Indulge

by Liv Morris

  I hit reply and type one word.

  Me: Mall!

  I toss my phone in my purse, and start digging out my keys while I walk in the direction I parked my car. When I see my 370Z, a smile appears on my face. She always makes me feel better. I bought her last summer when I was feeling down and needed a pick-me up.

  I pop the trunk and throw my bag from MAC in the back before I climb in the driver’s seat. The bright red color of my car reminds me of a coveted ruby. A precious gem, yet she can get me where I need to be in a hurry.

  I sink down into the black leather as I turn the ignition, then squeal out of the parking lot with my stereo blaring Taylor Swift’s new album Red all the way home.

  As soon as I open the door to our house, I know something is wrong because that black tank top on the floor does not belong to me. I can hear a woman’s voice muttering ‘baby’ from our bedroom. My heart is pounding so hard that I’m having problems breathing. I’m not nervous about what I will find in there.

  I’m pissed.

  Pissed beyond words because I know exactly what I am going to find behind that door. That’s why he wanted to know where I was? So he could bring some woman back to our house to have sex?

  I stop at the bedroom door with my heart beating wildly, and take a deep breath. I rest my hands down to my side and give them a shake, not knowing what the hell I’m about to do. Before I let myself think too much, I reach out and shove it open, shoving it so hard that it bangs loudly as it hits the wall.

  “What the…?” Jax squeals as he jumps off the bed, trying to cover himself with his hand. His eyes are wide as they land on me. “Baby, I’m sorry. It’s not what it looks like.” I stand there, watching him as he grabs his pants. “Baby, let me explain.” He puts his hands up in the air. “She doesn’t mean anything. You know I love you. I love you more than anything, baby. This was just a mistake.” He picks his shirt up off the floor. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but it was a one-time thing. I don’t know what I was thinking. I promise it will never happen again.”

  My heart is hammering in my chest, and I’m finding it hard to breathe. I straighten my back. He starts to walk towards me with his hands out like he is going to hug me. I put my right hand up to stop him, and take a step back. If he lays one hand on me, I won’t be able to hold back the bile that is threatening to come up.

  He stops walking, but starts to talk again. “We can fix this. I love you, baby. Baby—”

  “Quit calling me baby.”

  I’m surprised at how calm my voice is. My body is far from calm, though. It is so tense that it feels like it is about to snap like a rubber band. I want to throw myself at him and ask him why while I bawl my eyes out.

  What is wrong with me?

  What did I do wrong?

  Have I ever been enough for him?

  How many other women have there been?

  Has he been safe?

  I want to ask the woman lying in my bed if she knows about me, or has he lied to her to as well? I want to believe that he has made a mistake, but there is no way he can fix this. My heart is already broken and lying at my feet in a thousand pieces.

  I finally take my eyes off of him and look over at the blonde lying naked in what used to be our bed. She is clinging to the covers that are pulled up to her chest, so I can’t see much of her, but she looks to be very petite. Her dark blue eyes are trained on Jax. If looks could kill, he’d be up in flames right now. I believe she wants him dead more than I do.

  My eyes move back and forth between the two of them a couple times before it hits me. I can tell by the tears in her eyes that this is not a one-time thing. She’s in love with him. There is no doubt in my mind that he has been seeing her for a while.

  My throat tightens and my eyes start to sting. I take a couple of deep breaths. I will not let him see me cry. Hell, there is already one woman crying in this room because she loves him. There’s no way I will give him the satisfaction of two crying women.

  I close my eyes, hoping this is a nightmare. A very bad nightmare, and when I wake up he won’t be standing in front of me, half naked, with another women in our bed. Closing my eyes tighter, tight enough to keep my tears back, tight enough to erase this horrible dream, I take in another deep breath.

  When I open my eyes, he is still standing there and she is still lying naked in our bed.

  The bed we used to make love in.

  The bed where he told me I was perfect and he wanted a life with me.

