The Rebel Who Loved Her

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘No, I’m fine, thanks.’

  Ewan put the salt cellar down. ‘The food’s always been good here, hasn’t it? Thank heavens that Mitch and Marie haven’t gone down the “fine dining” route.’

  He drew imaginary speech marks round the words and Becky flinched as his shoulder brushed against hers. She murmured something, but she could feel her skin tingling from the contact. What on earth was the matter with her? Was she really so starved of sex that all it took was the lightest touch to arouse her?

  The thought sent a rush of colour to her cheeks and out of the corner of her eyes she saw Ewan frown. She knew he was going to say something and hurriedly forestalled him. Turning, she smiled at Millie. ‘Let Mummy help you with those peas, sweetheart.’

  Picking up a spoon, she went to help Millie scoop up her peas but the little girl was having none of it. She pushed Becky’s hand away, her lower lip jutting ominously. ‘Me, me.’

  ‘She’s a determined little madam, isn’t she?’ Ewan laughed as Millie picked up a handful of peas and shovelled them into her mouth. ‘Oh, well done, poppet. Clever girl for working out the best way to eat them.’

  Millie beamed at him and Hannah, who was sitting opposite them, laughed. ‘Looks like you’ve made a conquest there, Ewan.’

  ‘What can I say?’ He adopted a suitably modest expression. ‘You’ve either got it or you haven’t. Obviously, I’m a big hit with females under the age of two!’

  Everyone laughed. Even Becky managed to dredge up a smile, knowing it was expected. It was clear that everyone believed she and Ewan were a couple and short of announcing that they weren’t, she had no choice other than to go along with it.

  ‘You should practise your technique and see if you can have the same effect on their mothers,’ she suggested, setting off another round of laughter.

  ‘Good idea.’ Ewan grinned at her but his eyes were cool. ‘I might just try that.’

  The others all thought they were joking, of course, but Becky knew differently. She applied herself to her dinner but although the food was excellent, it tasted like sawdust. Ewan hadn’t welcomed her advice and why should he have done? He didn’t need her to tell him how to woo a woman. He could manage it perfectly well by himself!

  The thought of all the women that he had wooed and won was even harder to swallow than her dinner. It was a relief when everyone finished and she could make her excuses and leave.

  ‘I hate to be a party pooper but I really should take Millie home now,’ she said, standing up. ‘She had a really late night last night and I don’t want her getting overtired.’

  ‘Do you want me to walk back home with you, darling?’ her mother offered.

  ‘No, you stay and finish your wine.’ Becky smiled around the table, deliberately avoiding Ewan’s eyes. Although she knew she had no rights where he was concerned, it still hurt to think about Ewan and all those other women. ‘I’ll see you very soon, I expect.’

  ‘Too right you will,’ Tom put in with a grin. ‘Tomorrow morning at the surgery, bright and early.’

  Becky drummed up a laugh as she lifted Millie out of the high chair. ‘It hardly seems worth going to bed, does it?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Tom glanced at Hannah, making it clear why he disagreed with that sentiment.

  Becky smiled, although her heart was aching in the most peculiar fashion. So what if Tom and Hannah intended to celebrate their engagement in time-honoured fashion? It shouldn’t bother her. ‘I don’t think I’ll ask what you meant by that!’ she replied, adopting a deliberately upbeat tone.

  She picked up her bag then glanced round in surprise when she realised that Ewan had stood up as well. He smiled at her but his eyes were still rather chilly.

  ‘I’ll walk you home.’

  ‘There’s no need,’ she began, but he didn’t let her finish.

  ‘I have to leave, anyway, and I’d prefer to know that you and Millie had got home safely.’

  Becky’s mouth thinned when she saw the approval on everyone’s faces. It was obvious that they thought it only right that Ewan should see her home and, short of making a scene, there was nothing she could do. She popped Millie into her pushchair then led the way across the restaurant, nodding her thanks when Ewan opened the door for her because she didn’t trust herself to speak. Didn’t he realise that he was only making the situation worse by fostering the idea that they were a couple? She waited until they were safely out of earshot before she rounded on him.

