Hawaii Five Uh-Oh

by Z. A. Maxfield

  “No.” Theo slumped, momentarily sidetracked. Did he seem like he had a stick up his ass? “No. I love to laugh. And I love fucking. My God, yeah. Let’s do more of both—”

  “Mm.” Lips brushed his. “So there’s no need to table this for now? S’okay. Just a hookup, man. No pressure.”

  “No.” With a smile and a gentle tug, he caught Spider’s lower lip and got a kiss in return. “Not at all. You just reminded me. I’ve been away far too long.”

  “Away?” Spider wrapped his hand around the back of Theo’s neck and kneaded the muscles there.

  “Oh.” He groaned with pleasure. “It’s hard to explain.”

  He’d been on the mainland too long. He’d hidden his otherness in cookie-cutter houses and schools with uniforms and then gone on to be a cop. Being here, letting his guard down—with a hot stranger, no less—turned a key in some cosmic lock and shoved a door open wide. Anything and everything was possible again. Probable. Some wild, pulsing energy rose inside him, heating his skin, stealing his breath.

  “Kiss me.” He cupped Spider’s face and drew him down for another meeting of lips and teeth and tongue and air. And oh…. Theo let go of every no he had and found a yes to unexpected encounters and kissing strangers in the moonlight and throwing off his uniform at least a couple nights a week and telling his mother how much he admired her and his unfriendly stepdad because….

  Because I can.

  In theory, I can.

  Kissing became a joyful destination. Touching and grinding, a languid journey, full of side trips and laughter, and in that unhurried exploration, Theo heard the careful footsteps approaching them a fraction of a second too late.

  He rolled Spider behind him, but he couldn’t take any kind of fighting stance without leaving him unprotected. Angrily, he held his hand up to block the flashlight’s intense beam.

  “This is private property,” he ground out. “You’re trespassing. Turn off that fucking light this instant or I call the cops.”

  “We are the cops, you fucking moron.” The light went off, but too late. Theo’s eyes were so dazzled he couldn’t see shit. He knew that voice, though. And he kicked himself for allowing Koa to come up on him like that. Jesus.

  “Your mom called me.” Koa sounded disgusted with him too.

  “My—” Theo got to his feet in a single smooth motion he’d probably wonder about later, when every muscle hurt. Agonizing, this. He said the dreaded words. “My mom called you?”

  “Said she saw kids partying out here. Wanted me to take a look now that you’ve moved out.”

  “Special K, is that you?” Spider sat up with a jerk. Theo heard him rustling around and figured he was probably getting his clothes in order, but no, he was leaping to his feet and charging Detective Kekoa Palapiti.

  “Brother,” Spider squealed. “Where you been at?”

  Theo waited while the uninhibited restaurateur wrapped his arms and legs around Koa, nearly knocking him down in the process.

  Because that actually happened and Spider lived to tell the tale, Theo was slow to parse Koa’s next words. “Spider.” Koa didn’t sound pleased to see him. “What’d I tell you about this shit. Back off before I cuff you.”

  “Oh my God, you promise?” Spider didn’t sound too unhappy about that.

  “You know each other.” It wasn’t a question. Anymore, anyway.

  “Meet Spider van Hoovren,” Koa said lightly. “HPD’s most dedicated badge bunny.”

  “Excuse me.” Spider replaced his easygoing demeanor with a kind of punked-up pride. “I prefer honey badger. Rawr.”

  “Honey badger?” Theo couldn’t help himself. “You are fucking adorable.”

  “He’s a mascot.” Koa growled the word.

  Spider frowned. “I am a sex-positive human with a uniform fetish. There is not a single illegal or immoral thing about that.”

  “Move on, Spider.” Koa glanced at Theo. “My boy here’s done being fetishized for the night.”

  Theo said, “Wait just a damn minute.” ’Cause… not really.

  “Seriously. Knock it off, Te. Move along before your mom throws a shoe at you.”

  Theo glowered at Koa. He itched to take that absently lifted eyebrow of his and shave it off. Was that a scar?

  Spider glanced from him to Koa and back. “So. You two… know each other?” He waited for Koa’s curt nod. “I guess my work here is done. It was a time and place thing, babe. I get it.”

