The Baby Interview

by Robbie Terman

  A few months ago, he hadn't even batted an eye when asking his lawyer to draw up papers that severed a surrogate mother's rights to her child. But seeing Lucy's name next to his on a legal document that would determine custody was like receiving a blow to his midsection. The only document he'd wanted to see with their names joined was a marriage certificate.

  A huge roar in the crowd drew Cole's attention back to the screen, and he realized with little enthusiasm that the Tigers had just scored a double and beaten the Seattle Mariners 6-5. With the game over, he flicked channels for a few minutes, settling on MSNBC. They were running a report on a missing young woman from Utah. The story was about as uplifting as he felt.

  "A million dollars for your thoughts?"

  Cole whirled around in his seat, surprised to see his father standing at the top of his staircase.

  "Don't you mean a penny?"

  Jerome Donovan walked across the carpet. “I didn't think a penny would mean very much to you.” He settled into the recliner next to the couch. “Mrs. Simms let me in."

  "Is this about the Fenton deal?” Cole asked. He couldn't remember the last time his father had come to his home to talk about something other than business.

  Jerome shook his head. “Your mother and I have noticed you haven't been yourself lately."

  "When are you around me enough to know how I've been?” he bit, then immediately regretted it. As bad of a mood as he was in, behaving like a petulant five-year-old wouldn't solve anything.

  Jerome took the snap in stride. “Something has been going on with you. Your mother and I have always tried to stay out of your business, but we've both noticed that this time seems to be different. Whatever is bothering you, it is getting worse, not better. Is this about Lucy?"

  To Cole's surprise, he found himself answering. “She's pregnant."

  It was secretly satisfying to see his father's face turn stark white.

  Jerome swallowed and loosened the tie at his neck. Even though he no longer worked in the office everyday, Jerome still insisted on wearing a suit. “Did she ... you weren't trying..."

  "It wasn't planned. But I wanted it to be.” He told his dad the whole story, from deciding to have a child through surrogacy to the agreement the lawyer had drawn up.

  "Randall's a good man,” Jerome said, referring the lawyer. “He'll draw up a fair agreement.” His tie had come off completely during the story, along with the top two buttons of his shirt. “You'll get what you want."

  "What I want is Lucy."

  "But Lucy doesn't want you.” Jerome's tone wasn't harsh, only truthful.

  "I know,” Cole groaned. He hadn't been this torn up when his marriage to Pam had ended. He didn't know why his heart was breaking over Lucy.

  Because you never loved Pam like you love Lucy, a little voice in his brain taunted him. So what? he retorted. Like his father had said, Lucy didn't love him back.

  "Do you want me to speak to Lucy?"

  "No!” Cole sat up straighter. “No. I don't want her to feel threatened. She's already scared to death I'm going to try to take the baby away from her."

  To Cole's embarrassment, Jerome actually looked wounded by the idea that he would threaten a defenseless pregnant woman. “I meant I'd speak to Lucy, vouch for your feelings for her. But apparently you don't think I'm capable of polite small talk."

  "Come on, Dad. I know you and Mom can't stand Lucy. She's not one of ‘us.’ She doesn't have a country club membership or a trust fund. And she actually intends to raise her child without the use of a nanny or other hired help.” The last slipped out before Cole realized it.

  "Is that what this is about?” Jerome asked. “Righting a wrong because you think we were lousy parents?"

  Cole felt about as small as a Lilliputian beneath Jerome's sudden knowing gaze. “Not lousy, exactly. Just not ... there. When my kid has a ballgame or a play, I'll be there. Or at night, when they go to bed, I'll tuck them in. And in the morning, I'll make the pancakes, not some hired chef. When my kid is born, I intend to actually raise the child."

  "Maybe you think we did a bad job, but your mother and I raised you just like our parents raised us, how our friends raised their kids."

  Jerome's unexpected grab of Cole's arm startled him. “But don't for a minute think it was because we didn't love you. Your mother and I love you more than anything in this world."

