Indulge

by Liv Morris

  The plane lands safely in Nashville. We’re gathering our things when the cabin doors open and four huge men walk onto the plane, greeting Garrett. “Hi, boss, great to see you,” the guy in front says.

  Garrett signals for the men to keep it down, pointing to Sierra sleeping. “Grab the bags, guys. This is Alexis & her best friend, Whitney. How does it look out there?” he asks.

  “Same as always boss, but the car’s waiting,” big guy number one answers.

  Garrett nods, and points to Whitney and me. He’s talking in a low voice, so I can’t make out what he’s saying. He speaks to the guy for a few moments. Then he flashes me a grin that looks more like a grimace, before dashing out the door with the other three guys. I look to the big guy and inform him I’ll be ready as soon as I gather Sierra up.

  “That isn’t necessary, ma’am. We’ll be pulling into the hanger for you to disembark.” His tone is matter of fact, like he has this scenario down to a science.

  What the hell? I guess Garrett wants to keep us hidden. I knew he would be ashamed to be seen with someone who wasn’t from his rock star life.

  The jet starts to taxi again. Whitney shoots me a confused look. I shrug and try to play it off, like she can’t see I’m upset. She knows me too well. I should prepare for the interrogation as soon as we’re alone.

  Once the three of us and our bags are loaded into the car, the big guy, whose name I now know is Dan, slides into the back of the limo with us. He says, “Proceed,” and the limo begins to roll forward. After we clear the hanger a low roar penetrates the windows. We stop and Dan pushes open the door, stepping out. The low roar becomes thunderous. The screaming, wailing, and shrieking are enough to make my ears bleed. I immediately turn to check on Sierra. She’s sleeping like a log. I should’ve known nothing would wake her up.

  Garrett jumps in as soon as Dan clears the door. The door closes as the limo starts to move. He looks disappointed and worried. I guess he’s concerned that his fans feel let down. Well, I didn’t ask to be here. He begged. If we we’re going to hamper him so much he should have left us in Florida. My anger is building.

  I’m getting madder by the minute, and now that we’ve finally pulled up in front of Garrett’s palatial home I’m even more pissed. Why didn’t he give me a clue what it’d be like when we got here? Photographers, fans, limos, mansions, security team, being hidden…this fucking sucks! I’m about to throw a huge tantrum, but I’ll hold it together until Sierra’s in bed.

  Garrett obviously senses my mood because he says nothing when I pick up Sierra and carry her into the house. He just opens the doors and leads me to the room where Sierra will sleep. He’s prepared, because while I’m laying Sierra on the bed I see him switch on what looks like a baby monitor, but it’s one of the new high tech camera kind.

  I’m not sure where the other receiver is, but if he thinks I’m sleeping with him tonight, he’s off his damn rocker. No chance of that. “Where are our bags?” I ask in a bitchy tone.

  “They’re coming up now, sweetheart,” he says sweetly. I roll my eyes in his direction, intending for him to see. He does and the hurt look on his face doesn’t even come close to making me feel better. It makes it worse. Sweetheart, my ass…you just wait and see how sweet I’m going to be about all this shit!

  There’s a light tap at the door as two of the security members hold up our bags. Garrett instructs them to leave the bags here. Then he follows the guys out of the room.

  I’m searching Sierra’s bag for pajamas when Whitney walks in. “Lex, you okay sweets?” She asks with concern.

  “Nope!” I reply.

  And then she starts in on one of her typical I know what’s best for you lectures! “Lex, I get that you’re pissed. It’s been a shit evening. I get it. A lot of unexpected shit happened, but seriously…is it worth this amount of angst?”

  Now I’m getting more pissed and my frustration isn’t only aimed at Garrett. “Whitney, shut the hell up. I’m not discussing this with you now. Find a place to sleep in this big ass house and leave me alone. I cannot believe you’re sticking up for him in this whole situation. You’re supposed to be my best friend!” I say in the best whisper-yell I can manage, attempting to not wake Sierra.

  “Alexis, you are so self-destructive it’s ridiculous. I can’t even begin to talk to you right now. Goodnight!” she says, turning on her heel and walking out of the room.