  “Wait. No—” By the time Theo caught up with what Spider’d said, he could barely form his lips into the goodbye kiss Spider offered. “I can drive you back—”

  Theo started after him, not even bothering to pick up the trash. He’d come back later and clean up or his mother would kill him. He turned to Koa. “Tell Mom I’m sorry, I’ll get that, twenty minutes, I promise.”

  “No worries!” Spider called over his shoulder. “It’s a fabulous night for a walk, and who looks forward to making pizzas and unclogging toilets anyway? I am choosing to walk.”

  “Are you sure?” You’d make an awesome plummeteer. Wait—“Did you say you’ve never read Plummet to Soar?”

  “Did I say that?” Spider turned with a grin that went straight to Theo’s dick. Goddammit, why couldn’t Koa have shown up thirty minutes later? Or even ten. Four fucking minutes, tops, and he’d have blown Spider van Hoovren to heaven and back. “But you know. You don’t read a book like that one, man, you devour it. You absorb it. You light it on fire and you dance on the tornado of its ashes and it becomes part of you.”

  “Ooooh-kay.” Theo blinked. “’Nuff said.”

  “Pfft.” Spider cracked up. “I read shit like that all the time. How d’you think I ended up with a pizza place in paradise?”

  “Jesus. You are too much.” Theo rubbed his forehead. He’d never even seen Spider coming. Fucking honey badger, with his sexy little round glasses that winked back at them. His grin was radiant. He had teeth made of moonlight.

  “Peace, boo.” Spider kept walking.

  “A’ight. See you.” As Theo watched him go, he thought… maybe not. Spider had way too much horsepower for him. Theo knew that now. He could dream of another time and place. “Maybe I’ll tell you my real pizza someday.”

  Spider turned before he rounded the last hedge. “Counting on it.”

  “What was that all about?” Koa asked sourly.

  Theo walked over to police his trash. “That? Was all about removing the stick up my ass. Wow.”

  “You got that far?” Koa toed the ground with his booted foot. Since the answer was none of his goddamn business, Theo didn’t give it.

  Koa wore the black soil of his mother’s garden all over his boots. Theo blew out a deep breath, got his trash, and started the hike back to his bike. Koa had to have come from the beach, up the unforgiving path on the other side of the house, and then walked over. He’d gone to see her first.

  Theo turned. “Tell Mom I’m sorry. I never imagined we’d wake up the house from all the way out here.”

  “Spider’s a screamer.” Koa laughing at his expense wasn’t how he’d planned to end this night.

  “Yeah, well.” God, why did it have to be Koa? Even Gary would have been preferable. “None of the others have woken her.”

  Koa studied him with sullen eyes. “You can’t lie for shit.”

  “Bullshit.” Theo did a gut check and decided to keep lying. “Plenty of times I’ve been here and she’s never said a word.” No way was he going to admit this was the first time he’d gotten an at bat since he got back. Did his mother and Kekoa fucking Palapiti have to think they were gonna catch him every time?

  “So… you and Spider?” Koa asked.

  “Me and whoever.” Theo brushed past him. God, he needed to shut the fuck up. At the foot of the road, he threw the pizza box in the trash his mother set out for sanitation and the beer bottles into her recycling bin. “Mom doesn’t normally call the cops on me.”

  “She didn’t call the cops
this time. She called me.”

  “Yeah.” Theo’s tone dripped acid. “Her number-one son. And you came running. So let’s have it.” He held his arms to the side. “Treat me like a stranger again. You know you want to.”

  “Look. I suppose I should have called about that before.” Koa wrapped his hand around his neck. “It’s actually kind of funny when you think about it. That was—”

  “Funny? I know you’re a better guy than that.” Theo wouldn’t look at him. “And if you want to step in the ring or get on the mat, you’ll get the chance. If we’re not friends anymore, leave me alone, ’cause I like playing rough sometimes, but I’m not an emotional masochist.”

  “I swear.” Koa shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I really am sorry about that. That whole day was totally fucked.”

  “Mine too.” Theo reached for his helmet. He lost his childhood in the words that slipped out. “You’ve been a disappointment since I got back, though, Woodie.”

