The Way We Were

by Sinéad Moriarty

  Jools sighed dramatically. ‘I need someone more challenging. It’s all too easy with Lance and, besides, he should really be with another do-gooder. I’m just not interested.’

  ‘You’re so mean, Jools. You made him fall for you and leave Hayley, who was interested in all those things, and now you’re dumping him. And by the way, Kevin, being too nice is not a bad thing.’

  Kevin held up his hands. ‘I know it isn’t, but Jools needs to be with someone strong who can manage her and stand up to her.’

  ‘What about me?’ I asked.

  Kevin hugged me. ‘You need the nicest man in the world.’

  ‘Actually, Holly, you should go to that place and hang out. It’s right up your street. Full of nerdy geeks reading books and talking about “serious issues”. They even had a poster of that girl, Majella Yousifuzzy or whatever her name is, the one you love.’

  ‘Malala Yousafzai.’

  ‘Yeah, her, and I’m sorry, Holly, but she’s clearly brain-damaged. The poster said, “I believe the gun has no power.” She got shot in the head and nearly died. Hello? I think the gun does have power.’

  I stood up, my fists curled into balls. She made me so angry, more than anyone else could. ‘Do not speak ill of Malala. She’s a hero. You’re just an empty vessel.’

  Jools went to light another cigarette, but Kevin snatched it out of her hand. ‘I may be an empty whatever, but at least I’m not going around telling people that guns aren’t dangerous. She’s completely insane.’

  I could feel my face burning. Kevin reached over and took my hand. ‘Come on, girls, you can’t be fighting in front of Dan. Calm down and behave yourselves.’

  The dinner was fine because Dan, Jools and Kevin kept chatting, but Mummy was quiet and so was I. Kevin sat in Daddy’s chair and Dan sat in the one that was always spare. Dan kept saying everything was wonderful and the food was delicious. At one point he went over to the counter to open some wine and I saw him giving Mummy a kiss and a hug. She leant her head against his chest and smiled at what he whispered to her. She looked young and pretty and I felt glad for her.

  I want her to be happy and Dan is really nice. He’ll never, ever, ever replace Daddy, but at least he’s good and kind.

  At the end of the dinner, Dan said he wanted to ask us a favour. He asked if it was okay if he took Mummy to Venice in two weeks’ time. He’d obviously arranged it with Kevin already, because Kevin said he was free and would move in with us. Jools and I both said it was fine. Jools said Mummy needed a nice break and that Dan should spoil her and book a really fancy hotel.

  Dan said he had booked the Aman Canal Grande and he hoped that would do. Kevin almost choked on his wine. ‘That’s where George Clooney got married! It’s incredible.’

  Dan said he was very grateful to us for lending him Mummy for the weekend and that he had a surprise for us to say thank you: he’d arranged for Stella to pick us up and take us to dinner at the Chiltern Firehouse.

  Jools started hyperventilating because it’s where all the celebrities eat and apparently it’s almost impossible to get a table there. Dan is incredibly generous. He always plans everything and tries to make everyone happy.

  It seems to be getting serious with Mummy and Dan. I think she’s in love.

  Alice: October 2014

  Alice tried to concentrate on what Laura Jones was saying, but her mind kept drifting back to the night before and the great sex with Dan. He was so strong and solid, and she felt so safe with him. He made her feel so special and beautiful that sometimes she had to pinch herself to check this was actually her reality. Everything with Dan was easy. He was decisive, knew his mind, organized absolutely everything and swept her off her feet with his big romantic gestures.

  ‘So what do you think, Doctor? Doctor?’

  ‘Sorry, Mrs Jones, I think a course of antibiotics is wise. We need to clear up this chest infection.’ Alice typed up a prescription and handed it to the patient.

  Two minutes later, Kevin came in. He closed the door and sat down opposite her. ‘You’ve got a ten-minute break. The next patient just cancelled and the one after hasn’t arrived yet. Mrs Jones was just saying how well you look. She asked me if you were “seeing someone”.’

  Alice smiled. ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘The beaming smile, the shining eyes, the glowing complexion from all the sex … Yes, I’d say it’s very obvious.’

  Alice blushed. ‘He’s just so …’

  ‘Perfect?’

