“Nonsense. You’re his closest friend,” Jinx retorts. As if he’d never heard of best friends not intruding at whim on the space of their BFF. “Best friends are supposed to be affectionate to the point of annoying—else what good are they?”
Rashi snorts in disbelief and I bite my lip as I struggle to maintain a straight face. The humor is short-lived, however, when Arawl steps into the main room looking like death incarnate. His fur bristles around him like a ghostly aether, and his mane falls wild around his shoulders from his sleep. He appears to be walking that fine line between ill-tempered tolerance and wanting to tear limbs off, so I sidle up to him and press myself against his side, stroking his chest until the tension knotting his body eases.
“I’ll ask again,” he rumbles in a mellower tone, “what are they doing here?”
“They popped by to pay us a visit. Isn’t that nice of them?” I say, deflecting his question as I rub my hand over the hard muscles of his abs. I feel his muscles jump and he cranes his head back to peer down at me suspiciously. I just widen my smile and snuggle into him until I feel his hand stroking my back. Distract and redirect, as Melissa says. I don’t want anyone losing limbs around here, so I’ll play the game, thank you very much! Finally, he lets out a gusty sigh that stirs my hair and I know I’ve won.
“Very well. It is... thoughtful of them to see after our wellbeing,” he grumbles.
A chance a look at Jinx who beams happily. Catching my eye, he mouths ‘you are my hero’ when Arawl’s attention is on Rashi.
“Have you seen Eral?” Arawl growls, still voicing his displeasure in small ways, but I can live with that.
Rashi nods. “He was just leaving his den as we were arriving. We were hoping to catch sight of Fahuri, but he chased us off before we had a chance to linger for more than a moment.”
Arawl gives his friend a sympathetic look. “Rashi, I know that your heart is Fahuri’s and always will be, just as I know that she cares for you. The fact that she was kidnapped just days before your planned mating is the worst misfortune that I can imagine. I just don’t know if my sister will be comfortable being solely at the whim of another strong male. Maybe an omega who can’t overpower her and who can be there to comfort her while she heals... but her fear will not be soon forgotten.”
“Yeah, well, both of them are determined to court her,” I fill him in, gesturing to the males in question.
Arawl peers at them intently, a light of understanding dawning in his eyes, and he stares at Jinx contemplatively with unmistakable... pleasure. Wait, what? He wants Jinx to court his sister? Arawl and Jinx have been like oil and water since they met. But he’s looking at him approvingly as if it were the best idea in the world. Not that I’ll say it aloud, it makes me want to cry out of happiness for my friend. I may be unwanted, but Jinx has found a family that doesn’t regard him as the reckless outsider and born troublemaker. A rough-around-the-edges, tattooed freak with more piercings than what is typically considered socially acceptable. Neither werewolf male looks at him that way. Jinx is totally accepted just as he is, weirdness and all.
“Oh my gods! I’m so happy for you,” I blubber out of nowhere. Tears well up and it is like my hormones are on a rampage. All three males look at me with mounting alarm as I attempt to throw my arms around everyone, trying to hug them all at once. It is a difficult feat when involving males who aren’t interested in being suddenly squished together and squeezed within a half-inch of their life. Not that I possess that kind of arm power.
Arawl rumbles in irritation and pries me off the other two males, his arms locking firmly around me as he carries me away from them. He sets me on a couch and looks down at me with concern, his large hand brushing my hair back.
“Are you okay, Ana?”
‘I feel a little overheated, and a bit overemotional for some reason... Maybe my period is coming or something. Usually it doesn’t make me so batshit loopy, but shit does seem a bit more intense here,” I observe, trying to rationalize away my own surge of fear at my strange reaction.
Arawl frowns, not entirely convinced, but he lets it go and accepts my explanation. I’m a little embarrassed but the guys move on, changing subjects as if afraid I’ll start up with the waterworks again. I scowl at the wall. I almost never cry, not even tears of joy. It is hard to let anything emotionally get close to me after the emotional roller coaster that was my childhood. What could have possibly caused me to spaz out like that? Even Jinx had looked scared. Not that he’d ever turn away an offered hug.
