A Father In The Making

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “I can’t believe this therapist wants me to spend time with Nico,” Nate said. “I’m leaving as soon as my horse is better. Did you tell the guy that?”

  Nate saw nothing but confusion in Mia’s chocolate-brown eyes. “I told him and I know I’m still right. But Dr. Schuler thinks the advantages of you working with Nico will outweigh the disadvantages of you leaving.”

  Nate dropped his hands on his hips. “Doesn’t matter what he thinks. I agree with you that I’m not the right guy for this.”

  “Why not?”

  If he let himself get too caught up in this family, he would be too intertwined with Mia. Her kids.

  “It’s not a good idea,” was his careful reply.

  “I didn’t mean to imply that you would hurt Nico on purpose. I just wanted to make sure his heart didn’t get broken again. I was only thinking of his emotional well-being.”

  “So am I.”

  Mia looked down at Nico’s pictures and one by one, flipped through them as a light sigh slipped out. “I can take care of kids who throw up, kids who are teething, kids with a fever, kids who hurt themselves. I don’t know how to take care of this.” She stopped, and once again she pressed her fingertips to her lips. Holding back her sorrow.

  Nate suspected Mia had done this often in her life. Held back, stayed strong.

  “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, getting to her feet. “I hesitated asking because of what I said before. I feel so wishy-washy. I was just thinking of what’s best for Nico.” Her voice broke and Nate felt his heart flip.

  He couldn’t stop himself. He laid his hand on her arm, stopping her. She turned to him, hope flaring in her eyes.

  “So what did this doctor want me to do?” The words spilled out before he could stop them. “How did he think I could help Nico?”

  The relief on Mia’s face eased his concerns.

  “He told me that all you needed to do was let Nico spend some time with the horses. Ride them. Just be around them. Maybe he can help groom them if riding doesn’t work out.”

  Nate pursed his lips and slowly exhaled. “Let me talk to the doctor and I’ll give you a better answer tomorrow.”

  Mia nodded, her shoulders lowering as if she had been holding everything in until then. “That would be helpful. I’ll give you his number,” she said.

  “I’m not promising anything,” Nate said, still unsure this was the right thing to do. “I’ll take this one step at a time.”

  “Of course,” she said. “I realize that. Thank you. It doesn’t have to be every day. Just when you can.” She gave him a careful smile. A smile that didn’t help his resolve one bit.

  As she walked away, her slight figure receding into the gathering darkness, Nate knew he had to be careful the next few days.

  Because leaving was the only thing he knew how to do and when he left, he wanted it to be with his heart and soul intact.

  * * *

  “So, I decided.”

  Nate stood in the doorway of the kitchen of Denny’s house, his hands on his hips, his hat with the telltale feather tucked into the band pulled low over his head as if to hide his features.

  Mia shifted Grace on her hip, her heart pounding in her chest with a mixture of apprehension and...anticipation?

  She suppressed that last emotion. This was about Nico. She had to put her own foolish attraction to Nate aside. Yesterday, after she had talked to Nate about working with Nico, she was torn. Part of her hoped he would say no. Yet seeing how Nico had been attached to him, another part of her hoped he would help.

  “What did you decide?” Mia injected a casual tone in her voice, thankful Evangeline was in the bedroom getting Ella dressed.

  “I talked to the doctor this morning and he agrees that Nate would benefit from whatever supervised time I can give him.” He dropped one shoulder and shifted his weight as if as uncomfortable about the situation as she was. “So I’ll help Nico. As much as it’s possible for me to in the time I’m here.”

  Her emotions did a cartwheel of gratitude followed by an unwelcome sense of anticipation.

  “Thank you so much,” was all she could say.

  She could get through this. She just had to put her own foolish notions aside and keep her focus on her children.

  “He said that you need to be there, too, and I agree,” Nate added. “Besides the obvious propriety, your presence will create an overarching connection for Nico. For when I leave.” He delivered that last sentence with a finality that underlined to Mia the utter foolishness of letting this man occupy even one tiny corner of her lonely soul.

