Heart Song (The Erotic Rockstar Series)

by Botefuhr, Bec

She sighs and takes my hand, leading me to a nearby bench.

  “He is hurt, angry and depressed. He went downhill when you left.”

  “Tell me Reagan, so I understand. Tell me what happened?”

  She sighs.

  “I remember seeing him the first week after you left, he was drunk. I tried to talk with him, tried to help him see that you were hurting but he wouldn’t hear me out. He was so hurt, so broken. He smashed his bike, his car, and his guitars. He and Chief got into brawls, he didn’t see his daughter and even when he did it was brief because Anna didn’t trust him.”

  “All because of me?”

  “It wasn’t just you honey, you can’t go taking all the blame.”

  “But…I never let him explain.”

  “No, maybe not but he could have found you too, if he really wanted to.”

  That stings.

  “Do you think he didn’t want to?”

  “I think Travis has a lot of issues and he wasn’t dealing with them either. I think sometimes, people have to hit rock bottom before they can make things better. Travis has hit his rock bottom, and you have come back, maybe it’s all how it’s meant to be.”

  “Thank you, for being here…”

  “I will always be here, you know that.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  TRAVIS

  I can’t believe she is here. I thought I was fucking seeing things. How dare she come back and just rock up to my show like nothing has happened. Two years, two years I have fucking drowned without her. Not a phone call, not a text, not even a goodbye fucking letter and now here she is, back home and looking as beautiful as ever.

  I smash my guitar over the back of a chair; Harley comes in and stares at me. He saw her too; a fucking warning would have nice. He walks over and cracks a bottle of whiskey, he hands it to me and I swallow a shot down, hissing at the burn. I pop three pills and tilt my head back, swallowing them back as well. After a minute, I feel myself calming down.

  “What is she doin’ here?” Harley asks.

  “Did you know? Did Reagan tell you?”

  “No, she didn’t. I had no idea.”

  “Why would she fucking just come back? She had the nerve to tell me she didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “You know, it’s probably not the end of the world.”

  “She fucking upped and left me two years ago.”

  “Yeah I know, but at least now you can get it over with once and for all.”

  “The nerve!” I hiss.

  “Trav, buddy, you didn’t exactly do the right thing by her either. It isn’t just you that should be angry.”

  I sigh and run my hands through my hair.

  “You think I don’t fucking know that? I feel like an ass. I am so mad at her, and yet…seeing her again crushed me. It fucking crushed me man. She looks so perfect, and I know that she is hurting, she has every fucking right to hurt.”

  “You both fucked up. You lied, she ran. In the end, you just have to know if you want to deal with it or you don’t. If the feelings aren’t there…”

  “They are there, they have always been there. Violet was my everything, and I’ll be fucked if I am letting her go again. We are going to sort this out.”

  “It will come good man, just give it time.”

  “What if I don’t have time?”

  VIOLET

  I realize I have left my phone at Chief’s house, so Reagan and I head over once we have gotten ourselves something to eat at a nearby restaurant. As soon as we pull into the drive way, I see Travis’s house is full of random people. Music is pumping and people are dancing and drinking all over his front lawn. We get out of the car, and Reagan grips my hand.

  “What do you suppose is going on over there?”

  I shrug. “No idea, a party I guess?”

  “I guess.”

  We walk inside Chief’s house, to find him sitting on the couch drinking beer. He looks up when we come in and I quickly look away. Not wanting to explain my red, puffy eyes right now.

  “Hey Chief.” Reagan smiles.

  “Hey there girl, long time no see.”

  “Yeah, we just have to pick up her phone.”

  “How’d tonight go?”

  I close my eyes. “I saw Trav, it didn’t go well.”

  “Oh.”

  We walk up to my room, and I find my phone on the bedside table. I pick it up and we head back down.

  “I will come and see you tomorrow ok?”

  “Alright baby, be good.”

  We walk out and just as we step onto the front patio, I hear the sound of a girl giggling. I look over and see Travis; he is on the porch with a woman straddling him, and I snap. Literally. I shove my phone into Reagan’s hand and begin storming over. He doesn’t get to speak to me like a dog, then just walk away. His eyes widen as I come up the steps.

  “Get lost.” I snap at the woman.

  She glares at me, but Trav shoves her off his lap.

  “What do you want Violet, I thought we said all that needed to be said.”

  “No, see, you are a wrong Travis. We didn’t say all that needed to be said. You said what you needed to say, but I didn’t get a word in so here it is: You don’t get to blame me for the last two years; you don’t get to say I broke you and ruined your life. I know what I did, I know I never gave you a chance to explain, I know I ran and I regret it but I wasn’t the only one that fucked up what we had. You lied to me, from the day we started dating you could have told me and you didn’t. So don’t sit back with your sour attitude and make me out to be the bad person in all this.”