My mate, uh, temp-mate I guess is more accurate, narrows his eyes at me as he confers with the guys. I tune out most of what they say because it’s mostly circular talk about shit we all already know needs to be done, but they still feel it necessary to hash out again, until Arawl strides toward the door, barking an order over his shoulder.
“Keep Ana here. I will be back.”
Wait. What?
“Hold up, fuzzy!” I shout as I jump up off the couch and rush after him to halt his progress. It’s kind of pitiful, like a Chihuahua barking at a Great Dane. He tilts an ear toward me and sighs as I insert myself between him and the door, arms and feet in a wide stance—like that’s going to stop him. Rather than move me out of the way, he narrows his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. His face reads that he’s of the mind to whoop my ass, or at least becoming comfortable with the idea. I jut my chin out, daring him.
“What do you mean by, ‘Keep Ana here?’” I demand. “Why exactly do I need to be imprisoned with those two for my watchdogs? No offense, Rashi. Jinx, shut up. We all know you’re a born dog. No use pretending otherwise.”
“You got it, sweetcheeks,” Jinx chimes in.
Arawl’s ears drop back against his skull. “There are females disappearing in the tribe again, and if that weren’t bad enough, I don’t trust that the alpha will leave you alone if you are left unguarded.”
“I am a witch, Arawl. I can defend myself.”
He raises one skeptical brow. “Can you?”
“Damn straight,” I sneer. I may be bluffing a bit. I have no idea how strong magic would need to be to stop an enraged werewolf, or what might be an effective spell against them. I’m not given the opportunity to mull it over, however. Arawl’s patience has reached its end.
With one quick move, he snatches me up into his arms and carries me past two irritating males that I refuse to acknowledge at the moment. My ass stings with a sudden swat that lands on it as Arawl hauls me down the hall and into our bedroom. Within seconds, I’m deposited on our bed and he lowers himself just enough that his weight flattens me against the soft surface. He bares his teeth at me—which, as messed up as it sounds, is totally fucking hot—and he growls low in his throat.
“Do. Not. Move. From this spot,” he snarls with extra emphasis. I figure it’s just in case I wouldn’t have heard the message delivered in a normal meter. “You are my responsibility,” he snarls, and I watch him shudder in revulsion as the word slips from his lips. That only makes me feel more pissy toward him. I bare my teeth at his back in a pitiful facsimile of his snarl and watch him leave. I debate following him but that is just stupid. I’ve seen enough horror films to hope that I don’t suffer from a sudden too stupid to live moment. In those movies, the dumb sexpot always gets murdered when she tries to outwit a monster.
I’ll just stay right here and wait for my monster to return. Then, he can get the earful I’ll be saving up for him for demanding obedience.
“That asshole is going to learn to ask next time,” I mutter crossly. Why I’m smiling at all the extra machismo is beyond me. Wanting to shelter and protect me—pfft. What a jerk.
Yeah.
I rub a hand over my heart trying to will away the hurt that his reaction burned into me.
It’s a bitter reminder that, though his instincts demand one sort of behavior from him, that it is not real. In truth, he wants to be free. I can never forget that.
Chapter 14
Arawl
I hurry through the village, probably being ruder than necessary, but I don’t want to leave Ana alone any longer than necessary. Not that I don’t have faith that Rashi and Jinx would protect her. The human has been looking out for her for some time and he is close to my mate, and Rashi I would trust with everything. Neither of them would be ill-suited to protect her in my absence... but for the first time, I find I am loath to give up the responsibility to another male.
Somehow, over the last day cycle, this feels... different.
I need to be with her. My skin crawls as the distance separating us grows.
Logically, I know much of it is just the effects of a new mating. The bond is always the worse in the first few months, longer if a kit takes root. It is instinct and as such I could fight against the impulse, but it is getting more difficult. Especially after last night.
