Night Sky

by Jolene Perry

  ***

  I don’t know if she’ll even get my email, but I log on to ask Sky for an explanation. I want to know everything, and why she kept things from me in the first place. My chest swells when I see I already have an email from her in my inbox.

  Jameson –

  You know how when there’s something so important in your life, but you don’t know how to tell someone about it? It’s why I didn’t tell you about my daughter. My insistence on honesty actually came back to bite me.

  I’m sorry things got so mixed up between us, but I want to thank you for helping me through the hardest part of my life. Being separated from my family, living in a strange place with grandparents I didn’t really know—you helped me to stay focused on the moment, instead of on the things that were out of my control.

  Thank you, Jay.

  Sky

  I raise my eyes from the computer screen. I love her letter and I hate it all at the same time. It feels like a good-bye. It feels like maybe Sky and I were thrown together to help one another, and that’s it. Now, our relationship is going to be a memory. The thought of Sky—as nothing more than someone from my past—is crushing. But I don’t know how to reach her.

  I know I have to write back, but I still don’t know what to say. Right now, I’ll keep it short. Hopefully I’ll think of something before she calls…if she calls. I start typing.

  Sky,

  Sarah is resolved. We decided to be just friends and I feel good about that—better than good. It feels like I’m finally free of something that’s held me back for too long.

  I want to talk to you. No, I need to talk to you. Please call.

  Jay

  When I hit send, I don’t care how pathetic I sound. Because she’s important enough…

  ***

  “Jay!” Matt yells to me across the school parking lot. “We’re going to Red Rock to celebrate the last day of school. You in?”

  “I’m in!” Going home to stare at my computer, so I can hit refresh on my email inbox, probably isn’t healthy.

  A big group is going, probably half our senior class, maybe more. I ride out by myself, in my own car. Maybe I’m brooding, but I don’t care. Making friendly chit chat isn’t high on my end of the year checklist. But being alone definitely is.

  Sarah and Kaylee giggle and talk about dorm room assignments and their college picks. Sarah is leaving for London in August. Both Kaylee and Matt are going to the same college in Colorado. Something they didn’t realize until he asked her out. I haven’t finalized my plans yet. I’m still holding out hope for Sky. But maybe it’s about time I moved on. Sarah and I might stay friends, and we might not. It’s hard to tell right now. I think it’ll take her years to finally grow up, and that’s okay. She’s in no hurry.

  I hike out to the small ledge where Sky and I stood on our first night here. I feel more like an adult now than I ever did. Even a year ago, I thought I knew everything about everything—except how to tell a girl I loved her. Now I realize that it’s just as well. My words to Matt hit me when I said to him, “If you don’t care enough to put yourself out there, you don’t deserve the girl.” But I’m amending my statement. I should have said, “If you don’t care enough to put yourself out there, maybe the girl isn’t someone you deserve to be with.”

  I think about my first night with Sky—the very first night. I’d never been like that around someone. But even then, part of me knew there was something different about her. Kissing her at the top of the Eiffel Tower…it was like my brain and body were at the top of the world all at once. How many times did I put myself out there for her? Countless times…

  And she did the same. I wish I could go back in time and force her to change things—to tell me sooner. I wish I’d pried her for more information. But would it have made a difference? Or would it have just given her more opportunities to lie? I’m not sure. I do know that I’d do just about anything to hear her voice again.

  “Hey, man.” Matt climbs up to where I’m sitting. “You look way too serious up here.”

  “Yeah,” I agree.

  “The bats will be out soon. You coming down?”

  “Are you guys going to tease those poor things again?” I ask.

  “Dude, lighten up.” He laughs and starts back to our camping spot.

  “I’m coming,” I say, walking down behind him.

  There’s an odd tinge to the flame, which probably means Matt used something he shouldn’t have in order to start it. The girls are already throwing small rocks when I get near the fire. When the bats are out, they’ll chase the small rocks, thinking they’re large insects. It doesn’t work all the time, but if you time it just right, you can get them to fly really close to you. Kaylee and Sarah start screaming and ducking when the tiniest creature flies near them, making me wonder why they bother in the first place?

  “So, here’s to our last day of school,” Matt says, holding his water bottle high.

  “Our last day!” The girls shriek as loud as they can.

  So why don’t I feel excited?

  TWENTY-NINE

  Today is graduation. I know I would be a jerk not to show up and support my friends, but do I really want to be there since they’re not letting me walk? I dive into the pool and start my laps. The cast slows me down, but I can still move.

  Instead of trying to sort through problems, I try to clear my head completely. It seems safer somehow. I don’t swim particularly fast. I just swim. When I can’t keep my brain from thinking about Sarah and Sky or Mom and Dad, I slide out.

  My butt hits something on the concrete. I scoot over and pick up a small totem. Sky!

  My head snaps up and there she is, sitting at the table, watching me. What do I do? What do I want? Why is she here? Is it only temporary?