  “Of course. That makes sense.” Dr. Schuler had hinted at the same thing.

  “I know it will be hard for you, what with the twins and all.” Nate’s gaze slipped to Grace, who burbled happily in Mia’s arms. Then he looked past her, took a few quick steps and grabbed Jennifer, who was standing up in her high chair. “Whoa, little girl. You almost fell.”

  “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” Mia moved Grace to her other hip, holding out her free arm to take Jennifer from Nate. Guilt, a mother’s steady companion, raised its ugly head again. As her mother, she should have been the one that caught her, not Nate. “You can give her to me.”

  “She’s okay,” Nate said, jiggling her in his arms. “Aren’t you, Dimples?”

  Jennifer chuckled and reached for his cowboy hat, knocking it awry.

  “I’ll take her,” Mia insisted, holding out her arm.

  Nate gave her an odd look.

  “Of course you will,” was Nate’s enigmatic reply, but he gave her up, anyway.

  Mia ignored his comment and set Jennifer on her other hip, adjusting their position so they were more evenly balanced. They seemed to get heavier each day. The time would come when she wouldn’t be able to carry them both at the same time.

  “So what time works best for you tomorrow?” Nate asked, stepping back, as if to give Mia some distance.

  Mia mentally juggled her schedule. “The girls nap in the afternoon, so mornings will probably work best,” she said. “Then I can take them outside with me in the stroller.”

  “Sure. Whatever will work for you. Or you could ask Evangeline to watch them,” Nate said, shifting his cowboy hat back straight.

  Mia shook that suggestion off. “Evangeline can’t do it.”

  “Can’t do what?” Evangeline asked as she slowly came down the stairs, leading Ella, who wore a bright pink, ruffled sundress, her fluffy sandy-colored hair pulled up into two ribbon-tied ponytails. Mia compared Ella’s shining face and adorable outfit to her two ragamuffins. Her daughters wore oversize Onesies that had come in one of the many bags of donated clothes. Evangeline had given her what she could of Ella’s hand-me-downs, but Ella had been dropped into Denny’s life as a toddler and most of the clothes were still too big. All the twins’ cute, matching clothes had been burned up in the fire.

  The thought created another clench of loss. How many more times would she go through this, Mia wondered, feeling as if she was starting all over.

  Though people had been helpful and generous, offering donations of furniture, bedding and household items, she didn’t need much of what was offered as long as she stayed at Evangeline and Denny’s. However, her other reality was all her memories, all her own “things” were lost to her. Pictures of the children, her computer, toys she had lovingly purchased.

  She shook the maudlin thoughts off. She had other things to deal with right now.

  “Mia is saying you can’t watch the twins,” Nate was saying to Evangeline.

  “Of course I’ll watch the girls,” Evangeline said, her attention on Ella as the toddler carefully navigated the last step down. “I’m not going to town until later on this morning.”

  “Actually, I feel more comfortable taking the girls w
ith me,” Mia said, looking from Nate to Evangeline.

  “Feeling a bit protective?” Evangeline asked with an understanding smile.

  Mia nodded as she set the girls down. “And I’m sorry the kitchen isn’t cleaned up yet.”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Nate put in, stepping past her to help her gather up the plates the boys had used. “Besides, isn’t cleaning a house with kids like brushing your teeth while eating a chocolate bar?”

  Mia shot him a quick look, then burst out laughing.

  Her resolve started to drift. “It’s your call about the girls,” he continued. “If you take them out, you’ll have to stay outside the corrals. I can’t watch the boys, the horses and you.”

  “The boys?”

  Nate nodded. “If we’re doing this, we should include Josh. That way Nico doesn’t feel singled out and Josh doesn’t feel left out. It will seem more natural.”

  “That makes sense,” she said, seeing the wisdom in his actions. “Thank you for thinking this through.”

  “Hey, I’m not just a pretty face,” he said, carrying the plates to the counter.

