How to Beat the Bully Without Really Trying

by Scott Starkey

  I had nothing to lose. I looked out and a smile spread across my face. Maybe this would actually work. Seeing people without their clothes on was funny and oddly relaxing.

  I took a deep breath and was just bringing the microphone to my mouth when I caught sight of Mrs. Lutzkraut. Before I could stop it, an image far too disturbing for a boy my age sprang to mind. “Uuuuuuuuughhhhh!” I cringed.

  “We can’t hear you!” someone yelled from the back of the audience.

  Keep it together, I told myself. It was then that the new, grown-up–sounding voice inside my head made a suggestion. Rodney, why not just tell them the truth?

  I cleared my throat and heard it echo off the walls. “The truth is,” I began, “I’m not a great public speaker. I’ve always been scared of it. . . .”

  “Yeah right!” Rishi yelled. The auditorium laughed.

  I looked out at everyone and went on. “Many of you know that this was my first year at Baber. I remember the first day. I was really nervous about coming here that day. . . .”

  “Good one, Rodney!” Slim shouted. “I guess you knocked out Josh to calm your nerves!” Laughs filled the air. I noticed Josh sink lower in his seat.

  Again, I started up, and this time it was a bit easier. “I want to thank everyone here: my parents, Mr. Feebletop. . . .”

  “Don’t forget Jessica!” Kayla hollered. More laughs and my cheeks felt hot again, this time for a different reason.

  I was starting to feel good. I could handle speaking up here. Maybe it wasn’t the Gettysburg Address, but I didn’t care. I was facing a fear, and for me, the moment was special.

  I looked at the crowd. My friends were smiling and laughing, as were most of the students. I realized that all of them had changed during the year. The look of fear was gone from their faces, and it made me feel good. I continued. “This year, I learned a lot, but I think the most important lesson I learned is that even a new kid can fit right in if he’s lucky enough to make good friends.”

  “You know it!” Dave yelled. Even quiet Dave was getting in on the action. The peanut gallery was in rare form and I realized there wasn’t much point in continuing.

  “Before I turn the microphone back to Mr. Feebletop, I want to end by thanking Mrs. Lutzkraut for this nice opportunity to say a few words.” I paused and smiled in her direction. “Finally, have a great summer, everyone; see you in Garretsville Middle School; and let’s go, Mets!”

  I looked out at the cheering crowd. At times, being the hero puts you in a tight spot, but the rewards can be pretty darn good. As if emphasizing my thought, Jessica blew me a kiss.

  I was feeling such a high of relief and happiness that I almost floated back to my seat. As I moseyed past Mrs. Lutzkraut, I smiled and asked under my breath, “Got any more surprises for me?”

  Through clenched teeth she answered, “You bet I do, Rathbone. By this time tomorrow you’ll know which one of us has won.”

  I sat down, wondering for a moment what she meant, but I shrugged it off. After all, the school year was over in about twenty minutes. What could she possibly do to me now?

  Chapter 30

  AND THE WINNER IS . . .

  Once the commotion had died down and the rest of the diplomas had been handed out, Mr. Feebletop announced that it was time to watch a video recap of the year. We moved to several empty rows reserved for us in the audience. With Louis Armstrong singing “What a Wonderful World,” the slide show began of our past year at Baber.

  “Get ready,” Rishi whispered.

  Everything started fine. There were pictures of all us kids, including ones of me. In one slide I was being cheered at field day. Someone burst into applause and I turned around just in time to see my mom elbowing my dad, who abruptly stopped clapping. In another shot, some of us were sitting together at our Halloween party in Mrs. Lutzkraut’s class. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Rishi, however, was rocking back and forth in anticipation. All of a sudden a picture of Toby picking his nose popped up. There was a roar from the audience, and I noticed the computer ladies look at each other. Toby’s mouth fell open and his cheeks got dark red. Rishi said, “Wait, it gets better.”

