Saving Rain

by Karen-Anne Stewart

  Raina wishes the floor would open up and swallow her as the shame and pain from her father’s words resound in her mind. She flinches as the memories of his words crash into her. She cringes as she remembers how he told her that she is a worthless whore who had provoked Brian to do what he did.

  Her words are barely above a whisper when she tells Kas how her father had grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bathroom, demanding that she take a shower and give him her clothes. Raina bites back the stinging tears again as she tells Kas how sorry she is that she got into the shower. The shame engulfs her as she confesses that she relented to her father’s request after he had threatened to hurt her worse than he ever had when she had refused at first, telling him that it would wash away all of the evidence. She wants to stop talking, to stop telling him what happened that night, but she can’t keep the secret hidden inside of her any longer. Once she started talking, she feels like she has to get it out, or it’s going to poison her slowly until she withers away to nothing.

  Kas’ fists curl in tight knots when he learns that her father had locked her in the attic after she got out of the shower. “That is the time he locked you in the attic for three days isn’t it?” he demands, trying to rein in his anger as he grabs Raina and pulls her back onto his lap.

  “None of this is your fault!” Kas tells her forcefully, as if the strong intention behind his words can force her to understand that she is not to blame.

  Raina’s gaze lowers. Intellectually, she knows that she did nothing to deserve or provoke what had happened, but after years of being told how worthless she is and how everything is her fault, it’s hard to wash away the choking blame and guilt.

  “I’m glad you went to Judge Whitaker, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you. You are a very brave young lady, Raina,” Kas tells her with utter seriousness resounding in every word.

  Raina doesn’t feel brave, she feels the polar opposite.

  Kas sees the doubt in her eyes and makes it his personal mission to prove to her the truth, no matter how long it takes. “Judge Whitaker told me that your father tipped him off to Brian’s sickening pedophile tendencies after you spoke with him in private that night. He also told me that your father said that there was no correlation between you and what he had told him about Brian. Henry told me that he didn’t believe your father completely and that it has haunted him every day since, wondering if there was a correlation.”

  Raina’s heart breaks even further when she hears Kas tell her about Judge’s guilt, a guilt that he shouldn’t have. She knows that she could have told him everything and that he would have believed her, but she also knows that she had no proof, and without proof there wasn’t anything he could do about it, especially when going up against one of the most intelligent, deceitful lawyers around. She knows how brilliant of a lawyer Brian must have been to work with her father, who is inarguably the best lawyer on the East Coast. At least, that’s what all of the newspapers reported about him with every case he won.

  Raina never wanted Judge to have to hear the awful truth and know there wasn’t one thing he could do about it if there wasn’t enough evidence to take to court. “My father had made it very clear that if I had said anything to anyone about what happened, no one would believe me. He told me that he would tell everyone that I had started experimenting with drugs and was unstable if I said anything. I knew that the shower destroyed crucial evidence, and I’m sure my father destroyed my clothes, I never saw them again after that night. But I just knew by the way that Brian looked at me, the things he said to me, that he was sick and that he had a perversion that didn’t start with what he did to me that night. I told my father that I would tell Judge everything that he had done to me over the years, including his cover up of what Brian did, if he didn’t tell Judge that they needed to investigate Brian. I knew that there wasn’t enough to get a warrant to check his computer for his personal use, but if my father allowed them into the firm then they had a chance. I had never wanted to be wrong more than I did the moment I found out that they found inappropriate images of underage girls. I couldn’t hold anything down when I saw the news that night.” Raina shakes involuntarily at the memory.

  “Brian’s in jail for what they found, but he should be tried for what he did to you, too, Raina, for what he put you through.” The injustice of it all makes Kas want to beat Brian to a bloody heap, something he would do if Brian weren’t behind bars. “I am so sorry this happened to you, baby.”

  His words are so sorrowful that her heart breaks for him. She sinks back into him, so grateful that he can’t see the emotions that she fears are so evident on her face right now.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through your childhood like that, I don’t know how you went through all of that and turned out like you did.”

  Raina shrugs shyly, “I threw myself into learning, anything and everything I could at first. Reading gave me a welcome distraction from reality. My mom had always read to me, and she taught me to read before I started school, so I threw myself into books. My mom was also teaching me how to find games and crafts on the computer before she died, and every time I got on the computer I thought of her, so I got on it a lot while my dad was working. I loved the vast possibilities, and I became familiar with how to navigate websites and then how to problem solve, then how to create things. I guess it was also a way to secretly rebel against my father when he told me that I am stupid. I would get on those websites where you are supposed to crack codes, and I wouldn’t give up until I cracked every code I could find.” Raina looks at Kas and smiles, “All completely legal of course.”

  Kas’ heart triples in size at how Raina can still smile and joke with him after divulging the nightmares of her childhood. He brushes his thumb across her cheek then leans in and gives her a kiss full of passion, desperately wanting to give her something good, something pure, something full of love. He hears her soft groan and feels the warmth of her body as she leans into him, kissing him back so innocently and so hungrily at the same time, that he nearly comes undone. He deepens his kiss, and he shifts her onto his lap, running his hand behind her neck, pulling her even closer to him. He feels how her body responds to his, how her lips part to allow him full access, how her head tilts back and her hand runs up his chest and wraps around his own neck until they are as close as two people can possibly be with clothes on.

