Falling Whispers, Love & Curses

by Trixie Archer

  “Hey, speak for yourself…” Lexi said placing one hand on her head and the other on her hip as she began swinging them suggestively.

  They watched from above as Dora stood on the platform before the falls, released Carmen’s hand and managed a perfect dive into the water. When she surfaced, she peered back grinning at Carmen while working to tread water. Carmen dove in and was soon at her side as they began to swim the distance to the speed boat which was tied in wait.

  “Aren’t they darling?”

  Lexi found herself nodding in agreement as she pressed delete twice erasing the last images of what she would have entitled, “Lovers Entwined at Whispering Falls.”

  Chapter 22: Spain Surrenders and America Stands Alone

  Time: when one is looking forward with great anticipation to something positive, the future seems to drag on slowly. On the other hand, when one is dreading the eventual loss of something great, time zooms forward without a shred of compassion for those in the path of it. There seemed to be no controlling time and the merciless truths of it.

  If only there was a way to just “stop” a moment or to remain fixed within the best of it. Eternity unchanged, non-moving, with a complete “living in the moment” continuum...I would sign up, I would gladly offer every last morsel of what I owned just to hold on, just to hold on to Carmen.

  The second boat ride to the waterfalls followed by love making behind the water curtain, followed by the slow return to the resort, to the eventual resting on the beach, to retiring early to enjoy some quiet in the whirlpool; through falling whispers, mischievous giggles, lace and chocolate, it all bled into night, and into the final moments of us together at daybreak.

  There were many conversations mixed in between. I learned more about Travis and the loss Carmen felt surrounding how his family treated her when everything was good to how she felt abandoned by them during and then after the divorce. I learned of how Travis chipped away at her self confidence...how he pushed her away in a slow deliberate manner. I learned all about her tragic youth from the time she and her mother shared a small apartment above a store to the accident her mother suffered.

  Carmen told of the justifiable resentment she carried towards her Aunt Agatha and Agatha's second husband Doug, for their calloused treatment of her when she desperately needed closeness and compassion. We made use of every crumb filling the silence with words because such sharing would be our last. I feasted on her story, on her confessions and the realities of who she was and the “hard knock” life experiences that carried her to me.

  I told her about my father, about his kindness, his want to offer Laura and I the best of everything. I was honest about the selfish nature of my twin sister and how I managed to always forgive and to love her anyway. What I didn’t talk about, what I detoured around, drove past and rerouted direction pertained to Maya and our break up. Those truths even to Carmen would remain unspoken. It was all so very complicated and needed to remain locked safely in the past.

  I awoke at three, and then four. As I lay there, I couldn't help but gaze at the clock. Carmen was snoring. For every fifteen minutes forward, it all seemed to bring me greater heartache. I held America with the determination of never wishing to let her go. I prayed she would come to her senses and fight for a future of us together. When I realized her breathing had changed and she was awake, I did my best to convince her that we needed to exchange phone number’s, email addresses, something…anything to remain connected but she maintained her belief that what we shared was all just a fluke... that what happened was simply two people battling grief while on vacation together.

  When the alarm resounded at seven thirty, Carmen gazed at me morose. “Well, I suppose this is it,” she announced. In her defense, she never promised me anything more than what she had given.

  I nodded in response to “this is it.” The finality was sickening. I didn't understand how she could insist that "our some kind of wonderful" was better left to dissolve into nothingness by choice. Her insistence was crazy-stupid to me.

  “Any regrets?” I asked.

  “No.” She said kissing my lips gingerly.

  I closed my eyes wishing for another week with her…and then I conjured another wish for additional weeks until we were old; broke from ordering room service, physically spent, withered and gray.

  “I’m not going to miss your accent and the way you mispronounce just about every word in the English language.” She teased.

  “Mispronounce maybe but my structure is nearly perfect. I had the most conscientious teachers while growing up.”

  “I noticed that right off.” She said in agreement.

  _____________

  “I just wanted you to know…” Carmen placed her fingertips to my lips to stop me.

  “Shhh, please don’t say anything more Spain. Let’s just leave this as the most perfect experience unsoiled by trying to keep it alive through artificial life support. Let's not carry it forward to where it doesn’t belong. What we had was precious, so much so that it deserves to remain buried here on this island as our own private treasure.”

  “Carmen…” I pleaded.

  “Shhh…” She said hushing me. “Sometimes when you care about someone, you must know when to let them go. Trust that I’ll always remember this time with you as the best ever.”

  I allowed her words to sink in. Giving up, my silence implied agreement.

  I paid at the front desk for the penthouse suite double as I had promised. There was great relief from the clerk that the top floor was now vacant for more agreeable tenants who were more considerate with their Merlot and did not use the furniture as trampolines. Carmen and I turned in our key cards and we began to wheel our luggage on a large cart offered as a courtesy from the resort hotel. We followed the wooden plank to the docks where the large ocean liner “The Emerald Majesty” was waiting. Carmen checked in her luggage.

