Night Sky

by Jolene Perry

  “Wednesday.”

  “Can I come?”

  “Yeah, I’d love that.” A smile breaks across my face. “I guess I figured you’d be done with high school stuff.”

  “My high school was barely a high school. The school was a five room building that taught pre-school through twelfth grade,” she says, wrinkling her nose.

  “Wow.” How did I not know this?

  “Jameson’s really good. It’s landed him more than one scholarship.” Sarah sounds proud. It makes me feel good that we can sit here and be like this.

  “Have you made any decisions, yet?” Mom asks, resting her head on her hand.

  But Sky’s here, and I don’t want to talk about the possibility of anything changing.

  “I was thinking of USC. It’s not too far from home. UCLA has also offered me a good deal, and that’s even closer.” I keep my eyes on Mom, but my words are intended for Sky.

  “No one would argue that they don’t have really good teams, but I thought you wanted to go farther away than that?” Sarah leans over the table toward me, her eyes wide in disbelief.

  “Not really, no.” I shake my head. “School…swimming…independence—they’re not dependent on how close to home I am.”

  “You can be completely dependent on people who are a thousand miles away, and you can also be completely independent while living with your mom.” Sky’s voice is full of experience and a hint of something I heard in it last night.

  “I guess so.” Sarah stands up. “Well, I’ll see you guys later!” She waves and jogs across the yard. I watch her go, her movements still bouncy and childlike as they were three years ago.

  “Sky, thank you for the really nice day,” Mom says, standing up.

  “No, thank you,” Sky replies. She watches Mom walk back into the house before turning to me. “So, you probably had a heart attack when you walked back here, didn’t you?” A smile spreads across her face.

  “A little,” I admit.

  She leans up and kisses me. Her mouth is open and demanding. It’s like we’ve been kissing all afternoon and still can’t get enough. The intensity of her kiss hits me hard and fast. I pull her to me until we’re pressed together on the bench, her body resting between my legs. “Wow,” I breathe out.

  Her nose touches my cheek. “Your mom is awesome. We hung out all day. Are you okay with that?”

  I take her lips with mine again. I wonder if it is okay with me. I mean, it’s okay…but what did they do? What did they talk about?

  “Don’t worry, we didn’t swap Jameson stories or anything.” Her lips brush against mine. “Or, at least not a whole lot. Sorry, Jay, but I need to get out of here.”

  “But I just got home,” I protest.

  “I have a lot of homework to catch up on, and I missed class today.” She frowns in apology. “But I slept great again last night. Thank you.”

  Right, her nightmares…at least now I feel that I really, actually did something to help her. “One of these days, you’ll crash here. Or I’ll crash there. And we’ll actually get to enjoy each other the next morning.”

  “I’d like that,” I say, pulling a smile from her.

  “I need to call my Mom, too. It’s been too long. Last night, the whole group was on the conference call with me, so Mom and I didn’t get a chance to talk.”

  “Why?” I want to know more.

  “Because the phones out there are satellite only, and they don’t have someone there all the time to accept the incoming calls.”

  “You’re kidding me.” Are there still places like that in the United States?

  “I’m not kidding.” She laughs. “One of my aunts is the secretary at the school. That’s where the main phone is. But some people have satellite phones now, like oversized cell phones, you know?”

  “Wow, tell me more.” Sky practically grew up in a different world.

  “About phones?” she asks, raising her eyebrows.

  “No, about where you grew up. About what happened to you yesterday. How I can help?” How can she even begin to function in a city like Las Vegas when she grew up in place that didn’t have phones?

  “Maybe another time.”

  I’m suddenly confused. “Well, when you were up there, I was able to reach you on your cell phone.”

  “I was in Ketchikan. It’s bigger. Cell phones work there.” She shrugs.

  “Oh.” Why do I feel yet again that there’s a huge part of her life that I know absolutely nothing about?

  “I really should go,” she says, an apologetic frown back on her face.

  “Okay.” And as much as I don’t want to, I give up and let her go.

