The Hawks_A Novel

by SD Hendrickson

  “Good.” He grinned.

  Javier pulled me against him. A brisk move as our lips found each other again. Grinding together in a sudden frenzy. The rush already building. The fire between us so strong as it burned dark blue. I couldn’t touch him enough. I wanted to lick his skin. I wanted him buried inside of me. Our bodies connected in ecstasy and unity in the silent pact we had made together.

  He let go, turning me around until I faced the glistening wood of the bar top. The smell of crisp lemon filled my nose. I stared at those dreaded double doors. But then his body fit tight against my back, molding into my curves. We fit together so nicely in so many different angles.

  Javier ran his hands over my breasts, massaging them in his palms. The roughness now gone as he touched me gently, giving my nipple a delicate squeeze. His fingers brought both pleasure and pain. I rested my head back on his chest. His nose caressed down the slope of my neck, pausing to give a kiss on my shoulder.

  Javier slipped a hand beneath the waistband of my shorts. Little shivers went through me. I knew what came next. He dipped his fingers under the fabric of my panties. I sucked in a little breath at the contact. His other arm held tight around my waist. Not that I would slip to the floor. But my knees felt weak. Every cell in my body energized with longing—from his touch and from the constant reminder that Mrs. Hawthorn could return at any moment. This felt wrong to tempt fate, but I felt alive, more so than any other time I’d breathed air into my lungs.

  The growing ache got stronger, causing me to whimper. And a low chuckle came from his throat. But he didn’t stop. With my head tilted back, I watched his face. The desire Javier felt on the inside was visible in the darkness of his eyes.

  “My beautiful Sarina.” His lips grazed my ear. “Tell me what you want.”

  “I . . . I want,” I whispered. “Quiero que . . .”

  My mind sought the phrases Javier had taught me to say, the ones that spoke of desire and pleasurable commands. I wanted to speak to him the way he did to me. Tell him what I needed from him. But I could barely think anymore. I got distracted. Comfortable in his embrace, drifting away. Part of me almost gave in to the feeling of pleasure while looking at him. But I wanted us to be together.

  “Te deseo . . .” I whispered.

  He kissed my neck. “What do you want, hermosa?”

  “I want to feel you . . .” My voice faded away.

  Javier moved his hand away and I felt the sudden loss of contact, but it wouldn’t be for long. He pulled my shorts and panties down my legs. I stepped out of the blue cotton lace, leaving them discarded on the floor. His fingers ran over my calves and up my thighs until he reached my bare cheeks.

  I heard the sound of him unzipping his jeans. This was really happening in the ballroom. Her ballroom. A place that represented the epitome of prim and proper—filled with antique wood that required a special cleanser and gloss.

  Javier turned me around to face him. He lifted me up by the hips, setting me down on the bar top. From this angle, my back remained to the door. I couldn’t see. I’d have no warning if she waltzed in here again. Fear crept under my skin, mixing with the ache for him.

  I gazed up into his eyes, seeing the powerful reassurance and longing. My legs went around his waist as he buried himself inside my body. I let out a shocked moan—the movement rougher than I’d expected. But exactly what I needed right now.

  “You okay?” he whispered.

  “I’m . . . okay.” I struggled to speak as Javier pulled out slightly and pushed deep inside me again and again. He was breathing hard, smiling with every movement as he found his rhythm at this angle, wild and passionate as we forgot everything but each other. It only took a few more thrusts and I was gone.

  I cried out, my voice echoing in the room, neither of us trying to mask the sound this time. The piano notes hopefully hid our indiscretion. My fingers dug into his back as my body pulsed in waves of pleasure. Javier grabbed my hips, holding me tight as I felt him release inside of me.

  There was nothing like the feeling of two people getting lost in the fire at the same time. The euphoric high of sex and the fear of being discovered. My heart raced as I tried to catch my breath. I laughed in a haze, resting my forehead on his shoulder. He kissed my neck and whispered something I couldn’t understand.

