The Big Gamble

by M Andrews

  “Oh, hey darlin’. What happened last night?” she asks setting the tray down on the counter. “Gamble said you went home after your talk in the alley. I can’t believe he was your asshole neighbor. Although, I should’ve known because it sounds like him.”

  I slump down into one of the bar stools across from Lucy. “Brian and I just talked. He apologized for being a jerk, and I apologized for being a bitch and slapping his face. We agreed to try to be friends.”

  “Wow! I’m impressed. You actually got Brian to say the words ‘I’m sorry’ and he wants to be friends? He hasn’t wanted to be friends with a woman, well since he met Lucky and me when we were all five. He must really like you.” She smiles while refilling the pastry display case with red velvet cupcakes.

  “More like he just wants to fuck me.”

  “Would that be such a bad thing?” she asks peeking her head out from over the glass case.

  I scowl at her. “Lucy, I don’t want to be just another notch on his bedpost.” I let out a frustrated sigh, grabbing one of the cupcakes. I peel back the wrapper and shove half the cake into my mouth.

  “Look, Brooke, I’ve known Gamble since we were kids. He’s like a brother to me, so I know firsthand that yes, he may want to fuck you and yes, he has banged his fair share of skanks over the past four years. But he has never apologized to anyone, even if he knows he’s wrong. And him wanting to be friends with you is a huge deal, that means he likes you. Like really likes you.”

  “Do you think so?” I ask.

  “I know so. He wants to put in the effort to show you that he’s not such a bad guy. He hasn’t wanted to do that since the evil bitch broke his heart. Deep down Brian is a good guy and it showed last night. After you had stormed out of the bar, he looked genuinely concerned that he’d upset you. And after you left you were all he could talk about.”

  “He did?”

  “Yes. Look, Brooke, I’m not saying you have to jump into bed with him tomorrow, but maybe get to know him. Give him a chance to show you that he’s not the asshole you think he is. You both aren’t looking for anything serious right now, so what’s the harm in having a little fun?”

  Maybe she’s right. But am I really ready for just having fun with a guy? Before meeting Brian, I hadn’t even thought about dating or sex. Maybe all of this craziness with Brian is a sign that it’s time I got back into the game.

  “I guess I could give it a try, as long as I can stop myself from telling him he should put me in his mouth.”

  Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open. “You told him to what?”

  “I went over there to bring him some donuts as a little peace offering. We were talking and it was going well. Then he says my donuts were the best thing he’s had in his mouth, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out how it was because he’d never had me in his mouth.”

  Lucy bursts into laughter. “Oh God, I bet he got a kick out of that? Put me in your mouth,” she squeals.

  “I don’t know what it is about this man that makes me lose all logical function of my brain. He smiles at me with those big brown eyes and those dimples…those fucking dimples, and I turn into a horny wreck. He’s turning me into a hot fucking mess, and of course, he’s getting a kick out of it especially now that he’s heard me having sex dreams about him.”

  “You’re having sex dreams about him too?” She slams her hand down on the counter exuberantly. “Yep, you two are so going to bang then get married and have so many babies.”

  “God, I hate you,” I groan shoving the rest of my cupcake into my mouth.

  A week has gone by since that morning at Brian’s. I haven’t been actively trying to avoid him, but I’m not seeking him out either. I still feel utterly confused by what I’m feeling for Brian. I’d gone for so long feeling numb to the world that when I finally start to feel emotions again it’s overwhelming. A part of me wants to let him in as a friend and eventually more, but the other part of me, the part I have lived with since Jake died is telling me, “You’ve had the great love of your life. So why bother looking for someone new.” But I can’t keep living like this. I also can’t get past the guilt that I’d be leaving Jake’s memory behind.

  See, utterly confused.

  I pour myself a glass of wine then walk back into my living room. I stare at the pile of wood panels and screws that are to be my new bookshelves. If I can make it through the novel, that’s the building instructions from Ikea. I chug back my wine then set to work.