  Moisture filled Cole's eyes, blurring his vision. He couldn't remember ever hearing either of his parents tell him they loved him. Then, even bigger than the declaration of love, Jerome pulled Cole into his arms and hugged him.

  "I love you, too, Dad,” Cole said, realizing he'd been just as neglectful about saying those words.

  After a moment more of hugging, Jerome gave a small cough of manliness and sat back. “You're going to be a great father, Cole."

  It felt good to have someone reassure him. As excited and prepared as he thought he was, he was also scared to be a father.

  "I hope Lucy thinks so. Seriously Dad, I don't want you or Mom saying anything to Lucy to upset her."

  "Son, I have no problem with Lucy, and neither does your mother."

  Cole chortled. “That wasn't the story the night of the party."

  "We just wanted to protect you. After all you went through with Pam, your mother and I couldn't bear to see you so hurt again."

  For the first time Cole could remember, he saw shame in his father's eyes.

  "In our own way, we were trying to protect you."

  "That may be your story, but Mom...” He didn't need to tell Jerome how hard it was to please Miriam Donovan.

  "She didn't want you to be heartbroken again. But she's convinced Lucy isn't after your money now."

  Suspicion rose within Cole's chest. “Why?"

  "Because she offered Lucy a lot of business if she stopped seeing you and Lucy refused. Even though your mother was angry when Lucy threw her out of the flower shop, she was also impressed by Lucy's resolve."

  Cole found himself grinning. “Lucy threw Mom out of the flower shop?"

  He wanted to be mad at his mother for her inappropriate interference, but he was too pleased that Lucy had thrown his mother's money back in her face. Even though he knew Lucy wasn't a gold digger, many a woman had folded under Miriam Donovan's fire-breathing dragon impersonation.

  "So you won't interfere,” Cole reiterated.

  "We'll stay out of whatever you and Lucy agree on,” Jerome said. “The only interference you'll get from us is to be doting grandparents."

  * * * *

  "You made it.” Lucy looked up from the tabloid magazine she was reading to look at Cole.

  He must have come from the office, as he was still in a black pinstriped suit. He looked a little sweaty, understandably in this midsummer humidity, but she suspected part of it was nerves. She, herself, was too nervous to even care which movie stars were caught canoodling.

  "I promised I would.” He took the seat next to her, taking care not to touch her. “How long will it be?"

  "Not long. Dr. Wells is just running a few minutes behind."

  Though she was sure everything would be fine, she was still anxious to be checked by the doctor. She had a list of questions in her pocket, but she would bet Cole had a list that was twice as long.

  They remained silent while they waited to be called. Cole scanned the room, and she pretended to read the tabloid. The tension between them was thick enough to stop a speeding train. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, hoping to let go of some of the negative energy. If not for her sake, then at least for the baby's.

  "I got the papers from your lawyer,” Lucy finally said when she couldn't stand the silence anymore. “Sarah has a friend who specializes in family law. I'm going to ask her to take a look at them."

  "Fine.” Cole's response sounded curt. “Have her send the bill to me and I'll take care of it."

  "Okay. Tha—"

  "Lucy Chaple,” the nurse cut her off.

  Cole shot to his
feet and to her surprise, took her by the arm to help her rise. As they walked to the exam room, he kept a hand on the small of her back. Even through a layer of clothes, she could feel his heat. She wanted to sink back against it, but forced her feet to propel forward.

  Cole left the room while she changed into the paper gown, but he was back at her side by the time the doctor arrived.

  Dr. Wells was an attractive middle-aged woman with a friendly smile. In her hand she held the information Lucy had filled out in the waiting room. “Hi, Lucy,” she greeted. “And who is this?” She looked pointedly at Cole.

  "This is Cole Donovan. The baby's father."

  To Lucy's relief, Dr. Wells didn't mention their marital status. She just replied, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Donovan."

  "I have a lot of questions,” Cole said, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a list. Despite the strain between them, Lucy held back a laugh.

  "We'll have plenty of time to talk about your questions and concerns when I finish the exam,” Dr. Wells said. “I always schedule a longer first appointment for that purpose. Especially for first-time parents. This is your first child, Mr. Donovan, correct?"