  I looked down at where our bodies were still connected. My bare butt cheeks against the antique bar with Javier buried between my thighs. A forbidden thrill tingled under my skin as my mind played back our actions in a blissful and spiteful fantasy.

  “I didn’t know revenge could feel this good.”

  He grinned, kissing my lips. “I guess this is what you call sweet revenge?”

  “Yes. Sweet revenge. You’re very good at it.” My hands cupped his cheeks as we gazed at each other.

  The feelings inside my chest were out of control at this moment. The fall happened in a rush. I wanted this man. I wanted to keep him for longer than tonight. Longer than our time together here. I wanted to keep him forever. No, I told myself. Stop thinking these things. But my mind refused to listen. Instead, I kissed him, lips lingering in the afterglow.

  Time slipped by. We eventually let go. With a single kiss on my forehead, Javier pulled away, but I still felt the lasting imprint of him inside me. His hands circled my waist and lifted me back to the floor. The moment over. The haze still lingering. I moved sluggishly, trying to figure out what to do next. I grabbed one of the clean towels from the counter and wiped myself off and then the bar top. Maybe I could use disinfectant on it later. After all, the innocent guests would be touching it in a few days while dressed in tuxedos and sparkling dresses.

  “Come here. Let me help.”

  I glanced up only to find Javier holding my panties. My hands grabbed his shoulders, steadying myself as I stepped through the legs. He pulled them up my hips. My shorts came next. We didn’t speak. The room now silent with only the sound of the classical cantata. And my heart. It was beating three times as fast.

  Javier cupped my face, pulling me closer. The passion still lingered in his eyes and he kissed me, nibbling on my bottom lip. “Thank you for taking that chance with me.”

  I nodded. Maybe he wanted some internal revenge more than me. But it still felt good. The next time I stood in this room with Mrs. Hawthorn and she chastised me or gave me a degrading glare for daring to drink coffee, I would remember this moment and the way it felt to sit butt naked on top of her bar while Javier fucked me.

  A faint laugh left my lips at the idea.

  “What’s funny?”

  I rolled my eyes and gestured out at the massive room. “This. All of this. She has so much. But everyone hates her. You even hate her. And I think you might be one of kindest people I’ve ever met.”

  He let out a weary breath. “I’m just so tired of her being in control. My grandmother has her fist around everything. She has ruined Ted and Franklin’s relationship. She’s ruining the time I have with you. And I’m just tired of her having all the power.”

  “But there’s nothing you can do,” I muttered, kissing his chin before resting my head on his chest, my arms circling around his entire body.

  “I don’t know. Maybe there is. I’m going to think about it.”

  “I don’t like this, either.” I tried to reason with him. “But if Ted hasn’t figured something out by now, I don’t see how you can do anything about her.”

  “My uncle and I have different things at stake. He has the company. And I have—”

  “Me.” I cut him off, my face shooting up from his chest. “What you do will affect me. That’s what’s at stake. She’ll fire me. The collateral damage of you pissing her off. And I really can’t lose this job now. Not after I gave all my money to Tyson.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He kissed my forehead, hands resting on my shoulders. “I’m just not sure I can just stay silent anymore with her. But you don’t have to worry. I won’t do anything to jeopardize
your job here. I promise.”

  “Okay.” I believed him. To be honest, I didn’t think he could do much of anything. If his uncle had lived a secret life for ten years because of his mother, I saw very few things that Javier could do to change her. I let out a sigh. The adrenaline in my blood long gone. Only my tired body left in its wake. I found myself leaning on him to stay upright.

  “Come on.” Javier walked toward the bar, guiding me along beside him, arm draped around my back. “Let’s close up in here and go to bed.”

  I didn’t argue with him this time.

  The music went silent and then he turned off the lights before we closed the double doors. The hinges creaked and then nothing. The house dark and hushed after what had taken place in the ballroom. We stepped quietly through the hallways. She could run into us. But it didn’t seem as foreboding as earlier. Fatigue had a way of wearing down the fears. And seeing us walking side by side did have fewer implications despite the fact that it was past midnight.

