The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works

by William Shakespeare

  SIR JOHN By the mass, lad, thou sayst true; it is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? Thou being heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glyndŵr? Art thou not horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it?

  PRINCE HARRY Not a whit, i’faith. I lack some of thy instinct. 375

  SIR JOHN Well, thou wilt be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, practise an answer.

  PRINCE HARRY Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the particulars of my life.

  SIR JOHN Shall I? Content. This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown.

  He sits

  PRINCE HARRY Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.

  SIR JOHN Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses’ vein.

  PRINCE HARRY (bowing) Well, here is my leg.

  SIR JOHN And here is my speech. (To Harvey, Poins, and Gadshill) Stand aside, nobility.

  HOSTESS O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i’faith.

  SIR JOHN Weep not, sweet Queen, for trickling tears are vain.

  HOSTESS O the Father, how he holds his countenance!

  SIR JOHN

  For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful Queen,

  For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.

  HOSTESS O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever I see!

  SIR JOHN

  Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain.—

  Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy

  time, but also how thou art accompanied. For though

  the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it

  grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it

  wears. That thou art my son I have partly thy mother’s

  word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villainous

  trick of thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether

  lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me,

  here lies the point. Why, being son to me, art thou so

  pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a

  micher, and eat btackberries?—A question not to be

  asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take

  purses?—A question to be asked. There is a thing,

  Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known

  to many in our land by the name of pitch. This pitch,

  as ancient writers do report, doth defile. So doth the

  company thou keepest. For Harry, now I do not speak

  to thee in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in

  passion; not in words only, but in woes also. And yet

  there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in

  thy company, but I know not his name.

  PRINCE HARRY What manner of man, an it like your majesty?

  SIR JOHN A goodly, portly man, i‘faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by’r Lady, inclining to threescore. And now I remember me, his name is Oldcastle. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If, then, the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak it—there is virtue in that Oldcastle. Him keep with; the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month?

  PRINCE HARRY Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my father.

  SIR JOHN (standing) Depose me. If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit sucker, or a poulter’s hare.

  PRINCE HARRY (sitting) Well, here I am set.

  SIR JOHN And here I stand. (To the others) Judge, my masters.

  PRINCE HARRY Now, Harry, whence come you?

  SIR JOHN My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

  PRINCE HARRY The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

  SIR JOHN ’Sblood, my lord, they are false. ⌈To the others⌉

  Nay, I’ll tickle ye for a young prince, i’faith.

  PRINCE HARRY Swearest thou, ungracious boy? Henceforth ne’er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that grey Iniquity, that father Ruffian, that Vanity in Years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning, but in craft? Wherein crafty, but in villainy? Wherein villainous, but in all things? Wherein worthy, but in nothing?

  SIR JOHN I would your grace would take me with you. Whom means your grace?

  PRINCE HARRY That villainous, abominable misleader of youth, Oldcastle; that old white-bearded Satan.

  SIR JOHN My lord, the man I know.

  PRINCE HARRY I know thou dost.

  SIR JOHN But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than I know. That he is old, the more the pity, his white hairs do witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked. If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord, banish Harvey, banish Russell, banish Poins, but for sweet Jack Oldcastle, kind Jack Oldcastle, true Jack Oldcastle, valiant Jack Oldcastle, and therefore more valiant being, as he is, old Jack Oldcastle, Banish not him thy Harry’s company, Banish not him thy Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

  PRINCE HARRY I do; I will.

  Knocking within. ⌈Exit Hostess.⌉

  Enter Russell, running

  RUSSELL O my lord, my lord, the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door!

  SIR JOHN Out, ye rogue! Play out the play! I have much to say in the behalf of that Oldeastle.

  Enter the Hostess

  HOSTESS O Jesu! My lord, my lord!

  PRINCE HARRY Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick! What’s the matter?

  HOSTESS The sheriff and all the watch are at the door.

  They are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?

  SIR JOHN Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit—thou art essentially made, without seeming so.

  PRINCE HARRY And thou a natural coward without instinct.

  SIR JOHN I deny your major. If you will deny the sheriff, so. If not, let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up. I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.