  Cole nodded.

  "This is a very exciting time.” Dr. Wells said. She turned her eyes to Lucy. “How have you been feeling? Any morning sickness?"

  Lucy nodded. “Morning, noon, and night sickness, actually. I've also had some cramps."

  "What?” Cole gripped her arm, almost painfully. “Why didn't you tell me?” His voice overflowed with fear and fury.

  "It was more of a twinge, really,” Lucy clarified.

  Her words didn't diminish his angry glare. Didn't Cole know if she'd been in real pain, she would have gone straight to the emergency room? Would he also wonder if she even wanted this child? If so, they had a long eighteen years of raising the child ahead of them.

  "I'm sure everything is fine,” Dr. Wells said brightly. “Just to be sure, we'll do an ultrasound."

  As Dr. Wells prepared the equipment, Lucy turned back to Cole. He was still glaring at her, his jaw ticking as if it took all the energy he had not to yell at her. His attitude put her on the defensive.

  "It was just a twinge,” she said again.

  "Dammit, Lucy. How could you not tell me?"

  "Okay, we're ready,” Dr. Wells said before Lucy could defend herself again. “Let's take a look at your baby."

  Lucy's heart skipped a beat. She hadn't expected to do this on her first appointment. An entire garden of butterflies took off in her stomach as Cole gently eased her to a lying position.

  She bit back a protest as Dr. Wells turned on the machine. It was too soon, she wanted to tell them. Even though she wanted to make sure the baby was safe, she wasn't ready yet.

  When she'd first found out she was pregnant, she'd been so mad at Cole, so mad at the baby. What if she saw her baby and felt nothing? What if she didn't love her child? She needed more time to get used to being pregnant before she could think about being a mother.

  As if he'd read her mind, Cole grasped her hand in his and brought it to his mouth. His lips were soft against her skin, comforting. “It's okay,” he murmured. “Everything will be fine.” His anger had all but disappeared.

  She could almost pretend they were a true couple.

  "Here he—or she—is."

  Lucy and Cole stared at the monitor. It looked like a fuzzy TV that needed repair to Lucy, but Dr. Wells smiled at the sight.

  "That's your baby.” She pointed.

  Heart thumping, Lucy looked where Dr. Wells pointed. Above her finger was an image no bigger than a bean. Overwhelmed, Lucy let out a half-sob, half-laugh. “It's so small!"

  Cole leaned forward for a closer look. His mouth hung open, and Lucy thought she saw tears glistening in his blue eyes. “That's our baby.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “That's our baby,” he repeated as if he couldn't believe it was true.

  Lucy turned to look at him and their eyes met. She saw love in the depths of his eyes, and her heart broke just a little more. Because she knew that love was for the child she carried, not her. The love she knew shone from her eyes was just as strong for him as it was for their child, but he would never realize it. She could never tell him.

  They turned back to the monitor and watched their child for a few more minutes. Lucy saw her own disappointment mirrored in Cole's face when Dr. Wells shut off the machine.

  "Don't worry, we'll give you a few pictures to take home,” Dr. Wells promised. “Everything looks good. I don't think you have anything to worry about. The twinge was probably just indigestion."

  Cole squeezed her hand.

  "I'm going to have the nurse draw some blood for a few tests, and then I'll answer all of your questions."

  Dr. Wells spent the next half hour going over everything from Lucy's dietary requirements to how much she should be on her feet at work. Cole had thought of every little thing. He'd also obviously read several baby books. An hour ago, Lucy would have been annoyed, but after seeing their baby, nothing else seemed important. She threw in a few questions of her own that hadn't been on Cole's list.

  After making the next appointment, they stood outside the building, each with a photo of their baby in hand.

  "So, I guess I'll see you at the next appointment,” Lucy said. Or before that, she willed him to ask, thinking the words she could not say. She would accept any excuse to be with him—dinner, Lamaze class, landscaping his garden. She just couldn't be the one to ask.

