The Rebel Who Loved Her

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘Her temperature’s falling. Give it another half-hour and it should be back to normal.’

  ‘Thank heavens.’ Becky looked up, her hazel eyes shadowed. ‘It’s all my fault. I knew Millie wasn’t herself and I should have kept a closer watch over her.’

  ‘Now you’re being silly.’ Ewan drew up a chair and sat down. Taking her hand, he gently squeezed it, trying to ignore the rush of sensations that flooded his body. There was a time and a place for feelings like those, and this was neither. ‘You’re not psychic, Becky. You weren’t to know that her temperature would shoot up like that.’

  ‘No...’ It was obvious that she didn’t believe him and his hand tightened. He hated to think that she was beating herself up when there was no need.

  ‘No,’ he repeated firmly. He leant forward and looked into her eyes. ‘You know as well as I do that a child can be perfectly fine one minute and running a fever the next. It could have happened to any child and it’s just unfortunate that Millie’s brain couldn’t handle the rapid rise in her temperature.’

  ‘The first time it happened, they told me that she’d grow out of it,’ she said, obviously seeking reassurance.

  ‘That’s right.’ Ewan managed to curb the urge to put his arms around her. Millie was his patient and Becky was her mother; he had to behave with professional decorum. ‘Once the temperature-lowering mechanism in her brain has matured, it will be able to deal with any sudden rise in her temperature.’

  He released her hand and stood up, determined that he wasn’t going to let her know how difficult it was to maintain his distance. Becky didn’t need any more pressure on her tonight.

  ‘But until it matures, it can happen again,’ she said anxiously. ‘I’d rather you told me the truth, Ewan, please.’

  ‘Then, yes, it could.’ He sighed inwardly, realising that no amount of reassurance would fully erase her fear. ‘That’s why we advise parents to be proactive. At the first sign of fever, you need to give Millie liquid paracetamol and repeat the dose every four to six hours as necessary. Sponging her with lukewarm water and removing her clothing—as you did tonight—will also help.’

  ‘That’s what I was told the last time,’ she said in a wobbly little voice. ‘Which proves that what I said was true. If I’d been more vigilant, this might never have happened.’

  ‘You can’t watch her every minute of the day,’ Ewan said sternly. He shook his head when she went to speak. ‘I mean it, Becky. It won’t do you or Millie any good if you start being overly protective.’

  He looked round when the door opened, summoning a smile when he saw Hannah. Maybe he was wrong to take such a hard line but he hated to hear Becky berating herself when there was no need.

  ‘Millie’s temperature is dropping. It shouldn’t be long before it’s back to normal,’ he told the other woman, wondering if he was in danger of committing the same error. After all, Becky was a grown woman and she didn’t need him looking out for her.

  ‘That’s great news!’ Hannah turned to Becky and smiled. ‘You must be so relieved. I know I would be if it happened to Charlie.’

  ‘I am.’ Becky managed to smile but it was a poor effort.

  Ewan shrugged when Hannah looked at him. The thought that he was becoming far too involved had touched a nerve. He and Becky weren’t a couple and it would be a mistake to imagine that she needed his protection. ‘Becky thinks it was her fault this happened. I’ve told her it wasn’t, but she isn’t convinced.’

  ‘A mother’s angst,’ Hannah said lightly, giving Becky a hug. ‘If I had a pound for every time I’ve blamed myself when something has happened to Charlie, I’d be a rich woman!’

  Becky laughed shakily. ‘So it’s not just me who feels guilty all the time?’

  ‘Nope. It comes with the territory, love.’ Hannah straightened up and glanced at her watch. ‘I just need to phone Tom and let him know what’s happening. Will you be sending Millie home once her temperature’s back to normal or do you intend to keep her in?’

  ‘I’d prefer to keep her here for a while longer just to be on the safe side,’ Ewan explained. He hurried on when he saw Becky blanch. ‘Not that I’m expecting anything to go wrong. However, I prefer to err on the side of caution when I’m dealing with a child.’

  ‘Quite right,’ Hannah said firmly. ‘I’ll let Tom know that I’ll be a while yet.’