  ‘What are you playing at, Ewan? The last thing we need is people thinking we’re an item!’

  ‘They’re going to think it no matter what we do.’ He shrugged, his broad shoulders moving lightly under the thin cotton shirt he was wearing.

  Becky felt her mouth go dry as she saw his muscles ripple, and looked away. She didn’t need this, didn’t need any more reminders of how attractive he was. Ewan had always been fit but his body had matured in the past few years. Now there didn’t appear to be an ounce of spare flesh on him. All of a sudden she found herself imagining how he would feel if she ran her hands over him: smooth warm skin, hard, toned muscles, a dusting of crisp dark hair...

  She drove the images from her mind. She wasn’t going to think about things like that! Taking a firmer grip on the pushchair, she headed across the car park, aware that Ewan was keeping pace with her. Even though she really didn’t want him walking her home, she knew there was no point objecting. Once Ewan made up his mind, it was impossible to change it.

  They walked back to the house in silence. Millie fell asleep almost immediately, worn out by her adventures. Becky unlocked the door then bent down and undid the harness. With a bit of luck she might be able to get Millie into bed without waking her, she thought as she carefully lifted her out of the pushchair.

  ‘I’ll fetch the pushchair in.’

  Becky barely glanced at Ewan as he lifted it over the step. He could do whatever he liked—she didn’t care anymore. She carried Millie upstairs and laid her on the changing mat, quickly stripping off her dress before popping on a clean nappy and a pair of pale green cotton pyjamas with bunnies on them. The little girl didn’t stir as she settled her in the cot and covered her with a blanket.

  ‘Night-night, darling,’ she murmured, stroking the child’s soft little cheek. It was at moments like this that she realised how lucky she was. Millie meant everything to her; she was her reason for living, the one thing that had kept her going after the accident when life had seemed so grim. So long as Millie was safe and happy, nothing else mattered, not what people thought about her and Ewan, or how she felt about him...

  Her heart gave a painful little jolt. How did she feel about Ewan? There was no doubt that she liked and admired him. That she found him physically attractive as well wasn’t in question either if tonight was anything to go by. So what did it all add up to? Was it possible that she was falling in love with him again?

  Becky left the bedroom and went and sat on the top step, her legs suddenly too weak to support her. She didn’t want to fall in love with Ewan. It would be a mistake for all sorts of reasons. However, she couldn’t put her hand on her heart and swear it wouldn’t happen, could she?

  * * *

  Ewan glanced at his watch and frowned. Becky seemed to be taking an inordinately long time putting Millie to bed. Maybe he should check if everything was all right....

  And maybe he shouldn’t.

  He sighed when it struck him that Becky was probably doing it deliberately, spinning things out in the hope that he would get fed up and leave. Well, if that was the case then he didn’t intend to disappoint her!

  Opening the back door, he went to step out, then hesitated. Maybe it was silly, but he hated to think that they were parting on bad terms, especially when he knew it was mainly his fault. After all, Becky was bound to be sensitive about people misinterpreting their friendship. It was barely a year since she’d been widowed and it was only natural that she wouldn’t want everyone to think that she had
forgotten her husband.

  Ewan went back inside. He made his way along the hall, pausing when he reached the stairs. Should he go and find Becky and apologise? Or would it be better if he left her a note? He didn’t want to add to her distress so it was hard to decide. It was only when he happened to glance up and saw her sitting on the stairs that he made up his mind.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he asked as he went to join her. He sat down on the step below so that they were on eye level, his heart contracting when he saw the anguish on her face. It was obvious that she was torturing herself, unnecessarily, too.

  ‘I’m really sorry, Becky,’ he said, taking hold of her hand. Her fingers felt so small and cold and his hand tightened, wanting to instil some warmth into her flesh. ‘I never meant to upset you.’

  ‘Upset me?’

  ‘Yes.’ He sighed. ‘I understand now why you don’t want folk thinking we’re an item. I mean, it’s barely a year since you lost your husband, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes.’ She bit her lip and Ewan felt even more wretched. To know that he had caused her all this heartache was very hard.