  Just as I’m about to hammer in one of the pegs, I slam the hammer down hard onto my thumb and the profanities begin to spew from my mouth and echo through my apartment. I bring my thumb to my mouth sucking on it—like that’s really going to take the pain away—when I hear a knock on my door. I pull myself up from the floor, thumb still firmly planted in my mouth as I walk over to the door. I check the peephole and my head darts back when I spot Brian standing there. Damn, he must have heard me through the wall. So I can’t really pretend I’m not home.

  I open the door, meeting his brown-eyed gaze. His lips curl in into a panty killer of a smile. He’s dressed in cargo shorts and a gray Guns and Roses concert T-shirt, and his dark brown hair is hidden under a backward baseball cap. God, he is so damn sexy.

  “Hi Brian,” I say returning his smile.

  “Hey, Brooke. Are you okay? I thought I heard you scream,” he replies. A hint of concern flashes in his beautiful eyes.

  “I’m fine, I was just trying to put together my new bookshelves and I hit my thumb with the hammer.” I lift my hand up showing him injured thumb.

  He grabs my hand. His touch radiates through my entire body. Bringing my hand up closer to his face, he inspects my thumb. “Doesn’t look broken.” His gaze softens as he kisses my thumb before releasing my hand. Yep, he’s officially trying to kill me.

  “Do you want some help?”

  “No, it’s fine. I can do it.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind.” There’s that damn sexy smile again. Making the heat pool between my thighs. My head is telling me to send him on his way, but little Brooke is screaming at me to let him in.

  Enough of this shit.

  Sorry brain you lose, I’m letting him in.

  “Well, maybe some help would be good.”

  A relieved look washes over Brian’s face as I step aside to let him in. I can’t help but take a little peek at his cute little tight butt as he walks by.

  Focus Brooke.

  Just friends.

  Brian steps further into the living room and his eyes widen when he sees the mess on the floor.

  “Some help? It looks like Home Depot exploded in here. We are going to need a construction crew and a miracle.” He laughs.

  “I know, it’s a disaster and I’ll totally understand if you want to run,” I reply feeling slightly embarrassed.

  Note to self—Don’t drink and build furniture.

  “I can make it up to you with beer and I’ll even make you dinner.”

  “Sold! Now where’s the screwdriver?”

  I stand in the kitchen taking way longer than it should to make a simple pot of meatballs and marinara because I keep becoming distracted by watching Brian building my bookshelves. His arms are the biggest distraction, the way his muscles flex with every turn of the screwdriver, makes me wish they were pinning me down on this counter while he screws me into submission. And don’t even get me started on those nimble fingers of his, pushing inside me and working me to the fucking brink until I’m screaming his name.

  I feel my whole body flush with heated excitement. I can’t actually leave to take a cold shower, so I walk over to the freezer and open the door, letting the cold air wash over me. Taking long deep breaths, I try to calm myself.

  “Brooke.”

  Brian’s voice brings me back to reality, so I slam the freezer door shut and walk over to the living room. “Do you need something?” I ask hoping he doesn’t see how amped up I am.

  “No. I was just asking y
ou what brought you to Seattle.”

  “Oh sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was getting some ice from the freezer.” More like I was trying to crawl into the tiny space to keep from jumping your bones. “Well, it’s kind of a weird story. You’ll probably think I’m even crazier after hearing it.”

  “It can’t be that weird,” he replies hiding a soft chuckle.

  “We’ll see about that. It was about nine months ago when I got the idea to move. My friends back in New York thought it was time for me to start dating again, and at the time I thought I was ready so I agreed to go out on a blind date. The date was a complete disaster. The guy was a total narcissistic scumbag, and what made it even worse, he took me to a restaurant Jake used to take me too…” I pause realizing he has no clue who Jake was. “Oh, Jake was my fiancé, he died two years ago.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” And there’s the pity look. The one everyone gives me when I tell them about Jake. I hate that look.

  “Thanks. So anyway, as I sat there listening to him talk about his house in the Hamptons and how much money he makes, I kept having these memories of me and Jake sitting at our favorite booth flashing through my head and I started to have a panic attack. I excused myself saying I was going to the bathroom then ducked out through the kitchen.”

