The Hawks_A Novel

by SD Hendrickson

  The black Range Rover pulled out from behind the house, stopping our conversation. It went at a slow pace toward the gates. The tinted windows blocked Javier from our view, but I knew he watched us. He knew Cole would be coming today and he seemed okay with it. Not that I expected something different from him. He may not like it, but he wouldn’t stop it from happening.

  “Was that him?”

  My eyes shot back to Cole. “Uh . . . yeah.”

  “Why didn’t he stop by?” His arms crossed over his chest as he studied me. “Unless you’re too embarrassed for him to meet us.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  He shook his head. “I’m just calling it the way I see it.”

  “It’s not like that. He knows about both of you. So don’t be an ass.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be. I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard, and I saw his throat move beneath the collar of his shirt.

  I nodded. “I’m sorry too. But I am trying here. What more do you want from me?”

  “You really want to know?” His jaw gritted up and suddenly I saw the vulnerability pleading from his gray eyes. “I know you want me gone. That if you had your say, I’d never step foot in your house again. But I can’t do that. Your family is all I got, Sarina. And if that means being your damn friend to keep them, then I’ll put aside what I feel for you because I care about them. And I need them.”

  It was a powerful blast, each word laced with emotion, explaining why Cole had held on so tight to this idea of me. We were the all-inclusive package. A brother. A grams. A granddaddy. A girlfriend. He had it all with us until I’d told him to go to hell.

  Without a shadow of a doubt, my life would be easier if my ex-boyfriend no longer existed in my daily world. But it didn’t necessarily mean it would be better. In some twisted way, Jeremiah Cole was part of my dysfunctional family. And our dysfunction was his stability.

  “This is so messed up,” I muttered.

  “It always has been.” He smiled sadly. “I still remember the first time Ty ever invited me over. Grams made meatloaf for dinner. Your granddaddy said the blessing. And then you yelled at me for getting one of your Popsicles. But your mama made you share. We sat outside and ate them on the porch, and Ty bitched about doing homework. It was all so damn normal. All I wanted to do was come back.”

  “And that was even after I’d punched you on the playground.”

  A small laugh left his lips. “Yeah, even after that.”

  Maybe it was his voice or the mention of Mama, I wasn’t sure, but he had gotten to me this time. I struggled to find the words as I looked into his eyes. And then I knew what I needed to say to him. What I should have said a long time ago.

  I placed my hand on his arm. His fingers overlapped mine. Our touches had always been so physical. So volatile. But suddenly it wasn’t.

  “I care about you,” I whispered. “Part of me even loves you. Not the way you want me to love you. But in a different way. And I know deep down, you’re a good guy. Or at least you can be. Just not with me. Think about it, Cole. We bring out the absolute worst in each other.”

  He let out a heavy breath. “I know.”

  “So I don’t know if that means we can be friends or not. But you don’t have to leave my family because of me. I want you to come see them whenever you want. And I want you at Sunday dinners.”

  “Thank you. It means more than you know.” He squeezed my hand and slowly let it go. “I know you’re right about us. We’re terrible together. Doesn’t feel good to know that. But I’ll get over you. Eventually, I guess. Plus there’s too much other shit to worry about right now. I just want everything to be okay with Ty. And I want you to be happy. From what you tell me, this place and this guy make you happy. So I’m letting you go. For real this time.”

  I swallowed hard as I looked back at him. We had the most screwed-up dynamic of any two people I’d ever met. “You’re serious?”

  “Yes. Short of kidnapping and tying you up in my house. And believe me, it’s crossed my mind. But I can’t force you to be with me. I know that now. And I can’t guilt-trip you, either. So if this place is what you need and this guy makes you happy, then I’m gonna try to just be your friend.”

  My throat tightened up. In the front yard of the Hawthorn estate, Cole was about to make me cry. My toes pinched up in my fake Louboutins. I wanted to kill him right now. Because this kindness thing was killing me. It was easier when Cole just flipped out and we screamed at each other. But after all this time, the guy had struck me speechless. “I don’t know what to say.”