  ‘I promise you that I’ll make sure everyone knows the truth. In fact, I’ll phone Tom tomorrow and set him straight, and ask him to tell everyone else.’

  ‘If that’s what you want, then fine,’ she said flatly.

  Ewan frowned. ‘It’s what you want, isn’t it? I mean, that’s why you’re upset, because you hate the idea of people thinking that you’re over Steve?’

  She shrugged. ‘I don’t care what they think.’

  ‘Really?’ He bent closer. ‘So if it isn’t that which has upset you, what is it?’

  ‘Nothing. I’m just tired, that’s all.’

  Ewan knew it was a lie and he wasn’t prepared to let her get away with it. ‘I don’t believe you, Becky. Something’s wrong and I want to know what it is.’ He dredged up a smile. ‘That’s what friends are for, to share problems and give you a boost when you need it.’

  ‘Do you think we can stick to being friends, Ewan?’ She looked at him and Ewan felt his pulse leap when he saw the awareness in her eyes. It took every scrap of willpower not to respond but he’d caused enough damage for one evening.

  ‘If it’s what we both want, then, yes, I do.’ He hesitated but he had to ask even though he knew it was a mistake. ‘Why? Don’t you think we can?’

  ‘I don’t know. I want to, but...’

  She tailed off and Ewan realised that whatever he did next was going to determine which direction their relationship took. His head began to spin as thoughts raced this way and that. Did he want them to be solely friends or did he want them to be more than that? Could he face the thought of falling in love with her again after what had happened the last time? On the other hand, was he strong enough to stop it happening?

  It felt as though a lifetime had passed while he churned it all over in his head, but in truth it was mere seconds. For every question there was an answer, the same answer repeated time after time: Yes. Yes. Yes! He was already reaching for her before the last yes faded, already sure that he was doing the right thing. He wanted her so much, wanted to be her friend, her lover, plus everything beyond and in between.

  Their mouths met and it was as though they had never been apart. It was like finding a part of himself that had been missing, Ewan realised in wonder. He may have kissed a lot of women since he’d last kissed Becky but not one of them had made this impact on him. When they finally broke apart, he could tell that Becky was as stunned by what had happened as he was. She hadn’t expected this reaction either and now it was up to him to ensure that she didn’t end up feeling guilty.

  ‘Wow! That was some kiss,’ he said, adopting a deliberately teasing tone.

  ‘I...erm...yes, it was,’ she agreed huskily.

  Ewan felt the tiny hairs all over his body stand to attention. Had she any idea how deliciously sexy she sounded? he wondered, before he ruthlessly erased the thought. He mustn’t get too far ahead of himself, mustn’t try to lead her down a path she might not want to take. Maybe Becky had enjoyed the kiss but it didn’t mean she wanted to make love with him.

  He took her hand, overwhelmed by a sudden need to protect her. Making love with her was what he wanted—desperately!—but his needs had to come second to hers. ‘It seems that the old feelings aren’t dead after all. The question is where do we go from here? If we stop now, we may still be able to remain friends, but if we move things up a notch, that won’t be possible.’

  ‘I realise that.’ She looked into his eyes and he could see the uncertainty in hers. ‘I don’t know, Ewan—that’s the honest answer. Part of me knows it would be wrong to pick up where we left off but the other part...’

  She shrugged, leaving him to fill in the rest, which he did with alacrity. Bending, he kissed her again, just lightly and with infinite tenderness. ‘I feel the same, Becky. Part of me feels it would be madness if we got involved, but another part can’t think of anything I want more.’

  ‘Then maybe we should take time to think about it,’ she suggested.

  She looked at him and Ewan felt his breath catch when he saw the desire in her eyes. It was all he could do not to haul her back into his arms and kiss her until neither of them could think straight, but he had to be sensible, had to make sure it was what they both truly wanted. There was too much at stake and it would be far too easy to end up getting hurt.

  ‘I think it’s a good idea,’ he said quietly, feeling the first stirrings of alarm. When they had decided against getting involved before, he had felt hurt but not devastated. His feelings had been tempered by relief because his plans to travel wouldn’t need to be changed, but it was different now. Something warned him that it would be far worse to lose Becky this time round. ‘We don’t want to rush into anything and regret it, do we?’