  EIGHTEEN

  My last race of the meet, we’re lined up on the platform—fingers by toes, waiting for the whistle. I love this moment, the anticipation of it. Every muscle in my body is ready, eager. The whistle blows, and I shoot into the water.

  It’s a good start. I can feel it. Some of the guys can pay attention to the swimmers around them. I can’t. If a guy is directly on my right or my left close to me, I might catch him in my vision. But it doesn’t matter—I just swim. My arms pull, my legs kick, and I’m moving fast. Spin, turn, and back. Push and pull, push and pull. Spin, turn and back. This is it, last one. I touch the wall and pull my head out of the water. I’ve won.

  When my time is called, I end up setting a new record for the 200 Freestyle. I punch the water a few times in victory and climb out. Sarah meets me like she has since we started swimming three years ago, and I pull her into a hug.

  “Nice job, Jamesy!” she squeals. Grinning, she half jogs back to where the girls’ team is waiting.

  I scan the audience. Sky’s easy to find, she’s been here since the beginning. We wave to each other. And then I see Dad. He’s brought someone with him…a woman. I feel sick.

  My teammates, as well as my coach, slap me on the back. But I’m numb. I throw on my long shorts, a school t-shirt, and grab my bag. Where’s Sky? I try to ignore the throbbing in my head, the anger rolling through me. My flip-flops hit the side of the pool and I scan for Sky’s face.

  Her arms come around me from the side, catching me off guard.

  “Congrats, Jay. That was awesome!” She plants a kiss on my cheek, tightening her arms around me.

  “Thanks, but let’s get out of here, okay?” I keep walking, moving toward my car. Maybe if we keep moving, they won’t be able to catch up. Because how am I supposed to talk to him with his new girlfriend standing there?

  “What’s the matter?” she asks, taking my hand. She has to run a few steps to keep up with me.

  “My dad’s here.” I can’t unclench my jaw and my voice sounds strained.

  “That’s a good thing, right?”

  “Not when he brings his girlfriend, it isn’t!” I don’t mean to yell, it just comes out.

  Sky cringes.

  Shit. I stop and look at her. I have to find a way to calm down so we can talk. My hand runs over my head. Like that’ll somehow relax me. “It surprised me, that’s all. And I’m pissed because I’ve seen what this whole thing’s done to my Mom.”

  Her chin puckers her face into a frown. “I’m so sorry.”

  I take a real breath for the first time since seeing Dad. I have no words so I wrap my arms around her right there in the parking lot. I never want to let her go. Her arms pull against me hard, and she buries her face in my chest. I can feel my frustration slowly dissolving.

  “Hey, Jameson!” Dad’s voice sounds happy. Like nothing’s wrong, nothing’s changed. It’s not what I need from him right now. He should be groveling and pathetic.

  I don’t look back at him. My hand slides around Sky’s waist as I start walking toward my car.

  “Jameson!” Dad calls out again, this time louder.

  “Don’t!” I spin around and yell. I let go of Sky and drop my bag to the pavement. “Don’t pretend like everything’s okay because it sure as hell is not okay!”

  Dad raises his hands
between us like a peace offering. “Son, I don’t understand…”

  His new girlfriend is standing a few paces back, just staring.

  “Why in the world did you bring her here? What part of you thought it would be okay?” My whole body is tense—every muscle, every thought, every breath.

  “I just…”

  “I’m not in the mood for any of your bullshit excuses! Mom’s working like eighty hours a week trying to make ends meet! I’m trying to clean up the mess you left behind. I don’t care what kind of ridiculous trade-off deal you two made deciding who gets to come to which swim meet, but I don’t want you here!” I jerk my bag up off the ground and head to my car.

  Sky is already there, standing by the passenger’s side door, staring at the pavement.

  Great, now Dad’s screwed up my relationship with Sky, too. I fumble with the key in the lock. Why can’t my damn car at least have automatic entry?

  “Jameson.” Dad’s voice is quiet. He’s still a car length away. “I’m sorry.”