  ‘You don’t need to stay,’ Becky protested. ‘We’ll be fine, honestly.’

  ‘I can keep an eye on them,’ Ewan assured her. He didn’t look at Becky mainly because he didn’t want to see that his offer wasn’t welcome. He cleared his throat, calling himself every kind of fool for allowing the thought to upset him. ‘I’m here till ten, probably longer if no agency staff turn up, so I’ll be on hand if Becky needs anything.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure?’ Hannah looked from him to Becky.

  ‘You go,’ Becky said firmly. ‘It’s the christening tomorrow and you must have loads to do.’

  ‘That’s true, although I’m happy to stay if you want me to,’ Hannah demurred.

  ‘I’ll be fine.’ She turned to Ewan and he felt his heart jerk when he saw the expression in her eyes. Far from disliking the idea of him being around, she actually seemed to welcome it. It was hard to contain his delight as she continued, ‘Ewan will take good care of us.’

  ‘I’m sure he will,’ Hannah agreed, and there was something in her voice that would have made Ewan blush if he’d been the blushing sort.

  He quickly excused himself and went to see what other cases were lined up for him, trying not to read anything into what had happened, but it was impossible. Becky hadn’t wanted to get rid of him, amazingly enough. On the contrary, she had seemed pleased that he would be sticking around. Did it mean that she was having second thoughts about him? But second thoughts about what, exactly? About him becoming more than just a friend? Was that what he wanted?

  He grimaced. Maybe he was very attracted to Becky, but he’d been in this position before. And when push had come to shove she had chosen to stay with Steve. If he was honest, he knew it had been the right decision too. Although he had felt things for Becky he had never felt for any woman before or since, he hadn’t been ready to settle down. Becky had understood that, which was why she had decided to stay with Steve and it had been the right decision for her too. She had married Steve and been perfectly happy... Hadn’t she?

  Ewan sighed. He had no right to speculate on the state of Becky’s marriage. Maybe he was looking for flaws because it was so hard to accept that she had loved Steve and was still grieving for him. He should take it as a warning, in fact, and not get any more involved than he already was. There was no point setting his sights on Becky when she was still in love with her late husband.

  * * *

  Becky checked her watch, frowning when she discovered that it was almost midnight. Leaning over, she laid the back of her hand on Millie’s forehead. Although she could see from the monitor that Millie’s temperature was normal, motherly instinct had her testing it the old-fashioned way. A smile curved her lips when she felt the coolness of her daughter’s skin. It seemed that tonight’s little drama had been successfully concluded thanks to Ewan.

  As though thinking about him had conjured him up, he suddenly appeared. He smiled when he saw what she was doing. ‘Don’t you trust the monitor?’

  ‘Yes, but I just like to check for myself that she’s all right.’ Becky returned his smile, wondering if he realised that her attitude towards him had changed. Ewan had always been extremely perceptive and it wouldn’t surprise her if he had noticed that she had softened towards him. How did she feel about that? she wondered, then realised that she was far too tired to worry about it.

  ‘Well, if you want my professional opinion then I’d say she’s fine. Her temperature’s been steady for over an hour now and I can’t see it rising again.’ He made a note on Millie’s chart, stifling a yawn as he put it back in the holder. ‘Excuse me! I’m afraid all the
late nights are catching up with me.’

  What sort of late nights? Becky wondered. Did he mean that he’d been working late or that he’d been out enjoying himself? That thought immediately led to the next one; who he’d been enjoying himself with. It was surprising how unsettling she found the idea. She cleared her throat, not wanting to go down the route of imagining Ewan and some woman out on the tiles or, worse still, spending cosy nights in together. What Ewan did in his private life wasn’t any of her business.

  ‘So you think it’s safe to take her home?’ she asked, focusing on Millie.

  ‘Perfectly safe.’ He smiled understandingly. ‘You’re bound to feel anxious, Becky. It’s only natural, but she’s fine. Believe me.’

  ‘I do believe you.’

