Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines)

by Shar Dimick

  “Close your eyes Liv. Close your eyes and keep them closed. Not tight, just gently shut. Focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath in from the bottom of your diaphragm. Blow your stomach up like a big balloon. Hold it, while I count to three.”

  Liv took a deep, cool breath in. She could smell his earthy scent as he spoke in a calming voice. “One, two, three. Okay, now let it out. Exhale through your mouth. Let’s do that a couple more times. Deep breath in. One, two, three. Let it out, slowly. Let your mind go blank. Feel the tension in your forehead and let it go. Relax and feel the contrast.” Cam expertly led her through the deep-relaxation technique. Liv’s heart rate slowed and she began to come back down.

  “I’m going to count backward from ten to one. When I get to one, open your eyes and look at me. You’ll feel calm and relaxed. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one...open your eyes.” Liv’s eyes slowly fluttered open and focused on the incredible man searching her face. Cam smiled at her. “How do you feel?”

  “Better. Actually, I do feel much better. Thank you.”

  “How long have you been having panic attacks?”

  “What? How did you know?”

  “My mom used to have them all the time. I always felt so helpless when she’d go through one. When I was in med school, I did a rotation in psych. I picked up some coping techniques from the psychiatrist I shadowed. This one always helps my mom.”

  Liv was stunned. “Med school? Really? Weren’t you the one that was always pulling the legs off bugs?”

  Cam laughed. “Yep, that was me. When I was in junior high, I realized my mom struggled from anxiety and panic disorder. My dad couldn’t relate to her during her ‘episodes.’ I knew then I wanted to find a way to help her. I thought about going into psychiatry, but in the end settled on family practice.”

  “I don’t know what to say, except I’m glad you did. Thanks again. I feel almost normal again, at least for now.” She was quiet for a moment as she reflected on what just took place. “Actually, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have panic attacks. They come and they go. Recently, they’ve been coming more than going. The only trouble is I can’t figure out what’s triggering them this time.” She continued talking as Cam quietly listened without interrupting. “There really isn’t anything for me to be stressed about now. It’d been over a year since I’d had one and then a week or so ago they started again. I’ve been having them two or three times a day ever since. I just don’t get it. Why now? I should be happy. I have a great job, a beautiful daughter, I’m on vacation…” She trailed off. “Do you think I’m going crazy?”

  Cam studied her face a minute and realized her question was serious. “No, not at all…Why would I?”

  “I...don’t know. No reason, I guess. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy. I just assumed you...” Liv fumbled for the right words.

  “Don’t assume. It’ll get you into trouble every time.”

  Liv smiled, fighting back tears. “I keep praying they’ll go away, but…they keep coming.”

  “You’re a strong woman, Liv. You’ll get through this episode and be even stronger in the end.”

  “I know you’re right. Sometimes I just need a reminder.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll keep reminding you! You’re going to have a great vacation. If I can help it, you won’t even have time to think about panicking.”

  “Sounds like a good plan to me. Let’s get started.”

  “That’s the girl I remember. Let’s get the camp fire going before Sara and your grandma get back.”

  Liv crumpled up some old newspapers and placed them in the fire pit. The ground was still wet from the rain, but the small twigs and birch bark that Cam had sent Sara off to gather from the back yard earlier quickly caught fire. Cam slowly added larger pieces of wood. Soon they had a nice campfire going. Cam used a small hatchet to whittle the ends of two long sticks to ready for roasting marshmallows.

  “We’re back!” Sara called. She skipped toward the fire, her hands cupped in front of her. “Guess what I have?”

  “I hope it’s not another puppy,” Liv joked.

  “It’s in my hands.” She came around the chairs and tripped on her flip-flop.

  “Careful around the fire, Sara!” Sara stepped back from the fire, the excitement gone from her face. Liv quickly apologized. “I’m sorry Sara. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just that you scared me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. I’ll be more careful.”

  “So, what’s in your hands?” Cam asked. “Can I see?”