  Another roar of laughter brought my attention back to the screen. This time it wasn’t Toby. It was Josh. There he was, spread out in the grass with a bloody nose on the first day of school. I laughed along with everyone else, but that familiar feeling of dread began to creep up my spine. The next picture flashed up. This one had Josh again, only now he was on the bus with a swollen black-and-blue nose. I bit my lip, knowing this wasn’t good. Meanwhile, Rishi elbowed me and howled with laughter. You idiot, I thought. Can’t you just leave well enough alone? I noticed the computer ladies poking around trying to figure out what was going on.

  Flash! Josh afraid of the skull outside Old Man Johnson’s.

  Flash! Josh standing in the snow with a big rip in his leather jacket.

  Flash! Josh covered in pink punch holding his chin.

  Come on, computer ladies. Pull the plug. Rishi was doubled over, helpless with laughter, tears running down his face. I looked back in the crowd trying to see Josh, but couldn’t find him.

  Flash! Josh covered in mud on field day . . .

  “Stop it!!!” Josh exploded. You couldn’t miss him now. Screaming at the top of his lungs, he ran to the front and jumped up, trying to pull the screen down. He couldn’t reach it and was yelling and ranting crazily like a dog trying to attack a cat up in a tree. After jumping seven or eight times, he gave up his attempts, deciding instead to pull the plug from the wall with a jerk.

  By this time Mr. Borus and Mr. Ball arrived and guided a flailing Josh out of the gym.

  Just as he was pushing through the door, he uttered a final yell. “You think this is funny, Rathbone? I’ll get you for this!” The threat echoed through the stunned crowd.

  “That was awesome.” Rishi laughed. “I knew he’d go berserk.”

  Yeah, real awesome, I thought. What could be better than getting your enemy even madder?

  Mr. Feebletop walked up to the podium. “My deepest apologies. In all my years as a principal I have never had such a moment in my building. I’m embarrassed and I’m sorry. Nevertheless, the game must go on . . . I mean, this remains a special day, and while I think we may have had enough pictures for now, there is always time for cake and refreshments. So, please begin heading down to the cafeteria. Thank you.” Then he turned to me. “Rodney, meet me in my office. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

  “All right, Mr. Feebletop,” I answered, just as my parents, sister, and aunt reached me.

  I assured the family that everything was fine and headed down to the office, not knowing what to expect. I was sitting there looking up at Tom Seaver when Mr. Feebletop walked in. I was slightly nervous. If he thought I was behind that fiasco, it might be too big a problem for him to overlook.

  “What a morning, Rodney. Your friend Rishi stopped me in the hall and explained that you had nothing to do with the slides. . . .”

  “Is he in trouble?” I asked.

  “Not too much. It’s the last day of school. And besides, he was smart enough to leave me out of any embarrassing pictures. Anyway, Rodney, what did you want to see me about?”

  Before I could explain that he had asked to see me, a secretary interrupted. “Mr. and Mrs. Dumbrowski are here with Josh.” Mr. Feebletop put the ball down and motioned to send them in.

  Sandwiched between his mom and dad, Josh walked in glaring at me and holding his chin. I wasn’t too concerned, since I’d soon be away from him for the summer. Mr. Feebletop launched right into it.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Dumbrowski, I apologize that your son was singled out in the slide show, but that was a most disrespectful performance put on by Josh today. And it was just last week that he destroyed our punch table with his chin.”

  Josh’s mom started to cry and his dad said, “I don’t know what else to do with him. We’ve tried every solution we can think of.”

/>   “How about military school?” I suggested. It just came out. Mr. Feebletop gave me a quick, stern look, but then seemed to ponder what I had said. Josh’s parents stared at me, then at each other, then at their son, then back at me.

  “That is an excellent idea!” Josh’s dad finally exclaimed. “What is your name again, son?”

  “Rodney.”

  Mr. Feebletop explained proudly, “You can see why we gave him extra attention at today’s ceremony. He’s always thinking. Anyway, I have some brochures here in my filing cabinet. The discipline at Brokenchild Academy is second to none.”

  “Discipline is exactly what my son needs,” Josh’s dad said. “That sounds like the perfect school for him. Give me the number. We’ll send him there as soon as he gets home from summer camp—the one Mrs. Lutzkraut recommended for him. Camp Wy-Mee.”

