How to Beat the Bully Without Really Trying

by Scott Starkey

  “All right, enough goofin’ around,” Rishi announced. “Now that we ditched those two, time for Destination Death!”

  My good mood vanished. I wanted no part of it and began fishing for an excuse. Fortunately, Jessica grabbed my arm and opened her mouth to offer an excuse of her own. “Why don’t we check out that ride?”

  We all turned to where she was looking. There, right in front of us, was the Tunnel of Love. I wondered if she was thinking what I was thinking.

  Samantha giggled but Rishi looked annoyed. “That ride’s a joke. Let’s go hit the coasters.”

  “I don’t know, it sounds like a good ride to me,” Kayla chimed in. I noticed her looking at Dave. This was my chance.

  “Guys, it’s a log flume,” I pointed out. “Look at the sign.” Indeed the sign showed a boat pouring through a heart and down a big waterfall. “That’s a serious drop.” Eventually, everyone agreed to go on the ride. Rishi liked the idea of traveling down a waterfall, Slim was busy eating hot dogs and didn’t care where we went, Kayla was eyeing Dave, and Samantha was giggling, pinching Greg. Finally, Jessica and I would be alone.

  The four-minute ride had an hour line. Rishi was getting itchy by the time we neared the end, and when we read that the waterfall was temporarily closed, he almost went nuts. Evidently there were two ways for the heart-shaped boats to exit the tunnel—the crashing waterfall or the slow-traveling river, which was still operating. Rishi may have been furious, but all I cared about was Jessica, and to be honest, the slower the better.

  The first boat pulled up. Kayla grabbed Dave and shoved him aboard, and I wondered if that’s how British sailors were shanghaied into the navy years ago. Samantha giggled and nodded at Greg, who joined her. Jessica and I waited for the next boat. Rishi said, “Have a niiiice time, you two.”

  “You two have a nice time too,” I replied. It hadn’t dawned on Rishi and Slim that they’d be together in the Tunnel of Love. They looked at each other. “Aghhhhhhh.”

  It was then that we heard the shout. “There they are!” Long Nose and Mrs. Lutzkraut had shown up just as Jessica and I climbed into our boat and floated off on our voyage. Mrs. Lutzkraut frantically tried to push her way through the crowds. “No boys and girls together! Rodney, you’re in big trouble! Climb out of that heart thing!” she screamed.

  I waved and shouted back, “Wish me a bon voyage!” With that, we rounded the corner. I looked at Jessica. She smiled, slightly nervous. I felt more confident. I leaned in, put my arm around her shoulder, and said, “Now, where were we?”

  She giggled and leaned closer.

  “That’s what I thought,” I answered, and went to make my move.

  “Rodney Rathbone! Remove your hands from that girl.” I jumped and spun around. About twenty feet back, in the next boat, stood Mrs. Lutzkraut, and she wasn’t alone. Also trying to stand, but holding on for dear life, was Long Nose. They must have taken Slim and Rishi’s boat.

  Jessica sighed. “Rodney, we’ll find time later, maybe.” I realized yet another chance to kiss her was foiled, but I had greater concerns—namely, my life. We were in a bad spot alone in the tunnel. I looked back again and saw Lutzkraut and Long Nose pushing furiously against the tunnel walls, moving their boat forward.

  They were gaining ground. I gulped. What would they do to me? Would they board our boat like some savage pirates?

  “Rodney, they’re after us,” Jessica added. Something about the tone in her voice made me take control—and for once not act like a coward!

  I’d put up with enough and I wasn’t going down without a fight. It was time I did something for myself and, shockingly, I did. We were more than halfway down the river now and I could see a fork up ahead. There was a bumper that forced our boat to the right onto Romance River. The other way splashed along to the now-closed Wicked Waterfall. I saw the signs and then I saw something else as our boat started to head down the river. Back behind a dancing cupid was a large red button. Below the button was a sign that read MAIN BUMPER SWITCH. I realized that the button controlled the bumper that pushed the boats either onto the river or waterfall.

  “Hold me!” I shouted to Jessica.

  “Don’t you dare touch him,” yelled Lutzkraut from behind.