  Sara walked slowly over to Cam’s chair. She opened her hands for him to see her treasure. In the middle of her palm sat a lightening bug. Its tail flashed on and off. Realizing it was no longer trapped between Sara’s hands, it quickly flew away.

  “Ohhh,” Sara lamented as she tried to recapture it and failed.

  “Don’t worry. You have all summer to catch more lightening bugs,” Cam reassured her and handed her a stick with a marshmallow on it. “Let’s get started on roasting the marshmallows.” He squatted down by the fire and showed her how to hold the marshmallow over the hot coals under the blaze. Sara watched wide-eyed as Cam helped her gently turn the marshmallow. It bubbled up golden brown and gooey. “Almost done. Bring it out slowly so it doesn’t fall off the stick.” Sara almost had it out when the marshmallow burst into flames. She quickly blew at the burning marshmallow, putting out the fire. Now the marshmallow was charred black. Sara scrunched up her nose.

  “Bring it over here,” Hannah called. “I like the burnt ones.” She held out a graham cracker that already had a piece of chocolate on it. Sara set the marshmallow, still on the stick, onto her grandma’s cracker. Hannah used the other cracker to pull off the marshmallow and make her sticky sandwich.

  “Let’s try again,” Cam said. He held out a fresh marshmallow to Sara. They continued to roast marshmallows until everyone had one of the delicious snacks except Liv.

  “Do you want one Mom?”

  “Not right now. Go ahead and make another one for yourself.” She smiled at her daughter and tried to forget about the nausea that made eating anything sound bad. “It’s getting late. After you have your last s’more it’s about time for bed.”

  “Really, Mom, I’m not even tired.”

  I know, thought Liv. But, I am.

  Cam glanced at his watch. It was almost 10:00 PM. Liv looked exhausted. “You’ve had a big day today, getting your new puppy and all. I bet you’ll fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. I know I will!”

  Sara looked at him skeptically. “Can Pup-Pup sleep with me?”

  “I don’t know. She’s not house-broken yet.”

  “Good point,” Cam added. “It’s probably better if she stays in her crate at night so she doesn’t have an accident on your bed.”

  “I guess so,” Sara relented. Her face was a sticky, chocolaty mess.

  “Come on Sara.” Liv stood and held out her hand to the pouting Sara. “I’ll help you get your bath and PJ’s on.”

  “I’ll tell you what. If your Mom says okay, once I get the fire put out, I’ll come in and read you a bed time story,” Cam offered.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Liv said.

  “I want to.”

  “I’m sure Sara would like that.”

  “Hurray!” Sara jumped up and down as the two headed back to the cottage.

  By the time Sara was bathed and ready for bed, Cam had finished dousing the fire and putting the chairs back under the porch overhang. Hannah was in the kitchen putting away the left over s’more supplies. Liv went to help her grandmother straighten up, while Cam read to Sara.

  Liv heard Cam ask Sara which book she wanted to hear. “Can you read three?” Sara replied. Liv smiled as she continued down the hall toward the kitchen.

  She unloaded the dishwasher as Hannah wiped down the counters.

  “Cameron sure is good with Sara,” Hannah commented.
“I always liked that boy.”

  “I know Gram, so did I.”

  “Hopefully you two will renew your friendship over the summer.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Why maybe?”

  “Well I’m sure he has more important things to do than hang out with me. I’m not exactly Ms. Fun lately. Besides I’m sure he has a wife or at least a girlfriend.”

  Hannah started to argue when Cam’s lean frame filled the doorway.

  “She’s asleep.”

  “Really?” Liv and Hannah asked in unison.

  “Out like a light.”

  “She must have been tired then or you have some secret magic touch I don’t know about.”

  “Is there anything else I can do before I go?” Cam asked, not quite ready to leave.

  “No, I think we’ve got everything taken care of here,” Hannah replied. “Thanks so much for staying.”

  “Thanks for having me.”

  “Liv, can you see Cameron out? I’m going to get ready for bed.” Cam stepped aside so Hannah could pass by.

  Alone again, Liv thought, nervously.