  My transportation off the island was on the opposite side from the boating docks. I had placed a request for an island taxi to eventually carry me to the air strip for which a private helicopter was waiting. It would be a thirty minute flight to the secluded island runway to where I would connect with a small twin engine plane leading to a larger airport mainland for my flight home. I did not appreciate complicated “hopscotch” travel but instead preferred a private jet that would carry me from port to port. Unfortunately, such luxuries were not always possible.

  My attention wavered as a small cab arrived dropping off passengers for the cruise ship. The resort transport cabs were nothing more than small battery operated golf carts set for long range. There was maybe a handful driving the limited paths throughout the island which kept the atmosphere peaceful.

  I stood on the pier as Carmen paused for a moment before me. Tears welled up in her eyes. She quickly averted her gaze in a feeble attempt at regaining her composure. I knew exactly how she was feeling, because I was drowning in it too.

  “You know you saved my life Ms. Alavero.” Her lips brushed mine and I closed my eyes as I embraced her tightly.

  “Thank you.” I said…”and the curses I hammered you with in the beginning….”

  “Yes?” Carmen replied.

  I grinned sheepishly. “I meant every word and after you leave I will probably have more to add to that tirade.”

  She began to laugh a full belly laugh. As she turned to board the ship I called to her, “Carmen, wait a minute.”

  When she returned I pulled my best designer sunglasses from my handbag and placed them on her face. “Here, these will work just in case you need to see me in the future.”

  “I can’t accept these.” Carmen protested.

  “You can, I insist…” “Oh, and there’s something else…here…this is for you to remember me by.”

  I retrieved the small box from my pocket and placed it into her clutches. In turn she reached over and hugged me once again.

  “I will miss you.” She admitted…she then stepped away with reluctance. “…cle
an break, right?”

  I nodded through tears.

  Slowly America boarded the ship trickling forward with all of the other countries. I watched as she made her way up the ramp and into the gut of the beast. The liner was huge and I predicted in a few moments she would be standing on the upper deck peering down at me from one of the levels above. After a few quick bursts from the air horn, the entrance ramp was folded, the massive anchors pulled and the vessel mechanically detached from the dock.

  The boat began to ease onward but my connection to Carmen remained unwavering. My eyes were glued and waiting for her to reappear above. I located her outfit and fixed my sights on her. She removed the sunglasses and I imagined the warmth of her blue eyes as she peered down at the gift she was holding.

  Even though she was a speck in the distance, I watched with interest as she opened the box, placed the ear buds in her ears and depressed play. It was my guess that "Remember, NO Poison My Love" was now filling her senses. It was an actual recording of her amazing voice while singing Karaoke at the bar. For fifteen Euros, one could take home a souvenir of their night on stage.

  I phoned the resort shop that following morning and ordered the portable device. They promised the player was fully charged and I paid them handsomely to download the tune. It was the only song the unit contained.

  If I guessed correctly, Carmen’s heart was jolted awake in a sudden realization of the enormity as to what she was choosing to leave behind. I stood proud knowing that for her to abandon what we have without serious regret would be humanly impossible…unless of course I was wrong about everything. No, although left unsaid, I had to believe that Carmen Davis loved me just as much as I loved her.

  Counting backwards from sixty in a slow voice, I watched. I imagined the color draining from Carmen’s face. As she began to sprint in a panic, her true feelings became apparent…the ship was moving away from me and she was sprinting towards. The entrance ramp was no longer present and the boat was now wining the force of imposed direction.

  By the time I reached the count of one, Carmen was standing at the back of the ship, yelling inaudible words and conveying (what I imagined) how she wanted another chance at us together. Pretending to ignore her regret, I stood strong, waving to her in a nonchalant manner as the boat left me behind in the past. I remained in a determined stance too, until the vessel was but a tiny dot along the horizon.

  After my bags were transferred into the small compartment on the helicopter; I boarded the two person transport. The pilot opened his itinerary. He sighed heavy. “I’ve noted a change in your flight plans.”

  “Yes. Did you receive confirmation granting permission for us to land on board the The Emerald Majesty?” I asked.

  “Affirmative. We’re set to touch down on the small helicopter pad and you’ve been approved to board the ship as a passenger.”

  “Perfect.” I said feeling my heart race with anticipation.

  America would have to forgive a surprise invasion from Spain. If my instincts were correct, Carmen would embrace my presence with great relief, casting away all doubts surrounding our future together.

  The heart wanted what the heart wanted…and once you find that special someone; there is never any way to change the winning force of loves imposed direction.

  End

  Epilogue

  America Wallowing in Regret

  I felt ill. My lungs seemed tight. It was as if I couldn’t breathe in enough to give me the proper amount of oxygen. Of course I could breathe; it just felt as if my entire body was shutting down in protest of my own stupidity. A few hours had passed since I had last seen Dora Alavaro. With every second forward the ship was carrying me even further away from her and what we shared. I wondered how soon I would forget what she looked like, how her skin felt under my touch, how her voice sounded or the fragrance that was uniquely her. I wanted to remember, I wanted to carry her with me always.