  She gave him a quick smile, afraid that she might give too much away. Maybe she did feel differently about him, less wary and more open to having him around, but she mustn’t be silly. They weren’t going to get back together, neither did she want them to. There were too many reasons why it could never happen, starting with the most important one of all, the fact that Ewan would probably want children some day, and children were the one thing she couldn’t give him.

  ‘You’ve been absolutely brilliant tonight,’ she said sincerely, her heart aching at the thought of never being able to bear another child. If she was guilty of causing Steve’s death then surely she’d been punished for it? ‘I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for Millie.’

  ‘I was only doing my job,’ he said lightly, but they both knew it had been far more than that.

  Becky felt heat rush through her when she saw the warmth in his eyes. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Ewan genuinely cared about her and even if it was only the sort of concern one felt for a friend, she found it incredibly comforting. It was on the tip of her tongue to say something when one of the nurses poked her head round the door.

  ‘There’s a phone call for you, Mrs Williams. It’s your father.’

  ‘Oh, right. Thank you.’ Becky stood up then glanced uncertainly at Millie.

  ‘I’ll stay with her while you go and speak to him,’ Ewan offered. He stifled another huge yawn then grinned at her. ‘I am officially off duty at last so I won’t be called away.’

  ‘Oh, right, thank you,’ Becky said gratefully. She made her way to the desk and picked up the phone. ‘Dad, it’s me. I’m sorry. I know I should have called you but I’m in ED and I had to switch off my phone. However, the good news is that Millie’s fine.’

  Becky couldn’t help feeling guilty when she heard the relief in her father’s voice as he relayed the news to her mother. She quickly filled him in about what had happened. ‘As I said, Millie is fine,’ she repeated. ‘In fact, I’ll be bringing her home shortly. Ewan’s happy for her to leave so that’s good enough for me.’

  ‘Ewan? So he’s there with you, is he? Ah, good. Good.’

  Becky felt her cheeks bloom with colour when she heard him repeat that to her mother. She didn’t have to try too hard to imagine how her parents would interpret it and wished she had made it clearer that Ewan was there purely in a professional capacity. She glanced round when she heard footsteps and felt her heart leap when she saw Ewan coming towards her. He was carrying Millie, snugly wrapped in a blanket. The little girl’s head was resting trustingly on his broad shoulder, her small hand gripping tight hold of his shirt collar. They looked so right together that Becky felt a rush of emotions hit her.

  This was what she might have had if she hadn’t chosen to stay with Steve. She had turned her back on the wild attraction and excitement that Ewan had brought to her life and opted for a relationship that had appeared to be rock-solid. It hadn’t taken her long to realise how wrong she had been.

  Although Steve had projected an air of calm and control, it had been all on the surface. Underneath, he’d been a mass of insecurities. He had blamed others for his failings, unable or unwilling to accept responsibility when things went wrong. Living with him had been a strain; it had felt as though she was permanently on a knife-edge, waiting for the next outburst. She had done her best to hold it all together for Millie’s sake, but after she’d found out about his affair, something inside her had died. She had felt like a shell of her real self—empty, hollow.

  Now, however, as she watched Ewan coming towards her with her daughter in his arms, she realised that she didn’t feel empty anymore. She felt alive for the first time in ages, filled with expectation, and it scared her because she knew it wasn’t right. That it wasn’t fair. She had nothing to offer Ewan. Nothing at all that he truly needed.

  ‘Becky? Are you still there?’

  Becky roused herself when she heard her father calling her. No matter how she felt, she had to make sure that Ewan didn’t get hurt. ‘Yes, I’m here, Dad. Sorry. As I said, I’ll be bringing Millie home soon.’

  ‘I wish we could drive over there and collect you but your mother and I had a bottle of wine with dinner,’ Simon apologised.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get a taxi,’ she assured him. She ended the call then turned to take Millie from Ewan, somewhat surprised when the little girl clung to him.

  ‘She’s exhausted,’ Ewan said easily, settling the child more comfortably against his shoulder. He smoothed back her soft fair curls with a gentle hand. ‘You’re ready for bed, aren’t you, poppet?’