  Then, for the first time, Mr. Feebletop seemed to realize that I didn’t belong there. “Oh Rodney, you don’t have to stay. Go, enjoy some cake.”

  “Okay then,” I answered, rising to leave. “Well, glad I could help. And Josh, enjoy your new school. Send me a postcard.”

  Josh was seething, but his mom said, “What a nice boy.”

  When I arrived in the cafeteria, I explained to my parents and friends that I wasn’t in trouble. When I told Rishi about Josh he joked, “You see how brilliant my plans are? I got Josh sent to reform school.” I felt like telling him that I’d appreciate his brilliance a whole lot more if it didn’t always get me in trouble. Instead I saw Jessica beckoning to me from the hall and went right over.

  “So, Rodney, summer’s finally here.”

  “It is,” I agreed, sliding up to her.

  “You going to ask me something?”

  I knew it was time to spit out the question. “Jessica, would you be my girlfriend?”

  “I will,” she replied. “And as boyfriend and girlfriend, we’ll be going to the beach, the pool, the park, and the movies. It’s going to be the best summer ever.”

  “Totally agree,” I said, and I meant it. Life couldn’t get any better, but then she kissed me and it did!

  I left Jessica and my friends and rejoined my family and Aunt Evelyn. We walked out to the car and drove off to the Brick Tavern for Freddy Burgers. I watched the town go by through the open car windows and couldn’t remember ever being so happy. For the first time in months, I actually relaxed and let my mind drift. I wondered if I had changed. Maybe everything wasn’t just blind luck. Maybe some of my reputation was deserved. Besides, now with the threat of Josh out of my life, I could forget about my tough guy reputation and finally be myself. I felt like a new person.

  We slowed down and stopped at a red light. Penny poked me. “Hey, isn’t that your friend?” she teased.

  I turned to the right. Josh was sitting in the backseat of his father’s car, shaking a fist in my direction. I just smiled back. “No hard feelings, buddy,” I called over to him, rubbing my chin. He was about to get shipped off to camp for the whole summer and would soon be a distant, harmless memory. “Be sure to weave me a basket!”

  “Well, what do you know?” my mother suddenly pointed out excitedly. “It’s Mrs. Lutzkraut and her friend.”

  I followed her gaze to the left. Alongside us, stopped in the turning lane, was Long Nose’s red car. Mrs. Lutzkraut poked her head out of the passenger window and gave us a little wave. “Who won, Rodney?”

  I had no idea what she was talking about. “Which game?” my dad asked her.

  As their light turned green, Mrs. Lutzkraut shouted back, “Ask Rodney! By now he should know the score.” I could see her and Long Nose giggling as they drove off.

  My dad shook his head. “I’ll say it again. That lady’s nuttier than a . . .”

  “Now, now,” my mother patted his arm. “Don’t say anything that will take away from the surprise.”

  “Surprise?” I asked excitedly.

  “Well,” my dad began, “your mother and I are so proud of your accomplishments this year that we thought it’d be nice to give you a special reward.” I liked the sound of that. “We already paid for the whole thing, so you don’t need to worry about the expense.” I liked the sound of that, too. Maybe it was a new bike. “Yes, son. Your mother and I have decided to send you to sleep-away camp this summer.”

  “What?” I screamed.

  “You see,” my mom said, turning around to face me, “Mrs. Lutzkraut recommended it and said it would be an excellent surprise. She even suggested one particular camp. It’s called Camp Wy-Mee. You leave tomorrow.”

  “Rodney,” my father added with a big grin, “what could be better than going to sleep-away camp for the whole summer?”

  I couldn’t answer. I was too busy picturing Josh chasing me through the woods.

  “Rodney’s turning green!” Penny shouted.

  Panic flashed across my dad’s face. “Oh no. Not again . . .”

  Scott Starkey is an elementary school teacher, soccer coach, and father of three. This is his first novel. He lives in Long Island, New York, with his family.