  “Are you serious? You just bolted?” Brian lets out a hardy laugh.

  “And I never looked back,” I replied

  “That is fucking hilarious. What did you do after that?”

  “I went home and got completely hammered while looking through old photo albums of Jake and me. And in a moment of drunken clarity I decided it was time to move. Get a fresh start to a place where every time I turn a corner it wouldn’t remind me of Jake. So I stumbled into Jake’s office where he had this huge map of the U.S. up on the wall behind his desk and grabbed one of the darts from his dartboard hidden behind his office door. I stood on unsteady feet in front of his desk, and through drunken, blurry eyes I threw the dart then proceeded to pass out on the floor before I could see where it had landed.”

  Brian bursts into laughter almost falling over onto the ground. “Now you’re just fucking with me, aren’t you?”

  “No, this actually happened. I told you it was crazy.”

  “It’s not crazy, but it is by far the most fascinating moving story I’ve ever heard.”

  “The next morning I woke up still on the floor. My head was pounding and I had faint memories of what had happened the night before. I peeled myself up off the floor and walked over to the map where the dart was smack dab in the middle of Seattle.”

  “So you moved to Seattle because you drunkenly threw a dart at a map?” His eyebrow cocks up curiously at me. “Maybe it’s slightly crazy but ballsy as hell. It takes guts to move to a new city where you know absolutely no one. So I definitely commend you for taking the leap.”

  “Um…thanks.”

  I know it’s crazy to uproot your entire life because of a dart. But I’m old fashioned, I believe things happen for a reason. Fate was telling me I was meant to be here. For what, I still have no clue, but I know fate will reveal its plan for me when it’s the right time. Like it did when I met Jake.

  “So what did your job say after you decided to up and quit?”

  “That wasn’t an issue. I write books so I can do that anywhere,” I reply, watching Brian adjust one of the finished bookshelves up against the wall. I pull my lip between my teeth watching his muscles flex under his shirt.

  “Oh really, what kind of books do you write?” he asks.

  “I write dark, erotic novels. Well, at least I used to.” I let out a small sigh, just thinking about the blank pages sitting on my laptop. Even with my publisher giving me an extension on my new novel, I still haven’t been able to write a damn word.

  “What do you mean used to?” Brian walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge. He leans back against the counter, twisting off the cap and takes a sip.

  “Well, I found my muse after I met my fiancé and after he died I lost her voice.”

  “It’s understandable. You lost someone you cared about, it can be hard to focus after something like that.”

  “True, but I thought after two years I’d be able to start writing again. I guess it’s hard to write dirty filthy smut when I’m not getting any.”

  “Wait, are you telling me you haven’t had sex in two years?” His eyes widen in disbelief.

  “Yes, and I have already heard how insane that is from Lucky, so you can just keep your trap shut on the issue.”

  Brian threw his hands up in surrender. “I will just say this. If you need a little inspiration in this department, I’m more than happy to volunteer my services. Wouldn’t want to let your fans down.”

  “Oh, so this is just for my fans, huh? Not because you want to get into my pants?” I cross my arms in front of me, giving him a sideways glance.

  “Well, that too, but mainly for your fans.” He chuckles.

  “As tempting as that offer is, I’m gonna pass.” I turn my back to him and start back to work on making my meatballs. Before I can take the pot off the stove, I feel the heat from his body right behind me. His hands rest on either side of the counter, locking me in his trap. My breath shallows and my heart begins to beat faster.

  “Are you sure?” he asks. His breath hot against my ear. I want to say yes so badly, but I’m not ready for this. Not until I can contain all these wild emotions I’m feeling for Brian. I turn around in his arms. My breath hitches when I meet his dark gaze.

  “Brian, I just...” I drop my eyes away from his. But his hand slips under my chin and he lifts my eyes back to his.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” he asks with sincerity in his voice.