  Millie nodded, her thumb slipping into her mouth the way it always did just before she drifted off to sleep, and Becky sighed. ‘You’re right. She’s worn out after all the excitement. The sooner she’s tucked up in her cot, the better. I don’t suppose you know the number of a local taxi firm, do you?’

  ‘You’re hoping to find a taxi to take you home?’ Ewan said in surprise, and she shrugged.

  ‘I don’t have a choice. Mum and Dad went out for dinner tonight and had a drink so they can’t drive over here to collect us.’

  ‘We must have some phone numbers somewhere,’ Ewan said slowly, then grimaced. ‘Although I don’t rate your chances of finding a driver who’s prepared to drive all the way out to Bride’s Bay at this time of the night. It’s Saturday, don’t forget, and all the cabs will be busy ferrying folk home from the local clubs and pubs.’

  ‘I never thought about that,’ Becky admitted worriedly. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t find a cab, though.’

  ‘I can always run you home.’

  ‘Oh, no. It wouldn’t be fair to expect you to do that, Ewan. You’ve been working all night and you’re worn out.’

  ‘In that case, why don’t you stay at my flat tonight?’ He shrugged when she didn’t answer. ‘It’s just five minutes away from here so it would be the ideal solution. You can have Millie tucked up in bed in no time at all.’

  CHAPTER SIX

  ‘AND THIS IS the bedroom. You’re in luck because I changed the sheets this morning. They might not be ironed but they are clean!’

  Ewan drummed up a laugh. Inviting Becky to stay the night had seemed like the right thing to do but he couldn’t help wondering if it had been wise. He was already far more involved than he wanted to be and surely this would only make matters worse. He drove the thought from his mind as he opened the wardrobe and took out a couple of pillows. He’d be a poor sort of friend if he hadn’t offered Becky somewhere to stay in her hour of need.

  ‘You can use these to stop Millie rolling off the bed.’ He laid the pillows along the edge of the bed to form a barrier. ‘That should work all right, I think, don’t you?’

  ‘It’s fine. Thank you.’

  Becky sounded a little breathless, but that could have been his imagination, Ewan decided as he watched her look around the room. He followed her gaze, inwardly sighing because there wasn’t much to see. He’d been travelling for so long that he hadn’t had a chance to acquire many possessions. A selection of clothes, a few books, the odd photograph of him taking part in some mildly risky adventure like bungee jumping. It didn’t seem a lot to show for the past eight
years, especially not when he compared it to what Becky had achieved. She had been married and produced a child. That seemed like a far more valuable use of the time.

  It wasn’t like him to wonder if he should have set himself different goals. Ewan had always known what he’d wanted to do and to suddenly find himself questioning his decision was unsettling. Anyway, it was pointless trying to rewrite history. Becky had chosen Steve, not him, and that was the end of the matter. He cleared his throat, ignoring the little stab of pain that thought engendered.

  ‘The bathroom’s on your right and the kitchen is straight ahead, through the living room. I doubt you’ll get lost as the place is so small but give me a shout if you need anything and can’t find it.’

  ‘I will. Thank you,’ she repeated in the same breathy little voice that was starting to do funny things to his libido.

  Ewan forced it back into its box because this wasn’t the time for it to make an all-singing, all-dancing appearance. ‘That’s it then...oh, you’ll need something to wear.’

  He opened the wardrobe again and snagged a T-shirt off the shelf. It was faded from many washings, its original deep blue colour mellowed to a smoky grey, like the sky just before dawn. He tossed it onto the bed, trying not to imagine how Becky would look wearing it, the soft, pale fabric clinging to her body. That way lay madness, or so the saying went!

  ‘You’re sure you don’t mind, Ewan?’

  He was almost out of the door when she spoke and he paused reluctantly, not wanting to put himself through any more tests that night. He’d managed pretty well so far, but he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out. Maybe it was the fact that he was bone-tired or perhaps it was having her here in his home, but it was proving an effort to keep his hands to himself and away from her.

  ‘Of course I don’t mind.’ A quick glance back, an even quicker smile, then another step towards safety, and he began to breathe a little easier.

  ‘It’s such an imposition, though. Especially after...well, after what happened between us all those years ago.’