  His gaze held mine for a moment before he shook his head. “There’s nothing to say.”

  It was the most profound feeling, one of sadness and understanding. Jeremiah Cole might actually be perfect—just for another girl. He would find her one day. She would bring out the best parts of him when I brought out the worst.

  “Well, I better go. You and Ty got shit to do. And I gotta get to work too.” He climbed into the driver’s seat of his truck and looked down at me. “You okay takin’ him back home later?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded.

  “Bye, Sarina. You take care.” Cole winked and flashed that irritating grin before closing the door. I stood there watching his truck leave the circle driveway, revealing the porch steps.

  And no Tyson.

  Shit. Panic hit me. I knew my brother didn’t leave the estate. At least I didn’t think so without walking right past us. That left only one place. The house. Shit. Shit. Shit. I needed to get him inside to the ballroom without Mrs. Hawthorn seeing him. As far as I knew, she already ran smack into him in the foyer.

  I ran up the steps and yanked open the door, only to find Elmore standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. “Where is—”

  “Kitchen. Mrs. Van Horn saw him loitering on the porch.” He glared. “I don’t know what you have planned, Ms. Atwood, but you know she won’t like it.”

  “Well, I have hope that she does,” I muttered, running off down the hallway.

  I found my brother in the kitchen, sitting at the little white side table with Brenda—a plate of chocolate cake and a glass of milk in front of him. He shoved a bite in his mouth as the cook chatted away.

  I winced at the forlorn, hollow look in his eyes. This wasn’t a good sign. The life seemed to have evaporated from his body. I felt a familiar pang in my chest, scaring the crap out of me. This was how our mama had looked in the beginning—before everything fell apart.

  “Hey.” I forced a smile as I entered the room, my nerves fluttering as I looked between them.

  “Sarina, I’m so happy to finally meet Tyson.” She reached over and patted his hand, the one not holding a fork. “Darlin’, make sure you come back in here and take a piece of that cake home with you before you leave. A boy like you needs his cake.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he muttered, but I saw the shift in him. The humorous tilt to his lips. And then he smiled.

  Ty would be okay. This would be okay.

  “You need to show him around this place.” Brenda gestured out toward the door.

  “I know.” My voice faltered. I’d show my brother every room of this place, but I didn’t know where my boss lurked at the moment.

  “Mrs. Hawthorn went up to her bedroom,” Brenda interjected. “Said she had a headache. That was about fifteen minutes before your brother got here.”

  Ty studied me as I clenched my jaw. “I thought you said I had a job here.”

  “You do. It’s complicated, but it will all work out. I promise.”

  Brenda got up from the table, taking Tyson’s empty plate. She patted him on the back. “Don’t you worry. We got this all taken care of. Sarina, give him a tour of the house and then y’all can get busy on that room.”

  I nodded in agreement, praying for everything to work out. If she was napping today, Ty could make a huge dent in the work long before she even knew it was happening. Proof in the details. Then I’d tell her about our new employee. />
  We left the kitchen, going through the long hallways. His eyes danced from ceiling to floor. “This is insane, Sarina.”

  “I know,” I whispered. Why did I feel the need to stay hushed?

  “So how was your talk with Cole?”

  I glanced over at him, but his eyes were cast down at the wood floor and I couldn’t read his emotions with the question. “It was fine. We’re working through some things. But I think we might actually try to be friends.”

  “Friends,” he scoffed. The absurdity of the idea was evident in his voice.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that explains part of this bullshit.”

  “Wait.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop in the hallway by my room. “What are you talking about? Tell me.”

  “What’s there left to say? Your friend Cole apparently has filled you in on the details of how I fucked up.” He was lashing out. “I never thought I’d see the day the two of you would side together against me.”