It has been a long time since anyone has cared about my needs. It has always been about what I can give to the tribe, what I can do and what is expected of me. I am expected to have a mate and father kits to provide a new generation of strong blood, not because it would be anything fulfilling for me. It has made me resent it for more years than I can recall. All the expectations have been a burden since reaching adulthood. Even as a kit, I was told how things would unfold because my life would never be my own. And as an adult, I discovered just how lonely that can be.
Until Ana.
She left the safety of the bolted room and came to me, despite the possible danger when I was experiencing the height of agony. Although I was already captivated by her boldness and intelligence, it is her compassion and capacity to give that astounds me.
She acted more selflessly for me than I would even expect a female werewolf to do. When a male is too far gone to their needs, a female will normally hide even from her own mate in fear of his potential for violence. Not Ana. Her touch... her acceptance, despite how different our forms... not only gave me physical relief but acted as a balm on my heart. I felt connected to her more than I have to any other individual. Our undeniable connection makes me shiver with pleasure whenever it rises in my mind, while the thought of letting that go brings an upwelling feeling of despair.
What am I going to do when she is gone and picks up her life again without me, and possibly finding a mate elsewhere? It was bad enough to wake up this morning alone with the scents of other males in my den. I reacted in a completely visceral way, wanting to tear apart any would-be rival and overcome by the need to protect her from others who might attempt to place their claim upon her as well. I do not like to consider what might have happened to Rashi and Jinx if she hadn’t had the foresight to distract and comfort me until the rage cooled.
My blood chills. What if the wizard is unable to sever the bond and she leaves me anyway? Ana is human and likely won’t have the same reactions as I do when it comes to the bond, or at least not as severe. There would be nothing keeping her here, and I would be left to a terrible fate.
While female werewolves grieve for the loss of a mate until they finally wither away, males succumb to a raging madness that results in such a loss of life that the tribe’s enforcer is put in the position to hunt them down. There have been too many males who have had to be destroyed by Eral. Would my brother be forced to hunt and kill me as well if Ana left me still bonded?
It is a sobering thought.
This just goes to prove that being mated is a terrible inconvenience, something that holds my species hostage. I must already be half-mad then because suddenly it is something that I want more than anything else. I would surrender myself to continue tasting such sweetness for the rest of my life.
This thought causes me to stumble, taken off-guard. I do... I want to surrender and be caged by the golden confines of the peace and love of being mated. I... want to have kits and watch them grow. Kits with her dark eyes. I want to be there to experience this world with Ana and see everything new through her eyes as I have over the hours since I brought her through the portal. I want days and nights of enjoying the quick working of her mind that is already so obvious.
I am more than infatuated. It is more powerful than tender emotions of love. The bond races through my blood and demands everything, and for once I am happy to give it. Now I know why fated bonds are impossible to ignore, and why they are celebrated rather than severed.
I don’t want to sever it. I don’t want to lose this feeling.
I am tempted to spin around and head toward the village center rather than the outlying area where Eral dwells. Few werewolves dwell near the edges of our villages other than Rashi and several betas who have nobly taken it upon themselves to act as guards. I could go to the center and confess what I planned to the elders and ruin any chance of us getting permission to go beyond the northern border.
The temptation itches beneath my skin.
No.
I won’t do that to Ana. She deserves better than deception. I will take her to the wizard even if it ultimately breaks my heart.
I ignore the pinch of pain in my chest as I continue to Eral’s den. I cannot obsess over this. There are other, more important matters that require attention. The disappearance of females once again from our tribe requires priority. I know Ana understands this, but it is no little thing that I feel relieved at the delay despite the crushing uncertainty and worry that now follow me. Our village once again no longer feels like a safe place.
I see mothers pulling their kits in close to the dens rather than letting them play in the grassy areas in the open meadow nearby, and females, under my advisement, are clustered together for company rather than flirting with males in hopes of attracting a partner tonight. They look a little worse for wear, tired beyond the norm, but being that they are unmated their torment is considerably less. That at least is a blessing.