  Raina feels herself spiraling, her senses igniting like fireworks bursting through the sky. She has never felt so out of control in her whole life, and part of her is terrified, but another part of her is loving the free fall into blissful oblivion. Kas knows just how vulnerable Raina is right now and starts to pull away, not wanting to go too far, too fast. He wants to give her everything she wants, everything she needs. He wants to erase every bad memory, to show her just how wonderful making love can feel. He wants to make it perfect for her, but he wants her to be ready, to be in charge. He needs her to regain some of the power they took away from her. He pulls away from her and stares into her beautiful jade eyes, so bright, pleading, and innocent that he fights to control the torrent of emotions rushing through him.

  He knows, beyond a shadow of doubt that he would lay his life down for her without question. Lowering his head, he gives her another sweet, chaste kiss before he gently picks her up and sets her down beside him. He sees the flicker of self-doubt rekindle in her eyes, and it’s all he can do to keep himself from taking her back into his arms and carry her to his bedroom. He knows that he could have her tonight, he could love her like she deserves to be loved, but he also knows that she would deeply regret it in the morning, and he couldn’t live with himself if she has any regrets. He runs his thumb softly over her kiss swollen lips before pulling her chin up to where she is looking at him, “I love you so much, Raina Kapture.”

  Raina’s heart feels like it is going to burst with so many conflicting emotions. Pain, betrayal, fear, shame, and despair pull at her from every angle, but love is so much stronger, and
the love she has for Kas fills her, giving her strength, courage. “I love you, too,” she whispers, the words ringing off of her ears like birds singing in the middle of winter.

  So many times she has wanted to say those words aloud, so many times she has wanted to wrap her arms around him and show him her love. The emotions rushing through her are overwhelming, and she has to make herself take a breath, clear her mind enough to where she can gain at least a fraction of self-control. As she slowly floats back to reality after the mind-reeling kiss, shame starts to creep back in at how wantonly she felt and how her self-resolve dissolved into pure putty in his hands.

  “Don’t do that!” Kas demands.

  Raina jerks her head up at the forcefulness in his voice.

  “Don’t chastise yourself. Don’t make yourself feel guilty,” Kas admonishes, knowing, all too well, that look in her eyes.

  She blushes, wishing she could hide from his seemingly supernatural talent at reading her.

  Running his hands down her arms, he decides to change the subject to pull her away from her self-punishing thoughts. “How did you start learning different languages?”

  Raina softens her gaze as she ponders Kas’ question. “My first nanny was from Russia originally, and I heard her talking in her native language on the phone. I couldn’t tear myself away from the conversation, trying to figure out what she was saying, it was so beautiful. She taught me a few words, and I was in love. I asked her to teach me more, and she taught me all she could before my father told her that he no longer needed her as my nanny. I was devastated, I really liked her. She gave me CDs of how to learn Russian before she left, and I listened to them repeatedly until I understood every word, then I looked on the internet and found music and books in that language and continued to learn it from there.”

  Kas lets out a little chuckle. “So, your first foreign language was learned at age five,” he states incredulously. “Okay, my little over achiever, what was your next language?” He can see the tension ease from Raina as she smiles at him and his benign poking.

  “There were Hispanic girls in my school, most of them were older than me, but I would hear them talking outside with each other, so I searched the web for ways to learn Spanish. Then, I was hooked after that, I wanted to learn every language I could. Languages are so beautiful and mesmerizing, they just pull me right in until I have to learn every word that I can find.”

  Kas loves how she brightens when she talks about things important to her. “You’re beautiful, and I don’t mean just on the outside, Raina. You are so beautiful inside, too, I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re a paradox, so kind and gentle, but yet so strong and brave.”

  Raina hears his praise of her but feels unworthy. “I’m not brave,” she whispers, “I learned very quickly to not fight my father, to not provoke him. I never fought him, or did anything to purposely anger him, not until after what happened with Brian.” Her gaze drops as she continues, “I just let him hit me. I didn’t struggle because I knew how much worse it would be if I did.”

  Kas gently squeezes her hand. “You were a child, Raina, a very scared child. Your father terrorized you. You have nothing to be ashamed of for practicing self-preservation. Your father is twice your size, physically, you are no match for him,” he tells her, taking her chin and gently forcing her gaze to meet his. “What you did, going to Judge, finding a way to force your father to tell about Brian, that took guts. Don’t even try to tell me that you’re not brave, you are the most courageous person I know.”

  They spend the next hour talking and holding each other, taking breaks for more mind-blowing kisses. Raina licks her lips and tries to calm the rapid beating of her heart after one of her out-of-mind experiences. Her mind shoots back to last night and how angry Kas was with her. She knows he will never beat her, but she wonders what his actions will be at his most angered state with her. “So, what will you do when I do something to make you angry?” she asks hesitantly.

  “Last night, you saw as bad as it will get with me. If you do something that makes me mad, the most I’ll ever do is yell,” Kas assures her. Then playfully continues, “But if you pull another stunt like you did last night, I will take you over my knee and paddle that pretty derriere of yours.”