  ‘No, we don’t.’ Her fingers closed around his. ‘The last thing I want is either of us getting hurt, Ewan.’

  ‘I don’t want that either.’ He squeezed her hand then glanced round when he heard the back door opening. ‘It sounds as though your parents are home.’ He stood up, not wanting to cause her any embarrassment by having Ros and Simon find them in such a compromising position. ‘I’d better go. I’m due in work early tomorrow but I’ll phone you in the evening, if that’s okay?’

  ‘Fine.’

  She stood up as well, smoothing down her dress. Ewan turned and ran down the stairs, trying not to think about how he would have loved to help her out of it. He could just imagine inching down the zip a fraction at a time while he laid a trail of kisses down her spine....

  ‘Ah, just off, are you, Ewan?’ Simon appeared from the direction of the kitchen and Ewan hastily rid himself of such tantalising thoughts.

  ‘Yes. I’m in work early tomorrow,’ he explained, glancing round when Becky appeared. Heat roared through his veins as the image of her standing in front of him, half-naked, came flooding back. Her skin would be so soft and so smooth, like the finest satin. He could imagine how it would feel beneath his hands and his lips....

  ‘No rest for the wicked, eh?’ Simon said cheerfully.

  Ewan started, afraid that he’d said something revealing before he realised that Simon was referring to his early start. ‘So they say,’ he agreed with as much aplomb as he could muster. ‘Right, I’ll be off then. I’ll speak to you tomorrow, Becky.’

  ‘Fine.’

  She gave him a quick smile and he couldn’t help feeling disappointed even though he knew it was ridiculous to expect anything more with her father standing there. He said goodnight to Ros on his way out and walked back to The Ship Inn to collect his car, calling himself a whole load of unflattering names.

  He was an idiot if he imagined that Becky was going to declare her feelings for him in front of her parents! If truth be told, she wasn’t sure how she felt and neither was he. Oh, that kiss had been magical; there was no doubt about that. However, it didn’t prove she loved him now any more than it had proved sh
e’d loved him eight years ago.

  Ewan slammed the car door, aware that he was doing the one thing he had sworn he wouldn’t do. He was on the verge of falling in love with Becky all over again.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ‘THIS IS THE last time you’ll need to come in to the surgery, Mrs Rose. Your leg has healed beautifully and it won’t need dressing anymore.’

  Becky smiled at the old lady, doing her best to set aside her own problems, but it wasn’t easy. She’d spent the night thinking about her and Ewan and what she should do. Would it be right to have a relationship with him when she knew it couldn’t lead anywhere? Her head said no but her heart said just the opposite. If her heart had its way then she and Ewan would be the couple everyone believed them to be very soon.

  She cleared her throat, trying not to think about all that it entailed. Thinking about making love with Ewan certainly wouldn’t help her reach a measured decision. ‘You’ll need to be careful, of course. The new skin is still very delicate and you don’t want to damage it. But all things considered, you’ve done remarkably well.’

  ‘That’s good to hear, my dear.’ Mrs Rose beamed at her. ‘It’s all down to your excellent care, of course. I really appreciate the trouble you’ve taken.’

  ‘It’s been no trouble,’ Becky declared truthfully. She put the soiled dressing into the hazardous waste bin and peeled off her gloves, popping them in as well. ‘You’ve been a model patient. I only wish there were more people like you.’

  Mrs Rose laughed. ‘Some folk can be a little troublesome, I imagine. I must confess that I’m not looking forward to taking care of my son once he’s discharged from hospital. Geoffrey isn’t what you would call an easy person to help.’

  ‘I didn’t know your son was ill!’ Becky exclaimed. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Oh, it was his own fault. He was the driver of the car that collided with that coach at the weekend.’ Mrs Rose looked disapproving. ‘It appears he was using his mobile phone at the time. Geoffrey has denied it, of course, but the police have applied for a copy of his phone records and no doubt they will prove he was on the phone at the time.’