  I change Sierra and myself into pajamas and climb into bed beside her. I imagine he wasn’t expecting me to sleep in here, but I’ll be damned if I’ll sleep anywhere else. I lay in bed beside Sierra for what feels like hours, but it has only been just under one hour when I see the door open and the light around it expand. I see his silhouette, he’s heading toward me. He bends down beside me and kisses my head, then lifts me out of the bed. “No,” I say, but he ignores me and keeps walking with me cradled in his arms.

  He takes me to what appears to be his bedroom and lays me into his bed. “Listen sweetheart, you can be as pissed off as you want in my damn bed, but you aren’t sleeping apart from me. Build a wall with pillows, but you’re fucking sleep here!”

  I’m pissed and tears are prickling my eyes. “Why? I don’t want to be here. I want to go home, Garrett. This trip sucks and I’ve only been on it a few hours. Make sure we’re on the next flight out!” He’s hurt and angry, but I’m not the one screwing this up. He should be pissed at himself. He comes over to the bed where I’m sitting. I’m staring daggers at him, willing him to say anything else, so I can release all the hurtful crap I want to say.

  “Lex, I’m sorry! I knew it would be chaos at the airport. I should’ve warned you. I should’ve put you guys on a different flight. I should’ve done this all differently, but I was selfish and wanted you beside me as long as possible, instead of arriving separately. I screwed up, babe. I get it.” He’s right in front of me, taking every dagger I’m throwing, face to face. “On top of that, Lex, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t understand relationships. I’m trying and you said you’d give me a chance…Please?”

  “Why yes, you jackass, that was a brilliant plan! Are you pleased with what went down? Are you worried we’d destroy your sex symbol image? You couldn’t be bothered to let me know what was going on before you rushed out to greet your adoring fans? And this place…you said we were going to your home. This is a damn palace. And don’t even get me started on the guys in monkey suits. You said we’d have security at the concert, not the minute we got off the plane!” I’m ranting and not quietly.

  He leans in closer. “Are you done now?” he asks with a calm, even toned voice which only enrages me more.

  “No you, asshole! I’m not done!” I yell, pounding my fists into his chest. I’m frustrated beyond belief, and he sits there calmly taking every single blow I deliver.

  “Do your best, baby, get it all out, so we can make up.” He says in a strangled voice and that’s all it takes. I’m done. I’ve exhausted myself, and now I’m crying huge angry frustrated tears. I lay myself down on the pillow and close my eyes, crying myself to sleep. He lies beside me, but doesn’t touch me or speak to me. He hates me.

  When I wake the next morning the room is still dark, but I see the time on the clock sitting on the nightstand. It’s after 9:30. I haven’t slept this late in years. I look around the room and no one is here. I look at the baby monitor screen and it’s been switched off. I jump out of the bed and run down the hall to Sierra’s room. She’s not there. Then I hear it – a guitar and her sweet, precious voice. They’re singing…together. I sit on the top of the stairs to listen. I don’t want to disturb the peace, and after what happened last night I’m sure tensions will be high when I enter the room. I stand up and start walking to the room Sierra spent the night in to start organizing our things to go home today. I’m not sure what time our flight is, but I’m sure after the way I acted he’ll have us out of here as soon as possible.

  As I’m laying clothes out for today, Whit co
mes into the room. “Good morning, sunshine. Feeling better?” she asks way too cheerfully for the situation.

  I turn to her, feeling extremely remorseful. She’s my best friend in the world. She didn’t deserve the things I said last night. “I’m so sorry, Whit. I hope you know I didn’t mean anything I said to you. You just happened to be in my line of fire.” I jump up and wrap my arms around her shoulders. “Please, dear God, don’t be mad at me. Forgive me?”

  She looks at me with a big grin and a chuckle. “Like you even have to ask? I forgave you the minute it happened. Lex, I know you well enough to know when you’re spewing crap you don’t mean. What are you doing now?” she asks, arching her eyebrow.

  “Packing. We’re going back home today. I can’t stay here. Not like this,” I say to my best friend, willing her to understand and not question my motives.