  “Side against you? We’re trying to help you.” I stared at my brother for a moment. “I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to see it. But Cole thinks of us as his family. And he would do pretty much anything for his family. For his brother. Plus, I needed someone dependable to help me with you, Ty.”

  His face turned white and his body twitched as if my fist had punched him in the gut. The anger deflated and he sunk within the folds of his mind. “I’m sorry, Sarina.”

  “Tyson, no. I didn’t mean it that way.”

  He shrugged. “Yes, you did. And I deserved it.”

  I couldn’t stay mad at him. Not when I still saw the little boy in the man who towered over me. I went over to Ty and put my arms around him in a hug. I gave him a tight squeeze before releasing him.

  “We’ll get this worked out. But you have to promise me. And I mean a legit, cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die promise. You will stop lying to me. None of this half-truth bullshit. You have to talk to me. And never go to one of those payday advance places again.”

  “I promise,” he muttered, sadness and humiliation reddening his cheeks. “And I’m gonna pay you back, Sarina.”

  “You don’t have to. But I know you won’t shut up about it if I say no.”

  “Damn straight.” His smile returned, weary but present. And my heart found some weary hope too. Everything would be okay.

  “Come on. See my room, and then we’ll go.”

  I opened the door. He followed me inside. “Holy shit, Sarina. This is like the size of our living room and kitchen and bedroom.”

  “Calm down. It’s not that big.”

  He laughed, the sound echoing in the quiet room. “It’s pretty damn big. But I’m glad. After having to share a room with me, you earned something nice.”

  “I didn’t hate sharing a room with you.”

  “Nah, you hated it. Don’t be trying to butter me up over here. I see right through it.”

  “Seriously, I didn’t hate sharing a room with you. I think maybe it was good for us back then. We needed each other.”

  Or rather, he needed me. Those nights when Ty awoke terrified. Scared. And feeling alone. And I tried to hush his sobs. I became the mother who had ceased to exist for him. But I think we both needed each other.

  “Yeah, maybe so.” His smile faltered with emotion as his memories must have mirrored my own.

  I stood by the door as he wandered through the rest of my room. He came out of my private bathroom. “You have a walk-in shower and whoa . . . that’s your closet?”

  The mood shifted in him again. Back to being mesmerized by the place I lived in now. I should have brought him sooner. But I didn’t know how Mrs. Hawthorn felt about guests. She’d never said anything against them. And yet I’d never asked. That was my fault.

  “Come on. Let’s get to the ballroom.” I pulled him out into the hallway and shut my door.

  As we left, I looked at my brother. He seemed a little better now. “Does Brenda remind you of Grams but like twenty years younger?”

  He laughed. “I thought the same thing, but I wasn’t sure if you’d like me saying it.”

  “No, it’s fine.”

  We made our way to the other end of the house. I glanced at him a few times. He seemed so young today. Maybe it just felt that way. He wasn’t ready for the responsibilities I’d placed on him. I needed to take care of Tyson better. Have him more involved in my life here.

  “Hey,” I said, getting his attention. “I want you to meet Javier.”

  “Really?” He seemed surprised.

  “Why would I not want you to meet him?”

  “I . . .” He pondered for a moment. “I don’t know, I guess. I thought maybe you wanted to—never mind. So you want me to meet him. Like today?”

  “Yeah, he’ll be back later.” I nodded, wringing my fingers together. Maybe I was a little nervous about the two of them meeting. “I really like him, Ty. I mean really like him.”

  “He’s not sticking around though, right? He’s going back to . . . where is he from?”

  “Colombia. He’ll go back, and it’ll be over. I know that. It’s so far away. I’ll probably never see him again.” My voice grew thick with emotions. I almost cried right there, outside the ballroom doors. I needed to get a better grip on this. “But right now, I care about him a lot. He’s good to me. And I want you to meet him.”

  He shook his head, the empathy in his eyes. “Geez, Sarina. What kind of mess did you get yourself into this time?”