  The bed where I was the only one for him, and the bed where I believed every single lie he ever told me.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  I have to dig down deep to find the courage within myself to do what I know I have to. No matter how much it hurts.

  “It’s over, Jax,” I whisper. “I’ll be back tomorrow for my stuff.”

  I hear Holly’s car pull up. I want to sag to the floor with the relief that rolls over me. My best friend is here, and I need to get out of this place. Turning to the closet, I grab the pair of shoes Holly wants, then turn back around and walk to the front door.

  “Get in your car, I’ll follow you,” I say as calm as I can when I see Holly get out of her car. It is just all too much, and I need out of here.

  “What’s wrong, Sam?” She takes a few steps to me.

  “Get in your car, Holly!” I yell. I feel bad when I notice the look on her face. I start to apologize, but Jax interrupts me.

  “Baby, please believe me, I’m sorry. I love you. For fuck’s sake, I asked you to move here with me. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I didn’t want to be with you.”

  I turn to see Jax walking out onto the front porch. I have to look away. Every time I look at him, it breaks my heart all over again.

  I turn back to Holly whose eyes dart from me to Jax a few times. Then the look of confusion turns to shock, and she narrows her eyes. I look over my shoulder and see the blonde dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of his basketball shorts, grabbing Jax’s arm. “Come on, Jax. Let’s go back inside. She said it’s over. Don’t beg her.”

  I want to call her a bitch. I want to go punch her in the face just to see how well she deals with pain, but I think better of it. She is helping me out in a way because I want to get the hell out of here.

  Without a word, I get in my car and start her up while Holly does the same. The entire way to Holly and Micah’s is torturous. I can’t understand why he’s done this to us. Why did he tell me lie after lie if he loves me? Why even ask me to come to St. Louis with him? Where have we gone wrong? Deep down, I have always wondered about our relationship. I have always thought something was missing. Now I know it was him. He was the one missing from our relationship.

  We pull into Holly and Micah’s driveway, and I shut off my car, silencing the music I had blaring. Even it couldn’t drown out my thoughts. The pain is still there as I lean my head back against the headrest and let my eyes shut. I have never had my heart broken by a man before now. Will it always feel this way?

  Hurt to move?

  Hurt to think?

  Hurt to breathe?

  My ringing phone breaks through the silence of my car, but I just let it ring. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Once it finally stops ringing, I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I lean over to grab my purse and my eyes land on my phone. The screen shows Jax has called me fifteen times.

  Are you serious? He couldn’t even call me one time last night! Well, I’m not calling him back. I have nothing to say to him right now.

  When I step out of my car, Holly is standing there, looking at me.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you…” I pause to clear my very tight throat. “I’m really sorry, Holly. You didn’t deserve that.”

  She wraps her arms around me, giving me a big hug as she rubs my back. “No need to apologize, I should have listened. I’m sorry about Jax. Do you want to talk about it?” She pulls away from me as I shake my head no.

  I turn and
get back in my car to grab the shoes. “Here are the shoes you wanted for tonight,” I say, handing them to Holly.

  “No, we are not going to leave you alone tonight, and you know you can stay here as long as you need to.” She takes my hand and leads me in to the house.

  “I just want to sit alone in silence.” I plop down on her couch. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Tomorrow I will have to put up with his lies and begging again while I pack up all my stuff.

  “Well, then we will all sit in silence and drink some wine.” I can’t help but smile. That, right there, is why she is one of my best friends.

  Chapter Three

  “Yes, I can do that. Email me the paperwork. I’ll print it off, sign it, and then fax it back to you.”

  “I’ll need it back by noon tomorrow,” Jack replies. “This is going to be a fast case.”

  Perfect because I’m having trouble concentrating.

  “Okay. You have a good evening.” I sit back in my chair, taking a drink of my sixth Red Bull. Thank God I took a nap on the plane; otherwise I would be passed out face down on my desk. I haven’t pulled an all-nighter in a very long time. I’m getting too old for this shit.