  I looked Jessica in the eyes and whispered, “Hold me so I don’t fall.” I jumped up and leaned all the way over as Jessica grabbed my waist. As we passed the button I was just able to reach it with one finger, but that was enough. I felt it click and glanced back. The bumper that was blocking the waterfall shifted and blocked the river as Mrs. Lutzkraut and Long Nose reached the fork. Slowly their confident, evil looks changed to surprise and panic as they headed away from us down another tube of water. Mrs. Lutzkraut yelled, “What’s this? Not the waterfall! Turn off the ride! Turn off the ride! Noooo!!!!!!!” and off they floated.

  Jessica sat looking at me with a mixture of surprise and excitement. “You’re unbelievable. We’re probably going to get arrested.”

  “If that’s true, we might as well enjoy our last moments of freedom.”

  And we did.

  Before long, our boat floated out into the light of day—in time for us to see Slim and Rishi barreling down the Wicked Waterfall. They screamed the whole way and I knew Rishi loved it. The same couldn’t be said for the park employees, who were running around trying to figure out why heart-shaped boats were shooting out of the “closed” waterfall.

  Mrs. Lutzkraut’s boat bumped to a stop in the unloading area. She was drenched and shoving Long Nose to climb out. I guess Long Nose wasn’t moving fast enough because Lutzkraut gave her such a hard second shove that she toppled into the canal. Long Nose stood up in a foot of water, screaming.

  Lutzkraut was proving to be every bit as crazy as I knew her to be. Her hair was matted and stuck to her head. Her dress was dripping, and dark mascara ran down her cheeks. A Super Adventure attendant came over to help her off the boat. Lutzkraut swung her pocketbook at him and screamed, “Your rides are faulty! This place should be shut down!”

  We didn’t stick around to hear the rest. I breathed in the amusement park air and strolled leisurely through the park with Jessica at my side. Eventually Rishi and the gang got to ride Destination Death while Jessica and I ordered lunch. By all accounts the coaster was scary, but not as much fun as the Tunnel of Love.

  As we headed back to the bus I was careful to let go of Jessica’s hand before we ran into Mrs. Lutzkraut, who stood before the bus holding a clipboard. She was busy counting students and chaperones. While dried, her hair was still messy. Makeup ran down from her eyes, and she looked even scarier than normal. Her dress was wrinkly and disheveled.

  “Did you have a nice time today?” I asked. “It was wonderful seeing Ms. Whiner. I sure am going to miss you two.”

  For a brief moment I thought she was going to hit me over the head with the clipboard. I saw her fingers changing color as they gripped it tighter. Through clenched teeth and a manic twitch, she was barely able to get out the words “Sit down.”

  I did, right next to Jessica. Most of the way back we laughed and talked about the day at Super Adventure. We also spoke about the school year that was quickly coming to a close.

  “Hey Rodney,” she said at one point. “You really lucked out. I just realized that you made it through the whole year without having to face your worst fear.”

  I wasn’t sure which of my many fears she was talking about. “Uh, yeah,” I started to answer, not knowing what to say.

  “I mean, you didn’t have to stand up in class and do a book report and you didn’t even have to make a speech when we did Robin Hood. It’s so funny that someone like you hates public speaking, but don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

  Out of habit I turned around to make sure no one was listening—and almost jumped. Mrs. Lutzkraut was leaning forward in the seat right behind us. That sneak was trying to listen to our conversation. She looked into my eyes and I realized I had never been so close to her face. It wa
s truly horrifying. For a second neither of us moved. Then, slowly, without removing her gaze from mine, she leaned back and lifted her chin slightly. A wicked smile played around her lips.

  I turned around and whispered to Jessica, “Let’s change the subject.”

  For the rest of the ride back we made sure to keep our voices down. I couldn’t be sure whether Lutzkraut had overheard our conversation. By the time we got off the bus, though, it was the last thing on my mind. I saw my father waiting to pick me up and, as I said good-bye to my friends, I realized I had just enjoyed the best day of my life. Super Adventure had definitely lived up to its name—and all I had left of the school year was tomorrow’s graduation.

  “How were the rides?” my dad asked as we drove off.

  “Fine,” I said.

  “I bet none of them were as good as the Cyclone.”

  “I don’t know about that, Dad. I’m pretty sure one of them was actually better.”

  We both smiled for different reasons. At the time, neither of us could have imagined the terrifying ups and downs that awaited me the following day.