  “Is it okay that I’m here?” There’s nothing but vulnerability on her face. It looks soft, sad.

  “Uh, yeah.” I stand up and pick up my totem. I can’t take the time to look at it right now, not while Sky is sitting in front of me.

  “I got your message…about Sarah.” She looks down. “And I want to show you something, unless, of course, you want me to leave.”

  “I don’t want you to leave.” I find my legs and sit next to her at the table. Close, but not too close—not close enough for us to accidentally touch. This isn’t how I pictured seeing her again. When she left, I looked forward to her coming home and throwing my arms around her. Now we’re watching one another…untrusting, unsure.

  “There’s some things I want to tell you, if you still want to listen.” She chews on her bottom lip—something I’ve never seen her do before.

  There’s a small photo book on the table between us. Do I want to do this? I’m not sure, but I know I don’t want anything to come between us again. “Yes, I want to know everything.” What if she’s just going to have to leave again? But I don’t care if she’s going to leave again, she’s here now, and I can’t let her go.

  “I’m not going back.” She shakes her head. “Not anytime soon.” A slow shaky breath escapes from my chest. “My brother finally stood up and said what really happened. He controlled his temper this time and was able to testify without starting a fight. It tipped the scales in my favor. I couldn’t stand the thought of Gunnar raising her. It started to look like my only option would be stay there and do it myself. He wanted us to do it together. But I couldn’t,” she pauses, shaking her head.

  I think I nod in response, but I’m still in shock. It’s a lot to take in. The things she’s dealt with are so grown-up.

  Her finger rests on the picture of a baby—a toddler with a round face, huge brown eyes and a big smile. “This is her. My aunt is her mother now.”

  I don’t speak. I just stare at Sky’s daughter. There are pieces of Sky in the small child’s face.

  “Her name is Summer, because she just is. She’s just over a year old now.” A faint smile starts on Sky’s lips. “She’s full of warmth and wonderfulness, and I love her more
than I thought I could love anything.”

  I open my mouth to talk, but words won’t come with everything I’m feeling right now. She opens the book. “This is where I grew up.”

  There’s a smattering of wood-sided houses—some white, some painted, some natural wood—all are small. The trees stand like giants in the background, and the water looks cold and grey, just like I imagined.

  “Our house was outside the village since my Mom didn’t want to live in the middle of town.” Her smile is wider now. She knows not many people would consider this isolated group of homes, a town. “And this is the house I grew up in.”

  “It’s so small.” It looks like it has two rooms, maybe three—total. It’s smaller even than a cabin and totally dwarfed by the surrounding trees.

  “When it comes down to it, we really don’t need that much to live.” Her brown eyes meet mine and there’s even more depth to them than before. More experience, more love, more sadness…

  “I guess not,” I say.

  She turns the page. “Here’s my mom.” She touches the picture. I can see traces of Sky in her Mom. Sky’s skin is only a shadow of the depth of her mom’s, and her mom’s face is rounder, smoother than Sky’s angles. “And here’s my brother.” There would be no mistaking Sky’s brother, for anyone other than Sky’s brother. “His name is Tim, after our dad. But Mom doesn’t like that name for obvious reasons, so she calls him Sun, like the sun, not…”

  “I get it.” Sky and Sun…

  “She didn’t give us traditional Tlingit language names. She’s practical enough to know that we’d end up shortening or changing them if she did.”

  The more she talks, the more my anger and mistrust starts to fade away. She’s telling me everything—things that are important to her. Things I probably should have asked her about before, and things she should have told me, even without my asking. It feels like, for the first time, I’m learning about who she really is. I’m learning about her because I want to learn about her.

  “Your voice has gotten so quiet since you’ve been away,” I remark.

  “Everyone speaks more quietly there. There’s less noise. It takes me a little while once I’m back to get out of the habit.” She sounds almost apologetic.

  “Don’t bother, I like it. If I’m not listening well enough to hear you, then I don’t deserve to hear.” I can’t take my eyes off her.

  “And you still want to…hear?” She shifts back and forth in her seat, her eyes not meeting mine.

  “Everything…I want to hear everything.”

  A breath escapes her lips, and she smiles wider than I’ve ever seen. Sky flips through the whole book. I see the boat she takes across the inlet to Gem Cove, and the cannery where she worked as a kid. Her dad is tall and skinny with the same thin mouth as his parents. I see his log home, and the rock Sky sat on that night when we talked on the phone that feels like a lifetime ago.

  I rest my arms on the table, and lean forward as she finishes. “Thank you, Sky.”

  “We both messed up, bad.” Her eyes meet mine again.

  I scoot closer to her on the bench. “Sarah has no idea who she is, and I don’t think she will for a long time. I never felt even a tenth of the amount of love for her, as I do for you. For the first time in three years, I don’t feel drawn to her at all.”

  “And for the first time since Gunnar walked into my house, I’m not afraid to let someone really know me.”