Fahuri looks up from where she is seated among five other females and quietly excuses herself before jogging up to my side. I spare her a glance.
“Have there been any more disappearances?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” she says in a low voice. “None of the ogre-loved bitches would believe me. Now you see them. See how they cower in fear. Now that Senai is missing, a strong warrioress among our tribe who insisted on drinking with the males late into the night, they are all afraid.”
I try to not react with disapproval to her calling the other females ogre-loved bitches. It is the worse curse devised. Only werewolf females are able to withstand ogre brutes’ affections such as they are and still survive, for at least a short time. To call one an ogre-loved bitch labels a female as one who willingly gives sexual favor to the monstrous creatures.
Although I do not rebuke her, I frown down at her and she smiles at me sheepishly.
“Slip of the tongue, brother,” she amends with a small laugh. “Sometimes certain habits are hard to break.”
I shake my head and sigh. “You hang out with the warrioresses too much, sister. You are picking up their uncouth behavior rather than behaving with the decorum of an alpha-born female.”
“Oh-ho!” She laughs scornfully. “Look who is sounding all stuffy and.... gasp... responsible. You don’t sound like yourself, Arawl. Are you feeling ill? Do not lecture me on behavior, brother, when you seek every opportunity to duck your responsibilities. I am surprised that you are not trying to sever your mating, just so you won’t have the inconvenience of a family to love and care for.”
My jaw clenches as guilt washes over me. Seeing myself through her eyes is hardly flattering. She paints an image of a male who is selfish and uncaring. Fahuri’s gasp of surprise makes me aware that I failed to hide my feelings.
“By the blessed gods, you are, aren’t you? You actually plan to terminate your fated bond so you can do as you like without a mate waiting in your den for you.” She gives me such a look of disgust, the perfect mirror image of our mother when she was still alive, that I have to resist the urge to shrink before her in shame.
“You don’t understand,” I growl.
“No, you don’t understand. I would give anything to have a fated mate bond compulsion. If I could get over this fear I have, perhaps Rashi and I would have a chance.”
I grimace, feeling shame weigh down on me.
“What of the human male? I understand that you are looking at him with regard.”
Fahuri startles, her ears dropping with embarrassment. “Yes, well... somehow, I don’t think a human would be interested in mating with a werewolf if they have the choice.”
“Perhaps,” I agree quietly. “Anyway, as it happens, you are only half correct. I did want to break the bond, as did she, but now...”
“You’ve had a change of heart,” she whispers. I can feel the weight of sympathy in her gaze. I nod miserably.
“I no longer wish for it, but as you say, why would a human wish to be mated with a werewolf if they have a choice? We are different. Even getting past our appearance to lay with us, what future can we truly have that wouldn’t trap them? There is no way we would fit into their world in the manner of other fae without causing significant panic. I don’t want Ana to feel trapped with me, no matter how much I wish to keep her within my den. I trust you with the truth, but to tell no one—I take her north to the wizard to set her free. And then I will just go on with the rest of my damned existence without her.”
“Oh, Arawl,” Fahuri sighs sadly. “Maybe you should just tell her...”
“No,” I growl. “I won’t have her feel manipulated. I know that feeling all too well. If she decides she wants to stay I will consider myself blessed. If not... I know what I will have to do. Now enough of this talk. We have more important things to deal with than my mating.”
She drops her head and paces beside me for a time until we arrive at the den that she shares with Eral. The silence between us is deafening and I tilt an ear at her in concern. She looks up and meets my eye and laughs softly, bitterly.
“Don’t waste your worry on me, Arawl. Keep it instead for Sinai, Mashta, Etara, and Miva. My torment has been over for some time, but I fear theirs is just beginning.”
The Accidental Werewolf's Mate: A Monsterly Yours Romance (Monstery Yours Book 3) Page 10