Something Forever

by M. Clarke

  “Tell me I’m wrong after this.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about until I felt his hands on my cheeks. Matthew conquered my lips without my permission. I was in so much shock that I let him at first. This was the very thing I was trying to avoid, but I had no will power. It was completely gone the second his lips were on mine. Missing Matthew had killed me this past week. At the first taste of him, I lost it. I utterly freakin’ lost it.

  My heart pounded faster. I wanted to rip off his clothes and feel him inside of me, to have him stay there forever. Tears were pouring just as fast as my panting breath while I kissed him back with passion and hunger. The pain and anger were subsiding, until I realized why we had fought in the first place. Then I heard Matthew’s words echoing in my mind, “Her name is Tessa Young,” as if to remind me how much he loved her and that I was just a replacement.

  Managing to pull away, I wiped my mouth, disgusted at myself. “I want you to leave,” I said breathlessly. “I need to get ready.”

  Matthew let out a laugh. What was so funny?

  Since I wouldn’t look at him, he leaned down to me and whispered in my ear, “I know you still care, Becca. I could feel it in your kiss. I’m going to prove to you that we’re meant to be together. I’m going to leave you now since that is what you want, but I’ll be back. I’m not giving up. By the way, I know you don’t have a date. Jenna texted me to let me know you were free.”

  I closed my eyes and cringed after Matthew kissed my cheek and left. My heart softened a little bit and my guilt lessened, but it was still there. It felt wrong to kiss the man I loved when he should have been with someone else, and would’ve been had it not been for my poor judgment and careless ways.

  Chapter 18

  Becky

  I had no idea what Matthew had meant by showing me how much he cared for me, but if the number of roses were any indication, his love for me was more than I could measure or comprehend. Vases of roses were delivered to our place. Jenna kept going to the door and bringing back more and more. At first I thought they were for her, but they were all for me...except a couple of them.

  Jenna wore a huge smile. “See how much he loves you? Don’t punish yourself and him. Take him back, Becky.”

  Feeling overwhelmed, I inhaled the sweet fragrance and took it all in. I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. No one had ever apologized to me in this way before. Matthew could have said, “Screw you,” and walked away, but he didn’t. I needed some time. If he could give me a little bit more, then I might be able to move on with him.

  “Your phone was ringing.” Jenna passed it to me and headed back to the kitchen. She was filling the vases with water.

  “Thanks.” I scrolled through it to see who had tried to reach me. One was from Tanner, and the other one was from Matthew. I texted Tanner first and let him know that I was considering visiting him since I was planning to attend the London book convention. I could take the train and swing by his place after the convention. I scrolled up to find Matthew’s.

  Just in case you didn’t read my messages on the cards, I’m texting it to you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I’m sorry for hurting you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I miss you. And each petal on all of the roses is how much I love you. Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.

  Tears streamed down my face and my heart lit up in ways it hadn’t for weeks. “I miss you, too,” I mumbled under my breath. My fingers itched to text him those words, but I couldn’t. When I looked up, Jenna was right beside me.

  “Hey.” With tears in her eyes, she smiled at me.

  Then I lost it. I embraced her and sobbed like crazy in her arms. I needed her comfort. I needed for her to tell me that everything was going to be fine, but she had no idea what I was going through. Nobody knew. I had never told her about my condition.

  “It’s okay. Let it all out.” She rubbed my back, holding me tightly. “I don’t understand why you are doing this to yourself, but I do understand why you feel guilty. The first step is telling your friends how you feel. The second step is talking about it and working things out. I’m not in your shoes, so I don’t know what it’s truly like. I’m not judging you, but you deserve all the happiness life presents to you. Don’t let it slip away. I’m sorry, but Tessa had her chance. God took her away, not you. You didn’t kill her, Becky. It was just her time to go. Someone better was meant for Matthew.”

  I nodded, letting her know that I’d heard every single one of her wise words, and I’d needed to. Pulling back, I wiped my tears. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. All these years you kept this bottled up. It was eating up your heart and soul, Becky. I don’t care about Tessa. She is only a name to me. But I care about you. You’re a wonderful person who deserves Matthew more than she does. Don’t think you deserve anyone less. If Matthew was an asshole, I would tell you to forget him, but look around you. This place is filled with his love for you.”

  I glanced around, still unbelieving. Everywhere I looked was a reminder of Matthew. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll talk to Matthew, but I need to take one step at a time. He’s going to have to give me space. We can’t just jump into where we were.”

  “I understand, but Matthew is going to Sydney this weekend for the annual Australia Fashion Show.”

  “Oh...I’ll be going to the London Book Fair the same week. Then several weeks later is your wedding.” Seeing Jenna’s worried eyes I jumped in again. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there, even if Matthew and I can’t work it out. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Jenna rubbed my arm with a caring smile. “Just do what your heart tells you to do. That is what you always told me. Now I’m giving you the same advice back. Your heart won’t lie to you.”

  “I love you, Jenna.” I pulled her in for a tight squeeze. “What am I going to do when you get married?”

  Jenna sniffed into my sweater. “I’ll always be here for you.” Her voice cracked. “I’m just a phone call away. When you and Matthew get back together, you’ll be a floor below me.”