  “Thanks again for earlier.” Liv walked Cam to the front door. She stepped out onto the porch and the full moon illuminated her face.

  “I’m just glad I could help.” He turned toward her and studied her eyes for a moment before glancing to her mouth. He looked as if he wanted to kiss her. Liv’s heart quickened at the thought of his mouth on hers and knew she still wanted him to. He leaned in and then stepped back.

  “Well, I better get going.”

  “Yeah, it’s getting late,” Liv agreed disappointment and relief flooding her senses at the same time. “It was good seeing you again.”

  “You too.” Cam squeezed her hand and let it go. He headed to his truck and she turned to go back inside.

  “Wait, Liv! Can I call you later?”

  “Yes, definitely, yes! Let me give you my number.” She jogged over to his pickup and quickly entered her contact information into his cell phone.

  “Thanks!” He jumped up into his pickup truck, rolled the window down and rested his arm on it. “See you later,” He said and turned over the ignition. The radio blared and he quickly reached over to turn it down. “Bye, Liv.”

  “Bye, Cam.” She stepped aside and he backed out of the driveway. He glanced in his rearview mirror and saw her watching him. She hadn’t gone back inside yet.

  “Bye,” Liv mouthed and waved. She was still smiling as his truck disappeared into the distance. Damn, I forgot to ask him for his number.

  Chapter Three

  Cam jogged down the nearly deserted boardwalk just as the sun began to rise. It was just after six in the morning and most vacationers were still sleeping. The shops that lined the marina didn’t even open until nine. A couple of gulls fighting over a stale bun flew away as Cam approached them. The waves hit the sandy shore steadily—any sign of the previous day’s sand castles was gone. He raised his hand to acknowledge another runner headed in the opposite direction with his golden retriever. He concentrated on the rhythm of his feet hitting the wooden planks and the air filling his lungs. His calves ached but he pressed on. For the last five years, he had started every morning with a ten mile run. The ritual helped keep him focused as well as in shape. He’d worked out the solutions to many problems in his life on his morning runs.

  This morning Cam’s thoughts turned to Liv. He’d thought he was over her a long time ago, but after seeing her again he knew he wasn’t. And there laid the big problem. He was far from over her and she was married to someone else. He wanted to spend time with her, but he didn’t know if he could keep his feelings for her in check. He certainly didn’t want to deal with a jealous husband or cause any problems for her. She already seemed vulnerable. He didn’t want to make her anxiety worse by causing any friction between her and her husband. Yet the thought of not seeing her, not spending time with her when she was so close seemed impossible. He knew he couldn’t stay away from her even if he tried. Now that he’d found her again, he couldn’t, wouldn’t let her go again. He had to find a way to be friends with her without crossing the line.

  Cam glanced at his heart-rate monitor, pedometer, multi-function, do-it-all watch his older brother, Brad, had given him last Christmas. He was slightly ahead of his normal pace at the half-way point of his run. He slowed down and made a loop to head back the other way. He surveyed the beach in front of him and headed down toward the shoreline to run in the sand. People had started to stake out their lounge chairs and striped umbrellas, but for the most part the beach remained quiet. The breeze off the lake felt refreshing against his hot, sweaty body as he pushed ahead. The pinkish orange sky gently turned a vivid blue. Only a few puffy white clouds lazed across the sky low on the horizon. Cam smiled to himself. It was going to be a beautiful summer day. Not too hot, not too cool, low humidity and sunshine. Perfect.

  Up ahead he noticed a young child throwing a ball for her dog. The dog bounded after the ball caught it in its mouth and ran circles around the thrower. He could hear the child’s laughter carried on the breeze as she chased and then pulled the ball from the dog’s mouth only to send it sailing through the air again. His gut twisted at the sight. He wanted a family. He wanted a little girl and a dog and a wife. So far though, he hadn’t found the right woman. Not that he’d actually looked that hard. He’d hardly had time for a social life with college, medical school, residency and finally his family practice. He spent long hours at the clinic. Sure he’d dated off and on, but soon the woman would realize his job was his life. Now that he’d left the busy practice, he could regroup. He could figure out where he wanted to practice medicine. He knew the big-city pace in Chicago was sucking the energy out of him. At the rate he was going, he’d have been burned out of medicine before he turned 35. He knew he wanted to get back to small town life and a slower pace. He wanted regular hours and a life outside of work. He wanted what Liv had, a family. . .