  He didn’t wait for a reply before putting on his helmet and riding away, heartsick.

  Chapter Eight

  BREATHTAKING RAYS of sun shone through fast-moving clouds, creating a double arc of brilliant color in the deep blue sky. The field was green and lush. Under a light drizzle, Theo took up his batter’s stance. He was a decent athlete, but he wasn’t gonna win any medals. He represented his “community policing team” to the best of his ability. If anyone wanted a better ball player, they could hire one.

  “Hey, batter, batter…. suh-wing!” Theo didn’t have to glance at the stands to know that was his mother hollering at him, but he looked anyway. She had on a sun hat that made her look like a doll, but she could shout down a stevedore. Like a carnival barker, his mom. Again, something real and solid and right clicked inside him. She’d vowed to mad-dog both teams equally to avoid favoritism. He’d missed her. It wasn’t until he’d come back….

  Well. That was for another time. The ball flew from the pitcher’s hand, spinning toward his bat. He made sloppy, damp contact, which was all he was expected to do, and humped it to first base before the ball got there. Taryn whipped him with her gloved hand. He wished her happy birthday again.

  “Fuck you. You bagged my party.” At some point, everyone had cause to regret she played that position.

  “I wasn’t feeling awesome, I guess.”

  “I know why. Freddie’s been telling everyone how he fucked you up at the gym. Sorry about that.”

  “Yeah, well.” He leaned away from the base… stepped out… and had to leap back before Taryn swiped him again. Left-hander from Dispatch had an unexpectedly good move to first. Shit. Theo took a smaller step away from base. He’d already scored twice, once on a little blooper to third because somebody dropped it, and once on a ground rule double on account of a dog. Another hit got him another run. The rest of the game went the same. A wacky struggle, one base at a time. Pitching wasn’t spectacular, and everybody could hit. Games always ran long.

  Despite his heroic efforts, his team lost.

  At Pizza Hut later, he handed a twenty over to the team manager and made his excuses. “My mom expects me for lunch at her place after the games.”

  She was, in fact, waiting outside. That wasn’t the real reason he didn’t stay. He wasn’t ready to be part of the gang. Or maybe it was because Taryn and Calista were there with Koa and Freddie, and he didn’t get what was going on there, nor did he want to be a fifth wheel.

  “You’re not staying?” Calista shot him an unhappy grimace. “My God. It’s like you don’t even want to fit in here.”

  “Sorry.” He didn’t want a confrontation, so he held up his hand to wave. “It’s family. You’ve got a mother. I’ll see you Monday.”

  She waved back. “Go. See if we care.”

  He said goodbye to the rest of the group and headed out again, breathing a deep sigh of relief when he saw his mom.

  “Ready?” She opened the door and her car chirped as if it’d missed her.

  “More than.”

  “How come you don’t stay with your friends?” she asked.

  “Haven’t made many yet. Anyway, it’s our family lunch thing.” Bad enough hanging out with everybody at work. He’d never socialized on his last job. He’d put his isolation down to being an outsider in a fairly insular small town. Now he wondered if he didn’t prefer solitude to the shenanigans his colleagues got up to when blowing off steam. There was work-and-people, and then there was home. He could only take so much of one before he needed the other.

  She didn’t look at him, but she didn’t have to, to see inside him. “Some friends you had forever. They’re family too.”

  “Yeah,” he admitted. “But it’s not that easy. Been twenty years.”

  “Kekoa looks different.” She nodded. “But he’s still the boy you know.”

  “No, he’s not.” The boy I know would never have come up to the bluffs to cockblock me. “Now he’s the boy you know.”

  “Okay, yes. I love him too.” She flushed delicately as she started the keyless Mercedes with the push of a button. “He’s my extra boy.”

  “And last night you called him to come check out some trespassers on the bluffs.” But we both know you knew it was me. “I was not alone last night.”

  “Oh, no, honey.” Eyes wide, she feigned dismay. He wasn’t fooled. She had to press her lips together to keep from laughing. “Did he interrupt something?”

  “Nope. Me and my hot stranger had just finished pizza and were about to sing ‘God Be with You Till We Meet Again.’ That’s your favorite, isn’t it?”