  I knew she was saying those words to make us feel better, but we both knew that once she got married things would be different. It already was when she got together with Max, and it would get worse when she married him. I wouldn’t have it any other way for her. She deserved all the happiness. Me, on the other hand, I didn’t know.

  Maybe Matthew and I would work things out, and maybe we wouldn’t, but that was all up to fate. Before I decided to do anything, I needed to take a trip to the doctor’s office again. If my predicament was what I thought it was, then I was in deep shit.

  After the doctor’s visit I went to Starbucks near my apartment. With a hazelnut coffee in my hand, I settled into my favorite corner table where the sun shone just enough on my back to give me warmth. As I took a sip, it soothed my throat and blocked out my troubles.

  I had an important decision to make, but the question was should I take care of this on my own? I didn’t want to trouble anyone. It would have to wait till after Jenna’s wedding. How would I tell Matthew about this life altering situation? Either way, I was screwed. Surprisingly, I was calm...too calm. Maybe I was more in shock. I jerked a little when I felt a body brush against mine. A part of me wished it was Matthew. Reminiscing on our last encounter there, it made me miss him. I didn’t know why I thought it was Matthew, but I glanced up with a smile.

  “I was wondering if this seat was taken?” a tall, good-looking guy asked.

  Feeling disappointed, I was about to tell him that it was when someone else spoke for me.

  “Actually, this seat is mine.” His tone was territorial.

  I flashed my eyes in the direction of that familiar voice, and saw a sexy smirk across his face. My heart thumped mercilessly from just the sight of him. Our eyes finally met, then he turned away and stared hard at the guy who was still standing there waiti
ng for my answer.

  “Uh,” I started to say, but no words came out of my mouth. However, I didn’t have to say anything as Matthew pulled out the chair and sat. The guy scowled and left.

  “Hello, Becca,” Mathew said. “You’re not working today?”

  I took a sip to give myself some time as I tried to decide if I should tell him the truth. “I just got back from a doctor’s appointment and I decided to stop by here.”

  “Is everything okay? Are you sick?”

  I shook my head and took another sip. “Everything is fine. Just a routine check up,” I lied. Biting my lip, I forced myself not to cry. I wanted to jump in his arms and tell him the truth, but I couldn’t. “Why are you here?” I diverted the subject.

  Matthew leaned forward on the table with his arms crossed. “I came by, hoping you would be here. You told me you needed space and I’m trying to give it to you, but I miss you. I miss us.” Matthew paused. “I was going to sit at the opposite corner table and watch you, but then I saw that guy checking you out. I wanted to punch him.”

  “Matthew,” I said softly, but my high pitch made some heads turn.

  “He was lucky we were in public,” he added. “I came here because I wanted to be where we shared our very first not so friendly connection.” He made me laugh, recalling that day clearly. “It’s the day you stole my heart, and you never gave it back.” He leaned forward, piercing me with his eyes. “It’s still with you.”

  When Matthew reached for my hand, I let him take it. “Becca, let me in. Let me help you. Whatever you’re feeling or whatever your worries are, I’ll take it away. I’ll fix it. I promise you. If the roses don’t show you how I feel, at least hear my words. Let me make this right.”

  He had no idea how much I wanted to say yes and jump into his arms, but not until I got more results, so I had to think of something fast. “Matthew, let’s talk when you get back from Australia. You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”

  “Come with me,” he pleaded.

  I looked away. “I can’t. I’m going to the London Book Fair. It’s my first time.”

  Matthew nodded, but it hurt me to see the sadness in his eyes. And I knew it would hurt even more when I built the courage to tell him unwanted news.

  “All right, Becca. I’m still going to text you to make sure you’re okay, and I expect you to text me back to let me know. Otherwise, I will worry and call everyone you know. Hell, I’d call the whole damn world just to know you’re okay.”

  “Got it.” I smiled.

  “Well, Becca, like before, duty calls. I’ll talk to you soon.” Matthew stood up and planted a long, lingering kiss on my cheek and left.

  Without turning to see him walk out the door, I looked down at my drink and let the tears that I’d held in stream down my face.

  Chapter 19

  Matthew

  There was something strange about our conversation. I knew Becca wanted to be with me, so then what was it? Becca didn’t know I was looking through the window when I came out of Starbucks. I could tell she was wiping her tears. Wanting to comfort her, I was about to go back in, but decided not to. Whatever was going on with her, she didn’t want to share with me yet, and knowing Becca, I couldn’t force her to tell me. She’d only close up even more.

  Her pain was my pain. It hurt me to leave her, but I had no choice. All I could do was wait and give her space. Needing to get ready for Australia, I headed back to work with a stabbing ache in my heart.

  Jenna

  “Oh, Jenna, you look…” Ellen’s eyes beamed with happiness, or were they tears? “So beautiful. Wait until Max sees you in your wedding dress.”

  Becky had already started tearing up. She turned her back on me to wipe them, then looked up at me again with a smile. “Gorgeous, Jenna.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled shyly. “Becky, go try on your dress.”