  “You wouldn’t dare!”

  Kas gives her a smile. “No, I wouldn’t,” his smile turns into a wolfish grin, “well, not unless you want me to.” “Uuhhhh,” Raina shrieks and laughs before she whacks him with the pillow.

  Kas holds his hands up in surrender and laughs before looking at her, love and pride shining in his eyes, “Now, that’s my girl.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  They are still up talking into the wee hours of the morning. Kas pulls Raina into his arms again, kissing her forehead. “I’m glad you chose positive outlets to turn to instead of alcohol, drugs, or promiscuity.”

  “I can’t stand the thought of drinking after I’ve seen what it did to my father, much less drugs, and I’ve never been with anyone, except with what happened with Brian.”

  “That doesn’t count,” Kas proclaims forcefully. “You didn’t give anything to him, he took it from you.” He looks into her beautiful eyes before softly asking, “You didn’t sleep with Chris?”

  “No, that’s what the fight was about, even though I told him up front that I’m waiting for marriage before I make love for the first time.”

  Hearing that she didn’t make love with Chris makes Kas immensely happy, and hearing her say that she wants to save herself just endears her to him even more. He knows how rare it is to find someone who waits anymore. He sees sadness cloud her eyes, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “I know that’s stupid, I know it’s too late for that.”

  Raina is amazed by his gentleness, when he presses his hand to her heart and looks tenderly into her eyes, “In here, you are just as pure as any untouched virgin, and that’s what really counts, Rain.”

  His words shoot straight to her heart, and she throws herself into his arms, not knowing just how fiercely she had needed to hear him say those words to her, especially after his learning that she isn’t untouched.

  Kas holds her, his heart so full of love for her that he feels as if it will burst from the seams. “You’re sleeping with me tonight.”

  Raina pulls her head back, and Kas chuckles at the dueling emotions flashing in those gorgeous jade eyes.

  “I will be a perfect gentleman, I won’t try anything. I just don’t want you alone after everything we’ve talked about tonight.” Kas sees a glint of disappointment flash quickly through her eyes when he promises to be on his best behavior, and he leans in and kisses her tenderly, overwhelmed by the obvious struggle she is having holding onto her morals and not giving herself to him. He forcefully tells himself that if things get heated between them in the future, he will stop. Even if she begs him to make love to her, lost in the heat of the moment, he will stop. After she told him about wanting to save herself for her future husband, he would never do anything to take that away, even when he plans on being that man in the future. The not so distant future, if he has anything to say about it.

  Kas lifts Raina effortlessly into his strong arms, and she snuggles closer into him as he carries her into his bedroom. Gently, he lays her on the side of his bed, pulling back the covers, before he takes one of his t-shirts out of a drawer for her. He turns around while she undresses and slips into his shirt, taking a moment to hold the collar to her nose, inhaling the unique, sexy scent of him.

  “You can turn around now,” Raina calls to him as she slips underneath the covers.

  Kas turns and looks at her lying in his bed. He adoringly gazes at her beautiful face and her silky hair spilled across his white cotton pillowcase like a satin, auburn river, and he could swear that he was looking at an angel. His beautiful, broken angel.

  Rain drops fall softly against the tin roof, and the early morning beckons Kas to awaken. He feels the seductive heat of Raina’s body snuggled close to
him, her back pressed into his chest, her head tucked sweetly under his chin, and her tantalizing rear tucked tightly against a part of him that is already fully up and ready to play. He chastises the rebellious part of him that doesn’t seem to follow the rules the rest of him has set. He carefully scoots back before Raina awakens and feels the hard, protruding part of him pressed longingly against her cotton covered flesh.

  Propping himself up on his pillow, he stares down at the most beautiful woman in the world to him. He lightly brushes a stray auburn strand away from her face, studying her features, so soft and relaxed in her peaceful slumber. His mind returns to her confessions of the dark secrets of her childhood last night, and he is torn between murderous rage and bone-deep sorrow. He stares down at her innocence, even more pronounced in her sleep, and can’t fathom how any man could raise his hand to cause her pain.

  His eyes drink in her creamy ivory skin, the soft pale pink of her cheeks, and the fullness of her slightly parted lips. Her long, dark lashes flutter softly against their snowy backdrop, and he can’t stop himself from leaning down and brushing a kiss across the corner of her eye. His angel stirs, a soft moan escaping her luscious mouth as she slowly awakens, turning and snuggling her face into his warm chest.

  Kas lays his knee over his other leg, pressing it against the mattress, not wanting to scare her off with the rock hard state of his nether region. “Good morning, sweetheart,” he whispers, running his knuckles softly down cheek and kissing the top of her head.

  “Mmmmm, good morning,” Raina sleepily responds, snuggling even closer.

  The urge to make her his in flesh is almost uncontrollable as she innocently and unknowingly causes him to painfully throb from her squirming to get as close to him as possible. He grits his teeth as she squirms again before finding her sweet spot wrapped up in his arms. Despite the pulsating throb between his thighs, he feels so peaceful just holding her, giving her a taste of what it should feel like in a man’s arms.