  “For the past two years I’ve been completely numb inside. I’ve basically been walking around like a zombie. But since that night at your door I’ve had a flood of emotions hit me like a fucking tidal wave. At first I wanted to hate you because you were right, I was jealous that whoever that girl was who got to sleep with you and I didn’t.” Brian’s lips seal in a thin line, trying to hide an ‘I told you so’ smile. “But I couldn’t admit that because you were just a voice through my wall at the time, and I felt embarrassed for wanting someone whose face I hadn’t even seen. And now, you’re a flesh and blood man, who one minute thinks I’m a crazy bitch then the next is telling me he wants to fuck me. My head is spinning trying to keep up and on top of all that I’m struggling with. Having all these feelings for you and feeling this wave of guilt like I’m leaving Jake’s memory behind, well, I’m just a huge mess,” I say trying fight back the tears welling up in my eyes.

  Brian pulls me into his strong arms. “I’m so sorry, Brooke. I’ve been utterly selfish in this whole thing. You’ve been going through a lot and I’ve been focused on trying to get what I want when really I should be trying to be a friend to you. I’m so sorry.”

  “You don’t have to be sorry.” I slide my arms around him, resting my head against his chest just above his heart. I haven’t been held like this by anyone that wasn’t my brother in too damn long. His arms feel so good around me and he smells fantastic.

  “Yes, I do. I promise to lay off the sexual innuendos. I can’t promise they won’t come out from time to time because you’re just so damn sexy and I can’t help myself, but I’ll ease back. Friends?” he asks running his fingers through my hair.

  “Friends.” I smile to myself. “All right friend, dinner is ready. Would you like to hang out and watch a movie with me tonight? I could use the company. I promise to turn off my sexy.” I giggle softly, looking up at him.

  “I would love to. And that’s impossible,” he replies with a wink.

  “Damn Brooke, dinner was so damn good,” Brian calls out from the living room. He’s laying back on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table and he’s rubbing his hand on his stomach and sighing happily.

  “I’m glad you liked it. It was kind of nice cooking for someone el
se for a change.” I smile, handing him a beer and taking my seat next to him on the couch. “So what movie did you pick?”

  “Empire Strikes Back,” he replies, pushing play on my Apple TV.

  “Ooh, I love that movie. It’s by far my favorite out of the series.”

  “Wow! You can cook, bake and you love Star Wars you’re making it hard not to want to jump your bones right now.” He chuckles, taking a sip of his beer.

  “I bet it’s hard.” I give him a sideways glance and I can see him take a deep breath and shake his head at my statement.

  “You’re killing me, Brooke.”

  “I’m sorry, how about we change the subject. So did you always want to be a cop?”

  “My dad was a cop, my grandfather was a cop, and my aunts on my dad’s side are cops. So it’s kind of in my DNA. Seeing my dad every morning dressed in his uniform and keeping the streets safe made me want to follow in his footsteps.”

  “I bet he’s very proud of you.”

  I see Brian’s face drop, his whole demeanor shifting. “I don’t really know if he is or not. He died when I was six.”

  My heart breaks a little for him, I know how it feels to lose a parent. “I’m so sorry, Brian. I understand how you feel, I lost my mom when I was eight. I always struggle with if she would be proud of how I turned out. But I am sure your dad is proud of you.”

  “Thanks, and I’m sure your mom is proud of you for going after your dream of writing.” He gives me a warm smile.

  As we sit watching the movie I somehow manage to creep closer and closer to Brian until I’m cuddled up next him and his arm is around me. It feels so good to have someone to cuddle with. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed it.

  We stayed this way through the entire movie until we both ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms.

  The sun begins to creep through the curtains of my living room, stirring me awake and I find myself wrapped in a warm blanket of Brian on my couch and it feels like heaven. For the past two weeks this has become our routine. After the initial awkwardness being with Brian was easy and comforting. We were fast becoming friends and Lucy was right Brian wasn’t the asshole I’d painted him to be when we first met. He was funny and sweet and actually knew his way around a kitchen. We spent most of our time at my place. Brian would help me build my new furniture, we would trade off on cooking detail, then end up falling asleep on my couch watching movies. It was the most fun I’d had in years and not to mention the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.