  “You should hire your brother to finish the ballroom,” Javier whispered in my ear as we reached my hallway.

  “What?” I mouthed the word.

  “Tyson. We could pay him very well.”

  “I don’t know,” I muttered. Mixing my worlds together still made me a little uneasy. “It will make your grandmother furious. And she’s going to get increasingly agitated the closer we get to the fundraiser. I don’t want to poke the bear.”

  “Don’t worry about my grandmother. Just get him here working. Find a way to slide it in as being her idea. Or I can talk to her.”

  “No,” I hissed.

  “Okay. So get him here. Keep her away from the room. He’ll be half done before she notices and then it’s too late. She’ll see that it’s working out and he stays. I know your schedule is full. You don’t have time for her insanity. You would be free to finish your other work. And Tyson has another job. You both make money then.”

  I paused, thinking through the whole idea. Maybe this wasn’t a terrible solution. Maybe this was the answer to everything. He got money. I got help. “Okay. You’re right. I’ll see if he can come tomorrow. The sooner the better.”

  Javier opened the door to the bedroom and then locked it behind us. The safety of the click released the last of my worries. I took a quick shower as he stripped down and crawled beneath the covers of my bed. Exhaustion caught up with me quickly. I yawned, drying off with my towel, and put on my nightgown. My thoughts blurred as I brushed my teeth.

  By the time I joined Javier in bed, his eyes were closed and his jaw relaxed. I thought he was asleep, but he pulled me against him under the covers. My back to his front. I snuggled into the warmth. His hand traced the curve of my body, down the angles of my flesh until his fingers rested on my thigh.

  Content. I felt it. The calming serenity of just being with him. I’d pressed him earlier for clarity on our relationship. And he’d given it to me. But I knew what I gave in return—the power to make it hurt more when he left.

  “This is going to be hard,” I whispered.

  “What’s hard?”

  “This.” I sighed. “You asked earlier if I wanted to stop being with you. I don’t want to. But this is going to be hard. It’s already hard. I lay next to you at night, knowing this is going to end. I tell myself not to feel these things for you, but you’re so good to me. You make me feel good. You make everything better in my life. But it feels like I’m grasping at frayed ends of a rope, trying to hold on to something that’s already unraveling.”

  “Sarina, I know. I told you I feel the same.” Javier buried his face next to my ear, his words a little gruff with sleep. “Every morning when I leave your bed, I think, ‘One day I’ll leave more than just her bed. I’ll leave her. So don’t get attached. Put some space there.’ But instead, I took you on dates. I let myself get closer. Because I enjoy being with you. Makes me selfish, I think. But I did it anyway, knowing how it would end.”

  I turned in his arms, face-to-face. The darkness hiding most of him, but the moonlight gave me what I needed, just a glimpse of his eyes.

  “How much time do we have together?” I whispered. “Realistically.”

  I waited for his reply, feeling his breath on my skin. His heart beat in his chest as our bodies rested against each other. The confirmation on the tip of his tongue. Our nights together all hinged on when his time here would end.

  “I told my father that I would start getting things in order. And I won’t back out this time. I will leave soon. Weeks maybe. I’m sorry, Sarina.”

  The truth hit me hard. I struggled to quickly recover. To say something. Anything to prove to Javier that I could handle this with him. I was an adult. I could spend time with a man and then let him go. People did this all the time.

  “Don’t apologize. I do understand.” But the words felt thick in my throat. Tears welled in my eyes and one ran down my cheek.

  “Please don’t cry.” His fingers swept over my skin, taking the dampness with it. “It will be okay. We’ll enjoy every minute we have left together.”

  “I know.” I held back a sniffle. “But you make this place good. I don’t know if I can tolerate living here without you. That’s the other hard part.”

  “You can and you will,” he whispered. “Until something better comes. And you leave her.”

  “Just like you,” I muttered.

  His hand smoothed across my back. Not sexually. Not even inviting. But of comfort. Back and forth across the silky nightgown.