  Liv. His thoughts went back to her as he picked up his pace a little. He wondered if he should give her a call later in the day or wait until tomorrow. He’d already waited three days and itched to see her again. He’d punched in her number several times only to hang up before pressing send. He didn’t want to come across as anything other than a friend. Maybe he should just drop by and see if she wanted to go to the beach or on a hike or something. No, calling ahead was definitely better. He probably should wait until tomorrow to call. Damn. He hated waiting. Maybe, it would be okay to give her a call today anyway. Then, he could make plans for tomorrow and at least talk to her today. A good compromise he thought to himself just as a yellow tennis ball rolled under his foot. Lost in thought, he stumbled over the ball, unable to react quickly enough to avoid it. At least he caught his balance before he did a face-plant into the sand.

  “Sorry!” a voice called out to him. The ball-throwing culprit and her dog were suddenly upon him. “I’m really sorry mister. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Sara?” Cam asked pulling his sunglasses off.

  “Oh, it’s you Cam! You look different,” Sara said. “I’m really sorry we tripped you. I didn’t mean to throw the ball by you. I was trying to throw it the other way.” The girl rambled on without taking a breath.

  “It’s okay Sara. Really, I’m fine. The wind probably caught it.” Cam handed her back the tennis ball.

  “Thanks.” She threw the ball for Pup-Pup and the little dog bounded after it.

  “Where’s your mom?” Cam scanned the beach looking for Liv.

  “Oh, she’s over there setting up her umbrella.” Sara pointed down the beach. Sure enough, Liv was stretched out on a lounge chair under a white, yellow and red striped beach umbrella. Cam sucked in his breath as he gazed over her slim, but curvy figure. She wore a red and white flowered bikini. The top tied behind her neck and plunged in the front just enough to tease. She had her hair pulled up on top of her head, revealing the curve of her long neck. A few stray tendri
ls hung in her face. She bent over to smooth sunscreen over endless legs. Being friends is going to be harder than I thought, he realized as he quickly tried to cover his blatant staring from Sara.

  “Oh, there she is. I see her now.” Cam acted as if he’d just spotted her. He lowered his sunglasses back down. “So, is your Dad coming down to the beach too?”

  She looked at him oddly before replying, “No, he’s out of town on a business trip.”

  “That’s too bad. You probably miss him.” Smooth, Cam, that wasn’t obvious, his inner dialog told him.

  “Yeah, I guess so. Come on, Cam, I know Mom wants to talk to you. She’s been hoping you’d call her for the last two days.” Sara pulled him with her toward her mother.

  His stomach flipped. “Really?” he wanted to ask, but decided against it. As much as he wanted to know more, it felt wrong to take advantage of the young girl’s openness. Liv probably wouldn’t appreciate him prying her secrets out of her daughter. “Actually, I was going to give you guys a call today.”

  Sara smiled. “I knew you would! I told Mom, you’d probably call today.”

  Cam smiled. “You were right. Lead on darling. Let’s go see what she’s up to.” He followed Sara across the sand to where Liv was laying.

  Liv set the sunscreen aside and dug through her bag looking for her eBook reader. She glanced up and saw Sara coming toward her with a strange man. He must’ve been out running as his green and black running shirt was soaked with sweat. He wore a black do-rag on his head, keeping the sweat from running into his face. Liv couldn’t see his eyes under the dark aviator’s he wore. His thigh muscles rippled as he moved across the sand toward them. Liv suddenly felt self-conscious in her bathing suit and looked around for her cover-up.

  “Sara. Who’re you talking to?” Liv admonished her daughter. “You know better than to talk to strange…” she broke off when she realized the man was Cam. Twice in one week, I didn’t recognize him, she thought.