  “And you’re back? For real?” I’m amazed I can say the words without stuttering.

  She nods. “I’m back. Summer is safe with my aunt and she now has four older brothers to protect her.” A smile spreads across her face.

  “Thank you for this,” I say, holding up my totem.

  “My brother helped me with it,” she says, looking at the intricate carving.

  “You did this?” Knowing that Sky’s hands had a part in its creation changes it somehow. The wood is silvery…driftwood maybe?

  “Do you want to know what it represents?” Her brown eyes are deep, waiting for my answer.

  “Yeah, definitely.” I just want to keep hearing her voice, and feeling her sitting next to me.

  “The raven’s on top, you know…”

  “Mischievous.” I remember.

  A smile breaks onto her face. “Yeah, and then the eagle—not the scavenger—the real one, the golden. His wings signify protection. Next is the orca, not a necessarily a personality trait, but it seemed like something from the water needed to be represented.”

  I nod. I want to pay attention to the carving, but she’s looking at it in my hands, which makes too easy for me to watch her instead.

  “On the bottom is the bear, big and strong, supporting the weight.” The tips of her fingers touch mine, as they slide to the bottom of the figure in my hands.

  “Sky…I’ve missed you.” And it feels awkward, but I reach out and touch her shoulder first. My hand slides slowly across her back and she immediately leans into me…without hesitation, without pause.

  “I’m so sorry, Jay. I’ve missed you, too.” She puts her arms around me, holding us together. I can feel the dampness of her tears on my skin.

  This moment means so much more to me now, then it would have even a few weeks ago. I’m a different person than the one I was before I met Sky. I’ve seen more, experienced more…and had my heart stepped on more times than I thought possible.

  “Are we okay?” Her hands clutch my back.

  I pull her more tightly against me. “We’re okay.”

  “Jameson!” Mom calls from my bedroom door. She steps into the backyard before coming to a complete stop. She looks at Sky leaning into my chest, before raising her eyes to me. “Jay?” Mom looks visibly shaken; Sky being here has thrown her. “Are we…going to the graduation?”

  “I’m not sure,” I say.

  “Why would you miss your own graduation?” Sky asks, pulling away.

  “Because I can’t walk with my class.”

  An eyebrow raises and I see a corner of her mouth pull up. The familiar teasing look is back in her eyes. I’m thrilled this part of her was never an act.

  “I broke Eric’s nose because he threatened Sarah,” I explain.

  “Which probably prompted the kiss,” she whispers. “And explains the cast.”

  I nod once, hoping Mom didn’t hear about the kiss.

  “You should go.” Sky nods.

  She’s right. I should go. “Will you come, too?”

  “If you want me there.” Sky’s eyes turn down—like there’s some crazy reason I’d say no.

  “Of course I want you there.” I touch the side of her face with my fingertips. She’s as soft as I remember.

  Her face breaks into a smile. We’re actually, really, going to be okay. And the lowest of the low that I felt is worth it for this realization.

  ***

  Sky, Mom, Dad, and I sit in the stands and cheer for each of my friends as they walk across the stage. My hand’s still in the cast, and there’s bruises on the edge of my face, but Eric’s nose is swollen and bandaged. I can even see it when he walks. I’m sure there are parties and whatever going on tonight, but I still haven’t decided if I care.

  “I think Sky and I are going to walk home,” I say, when it’s all over.

  “Are you sure?” Mom’s brow is wrinkled in worry.

  “Yeah.” I slide my hand into Sky’s. We still have a lot to talk about.

  “It’s good that we came,” Dad says, giving me a half-punch on the shoulder.

  “Okay,” Mom says. She gives me a quick kiss on the head and Sky a tight hug before taking Dad’s hand and walking out of the auditorium.

  “Jameson!” Matt yells, waving his arms. “Party’s at my place!”

  I wave to show him I heard. We may or may not join in. Sky and I hit the warm night air and begin the slow walk home. As long as I’m with her, I don’t care where we end up.

  “Oh, Jay?” Sky’s fingers slide through mine. Her voice
is relaxed, smooth.

  “Yeah?”

  “I got something in the mail while I was gone.”

  “What’s that?”

  “My acceptance to USC.”

  My heart leaps. “Are you kidding me?”

  “You know, only if you want me there. I’m perfectly happy seeing you on weekends or…”

  “No, I want you there.” The smile that hits my face is the first real smile I’ve had in a long, long time. I pull her to a stop on the sidewalk. Everything else dissolves into the background.

  “Are you sure?” Her brows pull together.

  “I’m sure.” My arms wrap around her, and I pull her tightly against me, lifting her feet off the ground. When I set her down, the relief on her face hits me. She must have been so sure I’d say no.

  “I love you, Sky.” And just like that her lips are on mine. It feels like I’ll never get enough of her.

  I know in this moment that this is it. This is real. Sky and Jameson do go together, and we’re awesome.