  He didn't get her psychic message. “I'll see you then. If you need anything before then, call me. Day or night.” Cole shuffled his feet. “I'll walk you to your car."

  "Thanks, but I'm parked close.” She pointed to her car.

  They stared at each other and Lucy searched for something to say, some reason to stay with him. There was nothing left.

  "Bye, Cole."

  He grabbed her arm suddenly and she waited, her heart thumping a little more rapidly. But when he opened his mouth, the words that come out were, “Bye, Luce."

  * * * *

  Cole didn't head back to the office after the ultrasound. He had someone he wanted to show the ultrasound picture, someone he didn't expect to want to share this with.

  When he arrived at his parents’ house, he headed toward the pool. As expected, his mother lounged under a large umbrella.

  "Mom."

  She turned as he called and removed her sunglasses. “Cole. I didn't expect to see you today."

  He pulled up a chair next to her. “There's something I want to show you.” He pulled out the ultrasound picture and handed it to her. “Your grandchild."

  She studied the picture. Then, Cole saw something he couldn't ever remember seeing on his mother's face.

  A smile.

  "It seems silly to say this about something that looks like a popcorn kernel,” she said. “But it's beautiful."

  "I know. That's how I've been feeling.” The words came out with a teary choke, and he tried to hide it behind a fake cough. “I talked to Dad."

  "Yes. He told me."

  "This may not be what you wanted for me, but I hope you'll accept my decision to have this child with Lucy."

  "I know you think we were rotten parents."

  "Not rotten,” he protested. “I just want to raise my child differently."

  "Then you have my complete support."

  He had hoped she'd say that, but not until he heard the words from her mouth did the tension in his shoulders finally ease away. “And you and Dad will accept that Lucy is a part of this child's life?"

  Miriam nodded. “She'll be a good mother. She's strong, tough. Just the kind of person you need."

  "The baby needs,” he corrected. “We are going to be parents together, but that's it."

  His mother sighed. “Cole, I know it is a little late for me to start mothering you, but if you don't marry Lucy, then you're a fool."

  He didn't know what was more shocking—his mother a
dvocating his marriage to Lucy, or her even offering an opinion on his life. “I did offer to marry her. A marriage of convenience, for the child's sake."

  "You offered a marriage of convenience?” Her eyes rolled. “Why would you even tell her that when you're in love with her?"

  "How'd you know?"

  "Cole, you may not think I'm involved in your life, but I'm still your mother."

  "Nanny Hilda called you, didn't she?"

  Miriam's cheeks turned pink, and it wasn't from the sun. “We may have discussed it. But I knew from the first moment I saw you two together. That is why I tried to scare her off and tried to bribe her. If she could stand up to me, then I knew she really loved you."

  "But she doesn't love me.” His heart pinched painfully as he remembered the day she'd told him she was pregnant. “She told me she couldn't enter into a marriage without love."

  "And was that after you told her it would be a marriage of convenience?"

  He nodded.

  "Then of course she said that! Cole, you have to tell her the truth."

  "What if she still says she doesn't love me?” He voiced the fear that kept him in a chokehold.

  "At least the truth will be out there. And if not for Lucy, do it for your child. Doesn't your child deserve to know you love its mother?"

  * * * *

  "The gerbera daisies would be lovely.” Lucy struggled not to visibly grit her teeth. For the last half hour, she'd been helping Mrs. Cohen try to find a centerpiece for her tea party. A frequent customer and very sweet, today the elderly woman just couldn't decide. Usually patient, Lucy was having a hard time not throwing a bouquet of thorny roses in the woman's face.

  "They're kind of bright,” Mrs. Cohen fretted. “My china is all pastels. Maybe we should look at the pink tea roses again."

  "Hi."

  Lucy whirled around at the sound of Cole's voice, squeezing the daisy in her hand to its unfortunate demise. “What are you doing here?"

  Even though she had just seen Cole yesterday, the sight of him was like a magnet. Her body instinctively wanted to connect with his. Pride and stubbornness were all that kept her from flinging herself into his arms.