  “Lex, you have got to stop running away from him every time things get hard, or when fans, photographers, air planes, or whatever else scares you happens. Eventually, he'll stop chasing you and that's really going to suck, sweets”.

  “I know…maybe this time he won’t chase me. We’d both be better off, I think,” I say quietly.

  “You think, huh? Maybe you should go downstairs and see the man who is consumed with worry over you. Yet, instead of sitting in the corner waiting for you to scream at him, again, he’s taken every measure known to man to make sure you sleep as long as possible, and that Sierra is taken care of like a little princess and that I, your best friend, am comfortable and happy in his home. Do you really think for one minute he’s doing any of that to benefit anyone other than you?

  “Alexis, wake up! This man is jumping through every flaming hoop you place in his path, and yet, it’s not enough for you. You really need to sit down and think this through before you throw away what could be the best thing in the world for you and Sierra,” she says in a huff, before walking out of the room. “Let me know if I need to pack my stuff, Lex! I’ll be in my room taking a bath and reading. Send Sierra up to my room if you need time to chat with Garrett.”

  I guess it’s time to face the music. I walk down the hallway to the staircase and descend at a snail’s pace. I’m scared to death of what I’m going to be faced with. As soon as I reach the bottom my little girls spies me and says, “Good morning, Mama. You were very sleepy.”

  I smile to her, “Thank you for letting me sleep. I was extra tired today.” I look at Garrett and his face is blank. I can’t read that look on his face, so I don’t say anything. I just look away.

  Chapter 25

  She’s coming down the stairs. I can feel her getting closer. I feel so bad about everything that went down last night. I knew Alexis was feisty when she was riled up. I remember that about her from college. She’d trample anyone who messed with her friends. I never expected what happened last night. But damn, she got her frustrations out on my pecks, that’s for sure. I hated to see her that upset and frustrated. That was way worse than the actual physical side effects. My poor sweet girl…

  Last night was a clusterfuck. When Dan stepped on the plane I immediately asked how it looked outside. I didn’t want to alarm Lex, so as quietly as possible I instructed, “Keep them on board. I’ll get off out here to distract the crowd. Pull the jet into the hanger, and then get them in the car. Once they’re safely inside pull up, and I’ll get in. I can’t figure out how they always know when I’m arriving.”

  I thought I did the right thing to protect them from the madness. I thought Lex would appreciate the efforts to keep them from being exposed to the chaos, since she is adamant about keeping her life private. I don’t know what I did wrong.

  She’s talking sweetly to Sierra, which is no surprise. She’d never take her frustrations out on a child. But she’s not saying anything to me. I’m paralyzed in fear that last night will be the tipping point that makes this all too much for her. I don’t want to do anything else that might upset her or make her want to leave. I need her here with me. I need to make up with her. I slept like shit last night. I just lay next to her, listening to her whimper for hours. Even after she fell asleep I was awake, watching her and searching for the right words to make this better.

  When I woke this morning and found her still in bed with me, I counted my lucky stars. I closed all the blinds tightly, so it would be dark and peaceful in hopes that if she caught up on sleep she’d feel better, and then I snuck out of the room. She does look rested. I’m glad about that.

  “Good morning, sweetheart,” I say, searching for any emotion on her face. She gives only a small smile, and it doesn’t even come close to bringing the sparkle to her eyes.

  “Morning, Garrett.”

  I turn on the television to morning cartoons for Sierra. She’s already had breakfast, so this should keep her still for a few minutes. I reach over to Lex. “Babe, come talk to me for a minute?” I tentatively ask. She nods her head.

  We walk up the stairs to the master bedroom and she sits on the bed. Before she has the chance to say any of the things I know she’s thinking, I speak. “Lex, I know I’m not worthy of you and Sierra. My life is complicated and frustrating. I knew better than to bring you into that last night without warning, but I was being selfish. I did the best I could to protect y’all’s privacy when we arrived. I thought about trying to walk away a few weeks ago. But, sweetheart, I have these strings attached to my heart that are all wrapped up in you, and I just can't walk away without ripping out a vital organ. Babe, you now own my heart. What happens to it is up to you, and even if you try and give it back, I won’t take it. I’m still going to have to follow you everywhere in life because of these damn strings. Please, babe. Don’t push me away! Give me a chance to make this manageable for us. I love you both, so much.”