  PRINCE HARRY Go, hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk up above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience. Exeunt Poins, Russell, and Gadshill

  SIR JOHN Both which I have had, but their date is out; and therefore I’ll hide me.

  He withdraws behind the arras

  PRINCE HARRY (to Hostess) Call in the sheriff. Exit Hostess

  Enter Sheriff and a Carrier

  Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me?

  SHERIFF

  First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry

  Hath followed certain men unto this house.

  PRINCE HARRY What men?

  SHERIFF

  One of them is well known, my gracious lord,

  A gross, fat man.

  CARRIER As fat as butt
er.

  PRINCE HARRY

  The man, I do assure you, is not here,

  For I myself at this time have employed him.

  And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee

  That I will by tomorrow dinner-time

  Send him to answer thee, or any man,

  For anything he shall be charged withal.

  And so let me entreat you leave the house.

  SHERIFF

  I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen

  Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

  PRINCE HARRY

  It may be so. If he have robbed these men,

  He shall be answerable. And so, farewell.

  SHERIFF Good night, my noble lord.

  PRINCE HARRY

  I think it is good morrow, is it not?

  SHERIFF

  Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o’clock.

  Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier

  PRINCE HARRY

  This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s.

  Go call him forth.

  HARVEY Oldcastle!

  ⌈He draws back the arras, revealing Sir John asleep⌉

  Fast asleep

  Behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.

  PRINCE HARRY

  Hark how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.

  Harvey searcheth his pocket and findeth certain papers. He ⌈closeth the arras and⌉ cometh forward

  What hast thou found?

  HARVEY Nothing but papers, my lord.

  PRINCE HARRY Let’s see what they be. Read them.

  ⌈HARVEY⌉ (reads)

  Item: a capon. 2s. 2d.

  Item: sauce. 4d.

  Item: sack, two gallons. 5s. 8d.

  Item: anchovies and sack after supper. 2s. 6d.

  Item: bread. ob.

  ⌈PRINCE HARRY⌉ O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we’ll read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again, with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so good morrow, Harvey.

  HARVEY Good morrow, good my lord. Exeunt ⌈severally⌉

  3.1 Enter Hotspur, the Earl of Worcester, Lord Mortimer, and Owain Glyndŵr, with a map

  MORTIMER

  These promises are fair, the parties sure,

  And our induction full of prosperous hope.

  HOTSPUR

  Lord Mortimer and cousin Glyndŵr,

  Will you sit down? And uncle Worcester?

  ⌈Mortimer, Glyndŵr, and Worcester sit⌉

  A plague upon it, I have forgot the map!

  GLYNDŴR

  No, here it is. Sit, cousin Percy, sit,

  Good cousin Hotspur;

  ⌈Hotspur sits⌉

  For by that name

  As oft as Lancaster doth speak of you,

  His cheek looks pale, and with a rising sigh

  He wisheth you in heaven.

  HOTSPUR And you in hell,

  As oft as he hears Owain Glyndŵr spoke of.

  GLYNDŴR

  I cannot blame him. At my nativity

  The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,

  Of burning cressets; and at my birth

  The frame and huge foundation of the earth

  Shaked like a coward.

  HOTSPUR Why, so it would have done

  At the same season if your mother’s cat

  Had but kittened, though yourself had never been

  born.

  GLYNDŴR

  I say the earth did shake when I was born.

  HOTSPUR

  And I say the earth was not of my mind

  If you suppose as fearing you it shook.

  GLYNDŴR

  The heavens were all on fire, the earth did tremble—

  HOTSPUR

  O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire,

  And not in fear of your nativity.

  Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forth

  In strange eruptions; oft the teeming earth

  Is with a kind of colic pinched and vexed

  By the imprisoning of unruly wind

  Within her womb, which for enlargement striving

  Shakes the old beldam earth, and topples down

  Steeples and moss-grown towers. At your birth

  Our grandam earth, having this distemp’rature,

  In passion shook.

  GLYNDŴR Cousin, of many men

  I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave

  To tell you once again that at my birth

  The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,

  The goats ran from the mountains, and the herds

  Were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields.

  These signs have marked me extraordinary,

  And all the courses of my life do show

  I am not in the roll of commen men.