  I rest my hands on the top of my car and lean my head between my arms. It hurts as I force air into my lungs taking a deep breath. I raise my head to look at him. “I can’t deal with you, Dad. Not right now.”

  He nods a few times before turning and walking away.

  Shit, this sucks. I look up and see Sky walking away, as well. What the hell? Does he have to ruin everything in my life?

  As I start toward Sky, I hear Eric yelling from across the lot. “He was practically naked!” His angry voice carries all the way to my car. Most people haven’t left the meet yet. The parking lot is still empty.

  “He’s been my best friend forever, Eric! What do you want me to say?” It’s Sarah. He’s yelling at Sarah.

  Eric marches to his car with Sarah running after him. Great, they’re fighting about me. Just perfect. I’m in a parking lot with Sky walking away on one side, and Sarah arguing on the other.

  “You shouldn’t be that way with another guy!” Eric’s voice is so harsh I spin around to watch.

  “It’s not some other guy! It’s just Jameson!” There’s a tinge of desperation to her voice.

  And it shouldn’t bother me that she said it that way, but it does. We were best friends before all of this. I shouldn’t be “just” anybody to her.

  “I don’t give a shit!” he yells, turning to face her.

  I can’t listen to any more of this. I head in the other direction to chase after Sky. Anyway, I don’t think Sarah and Eric would appreciate me breaking up their argument. Seeing my Dad is a reminder of how much I don’t want to be like him—dealing with two women like that. I can’t let myself turn out like him.

  “Sky!” I realize as I jog in my flip-flops that I waited a bit too long to run after her. “Wait!” And then a part of me wonders if Sarah’s back there, watching me chase Sky. Ugh, this is ridiculous. I catch up to Sky on the sidewalk and reach out to touch her shoulder.

  Her face is full of fear, sadness, and pain.

  “I’m so sorry.” I want to wash the depth of emotion from her face, from her eyes. I want to see her smile. But she remains silent. “Sky, tell me what to do…I don’t know what to do.” I need something from her, anything. I don’t know what I did wrong, and I definitely don’t know how to fix it.

  “I’ve seen enough anger to last four lifetimes,” she finally says, her voice smooth and calm. “I thought I’d just walk home. We can meet up later on.”

  “Please, Sky, don’t…” Are all girls this sensitive? I wasn’t yelling at her.

  We just stare at one another as cars pass us on the roadway. I’m still breathing hard, and Sky’s face is still contorted into an expression I hate seeing on her.

  “But can’t you understand why I’m so angry?” It seems so obvious to me, so logical.

  “There’s always something we can be angry about, but it’s how we react that counts,” she says, shaking her head.

  “But…” I don’t know how not to be angry when it comes to my Dad.

  “I just want to be alone for a while.”

  “I…” The last thing I want right now—is to be left alone. She walked away from me. It sucks. I stare at the ground and let the weight settle into my chest.

  “You have more of a temper than I would have guessed.” A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.

  Relief flows through me. “Kind of a shitty way to meet my dad, huh?” I’m starting to relax, slowly. But only because I feel the need to right now, so I don’t freak out again.

  “But I don’t think we actually met.” She’s almost smiling.

  We’re both trying too hard. I don’t like it.

  “Will you come with me?” I reach my hand out and Sky slowly takes it. “I’m sorry. Seeing him with his girlfriend, it just surprised me, that’s all.”

  “Have you and your dad talked much since he left?”

  She’s not going to like my answer. “I guess…I’ve yelled at him twice.”

  “And that’s it?”

  “That’s it.” I stare at the pavement around our feet.

  “I’m sorry.” She wraps her two hands around my arm and we start back toward the car. This is not how I thought I’d celebrate my record-breaking win.

  “I do know I have some ground to make up with you.” I glance her direction. It’s both a question and a statement. Even though I don’t completely understand her reaction to my frustration, I do know that I scared her.

  Her eyes are focused straight ahead, and not on me. “Losing my cool like that, sort of took away from what should have been a fun day for us.”

  Finally, she gives me a small smile.