  As Becky headed to the dressing room, I stared at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe I was wearing an actual wedding dress. It was form fitted on top with spaghetti straps, and flared out from the waist. I felt like a princess.

  “Here you go,” Tina, the saleslady, said. She helped me put the tiara on, along with the veil that hung to my waist.

  Something was different about the tiara. Although it looked just like the one I’d picked out, it had tiny sparkling crystals from one end to the other. It glistened just the right amount against the light, but not too overbearing. “I really like this, but I don’t think you gave me the right one. This might belong to someone else.” I turned to her just as she was headed to the customer that had walked in. Since she didn’t stop, I assumed she didn’t hear me.

  “Jenna,” Ellen interrupted, “I actually brought that tiara from home. I told Tina to give it to you. I was hoping that you might like it enough to wear it. I think you and I have the same taste. We like things simple yet elegant. And this tiara means a lot to me. It was my mother’s. She’s no longer with us.”

  Happiness filled my heart. I knew Ellen approved of me, but I never knew to what extent until today. I didn’t mean to, but my eyes became glassy with tears. “Ellen,” I gushed, and wrapped my arms around her, “it’s beautiful. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me.”

  “I don’t have a daughter,” she said, as we let go of each other. “I wanted to have more children, but we were so busy. Rob and I hardly had any time for our sons. It wouldn’t have been fair to the third child, the one I would have wished to be a girl. But we were very lucky. Max and Matthew turned out to be fine gentlemen. We are very proud of them both. Just like how your mom is proud of you.”

  “She is. She can’t wait to meet you. They will be here a week before the wedding.” I paused to change the subject. “Ellen, you can think of this as gaining a daughter. You’ve been so kind to me since the moment we met. I was worried that you wouldn’t approve of me, but you welcomed me with open arms. You have no idea how relieved I was. And you have no idea how much I’m grateful for all of your help.”

  Ellen chuckled lightly. “How ironic. I was worried you wouldn’t like me. Because to tell you the truth, I didn’t like my mother-in-law.”

  “Really?” I let out a snort.

  “Don’t tell Max that. He loved his grandmother. But as a mother-in-law, she wanted things her way. So the reason why I try not to say too much is that I don’t want to be like her.” Ellen smiled. “Enough of my mother-in-law. Now, you have something old. Do you have anything new, blue, or borrowed?”

  “I have a blue garter,” I blurted, then became shy. I didn’t know why, but any topic that related to sex was not something I wanted to talk to Ellen about, even if it was just a garter. After all, it was her son she would be referring to. “I just need something new and borrowed.”

  Just then Becky walked out in her lavender bride’s maid dress.

  “You look beautiful,” I said, smiling. Becky’s dress was very similar to mine, but it didn’t flare out like a wedding dress.

  “I love the dress on you,” Ellen said to Becky.

  “Thank you.”

  “When I was getting married many years ago, the bride’s maid dresses were horrendous. Thank God they improved over time.”

  “I have to agree with you there,” Becky said.

  Tina came back to make sure our dresses fit perfectly. Last week’s alteration on my dress made the dress a little tight, but not unbearable. I had lost several pounds last week from not eating well, but I was glad to have gained it back. Having the morning sickness disappear as quickly as it came made me happy. I was finally starting to enjoy having a baby inside of me.

  “Shall we have lunch before you both have to be back to work?” Ellen asked.

  “Sure,” Becky said. “I’m free, but I need to be back soon for the London trip. I’m taking the red eye.”

  “I’m starving,” I seconded.

  “Perfect. I’ll call to make a reservation.” Ellen took out her cell phone. “Why are you going to London, Becky?”

&n
bsp; “I’m going to a book convention.”

  “That sounds fun.”

  Becky and I walked to the dressing room with our arms linked together. “I can’t believe it’s only two weeks away, Jenna.”

  “Me, too. And I can’t believe I’m pregnant.”

  Becky leaned against her dressing room door and smiled. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thank you. And I’m glad you’re working things out with Matthew.”

  “Even if Matthew and I weren’t together, I still would be there at your wedding, you know that, right? I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

  “I know,” I answered, but I wasn’t sure. “Do you love Matthew?”

  “I miss him. He asked me to go with him, but I have to go to London.”

  “I understand. Just remember what I said. If you love each other, then that’s all that matters.”

  “But sometimes things happen you have no control over,” Becky said quickly. She got into her dressing room so fast, I didn’t have a chance to ask her what she meant by that.

  Something was wrong. Becky was hiding something. I was determined to find out what.

  Chapter 20

  Jenna

  Matthew and Becky in different countries made my heart feel uneasy. It was silly to think this way, but the distance between them seemed like it would create a barrier, and it would be harder for them to get back together. I had to stop thinking silly thoughts. Becky assured me everything was fine and they would talk things through, so why didn’t I believe her?

  Since our whole office staff had gone to Australia with Matthew, I was left alone. There wasn’t much to do since May’s issue had been formatted and was ready to go. We were holding back to include the pictures from the fashion show. Though I wanted to go with my department, Max insisted that I didn’t fly. At the time we’d discussed it, I had bad morning sickness and just thinking of flying made me nauseous. I had agreed not to go without a fight.