  Where is he living, clipped in with the sea

  That chides the banks of England, Scotland, Wales,

  Which calls me pupil or hath read to me?

  And bring him out that is but woman’s son

  Can trace me in the tedious ways of art,

  And hold me pace in deep experiments.

  HOTSPUR standíng⌉

  I think there’s no man speaketh better Welsh.

  I’ll to dinner.

  MORTIMER

  Peace, cousin Percy, you will make him mad.

  GLYNDŴR

  I can call spirits from the vasty deep.

  HOTSPUR

  Why, so can I, or so can any man;

  But will they come when you do call for them?

  GLYNDŴR

  Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the devil.

  HOTSPUR

  And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil,

  By telling truth: ‘Tell truth, and shame the devil’.

  If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither,

  And I’ll be sworn I have power to shame him hence.

  O, while you live, tell truth and shame the devil.

  MORTIMER

  Come, come, no more of this unprofitable chat.

  GLYNDŴR

  Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head

  Against my power; thrice from the banks of Wye

  And sandy-bottomed Severn have I sent him

  Bootless home, and weather-beaten back.

  HOTSPUR

  Home without boots, and in foul weather too!

  How scapes he agues, in the devil’s name?

  GLYNDŴR

  Come, here’s the map. Shall we divide our right,

  According to our threefold order ta’en?

  MORTIMER

  The Archdeacon hath divided it

  Into three limits very equally.

  England from Trent and Severn hitherto

  By south and east is to my part assigned;

  All westward-Wales beyond the Severn shore

  And all the fertile land within that bound—

  To Owain Glyndwr; (to Hotspur) and, dear coz, to you

  The remnant northward lying off from Trent.

  And our indentures tripartite are drawn,

  Which, being sealèd interchangeably—

  A business that this night may execute—

  Tomorrow, cousin Percy, you and I 80

  And my good lord of Worcester will set forth

  To meet your father and the Scottish power,

  As is appointed us, at Shrewsbury.

  My father, Glyndŵr., is not ready yet,

  Nor shall we need his help these fourteen days.

  Within that space you may have drawn together

  Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen.

  GLYNDŴR

  A shorter time shall send m
e to you, lords;

  And in my conduct shall your ladies come,

  From whom you now must steal and take no leave;

  For there will be a world of water shed 91

  Upon the parting of your wives and you.

  HOTSPUR

  Methinks my moiety north from Burton here

  In quantity equals not one of yours.

  See how this river comes me cranking in,

  And cuts me from the best of all my land

  A huge half-moon, a monstrous cantle, out.

  I’ll have the current in this place dammed up,

  And here the smug and silver Trent shall run

  In a new channel fair and evenly.

  It shall not wind with such a deep indent,

  To rob me of so rich a bottom here.

  GLYNDŴR

  Not wind? It shall, it must; you see it doth.

  MORTIMER

  Yea, but mark how he bears his course, and runs

  me up

  With like advantage on the other side,

  Gelding the opposed continent as much

  As on the other side it takes from you.

  WORCESTER

  Yea, but a little charge will trench him here,

  And on this north side win this cape of land,

  And then he runs straight and even. no

  HOTSPUR

  I’ll have it so; a little charge will do it.

  GLYNDŴR I’ll not have it altered.

  HOTSPUR Will not you?

  GLYNDŴR No, nor you shall not.

  HOTSPUR Who shall say me nay? 115

  GLYNDŴR Why, that will I.

  HOTSPUR

  Let me not understand you, then: speak it in Welsh.

  GLYNDŴR

  I can speak English, lord, as well as you;

  For I was trained up in the English court,

  Where, being but young, I framed to the harp

  Many an English ditty lovely well,

  And gave the tongue a helpful ornament—

  A virtue that was never seen in you.

  HOTSPUR

  Marry, and I am glad of it, with all my heart.

  I had rather be a kitten and cry ‘mew’

  Than one of these same metre ballad-mongers.

  I had rather hear a brazen canstick turned,

  Or a dry wheel grate on the axle-tree,

  And that would set my teeth nothing on edge,

  Nothing so much as mincing poetry.

  ’Tis like the forced gait of a shuffling nag.