about life in general. I found him to be extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about many subjects. We discussed politics, African American issues, and office problems. Finally, we discussed our goals and dreams. “Did you see the St. Louis American newspaper?”
“No. Why? What’s in it?”
“One of my mentors won a national award for having one of the largest computer firms in the country. He’s the one who helped me get started. “
“I’ll definitely pick the paper up. It’s amazing how mentors can really help people. We all need them.”
“That’s true. I try to give back whenever I can. I volunteer as a big brother in the Big Brother program.”
“That’s so good of you.”
We continued to talk for two hours until a worker walked into the office to ask a question. That was how it was whenever we got together. We enjoyed talking to each other so much we lost time when we were together. It wasn’t until that worker needed help that he finally stood to go check the network system. I stared at him while he worked on the system. When he looked at me, I twirled my hair around my fingers and leaned my head to the side. It occurred to me that he just wanted to see me and I demonstrated I knew. He sat in my office for two hours and not one worker complained about not having computer access. I was starting to see the light. Travis was interested in me.
While Travis tackled the network, I tackled my budget and completed the assignment sheet. Finally, I e-mailed the assignment sheet to the entire staff. Occasionally, I would glance up and find him staring at me. I would smile back and complete the work I was doing. Then I would feel his eyes on me again. I would look up and he would smile at me. It was so obvious to me that he was attracted to me. It was too difficult to try to hide our feelings. Funny thing though, I knew in my heart he would never make a pass at me. I believed he was a faithful husband to his wife and a good father, but like me, he was having difficulty getting his spouse to buy into his dreams and to be supportive.
It was easy to fall in love, since we were both idealists. It was also easy to fall in love since I had someone I could share my dreams with. I felt very close to him because he knew how to listen and support me. There were times when we would be talking and I would close my eyes
and visualize his lips gently kissing my face. Sometimes, he would stand close to me, almost kissing me. He was so close, I wanted to tell him how I felt. But I was so scared of losing him. I didn’t want to frighten him. I knew one thing and that was that he was as attracted to me as I was to him. We just needed to either get together and fuck or decide to remain just friends. I had to find out which one he wanted, because I knew exactly which one I was trying to make happen.
While sitting at my desk deep in thought, Felicia interrupted me on the intercom. “Malika, you have a call on line two.”
Shaking my head to put on my work hat, I pressed the button for line two. “This is Malika Williamson, how may I help you?” I asked.
“Hi, young lady, this is Samantha.”
“Hey, Samantha, how is it going?”
“Everything is going well on this end, how about at your office?”
“Things are great. I’m glad you called because I wanted to discuss a couple of grants that I think we should apply for to enhance our program. But first, since you called, what can I do to help you?”
“I was calling to see if you could put me down as a guest presenter at the advisory board meeting next month, so I can discuss Project MASK. I think people should know we are working with men, trying to instill positive self-esteem in them.”
“What does MASK stand for?” I asked.
“It stands for Men Acquiring Skills and Knowledge for their families.”
“Hey, that’s a great name. I will definitely put you down. How much time would you need to discuss the program?”
Samantha hesitated as if she were deep in thought. “Thirty minutes should be more than enough time for me to make the presentation to the board.”
“Okay, you got it!” I said excitedly.
“Malika, have you seen Mr. Ingram lately?”
“Sure. He was here working on the network not too long ago. Did you need him?”
“Yes. I want to offer him an opportunity to work with MASK. I tried calling his office number, but it was disconnected.”
“It is not disconnected; he moved to a new location and the phone company did not transfer his services when he requested. You should be able to reach him now at his new office. In the meantime, I will give you his cell phone number. Do you have a pen?”
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