The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works

by William Shakespeare

  PANDARUS What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?

  CRESSIDA

  Hector was gone but Helen was not up?

  PANDARUS E’en so. Hector was stirring early.

  CRESSIDA

  That were we talking of, and of his anger.

  PANDARUS Was he angry?

  CRESSIDA So he says here.

  PANDARUS True, he was so. I know the cause too. He’ll lay about him today, I can tell them that. And there’s Troilus will not come far behind him. Let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.

  CRESSIDA What, is he angry too?

  PANDARUS Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

  CRESSIDA

  O Jupiter! There’s no comparison.

  PANDARUS What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man if you see him?

  CRESSIDA

  Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.

  PANDARUS Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

  CRESSIDA

  Then you say as I say, for I am sure

  He is not Hector.

  PANDARUS No, nor Hector is not Troilus, in some degrees.

  CRESSIDA

  ’Tis just to each of them: he is himself.

  PANDARUS Himself? Alas, poor Troilus, I would he were.

  CRESSIDA So he is.

  PANDARUS Condition I had gone barefoot to India.

  CRESSIDA He is not Hector.

  PANDARUS Himself ? No, he’s not himself. Would a were himself! Well, the gods are above, time must friend or end. Well, Troilus, well, I would my heart were in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.

  CRESSIDA Excuse me.

  PANDARUS He is elder.

  CRESSIDA Pardon me, pardon me.

  PANDARUS Th‘other’s not come to’t. You shall tell me another tale when th’other’s come to’t. Hector shall not have his will this year.

  CRESSIDA

  He shall not need it if he have his own.

  PANDARUS Nor his qualities.

  CRESSIDA No matter.

  PANDARUS Nor his beauty.

  CRESSIDA

  ’Twould not become him; his own’s better.

  PANDARUS You have no judgement, niece. Helen herself swore th‘other day that Troilus for a brown favour, for so ’tis, I must confess—not brown neither—

  CRESSIDA No, but brown.

  PANDARUS Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.

  CRESSIDA To say the truth, true and not true.

  PANDARUS She praised his complexion above Paris’.

  CRESSIDA Why, Paris hath colour enough.

  PANDARUS So he has.

  CRESSIDA Then Troilus should have too much. If she praised him above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour enough, and the other higher, is too flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as lief Helen’s golden tongue had commended Troilus for a copper nose.

  PANDARUS I swear to you, I think Helen loves him better than Paris.

  CRESSIDA Then she’s a merry Greek indeed.

  PANDARUS Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th’other day into the compassed window, and you know he has not past three or four hairs on his chin—

  CRESSIDA Indeed, a tapster’s arithmetic may soon bring his particulars therein to a total. no

  PANDARUS Why, he is very young—and yet will he within three pound lift as much as his brother Hector.

  CRESSIDA Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?

  PANDARUS But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin.

  CRESSIDA Juno have mercy! How came it cloven?

  PANDARUS Why, you know, ’tis dimpled. I think his smiling becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.

  CRESSIDA O he smiles valiantly.

  PANDARUS Does he not?

  CRESSIDA O yes, an’t were a cloud in autumn.

  PANDARUS Why, go to then. But to prove to you that Helen loves Troilus—

  CRESSIDA Troilus will stand to the proof if you’ll prove it so.

  PANDARUS Troilus? Why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an addle egg.

  CRESSIDA If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head you would eat chickens i’th’ shell.

  PANDARUS I cannot choose but laugh to think how she tickled his chin. Indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I must needs confess—

  CRESSIDA Without the rack.

  PANDARUS And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.

  CRESSIDA Alas, poor chin! Many a wart is richer.

  PANDARUS But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed that her eyes ran o’er.

  CRESSIDA With millstones.

  PANDARUS And Cassandra laughed.

  CRESSIDA But there was a more temperate fire under the pot of her eyes—or did her eyes run o’er too?

  PINDARUS And Hector laughed.

  CRESSIDA At what was all this laughing?

  PANDARUS Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on

  Troilus’ chin.

  CRESSIDA An’t had been a green hair I should have laughed too.

  PANDARUS They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer.

  CRESSIDA What was his answer?

  PANDARUS Quoth she, ‘Here’s but two-and-fifty hairs on your chin, and one of them is white.’

  CRESSIDA This is her question.

  PINDARUS That’s true, make no question of that. ‘Two-and-fifty hairs,’ quoth he, ‘and one white? That white hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.’ ‘Jupiter!’ quoth she, ‘which of these hairs is Paris my husband?’ ‘The forked one,’ quoth he, ‘pluck’t out and give it him.’ But there was such laughing, and Helen so blushed and Paris so chafed and all the rest so laughed, that it passed.

  CRESSIDA So let it now, for it has been a great while going by.

  PANDARUS Well, cousin, I told you a thing yesterday.

  Think on’t.

  CRESSIDA So I do.

  PANDARUS I’ll be sworn ’tis true. He will weep you an’t were a man born in April.

  CRESSIDA And I’ll spring up in his tears an’t were a nettle against May.