  “You know that first night I came to your room? I told myself to stay away. But there was just something about you. The way you came into this place so determined. You blew me away, Sarina. I’d been consumed by my world. The darkness of this place had seeped into my mind, making me frozen. But you brought me back. You made me happy again. But that happiness has made me realize how much I need to return home. I don’t belong here. And neither do you. I hope you find someplace better one day too.”

  My breaths came unevenly as I heard the truth in his sweet words. I made him happy. And that happiness made him want to go home. In an ironic way, I was the catalyst that made Javier decide to finally leave this place.

  “You make me want to cry and kiss you at the same time,” I whispered.

  “Don’t cry, hermosa.” His lips brushed my cheek and then he tucked me into his chest, legs intertwining under the covers. “Just go to sleep. I want to hold you and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist tonight. Just you and me. Your body against mine. The feel of your heart. The way you breathe. The way your skin smells like some kind of flowery soap.”

  “Jasmine,” I whispered.

  “See? Doesn’t this feel nice . . . just you and me . . .” His voice trailed off as his fingers rubbed lazy circles over my back. And I closed my eyes, letting myself fall into his fantasy.

  Early Fall

  MY HEELS CLICKED ON THE glossy wood floor as I walked toward the main entrance. Elmore gave me a weary look through his glasses. “She’ll be angry, Ms. Atwood.”

  “Don’t worry.”

  “It’s my job to oversee what takes place in this house.” His voice scratched a bit. “And that includes being worried about uninvited guests.”

  “I cleared it with Javier.”

  The butler shook his head side to side in disapproval, but he grabbed the door for me anyway. He knew my words might as well have been a lie. Javier’s opinion meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. I walked out on the porch. The morning air felt clean and brisk with the beginning of early fall.

  Cole pulled into the circle driveway in what I assumed to be his new work truck. The bottom half of the white vehicle was covered in a layer of red dust.

  The diesel engine remained running as Tyson stepped out on the passenger’s side, his face pale and haggard this morning. His shoulders sunk in a way that made him seem small and diminutive—like a boy in high school on the way to the principal’s office. I wasn’t sure how many nights my broth
er had survived without sleep at this point. At least he wore clean clothes this time.

  “Hey,” I said, getting his attention. I came closer, giving him a quick hug. He squeezed back and then let go.

  “This place is fuckin’ huge.” He grinned, but the humor failed to reach his eyes.

  “Wait until you see the inside. It’s unbelievable.”

  He only nodded.

  I glanced back at the truck. “Give me a minute to talk to Cole. Just wait here on the porch. Don’t go in yet.”

  “So are you two back to being all secretive?” I didn’t miss the bite to his words.

  “No, it’s not like that. Not this time. I have a boyfriend.”

  “So what? Y’all friends now?” he spat. “You and Cole?”

  “Something like that, I guess.” I shrugged as I walked to the driver’s side.

  Cole opened the door. His blond hair was pulled back today in a messy wad almost resembling a bun on the back of his head. Stepping down onto the paver stones, his work boots landed next to my heels. He looked me over for a moment, eyes drifting from my skirt to the pink dress blouse. “You look pretty.”

  I braced for something more vulgar to flow from his lips, but I was left holding the conversation as he waited for me to speak instead. I gave him an amicable smile. “Thanks. Your truck seems really nice. You like it?”

  “I’m not complaining.” He glanced over at the house. “So this is where you live now?”

  The sun blasted the roof, making the place appear more grand and ostentatious than usual. Almost golden. “Yeah, this is it.”

  “I see why you like it.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “Well, I um . . . just wanted to say thank you for bringing Ty. That was nice of you.”

  He shrugged. “What are friends for?”

  “Friends?” I laughed at the irony of the word he used to describe us. The same word Tyson had just used. “You think we’re friends now? Is that even possible?”

  “I don’t know.” His lips pursed. “But we’ve never actually tried it before. I’m sure we’ll fight some. And I doubt we’ll ever agree on most things. But the last couple of days ain’t been half bad. Maybe we can see how it goes.”