  Chapter 29

  GRADUATION DAY

  “Oh, aren’t you just the dashing graduate,” my great-aunt Evelyn greeted me the next morning. I didn’t know she was coming, but I was never shocked to see her.

  “Thanks for coming, Aunt Evelyn.”

  “Well I couldn’t miss my nephew’s big day. I was vacationing with Victor in Prague, but I was able to fly in late last night.”

  Victor Johnson? I wondered.

  I had slept late that morning and was rushing around to get dressed for graduation. I was excited about the last day of school and was equally looking forward to seeing Jessica after the Tunnel of Love and the bus ride home. I knew, now, that it was time to ask her out for real, and for the first time all year, I was sure she’d say yes.

  The family piled into the car and drove me to school. I was dropped off at the front and my parents, aunt, and Penny went into the gym to reserve the best seats.

  Pretty soon I joined the rest of the class and noticed how dressed up everyone was. Slim was actually wearing a tuxedo. “Hey 007, you all set for graduation?” I asked. He just gave me a look that told me he was miserable. The tuxedo might have fit him the last time he wore it, but now it was so tight around his stomach that two buttons had actually popped off.

  Why do moms put their sons through the agony of dressy clothes? I wondered.

  All the girls wore dresses and had corsages wrapped around their wrists. We didn’t have caps and gowns, since Mrs. Lutzkraut had said they were only for high school kids. According to her, we were just finishing our time at Baber and moving up to middle school and therefore, not truly graduating. That woman sure knew how to spoil every occasion—which I was about to be reminded of one last time.

  Not counting Mrs. Lutzkraut, everyone was excited, and Rishi looked ready to burst. “Hey Rodney, I have a little surprise cooked up today.” I looked at his twinkling eyes and thought: Here we go again.

  “Rishi, don’t do anything crazy. I just want to enjoy the moment. . . .”

  “Don’t worry, you’re going to love it. Probably more than anyone. Besides, it’s too late for me to change anything now.” There was nothing I could do, so hopefully I really would like his surprise. Besides, what trouble could he possibly cook up on the last day?

  Before long, we were walking down to the gym where the ceremony was taking place. Ms. Dearing’s class was already filing in and I could hear Mrs. Panic playing “Pomp and Circumstance” on the piano. Just as our class was getting ready to sit in our seats on the stage, I noticed Mrs. Lutzkraut. She still had that strange smile on her face. I’d been down this road too many times before and knew bad news was coming before she opened her mouth. She motioned me aside.

  “After your actions yesterday, I went straight to Mr. Feebletop. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if he held back your diploma.”

  Could he do that? Would he do that? I tried not to worry and took a seat after Kayla. We were sitting alphabetically, and I was happy that Rishi’s last name was Singh and just after mine.

  He sat down and laughed. “Did you see Josh? I think his chin is wired shut. He looks ridiculous. Oh man, I can’t wait for my surprise.”

  As we said the pledge and sang “My Country, ’Tis of Thee,” I looked out at all the parents and teachers. Occasionally flashes from cameras flickered in the audience. Finally, Mr. Feebletop took the podium. “Congratulations to our graduates. We will now begin to call students up to receive their diplomas. I will call each student alphabetically, and I assure you, we will pause long enough for a nice picture.” I saw Dave’s dad inching down the aisle, camera ready. “Okay, we will begin with David Anderson.” Dave was met by applause and some cheers, the loudest coming from Kayla on my right.

  “Rodney, doesn’t he look good in a tie?”

  “Uh, I guess.” I wasn’t really paying attention to Kayla, or even the large crowd of family members sitting in the audience looking up at us. I was watching Mrs. Lutzkraut standing next to Mr. Feebeltop. She saw me and gave me a little wave. I looked away from her and continued quietly watching other students receive their diplomas.

  “Kayla Radisson,” Mr. Feebletop called out. She got up and walked to the podium wearing a big smile. This was it. I was next. Mr. Feebletop cleared his throat and coughed for a brief second, and then said, “This morning I was met by the next graduate’s teacher. She implored me not to hand out his diploma with everyone else’s. She mentioned that it wasn’t what he deserved, and I realized she was right. You see, some students continually do things that separate them from the group, and they don’t deserve to be treated the same as everyone else. Yes, some students do so much more that they deserve special recognition.”