  “No need to get snippy.” Primly, she put the coupe in reverse and backed up, taking what seemed like hours to perform each task. Gas, brake, put the car in drive, spin the wheel needlessly too far, adjust. She was as deliberate and careful as he was when he answered her questions.

  “You know I like hanging out up there. Do you need me to call when I might be on the property?”

  “Of course not.” Such a thing would never occur to her, much to her husband’s dismay. “My home is yours.”

  Her words made him happy. “So why’d you—oh, no. Mom.”

  “What?”

  “You can’t arrange things for me and Koa anymore like we’re five.” Was she meddling again? Pushing him at Koa like they were still lonely kids? She didn’t understand how far apart they grown. “Please.”

  “His folks are dead now.” Zoom. Foot on the gas, she shot out into traffic more forcefully than necessary or even proper. “He has no one but us. You and me.”

  “Cop in the car.” He closed his eyes and focused on breathing evenly. “Friendly reminder.”

  “Don’t judge your mother.” Using the car’s engine noises to express her emotions was a time-honored tradition. At least this car would be pretty safe in a wreck. Her voice was even and sweet when she said, “I want you to be friends with Kekoa again. You need each other.”

  Sounded like she expected him to start that shit up again unilaterally. “What are you gonna do? Drive fast and swerve around corners until I say yes? You should get a big fat ticket for driving like this.”

  “Everybody drives like this.” She had him there. “I can’t believe you still try to divert my attention as if I’m giving you chores.”

  A chore. That was about the size of this one.

  “Okay, Ma. I promise, I’ll ask Koa to grab a beer or something and we’ll catch up.” If I can separate him from Freddie long enough for him to drink a beer. “But honest to God, we have nothing in common anymore.”

  “You have more than you think.” She glanced at him. “He’s been talking about running away to the mainland.”

  “Naw.” That couldn’t be, surely? “Why?”

  Was Koa getting claustrophobic? Theo couldn’t imagine Koa on the mainland, although surely there was ample opportunity for career advancement there. Except the Kekoa Palapiti he knew could not exist on the mainland. He couldn’t imagine Koa leaving the islands any more t
han he could picture his mother doing so. Koa must have forgotten all the dreams they’d shared under skies full of stars. That was the last time Theo felt right, and he wanted that feeling back. Didn’t Koa want that too?

  With a touch of her finger on the steering wheel, Theo’s mother started music playing. Despite the heat, Theo opened his window to feel the salt-tinged wind on his face. She pulled up beside the mailbox, and he got out and fetched her mail and parcels.

  The air smelled of freshly mown grass. Gary never did that. He got back in and asked, “You mowed this morning?”

  “Koa came, first light.” She drove up the winding hill to the house, parked in her normal spot, shut off the engine, and turned to him for her purse, which she’d stashed in his footwell.

  “I was going to do it after lunch.” He handed the purse over. “I’ve done the lawns since I got home. Just because I moved doesn’t mean I don’t want to help out.”

  “He didn’t know. He figured since you moved out—”

  “Mom—”

  “No, come on. He was trying to be helpful.” She pressed her lips together unhappily.

  “I know.” Theo held on to his temper. She wasn’t aware of Koa’s hot-and-cold act or their fiery encounter over Freddie’s behavior at the liquor store. Whatever was between him and Koa, they had to settle it themselves. And they had to do it right because…. He didn’t know why, just then, except his mother wanted it.

  She was too important to both of them to leave things tense like this. “He ever talk about his partner, Freddie Ortiz?”

  “I don’t listen when he talks about work.” His mother’s noncommittal reply didn’t surprise him. He wasn’t going to get information thirdhand from her.

  The driveway was already full of his stepbrothers’ cars—Jared’s minivan and Grayson’s Prius wagon, respectively. Gary opened the door and waited for all of them to walk up the pathway together.

  The easy camaraderie between him and his mother evaporated as if he’d imagined it.

  HOURS LATER, he asked his mom to drop him off next to Ragno Pizzeria. He hadn’t gotten the chance to touch base with Spider, so he thought he’d grab a beer before heading up to his place.