  Just then she heard the boys’ bedroom door open. As they came down the stairs Mia wanted to close her eyes in pain. Josh wore a hot pink shirt with orange flowers paired with blue plaid pants. Nico, a neon yellow T-shirt emblazoned with the name of some computer game and orange jogging pants.

  “Whoa, those are cheerful clothes,” Nate said, humor threading his voice.

  “We took them out of all those bags that the man and lady brought last night,” Josh said, smoothing his hand over his shirt, beaming with pride.

  “Do the boys have boots?” Nate asked Mia.

  “No. Just running shoes,” Mia said, glancing down at Nate’s worn, slant-heeled cowboy boots.

  “Boots for what?” Josh asked.

  “Nate will be teaching you boys how to ride a horse,” Mia said, breaking the news to them.

  “Really? A horse?” Josh’s grin almost split his face, but it was the shine in Nico’s eyes that dispelled any doubts Mia had.

  “You guys will have to get your shoes on and we’ll get you set up.”

  “A horse. We’re going to ride a horse.” Josh grabbed Nico’s hand and without a second glance at Mia, ran out of the door. Mia was about to follow when Nate stopped her.

  “I got the boys. You take care of the girls.” His easy smile made his eyes crinkle and her stomach flutter.

  Mia watched them leave, her heart hitching at the sight of the tall cowboy leading her two sons by the hand.

  That should have been Al, she thought, though even as she formulated the thought she knew it was wishful thinking. Al had never been a hands-on father. Once in a while, if pressed, he would play with Josh, but seldom with Nico and, of course, he hadn’t even seen his daughters.

  “Looks cute, doesn’t it?” Evangeline said, coming to stand beside her.

  “Looks dangerous.” The words popped out before she could stop them.

  “Dangerous? How?”

  Josh danced alongside Nate, his one arm waving as fragments of his chatter drifted back on the early-morning air. She saw Nate drop his head back as he released a deep belly laugh. Then he turned to Nico, his voice lowered as he spoke to her other son. Nate’s dog, Socks, joined them, his plumed tail waving his joy, completing the Norman Rockwell picture.

  “My boys are already too attached to him,” Mia said, the hitch in her heart deepening. “What am I going to do when he leaves?”

  Evangeline’s gentle sigh underlined Mia’s concerns. “Like you’ve always said, just take it one day at a time,” she said.

  “I’ve tried to take it one day at a time,” Mia returned, folding her arms over her chest. “But sometimes several days come flying at me at once.” Then she gave Evangeline a smile. “But you’re right. I need to take my own advice.”

  “I think he’s a good guy,” Evangeline said.

  “And that’s the trouble.” And on that cryptic note Mia left to take care of her other children.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’m slipping. Help me, Nate,” Josh called out from atop the horse he was riding.

  Mia clung to the top rail of the corral, her other arm clutching Jennifer. She could do nothing but watch her oldest son clinging to the mane of the horse he was astride, slipping sideways off his saddle.

  “Mom. Help,” he called out.

  This was a mistake, Mia thought. Josh was going to fall, get hurt and be even more afraid. He had survived a fire three days ago. How much more could he deal with?

  Mia glanced back at Grace, who still slept in the stroller, and was about to climb over the fence, still carrying Jennifer when Nate called out. “I’m coming, Josh.” Nate put Nico on his hip, then strode over to Josh’s side and set him straight. “There you go, buddy. Good as new.”

  Josh took a few quick breaths, his eyes wide. “I got scared.”

  “I saw that,” Nate said, patting him on the shoulder. “But you did good.”

  Josh gave Nate a feeble smile. “Really?”

  “You really did. Most kids would have screamed and let go, but you didn’t. You’re a real cowboy.” He turned to Nico. “Is it okay if I set you down, buddy?”

  Nico nodded, his expression solemn.

  Nate let him slide down to the dirt, but Nico didn’t move from Nate’s side.