  A smile spread across my face and I let out a sigh of relief. The same couldn’t be said of Mrs. Lutzkraut. She looked horrified as Mr. Feebletop continued. “Yes, this year I’ve been astounded by one young man who has impressed me more than any student I can remember, so I wholeheartedly agree with his teacher that he deserves a little extra recognition.”

  “No!” Mrs. Lutzkraut screeched.

  Mr. Feebletop laughed. “No? I realize, Mrs. Lutzkraut, that you want to make this a special moment, but I think he should receive his diploma now. Let us formally invite our Star Student of the Year up here.”

  “But, but, but . . .” Mrs. Lutzkraut looked like she was on the verge of collapse. Mr. Feebletop reached back and patted her shoulder.

  “I know it’s very hard to say good-bye to one of your favorites, Mrs. Lutzkraut, but all good things must come to an end. Rodney Rathbone, come on up here. . . .”

  The crowd roared as I walked to Mr. Feebletop. He reached out and shook my hand. After the clapping died down he continued. “Mrs. Lutzkraut, you may do the honors.” He handed her my diploma. She just stood there, face twitching.

  “Mrs. Lutzkraut? Rodney’s diploma?” She looked like she had eaten something rotten. Mr. Feebletop turned back to the microphone. “She’s overcome by emotion. It’s okay, Mrs. Lutzkraut. Let me help you.” Grudgingly, with some assistance from Mr. Feebletop, she held out her hand.

  I couldn’t resist one last jab. I said loudly, “I’m going to miss you, too,” and reached out and hugged her. I could feel her squirm as the audience let out one big sentimental, “AAAAAwwwwwwwwwww!!!”

  Mr. Feebletop nodded his head as if to say, See? It’s stuff like this that makes him special.

  Mrs. Lutzkraut looked like she was going to be sick but managed to hold it together. Then, strangely, her eyes began to twinkle and that devilish smile from yesterday returned to her face. I gulped. My whole life with her had become one enormous chess match and she was about to make her next move. I was in trouble.

  She turned from me and joined Mr. Feebletop at the microphone. “He certainly is a unique child, Mr. Feebletop. May I make a suggestion?” My pulse quickened.

  The cro
wd perked up, wondering what was going on. I eyed the exit door as she cleared her throat and continued. “I think it would be just terrific if Rodney made a little speech to say farewell to the school that loves him so dearly. After all, it’s not every day we have an opportunity to hear from such a fine young man.”

  What? She’d got me! She had overheard Jessica on the bus and knew about my fear of public speaking. I looked out at the hundreds of faces, began to get dizzy, and realized that Mrs. Lutzkraut had won the match.

  “Well, I’m not sure,” Mr. Feebletop observed. “After all, he’s unprepared and . . .”

  “Oh, I’m sure his mouth can handle it.” Mrs. Lutzkraut smiled.

  “Well, hmmm . . . Rodney, what do you say?”

  Before I could answer, Rishi started shouting, “Speech! Speech! Speech!” The entire gymnasium joined him.

  Mrs. Lutzkraut began to fist-pump in time to the “speech” chant. Then she turned to me and I felt her bony fingers guide me to the microphone. My chest was pounding so hard that I wondered if it was possible for a kid my age to have a heart attack. My breaths were short and panicked. I felt my peripheral vision narrowing, and I prayed I wouldn’t collapse right off the stage.

  My mind, as usual, began to search for the perfect excuse to get me out of this—and then it struck me. For the first time in my life I realized there was another option. Instead of taking the coward’s way out, I could actually face my fear. Maybe I didn’t have to rely on blind luck to save me. It felt so strange to think this way, like I had someone else’s brain in my head.

  Mrs. Lutzkraut thrust the microphone into my hand. “We’re all waiting,” she announced. Then, under her breath she added, “I’m going to enjoy this.”

  I looked over at my friends yelling “Speech” and couldn’t believe my train of thought. I was really considering going through with it. It was now or never. For better or for worse, I decided to make the speech.

  “Good morning,” I tried to say, but nothing came out. The crowd was looking up expectantly and I felt my face turn red hot. I had to calm down. I remembered something I had seen on TV, that if you’re nervous about speaking in front of people you should picture them in their underwear.