  A retreat is sounded

  PANDARUS Hark, they are coming from the field. Shall we stand up here and see them as they pass toward Ilium? Good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida.

  CRESSIDA At your pleasure.

  PANDARUS Here, here, here’s an excellent place, here we may see most bravely. I’ll tell you them all by their names as they pass by, but mark Troilus above the rest.

  Enter Aeneas passing by ⌈below⌉

  CRESSIDA Speak not so loud.

  PANDARUS That’s Aeneas. Is not that a brave man? He’s one of the flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus; you shall see anon.

  Enter Antenor passing by ⌈below⌉

  CRESSIDA Who’s that?

  PANDARUS That’s Antenor. He has a shrewd wit, I can tell you, and he’s a man good enough. He’s one o’th’ soundest judgements in Troy whosoever, and a proper man of person. When comes Troilus? I’ll show you Troilus anon. If he see me you shall see him nod at me.

  CRESSIDA Will he give you the nod?

  PANDARUS You shall see.

  CRESSIDA If he do, the rich shall have more.

  Enter Hector passing by ⌈below⌉

  PANDARUS That’s Hector, that, that, look you, that. There’s a fellow!—Go thy way, Hector!—There’s a brave man, niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks. There’s a countenance. Is’t not a brave man?

  CRESSIDA O a brave man.

  PANDARUS Is a not? It does a man’s heart good. Look you what hacks are on his helmet. Look you yonder, do you see? Look you there. There’s no jesting. There’s laying on, take’t off who will, as they say. There be hacks.

  CRESSIDA Be those with swords?

  Enter Paris passing by ⌈below⌉

  PANDARUS Swords, anything, he cares not. A
n the devil come to him it’s all one. By’God’s lid it does one’s heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris. Look ye yonder, niece. Is’t not a gallant man too? Is’t not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came hurt home today? He’s not hurt. Why, this will do Helen’s heart good now, hal Would I could see Troilus now. You shall see Troilus anon.

  Enter Helenus passing by ⌈below⌉

  CRESSIDA Who’s that?

  PANDARUS That’s Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That’s Helenus. I think he went not forth today. That’s Helenus.

  CRESSIDA Can Helenus fight, uncle?

  PANDARUS Helenus? No—yes, he’ll fight indifferent well.

  I marvel where Troilus is.

  ⌈A Shout⌉

  Hark, do you not hear the people cry ‘Troilus’? Helenus is a priest.

  Enter Troilus passing by ⌈below⌉

  CRESSIDA What sneaking fellow comes yonder?

  PANDARUS Where? Yonder? That’s Deiphobus.—’Tis Troilus! There’s a man, niece, h’m? Brave Troilus, the prince of chivalry!

  CRESSIDA Peace, for shame, peace.

  PANDARUS Mark him, note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon him, niece. Look you how his sword is bloodied and his helm more hacked than Hector‘s, and how he looks and how he goes. O admirable youth! He ne’er saw three-and-twenty.—Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way!—Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess, he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris is dirt to him, and I warrant Helen to change would give an eye to boot.

  Enter common soldiers passing by ⌈below⌉

  CRESSIDA Here comes more.

  PANDARUS Asses, fools, dolts. Chaff and bran, chaff and bran. Porridge after meat. I could live and die i‘th’ eyes of Troilus. Ne’er look, ne’er look, the eagles are gone. Crows and daws, crows and daws. I had rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and all Greece.

  CRESSIDA There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus.

  PANDARUS Achilles? A drayman, a porter, a very camel.

  CRESSIDA Well, well.

  PANDARUS Well, well? Why, have you any discretion? Have you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality, and so forth, the spice and salt that season a man?

  CRESSIDA Ay, a minced man—and then to be baked with no date in the pie, for then the man’s date is out.

  PANDARUS You are such another woman! One knows not at what ward you lie.

  CRESSIDA Upon my back to defend my belly, upon my wit to defend my wiles, upon my secrecy to defend mine honesty, my mask to defend my beauty, and you to defend all these—and at all these wards I lie at a thousand watches.

  PANDARUS Say one of your watches.

  CRESSIDA ‘Nay, I’ll watch you for that’—and that’s one of the chiefest of them too. If I cannot ward what I would not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took the blow—unless it swell past hiding, and then it’s past watching.

  PANDARUS You are such another!

  Enter Boy

  BOY Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.

  PANDARUS Where?

  BOY At your own house.

  PANDARUS Good boy, tell him I come.

  Exit Boy

  I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well, good niece.

  CRESSIDA Adieu, uncle.

  PANDARUS I’ll be with you, niece, by and by.

  CRESSIDA To bring, uncle?

  PANDARUS Ay, a token from Troilus.

  CRESSIDA By the same token, you are a bawd.

  Exeunt Pandarus ⌈and Alexander⌉

  Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love’s full sacrifice

  He offers in another’s enterprise;

  But more in Troilus thousandfold I see

  Than in the glass of Pandar’s praise may be.

  Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing;

  Things won are done. Joy’s soul lies in the doing.

  That she beloved knows naught that knows not this:

  Men price the thing ungained more than it is.

  That she was never yet that ever knew

  Love got so sweet as when desire did sue.

  Therefore this maxim out of love I teach:

  Achievement is command; ungained, beseech.

  Then though my heart’s contents firm love doth bear,

  Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.

  Exit

  1.3 Sennet. Enter Agamemnon, Nestor, Ulysses, Diomedes, and Menelaus, with others

  AGAMEMNON

  Princes, what grief hath set the jaundice on your

  cheeks?

  The ample proposition that hope makes

  In all designs begun on earth below

  Fails in the promised largeness. Checks and disasters

  Grow in the veins of actions highest reared,

  As knots, by the conflux of meeting sap,

  Infects the sound pine and diverts his grain

  Tortive and errant from his course of growth.

  Nor, princes, is it matter new to us

  That we come short of our suppose so far

  That after seven years’ siege yet Troy walls stand,

  Sith every action that hath gone before,

  Whereof we have record, trial did draw

  Bias and thwart, not answering the aim

  And that unbodied figure of the thought

  That gave’t surmised shape. Why then, you princes,

  Do you with cheeks abashed behold our works,

  And think them shames, which are indeed naught else

  But the protractive trials of great Jove

  To find persistive constancy in men?

  The fineness of which mettle is not found

  In fortune’s love—for then the bold and coward,

  The wise and fool, the artist and unread,

  The hard and soft, seem all affined and kin.

  But in the wind and tempest of her frown

  Distinction with a loud and powerful fan,

  Puffing at all, winnows the light away,

  And what hath mass or matter by itself

  Lies rich in virtue and unminglèd.

  NESTOR

  With due observance of thy godly seat,

  Great Agamemnon, Nestor shall apply

  Thy latest words. In the reproof of chance

  Lies the true proof of men. The sea being smooth,

  How many shallow bauble-boats dare sail

  Upon her patient breast, making their way

  With those of nobler bulk!

  But let the ruffian Boreas once enrage

  The gentle Thetis, and anon behold

  The strong-ribbed barque through liquid mountains

  cut,

  Bounding between the two moist elements

  Like Perseus’ horse. Where’s then the saucy boat

  Whose weak untimbered sides but even now

  Co-rivalled greatness? Either to harbour fled,

  Or made a toast for Neptune. Even so

  Doth valour’s show and valour’s worth divide

  In storms of fortune. For in her ray and brightness

  The herd hath more annoyance by the breese

  Than by the tiger; but when the splitting wind

  Makes flexible the knees of knotted oaks

  And flies flee under shade, why then the thing of

  courage,

  As roused with rage, with rage doth sympathize,

  And with an accent tuned in selfsame key

  Retorts to chiding fortune.

  ULYSSES Agamemnon,

  Thou great commander, nerve and bone of Greece,

  Heart of our numbers, soul and only spirit

  In whom the tempers and the minds of all

  Should be shut up, hear what Ulysses speaks.

  Besides th’applause and approbation

  The which, (to Agamemnon) most mighty for thy place

  and sway,

  And thou, (to Ne
stor) most reverend for thy stretched-out

  life,

  I give to both your speeches—which were such

  As, Agamemnon, every hand of Greece

  Should hold up high in brass, and such again

  As, venerable Nestor, hatched in silver,

  Should with a bond of air, strong as the axle-tree

  On which the heavens ride, knit all Greeks’ ears

  To his experienced tongue—yet let it please both,

  Thou (to Agamemnon) great, and (to Nestor) wise, to

  hear Ulysses speak.

  AGAMEMNON

  Speak, Prince of Ithaca, and be’t of less expect

  That matter needless, of importless burden,

  Divide thy lips, than we are confident

  When rank Thersites opes his mastic jaws

  We shall hear music, wit, and oracle.

  ULYSSES

  Troy, yet upon his basis, had been down

  And the great Hector’s sword had lacked a master

  But for these instances:

  The specialty of rule hath been neglected.

  And look how many Grecian tents do stand

  Hollow upon this plain: so many hollow factions.

  When that the general is not like the hive

  To whom the foragers shall all repair,

  What honey is expected? Degree being vizarded,

  Th’unworthiest shows as fairly in the masque

  ⌈ ⌉.

  The heavens themselves, the planets, and this centre

  Observe degree, priority, and place,

  Infixture, course, proportion, season, form,

  Office and custom, in all line of order.

  And therefore is the glorious planet Sol

  In noble eminence enthroned and sphered

  Amidst the other, whose med‘cinable eye

  Corrects the ill aspects of planets evil

  And posts like the commandment of a king,

  Sans check, to good and bad. But when the planets

  In evil mixture to disorder wander,

  What plagues and what portents, what mutiny?

  What raging of the sea, shaking of earth?

  Commotion in the winds, frights, changes, horrors

  Divert and crack, rend and deracinate

  The unity and married calm of states

  Quite from their fixture. O when degree is shaked,