  “So let’s see how we can stop that from happening again,” Nate was saying to Josh. “First off, you have to make sure you don’t lean to one side or the other. And see these?” Nate held up one of the stirrups, shortened to as far as it could go. “You have to keep your feet in these and the best way to do that is to keep your heels down. Not too hard or the horse will think you want him to go. Just enough that your toe isn’t pointed down. That way your foot won’t slip through the stirrup.”

  Nate gave Josh a few more pointers, his voice low, quiet, reassuring.

  The horse Josh rode whinnied, shifted his feet and Josh wobbled again in the saddle.

  Mia’s heart jumped up her throat as Josh started sliding.

  She was about to call the whole thing off, when she saw Josh grab the saddle horn, right himself and then, to her surprise, heard him laugh out loud.

  Mia released her grip on the rail of the corral and let her own shoulders relax. Her son looked so small astride that huge animal. But Josh didn’t seem as afraid as Mia knew she would be. Horses gave her the willies.

  For the first half hour of the lesson Nate had introduced the boys to the horses and let Nico and Josh lead them around with a halter rope. He helped them with tight turns, wide turns, stopping and going. The horses were amazingly compliant, but it had been difficult for Mia to watch her boys being followed by animals ten times their size and weight.

  After that Nate had shown the boys the tack and what each piece did. Then he saddled and bridled the horses and got the boys to lead them around again.

  Only then did he put them up on the animals.

  Mia had watched the first part of the proceedings from her spot beside the girls sleeping in the stroller. But then Jennifer woke up and Mia had taken her out just when Nate put the boys on the horses. And all she could do was watch.

  “So just sit right there and I’ll get Nico on his horse,” Nate said, “and then I can lead you guys around the corral, okay, cowboy?” Josh nodded. “You’re doing great. Nola will stay where she is because she knows you’re on top of her, okay? Remember how you led her around with the bridle? How you were the boss? You still have the reins and you are still the boss.” Josh nodded and slowly his fearful look was replaced by a faint smile.

  “All right, Nico. Let’s get you settled on Bella.” Nico’s horse was smaller and had a much smaller saddle. Nate introduced Nico to the horse, Bell
a, let him pet her on the face, then asked if he was ready. Nico nodded. As Nate put Nico’s feet in the stirrups and told him the same thing he had just told his older brother, Mia saw Nico listen intently, hanging on every word Nate said.

  “Great. You make a good cowboy,” Nate said, squeezing Nico’s shoulder lightly. “Now I’m going to lead your horse toward Nola and Josh. Make sure you pet her once in a while so she knows she’s doing a good job.”

  Nate caught the reins of Nola, Josh’s horse, clucked to the animals and then led them slowly around the corral. The ensuing silence was broken only by the rhythmic footfalls of the horses and Nate’s low, reassuring voice.

  And in spite of her own misgivings, an unforeseen peace fell over Mia’s soul. They made a turn in the corral and Mia’s heart expanded when she saw the wide smiles on both boys’ faces and the excitement in their eyes. Nico was nodding in time to the gentle rhythm of the horse’s hooves, his eyes flicking from his horse to Nate. A couple of times he patted Bella’s shoulder, still grinning.

  This was the most animated Mia had seen Nico since before the fire. And in that moment she felt the first tremble of hope.

  “How are you boys doing?” Nate asked, walking toward Mia, looking back at them.

  “This is so fun,” Josh called out. “Look at us, Mommy. We’re cowboys.”

  “You sure are,” Mia said, giving them a small wave. Jennifer burbled and waved, as well.

  Nate looked ahead and in the shadow of his cowboy hat she caught the glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes. He’s enjoying this, too, she thought, surprised at the idea.

  “You going to join us, Mia?” Nate said as they came closer.

  “No, thanks. Me and horses...” She waggled her hand like an airplane to indicate her ambiguous relationship with the beasts.

  Nate just grinned, his teeth a white slash in his tanned and dusty face. “Horses are a man’s best friend.”