  I craved her. I needed her, in the same way that I needed food to sustain me, water to hydrate and shelter to protect me. My world was falling apart. I was out of sorts and my life would never be the same again. It wasn’t okay, I wasn’t okay, and there would be nothing okay for many years to follow. I was forever changed and it was something I would never recover from. My stomach twisted in the doom of regret.

  I stood on the deck, peering in the direction of where Whispering Falls used to be. I visualized the island; I imagined Dora positioned on the dock elegant, her hand shielding her face, waiting for the ship’s return. It was a romantic notion, the longing, the waiting, the wanting… There was no way we were turning back around; I knew this as fact.

  I wanted Dora to yearn for me with the same fervor that I held for her. I think beneath it all, I had been looking for a grand gesture. I needed for her to demand that The Emerald Majesty return to Whispering Falls; I needed for her to show me with extreme passion that I was important, so that we could live in happiness, humor, peace, and commitment for the rest of our days.

  Throughout my entire life I had been abandoned. From my mother leaving me at a young age for her weekend encounters, to her unfortunate death, to my Aunt Agatha and her husband Doug in the manner for which they emotionally disconnected, to Travis; reeling me in and giving me a false sense of love, only to discard me in the end. Then there was his enormous family. Finally with them, I believed I found a loving dynamic that I fit into. I was so wrong about so much. That was why with Dora, I needed proof. I deserved unconditional acceptance; that no matter what I did, no matter what I said to push her away, that she would remain steadfast. I needed her to love me anyway…unwavering, loyal and true. I wanted to trust her in full.

  I stood on that deck in the most foolish state anyone with heartbreak has ever shown. After we pulled away, the moment that I could not see Dora any longer, I rushed to my snuffbox of a cabin, opened my luggage and slid into the lovely blue gray evening gown that Dora had purchased for me. In all of my life, I have never owned anything so glamorous. It was SO expensive, it was frivolous and Dora didn’t even blink when she said, “Yes, this will do perfectly!”

  I felt connected to her in that dress, I felt married to her when I wore it.

  The way she gazed at me when I stood before her draped in such luxury…the way she savored me was exactly how I felt every time that I had looked at her. From the moment she was screaming rude fire at me when I arrived, to the moment I so foolishly threw her away; I was devouring her with visual want.

  The way she peeled that dress from me in the thralls of passion: after we had danced at the club, after I sang to her, yes, she peeled it away and it cascaded onto the white carpet landing in a heap. She took me with urgency and it was then and there I offered all of myself in return. I thought of the way she touched my heart, my spirit, my life and accepted me for who I was with great patience and consideration.

  I brushed the material under my fingertips; I conjured her face, her sexy accent, her spirit. I gazed in the direction of Whispering Falls, willing her to be standing there, willing her to use her power, money and influence to make the blasted ship turn around.

  The engines maintained their momentum though and we continued in the direction that was leading me further away from the island, instead of closer to.

  “This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.” I whispered repeatedly through tears, through disbelief. I held fast to the railing with both hands as the evening glow cast hues of copper onto me and onto the blue gray dress. The aura of light almost seemed magical, as if there was certain power radiating into the expensive material. I wanted so much to believe, I wanted so much to just hold Dora once again. I wanted to tell her how much I love her.

  “I did this.” I whispered through tears. “I threw the best thing that ever happened to me away.” Coward! Stupid, stupid coward! I made a mistake, obviously…a big, stupid, horrible mistake that I would never forgive myself for.

  I cast her away based on how my relations
hip with Travis had failed. I allowed my own fear over what happened with Travis… that had nothing to do with Dora, with me, with us together, taint a once in a lifetime chance to get it right. I suddenly understood the wrongs of my own insistence.

  I felt miserable. The guilt, the pain, the heartbreak, the grief…a bullet to put me out of my misery would be an act of kindness. I began to shiver.

  I lifted my arms and folded them before me. I was chilled. Goosebumps invaded my skin from the ocean breeze, from the fading sun and the lack of warmth from my impractical choice of clothing.

  “You look cold to me.” A voice declared from behind. I stood there startled for a moment, believing at first that I was hallucinating. The accent was thick, familiar, but when I heard authoritative footsteps approach and then of course, when that unforgettable perfume filled my senses, I just knew. I turned just as she placed her shawl around me; the shawl she often carried that was her mother’s. Dora enveloped me in love’s generosity.

  I released an emotional burst. The sound wasn’t exactly a scream but it wasn’t exactly a breath of relief either. I fell into her arms and my tears transformed from deep regret and grief to that of enormous joy and thankfulness.

  “OH MY, you followed me!” I exclaimed. “THANK goodness, you followed me… I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in all of my life!”

  Our lips met.

  My heart raced as if it were being jolted alive after cardiac arrest. I believed I was past the point of resuscitation and then Dora swooped in breathing the life back into me. I was saved for the second time in my life by Dora Alavaro.

  We stood there, lips, hands, hearts, warmth, and spirit, intermingled in a way that connected us not just in that moment, but in an implied promise for the rest of our days.