  I have been busy with work for most of the day, but my thoughts haven’t been on my work; they have been consumed by Samantha. I can’t forget how sweet and innocent she sounded on the phone. Just her voice makes we want to go to her and apologize. How can Jax want to be with Bridgette over her? Bridgette is a lying, vindictive, crazy bitch. I should know. I’ve been there, fucked that.

  This morning, when I went to wake up Jax and Bridgette, I told him that Samantha had called me worried about him. He just brushed it off, and asked if I had told her what I saw. When I shook my head no, he rolled on top of Bridgette and waved his hand in the air, signaling for me to shut the door. I told him to get the hell out because I needed to leave.

  Now I stand here, gathering up my things as last night and this morning play over and over in my head. My mind keeps telling me that I should have done something. Maybe I should call Samantha now and explain what I know. I know it’s none of my business, but I just have this overwhelming desire to hear her voice again.

  “Slade.” I look up to see Jensen, an attorney who is helping me out on this case.

  “Come in.” I lay my phone down and pick up some paperwork.

  “You want to go out tonight?’’ Jensen asks as he walks in the office.

  “No. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired.” I’m tired mentally and physically. I zip up my bag, getting ready to leave.

  “Come on, man. It will be fun. My ex-girlfriend called and said there’s a big party down at…well, wherever it is. I’ll call her on the way.” He sits down in the chair that faces my desk, looking at me and waiting for an answer.

  I look down at his wedding ring and suddenly think of Samantha. I feel sorry for these stupid women. The ones that are constantly cheated on and don’t know it, or choose to ignore it for whatever reason.

  “I don’t know.”

  I look around the room like it can give me an answer as to what to do. Nothing. My ass is worn out. It could be a good distraction from the sweet voice overpowering my every thought, though.

  “You know you want to go. My ex has a lot of girlfriends, and most of them are hot.” He wiggles his dark eyebrows.

  I never have been one to pass down women and alcohol. “When are you going?” I sit back down in my chair, defeated.

  He claps his hands together once as he smiles and stands up. “I’m going to head over to the bar now.”

  I know why he’s doing that. If he went home, his wife wouldn’t let him leave. They have three kids, and there’s no way she would let him go out while she stays home.

  I nod my head as I follow him to my door and close up my office. “I’ll follow you.” I call out as he walks to his car. I get into my rental car and take off my suit jacket, vest and tie. Unbuttoning my sleeves, I roll them back a few times. I’ll just go dressed like this. I don’t plan on spending all night there anyway.

  It doesn’t take us more than ten minutes before we are pulling up to the bar. We walk inside, and there is already a table full of girls waving us over. Jensen was right; they’re not bad looking. I find myself giving a second look to the one that Jensen introduces as Julie. She has light brown hair with chunks of red in it, brown eyes, and a smokin’ ass body. She continues to stare at me. She’s not being subtle about it, which I like. I’m not into games. If you want me, and I want you, then we are going to have some fun.

  I’ve never been one who does relationships. I’ve actually never even been in a relationship. I’m more of a keep it just sex kind of guy. I don’t lead anyone on, or tell them sappy shit. If they don’t like what I have to say, or how I act, I just go to the next one. No loss for me. It’s not like I’ve had my heart broken by someone, or that I haven’t found the right one. I’m not even looking for the right one. I don’t want to be with one person.

  “Slade?” Julie gets my attention.

  “Julie, isn’t it?” I eye her up and down, thinking this will be easy.

  “Yes,” she blushes. “I was wondering if you would like another drink?” She eyes my full drink that Jensen had just set down in front of me.

  “That sounds great.” I smile, then down half of my beer.

  “Dude, she likes you,” Jensen leans over and says to me after Julie walks away.

  No shit, Sherlock.

  I just nod with a small smile.

  “Here, I thought we could do a shot,” Julie says as she sets down two shots of tequila and two beers. I groan. I cannot get trashed tonight. I have to be in court early in the morning. “Come on. Everything is better with shots,” Julie leans over and whispers in my ear as she rubs my thigh roughly with her hand.