  She doesn’t respond. She just sits there staring at me, dumbfounded, until finally she says, “You don’t want us to leave? After the way I acted yesterday? I’m challenging and bitchy! I’ve been a puddle of tears since the day this all started. Why, Garrett? Why me?”

  Why her…because, I love her. I’ve only ever loved her. And I’d do anything to keep her. Anything.

  “Sweetheart, you had every right to say the things you did last night. Most weren’t true, but I know you well enough to know you already know that. You’re perfectly challenging. You keep me alert and on my toes. It’s never boring! It’s one of the things I love most about you. And your tears…damn, babe, they really wreck me. But they also tell me what is going on in that pretty little head when you won’t talk to me.” She’s just staring at me and listening, but not touching me. “And, sweetheart, as for wanting you to stay…” He draws in a deep breath, “Babe, I always want you to be where I am. No matter how pissed you are at me. Please, stay with me. I love you,” I plead, again, in case it wasn’t clear enough the first time.

  “I’m so sorry, Garrett. I was frustrated. You didn’t deserve the things I accused you of…I do know that. A little warning would’ve been nice. I really hate surprises. I love you a lot, but your life is complicated and foreign to me. I love you enough to stay while you try and make it manageable. I just need to know that Sierra won’t be harmed. Please, it’s my job to keep her safe, and right now I’m scared.”

  This is the part I hate, because, damn…I’m scared, too. I don’t want anything to ruin what I’ve got right here. “Sweetheart, I’ve learned my lesson. What happened last night won’t happen that way again. I’ll be prepared and you girls will be safe with me. It’s my job, Lex, to keep you both safe, and I promise I will.” We’ll quadruple the damn security if we have to. I reach for her and she comes to me willingly. I kiss her face and spend the next few minutes just holding her. I’m a lucky bastard.

  We spend the rest of the morning and afternoon touring the ranch. I’m glad Whitney came along. She calms Alexis and keeps Sierra busy every once in a while, so I can steal a few kisses. She’s leaving tomorrow afternoon and that’s fine, because I plan on spending the week in Nashville doing fami
ly things. Tonight is the benefit concert. I’ll be leaving soon for the sound check.

  “Sweetheart, I’ll need to leave soon for the arena. Do you want to go for the sound check, or should I send a car back for you?” I ask. I planned for the girls to come to the sound check, but I don’t want to assume that she’s okay with anything after last night. I’m walking on eggshells, and that’s okay, if it makes her feel more secure.

  She looks to Whitney and Sierra walking ahead of us. “I’d rather go with you. I’m afraid we won’t be able to get to you later if people don’t know who we are,” she says, being sincere.

  I laugh. “Baby, no one will ever be able to keep you away from me. But I’d feel better if you went with me, too. I need you close to me after last night. I hate when you’re mad at me,” I say as I pick her up and swing her around onto my back for a piggy-back ride. She nibbles my ear, we keep walking and following Sierra, who’s trying to find the horses.

  “Sierra, we need to head back toward the house to get dressed, love bug!” Lex calls out.

  Sierra turns around, sees her Mama on my back and comes running. “I want up, too, Garrett. Hold me, too,” she says, so I pick her up and haul the both of them, with Whitney in tow laughing her ass off.

  We’re all dressed and ready to leave. I decide to drive us to the show and have security follow. I’ll have four security guys with the girls tonight. They’ll be back stage. I don’t really expect any issues, but I’d rather be prepared, and I think these guys will give Lex some confidence.

  When we arrive at the stadium in my Land Rover, the band manger meets me at the back door. He’s pissed off. I knew he would be. He has a folder with what I’m sure is a stack of internet articles he’s printed. I already saw them all this morning, so I know what’s coming. I see right away that he wants to talk. He’s called several times, but I’ve been busy with my girls.