  “I’ll have good memories,” I said, trying to convince him, trying to convince myself. “I don’t regret it. I would rather have a relationship like this for a little while than not at all.”

  “Okay, if Javier means a lot to you, then I’ll meet him. And be nice.” And I knew it would be true. My brother would meet my boyfriend and like him because I liked him. No other explanation needed.

  “Can I ask this? Do you fight like you did with Cole? Because that shit ain’t cool.”

  “No fighting. The exact opposite actually. We—”

  I opened the ballroom doors. My muscles tensed and I sucked in a little gasp. No, no, no! I’d hoped this confrontation would happen after Ty had done the floors.

  But there she stood, next to my temporary desk in the corner of the ballroom. Her nose snarled slightly as she peered back at me. My boss. Mrs. Hawthorn.

  “Ms. Atwood,” she barked. “What is the meaning of this?”

  “I . . .” My voice faded as I mentally scrambled for my words. “This is my brother Tyson. I—”

  “Stop. I have already spoke to Elmore about the visitor in my house. The one you decided not to tell me about. I want to know why he’s here. Because it appears you have brought someone else here to do your job. Is this true?”

  I couldn’t think fast enough. I needed my words. I needed to twist this back at her the way Javier had suggested.

  “Have you gone plain dumb on me, Ms. Atwood? I specifically said you must handle the ballroom yourself. I don’t want strangers touching my floor. Please explain why you have decided to ignore my request? Did I not make myself clear? Or do you need it written on a notepad in order for you to remember?”

  I swallowed hard and put on a brave face. Sell it, Sarina.

  “I’m multitasking. You hired me to get the job done. To use my skills. To make the impossible happen. And that’s what I’m doing, Mrs. Hawthorn. As you already stated. You know who this is. My brother Tyson Atwood is not a complete stranger. Your lawyer has already done a background check on him when he did mine, which practically makes Tyson an established employee. So he’s going to finish the ballroom while I finalize the details for the fundraiser. And I will be overseeing his work from my desk in here. I’ll be able to get two things done at once. Just like you’d cloned me. So Tyson stays.”

  My stomach knotted up. What had come over me? I didn’t ask permission. I just told her it was done.

  Her coral lips pursed as she processed my speech. My heart beat f
ast. I wanted to slip a glance over at my brother, but I didn’t dare break the stare she currently cast in my direction. I would not back down. This was happening. I would win this battle.

  She finally spoke. “Very well. I would normally expect you and your clone to share your salary. But I will acknowledge the fact that you were clever enough to find a loophole to my original request.” She turned toward Tyson. “Mr. Atwood, you may work for me. And I’ll pay you to assist Ms. Atwood.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “Carry on. I expect to see this place sparkling twice as fast now.” She did a little motion with her hand before walking past us out of the ballroom.

  I quickly shut the doors behind her. And then I almost leaped with joy as I looked back at Ty. “That went waaay better than I’d expected.”

  His eyes opened wide in surprise. “Better? Are you serious, Sarina? That woman is . . . she’s fuckin’ insane.”

  I laughed. “You have no idea.”

  Early Fall

  TWO MEN CARRIED THE FIRST casino table into the ballroom. I motioned for them to place it on the left side of the bar.

  “It needs to go about three feet that way.” I pointed. “Or there’s not a walkway.”

  The shorter man pulled the legs instead of lifting the roulette table up from the floor.

  “Careful,” I yelled.

  Mr. Wood Scratcher shot me a nasty glance but followed through with my request. He wore a Dallas Cowboys hat turned backward with the lines of blue tattoo ink peeking out from beneath the collar of his gray T-shirt. “That good?”

  “Yes. Much better.”

  The floor had cost all of us a week of grief. On the positive side, the work had earned my brother a nice wad of cash. The delicate hand polishing took six solid days to get the room up to her standards. The last thing I needed was two careless movers to ruin all of his work. I braced myself as the next table came in the room. It teetered precariously in their hands over the hardwood floor.