  ‘Well, yes. He just makes everything so easy. I never have to organize anything. He does it all. He completely spoils me. He picks me up and takes me to all these amazing restaurants and fancy parties and hotels.’

  Kevin sighed. ‘You’re making me jealous. Axel can barely afford to pay for a glass of wine.’

  Alice leant back in her chair. ‘Stella told me last week that she’s really glad he met me. She said he’d dated lots of women, but none of them ever stuck. She said Dan’s really happy and that it’s down to me. Wasn’t that a lovely thing to say?’

  ‘God, Alice, that’s great.’

  ‘I told her Dan had saved my life. I think he did. He made me look forward instead of back. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to meet him.’

  ‘You deserved a bit of luck.’

  ‘Do you think the girls are okay with it all? They’ve been so positive to my face, but are they really fine with the fact that we’re a proper couple now?’

  Kevin nodded. ‘They really like him and they adore Stella, especially Jools. They see how happy Dan makes you. And he’s good with them. He never tries too hard or overdoes it, he’s just himself.’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘Honey, if he had a gay twin brother, I’d marry him in the morning.’

  Alice got up and paced the room. ‘Sometimes, when I’m on my own at night, I feel guilty. It’s as if I’m forgetting Ben or casting him aside or something.’

  Kevin came to stand beside her at the window. ‘You’re not forgetting him. You’ll never forget him. He was your first love and you had two amazing children together. You’re just living. You can either stand still and be miserable for ever, or move on. I figured that out after Mum and Dad died. I wallowed in my grief for ages until I realized it wasn’t going to bring them back. Life is about sinking or swimming. You have to swim if you don’t want to drown.’

  Alice sniffed, wiping a tear from her cheek. ‘You’re right. I just wish I could have told Ben I loved him before he left. I wish we’d never had that stupid fight. I still miss him so much. Whenever anything happens with the girls, I yearn to tell him. He’d be so proud of them.’

  Kevin put his arm around his sister. ‘He’d be proud of you too.’

  Alice rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Life never turns out the way you think it will. It’s full of surprises.’

  Dan opened the door of the car, helped her out and pointed to the private jet.

  ‘Are you serious?’

  He looked into her eyes. ‘I’ve never been more serious.’

  ‘We’re going to Venice in a private jet?’

  ‘Yes, and this is only the beginning. I have lots of treats in store.’

  Alice hugged him. ‘You are wonderful. Thank you for coming into my life.’

  Dan held her face in his hands. ‘Thank you for making me so happy.’ He kissed her.

  ‘Have you ever had sex on a plane?’

  ‘Are you offering?’ Dan asked.

  ‘I might be.’

  ‘Dessert before lunch?’ He smiled.

  ‘I was thinking of it more as an appetite enhancer.’ Alice grinned, took his hand and ran towards the plane.

  Dan poured Alice another glass of champagne.

  ‘I’ll be drunk soon. Are you trying to take advantage of me?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  Alice sat back and took in the view from the balcony. Here she was, in Venice, at the most incredible hotel, drinking champagne with a man she loved. Yes, Alice
thought, I really do love him. He makes me happy.

  Alice reached out her hand and held Dan’s. ‘I love you.’

  A wide smile spread across his face. ‘Well, that’s good to hear.’

  He leant over and Alice thought he was going to kiss her but instead he bent down. She heard him exhale loudly.

  ‘Are you all right? Did you drop something?’ Alice knelt beside him, looking at the floor.

  ‘What are you doing? Sit back down, for God’s sake,’ Dan snapped.

  Alice was taken aback by his tone. ‘I was only trying to help – I know your knee is sore from overdoing it in the gym.’

  ‘You’re not bloody helping.’

  ‘What’s wrong – Oh, Jesus!’

  Dan was holding up a ring … a huge ring … the biggest diamond ring Alice had ever seen.

  ‘ “Oh, Jesus” good, or “Oh, Jesus” bad?’ Dan asked.

  Alice’s hands were covering her mouth. She was shaking. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream.

  ‘Alice, my knee is killing me, give me an answer, quick.’