  We’re okay. “Why don’t we get something to eat and you can tell me more about where you grew up. I promise to do my best to keep my hands off of you.” I watch her face for some kind of reaction.

  “And why would you promise something like that?” She smirks and lets her eyes float my way. “When it’s so obviously out of your control?”

  “Right at this moment?” I brush the back of my hand against her bare shoulder. “When I can see so much brown skin?” I slide my arm around her waist. “I have absolutely no idea.”

  ***

  Sky’s reaction to the way I yelled at Dad, made me realize that he and I can’t be in the position where all I do is yell every time I see him. Without talking to Mom or Sky or anyone, I jump on a bus. I ride it up and down the streets behind the strip. The hotel workers who don’t make much money get off and on in their hotel polo shirts and housekeeping uniforms. I let Pearl Jam blast in my ears to the jerky rhythms of the bus as it makes it way up the street.

  But I know my visit can’t be put off forever. I climb off when the bus stops and start the walk to the Paris Hotel. I wonder how they get along when Mom’s working the same time he is. I wonder if they even see one another. And who’s this girl Dad thinks he’s in love with? Does she work there, too? I can’t think of where else he’d meet her. A sick feeling settles in my stomach as I think about seeing my dad with another woman. I have to stop, or this train of thought is going to ruin my plan of talking to him without yelling.

  I get to the hotel sooner than I wanted to. I know I could walk past it, and continue down the strip. But it seems stupid, now that I’m here. Dad’s working in the front part of the casino today, and he catches my eye right away. He’s in a suit, like always. Dealers wear uniforms—the boss wears a suit. I remember when Dad traded in his dealer uniform for a suit. It was a big deal. I was ten. We were still a family.

  I stand off to the side, knowing he can’t leave until his replacement gets there. They need eyes on the floor at all times. I glance at a leg of the Eiffel Tower coming through the roof of the hotel into an area they’d like you to believe looks like a courtyard. I stare at the two-story ceiling painted like the sky. But it’s all just smoke and mirrors, like everything else here.

  The sight of Dad walking toward me, jerks me back to reality.

  “Wanna come joi
n me for lunch?” I ask.

  “Sure.”

  We walk together in silence to one of the small cafés along the indoor cobblestone sidewalk. Dad orders himself a sandwich. But I’m not hungry. Being around him shouldn’t feel this weird. He’s my Dad. We sit across from one another in silence and I realize that it’s going to be up to me to start the conversation.

  “We shouldn’t be yelling at each other.” I stuff my hands deeper in my pockets. “I know I shouldn’t be yelling at you. It doesn’t really change anything, right?”

  Dad lets out a sigh. He’s at least as clueless as I am, maybe even more. “I don’t know how you’re taking all of this, but…”

  “How the hell am I supposed to take it, Dad?” I keep my voice smooth and even. “You walked out. You might have left Mom, but you also left me.”

  “I didn’t want to.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have,” I say, shaking my head.

  “Your Mom didn’t want me there.”

  “Because you were…” But I really don’t need to finish.

  “I would have slept in the guest room or…”

  “Or what? You can’t be seeing two women at the same time! Mom deserves better than that. How could you even think that would be okay?” I stare at him hard. Will anything get through? And why do I feel like I’m taking care of Dad now, too?

  Dad nods. “I love your mother.”

  “Have you told her that?” Am I seriously going to be the one to give my parents the honesty lecture?

  “I guess not. I mean, not in a while, and it’s not like it would change anything.” He picks up a few chips from his plate, and slides them into his mouth.

  “Whatever, Dad. Just because you don’t live at home any more doesn’t mean you can’t answer your phone.” I stand up. “I gotta go.” If I stick around, I’m bound to lose my cool again. Right now, I can go back to Sky and tell her that I talked to my Dad without yelling at him. That’ll be good.

  “Feel free to drop in…anytime,” Dad says, picking up his sandwich.

  I wish I could just disappear into the crowd. He’s eating, like all of this is normal. Does that mean something or am I reading way too much into everything? Am I going to go crazy with all these questions floating around in my head? Possibly.