  I start to get hard and instantly think of Samantha. I wonder what’s she doing right now, or if she’s with Jax. I wonder if she knows that Jax was with Bridgette last night.

  I give my head a shake. Why would I care if she’s with Jax? I look over to Julie. I just need to take her back to my hotel and fuck her. I’ve never been one to dwell on a woman, and it’s really starting to piss me off that I can’t get Samantha out of my mind.

  “Cheers.” I raise my shot glass and clink my glass against hers before we down the shots.

  “I just love this shirt on you. It brings out your blue eyes.” She runs a hand down my chest. “Do you work out?”

  I can’t help but snicker. “Yes.” I take another drink of my beer.

  “I work out.” I look at her body. There is no doubt in my mind that she works out. Although, if you ask me, her arms are a little too much on the muscular side for a woman.

  “So, Slade, how old are you?” she purrs as she leans into my ear.

  “Twenty-nine,” I say flatly.

  “You’re older than I thought. I’m twenty-five.”

  I just nod my head. This is the only thing I can’t stand about fucking someone new. They want to know everything about you. I could care less how old she is. I mean, I can tell by looking at her that she is old enough to be in this bar, and that’s all that matters. I wonder how old Samantha is? That sweet voice made her sound innocent, although I doubt she is. Her voice is probably just a façade.

  I lift my beer and take another drink. Quit thinking about Samantha!

  “Do you have a girlfriend, Slade?” Julie rubs her hand on my thigh again, getting my attention.

  I look at her with a raised eyebrow. “No.” Does she think I would let her place her hands on me if I wasn’t single? “I don’t do girlfriends.”

  Her smile brightens.

  Then a thought crosses my mind, and a bald man flashes in my memory. “Why? Do you have a boyfriend?” I take another drink of my beer, finishing it off. I’m in no mood to get into a fight with some guy over another unfaithful girlfriend, again. She is not worth the trouble.

  “No,” she shakes her head. She reaches over, grabbing the
shot glass Jensen hands her, downs it, and then looks at me. “Want another shot?”

  I can tell she’s drunk. She’d had several shots before she even sat down to talk to me. I shake my head. “I’m good.” I stand up out of my chair. I’m already tired of being here; it’s not getting Samantha out of my mind and I’m fucking exhausted. “Think I’m going to call it a night.” I pull my car keys out of my pocket.

  She stands up. “Want some company?” She gives me a devious smile.

  I look her over for a few seconds, debating if I want to take her back to my hotel or not. “Sure.”

  Thinking about Samantha all day has got me horny as fuck. I reach out to grab her hand, and walk towards the exit. I didn’t even bother to tell Jensen goodbye. I’ll see him tomorrow. I just want to go to my hotel, fuck, and go to bed. It’s been a long day.

  “So which one is your car?” she asks as we walk in the dimly lit parking lot.

  “The white Hyundai. It’s my rental.”

  “Rental?” She stops walking and slides me a confused look.

  Fuck, I’m too tired for this shit. I stop, and turn to her. “Yes. I’m only in town until tomorrow.”

  “Oh. I thought you just started working with Jensen.” She starts walking again.

  “Nope.” I shake my head. “I got put on a case out here a few weeks ago. I head home tomorrow.” I get in to the Hyundai and start it up.

  “So, this is like a one night thing?” she asks unhappily.

  I just sit there and stare at her. I can tell she is wasted, and I’m praying she doesn’t get sick in my car. I’m not cleaning that shit up. “Yes,” I say slowly enough to let her understand that all I want from her is a one night fuck. “So, if that’s not going to work for you, you can go back inside.”

  She tilts her head to the side and frowns as if she’s having a hard time thinking.

  I run my hand through my hair. I just told her I didn’t do the girlfriend thing! Did she think I was lying? Did she think I was going to start up a relationship with her? I mean, I could tell as soon as she started rubbing my thigh that she wanted to fuck, and I didn’t hide the fact that I wanted that too. But where in there did she think I was going to give her more than a one night fuck?