  Alice had a flashback to Ben proposing to her at dusk on the Pont des Arts in Paris. He’d been wearing a tuxedo he’d borrowed from David. It was too big for him, but he had looked so handsome. They were so young and in love. Life had been so full of possibility and adventure …

  ‘Alice!’ Dan was getting annoyed.

  Alice looked down at Dan, the man who had saved her, and said, ‘Yes.’

  ‘Thank God for that.’ Dan smiled as he got back up. He slipped the ring on Alice’s finger. It fitted perfectly.

  ‘How did you know my size?’

  ‘Stella. Remember a few weeks ago when she tried on your ring? She was checking out your size for me.’

  ‘My God, Dan, you really think of everything. It’s beautiful.’ Alice gazed at the rock now resting on her hand. If she was being honest, it was too big for her liking, but it was certainly stunning.

  ‘This is only the beginning, Alice. I want to make your life perfect. I want you give to up work and move in with me – there’s plenty of room for the girls. I’ll look after you all. You need never worry about anything again. We’ll be together and happy and there’s so much we can do – travel, five-star hotels, all sorts. We’ll have a really good life. I want to give that to you.’

  Give up work? Move in? She loved work and she loved her house. Dan seemed to be taking over her life. Her head was spinning with the suddenness of it all, and the weight of his expectations.

  Dan kissed her hand. ‘We’ll go to Barbados for Christmas – we can get married out there on the beach –’

  ‘Dan.’ Alice interrupted his flow. ‘I love you and I do want to marry you, but can we have a long engagement? It’s a lot to get used to and I want to ease the girls into it.’

  Dan seemed a bit crestfallen. ‘If that’s what you’d like, but the sooner the better, as far as I’m concerned. No point wasting time at our age.’

  Alice leant over and kissed him. ‘I’m sorry. I’m really happy and, yes, I do want to marry you. I just need some time to take it all in. It’s all happened so fast and it’s been wonderful, but there’s no need to rush the wedding, is there? I’m not going anywhere. I’m right where I want to be.’

  Dan pulled Alice onto his knee and they were soon consummating their engagement.

  The next morning, on the way to the airport, Alice asked Dan if they could put off telling anyone outside the immediate family about the engagement.

  He frowned. ‘Why? You haven’t changed your mind, have you?’

  ‘God, no! I just want to ease the girls into it, then let the news settle with them before telling anyone else. It’s a very big deal and I don’t want them to feel rushed.’

  ‘I’m not a patient man, Alice. You know me, I like to get on with things. I don’t see why we have to wait. We love each other, we get on with each other’s kids, what’s the problem?’

  Alice looked out of the window of the water taxi at the beautiful Venetian buildings. ‘It’s going to mean a big adjustment for the girls and I want them to feel completely happy with everything.’

  Dan sighed. ‘All right, but let’s not stretch it out too far. I want you to be my wife as soon as possible. The girls will be fine about it. I know they will. You’ll see. I’m always right.’

  Alice looked down at her enormous ring. She wasn’t so sure the girls were going to be thrilled about it. Getting married was very final: it was saying goodbye to Ben for ever.

  Holly: October 2014

  Jools kept squealing every time she saw a celebrity. It was kind of embarrassing. Stella was really nice about it, even though she did tell Jools to shush a few times, especially when she shouted, ‘Look at Cara Delevingne’s eyebrows!’

  Stella ordered champagne and poured Jools a glass. She ordered me a non-alcoholic cocktail, which came in a fancy glass and tasted delicious.

  ‘OMG, this is so cool!’ Jools sighed happily. ‘Drinking champagne in the Chiltern Firehouse surrounded by stars. Wait until I tell my friends. I’m going to ask if I can get a selfie with Cara.’

  Stella grabbed Jools’s arm as she tried to stand up. ‘No. Sorry, Jools, but you can’t ask her. People come here to chill out and be with their friends. They don’t want to be asked for photos. Just sit back and enjoy it.’

  Jools nodded. ‘You’re right. I’m being so uncool. Sorry, I’m just really excited. Oooh, look, there’s Alexa Chung.’

  Stella grinned. ‘So, guys, I think it’s getting serious with my dad and your mum.’

  ‘Yeah, totally,’ Jools said, but she wasn’t listening: she was looking Alexa Chung up and down.

  ‘Are you okay about it, Holly?’ Stella asked.

  I shrugged. ‘It’s nice for Mummy to have someone to look after her and be kind to her, but it feels a bit strange sometimes.’

  Jools stopped staring at celebrities and listened in.

  ‘I know what you mean,’ Stella said. ‘The first relationship Dad had after Mum left us was weird for me. It was as if Dad was trying to replace her or something. I was stupidly still hoping Mum would come back.’

  ‘Do you have any contact with her?’ Jools asked.

  Stella’s jaw set. ‘No. I cut her off a few years ago. She’s the most selfish person in the world. Besides, I don’t need her. I have Dad. He’s always been there for me. Alice is the first woman he’s dated that I really like. Maybe it’s because I’m older and have my own life, but I wouldn’t mind at all if they got married.’

  ‘Married?’ Jools frowned.

  My stomach clenched. Did Stella think they were going to be married? So soon?

  Stella nodded. ‘Dad’s ready to get married again and he really loves your mum.’

  ‘But what about our dad?’ I said. It popped out. I didn’t mean it to … it just did.

  Stella reached out and held my hand. ‘I know my mum is still technically alive, but she died for me a long time ago. So I do know how hard it is to lose a parent. But once you accept it, it makes it easier, I promise. Your dad is gone, sweetie, and he isn’t coming back. You have to let go.’

  I looked down at my food and felt sick. I knew she was right – it was just so hard.

  Jools held my other hand and squeezed it. I knew she was feeling sad too. The thought of Mummy marrying someone else was really strange.

  ‘It could be great,’ Stella said, trying to cheer us up. ‘I’ve always wanted sisters. I hate being an only child. Think about it, girls, we could do fun stuff like this all the time.’

  ‘Really?’ Jools’s eyes lit up.

  ‘Absolutely, and my dad has homes all over the world – we could go to Barbados and Dubai and New York and have great times. Honestly, girls, it’ll be fantastic.’

  Jools jumped up and down in her seat. ‘Wow! I’ve always wanted to go to New York …’

  As they chatted and planned trips abroad, I sank back in my chair. I didn’t want everything to change. There ha
d been so much change already. Would we have to move house? Would we always be travelling? I don’t like the sun – I hate being too hot. My head began to ache. I wanted to go home and think about it all, work it out in my mind, calmly in the quiet of my bedroom.

  The next evening, Kevin cooked dinner for me, Jools and Stella. When we were having dessert, the front door opened and we heard Mummy’s voice. I ran out to see her. She held me really tight.

  ‘I know it’s only been two days but I missed you,’ I said.

  She kissed the top of my head.

  I felt myself relax. It was going to be fine. Dan was making her happy, not taking her away.

  As she went to hug Jools, I saw Kevin’s eyes widen. He was staring at Mummy’s hand. I looked down – she was wearing the biggest diamond I’d ever seen.

  When I looked up Stella was watching me. I tried to keep my face calm while my mind raced. It was happening. They were getting married. Then Jools spotted it.

  ‘Oh. My. Gooooood!’ she shouted. ‘Mum?’

  Mum went red. ‘Well, yes, I do have something to tell you.’

  ‘It’s bigger than Kim Kardashian’s!’ Jools pulled Mummy’s hand up.

  ‘Well, I wanted something to show the world how I feel about this woman,’ Dan said, beaming.

  Mummy seemed embarrassed about the size of the diamond. I much prefer the engagement ring Daddy gave her, which she’d been wearing on her other hand since he died.

  Kevin, Stella and Jools all hugged Mummy and Dan and me. When Mummy hugged me again, she whispered, ‘Don’t worry. Nothing will change for a while.’

  Then the doorbell rang. It was Pippa and David arriving with flowers and champagne.

  ‘Congratulations!’ they called, as they came in.

  ‘But how did you know?’ Mummy asked. She looked a bit shocked.

  ‘Dan rang us this morning and asked us to come and celebrate,’ Pippa said.

  I saw David hugging Mummy. They both had tears in their eyes. ‘I’m really happy for you, Alice. You deserve this.’

  I could see Mummy was too emotional to speak. She just nodded and smiled.