  His face drops and he stares at me.

  “Are you finished?”

  I begin walking down the stairs, and then I turn.

  “No, I am not. Fuck you right back Travis, that’s right, fuck you!”

  I turn and walk off, leaving him standing on the porch surrounded by curious people. Reagan opens the car door for me, and I slide in. When we are on the road, I breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Holy crap, that was unreal.”

  “He said fuck you to me tonight, and he never gave me a chance to give that right back to him. He deserved that fuck you and everything else he got.”

  “Finally.” She sighs.

  “Finally what?”

  “You have taken all the blame for the break up over the past two years. Poor Travis, you never let him explain, maybe you didn’t, but you also had just been betrayed by your Father, seen a man kill himself and been shot. I would have run too, you needed that time.”

  “He isn’t all to blame though.”

  “Maybe not, but neither are you.”

  “No, I guess not.”

  “Do you think that got through to him?”

  I shrug. “I wouldn’t know.”

  She shakes her head. “Who knows anything with Travis Phoenix?”

  How right she is.

  CHAPTER SIX

  I see his face; it is all I can see. His pained eyes, the determination to kill me is nearly stronger than the pain, but right now, the pain is all I see. Pain, that he lost his twin, that he blames me for it. He is standing over me, Travis is screaming my name but all I can see is Jeremy. He puts the gun to his temple, and he closes his eyes for the last time. I croak no, I try to move but I am paralyzed, the pain is too much. Then, all I can see is blood, so much blood.

  I sit up panting, unable to catch my breath. I have this dream every night; I can never sleep without seeing his face, without seeing him kill himself. Guilt swallows me, causing me to tremble. I get out of bed, my clothes are damp. I walk into the bathroom and take off my shirt. I stare at the jagged scar on my chest, it’s purple and shiny, and is a daily reminder that I lived and Jeremy died. I run my fingers over the raised skin, and try hard to push the horrid memories from my mind.

  I look over at the time and realize it is eight in the morning. I get myself dressed; I need to start my job hunt today because all my money will go towards this place when I pay for
it. I walk out into the lounge and Reagan is already up and making coffee. I breathe in the smell and sigh, walking into the kitchen and getting myself a bagel from the fridge.

  “How did you sleep?”

  “I don’t really.” I admit.

  “Nightmares?”

  “Something like that.”

  “So, what are your plans for today?”

  “Job hunting, and more job hunting.”

  She laughs.

  “Sounds fun.”

  “I am going to swing by Chief’s first.”

  “Alright, I am going to work but I will see you later?”

  “Later, definitely.”

  When I am done with breakfast, I head over to Chief’s. I pull up and I can see Travis and Anna in the front yard of his house arguing. I stay in my car, scared to get out. I wind the window down just a touch and I can hear them screaming. It is only then I notice the little girl in the car. Trav’s daughter? Poor thing, she shouldn’t be listening to this sort of arguing. Anna looks the same, she is very beautiful but she also looks worn out. She throws her hands up and turns to walk away.

  “Fuck you Anna, you stupid bitch.”

  Stupid bitch? Trav never speaks to people that way, my mouth opens in shock.

  “I can’t deal with you anymore, we are leaving.”

  “Good, get lost, I couldn’t care less.”

  “You have a daughter.” She wails.

  “Yeah and you never let me fucking see her.”

  “You are high; do you really think I will let my daughter stay with you today?”

  Travis is using drugs? I take a good look at him, and recall his dark eyes, paler skin and drawn out look. My heart thumps wildly, drugs frighten me.

  “How about you fuck off then, and don’t come back.”

  “Go to hell Travis.”

  “I do, every fucking day.”

  “When will you get over all this? It has been two years; I have given you two years to clean up so you can see your daughter and you still fuck up.”

  “Fuck off Anna!”

  He storms off down the road and I quickly get out of the car. Anna sees me and shakes her head. I rush over, she looks so hurt and I feel a touch bad for her.

  “Annabelle?”

  “Violet, you’re back.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Are things so bad?”

  “He is damaged Violet, I have tried but it’s just gone. I don’t want to hate him, but it is happening slowly. I have to protect my daughter.”

  “I am sure he loves her…”

  She smiles, but it is pained.

  “He does, when he is sober. I have to think of her, you have to understand that.”

  “I do.” I whisper.

  “For what it’s worth Violet, I am sorry we came back and ruined things between you and Trav. If I didn’t…maybe he wouldn’t have become this monster.”

  I close my eyes a Moment.

  “It wasn’t your fault; your daughter deserves to know her Father.”

  “Not while he is like this, I can’t take it.”

  “Is he doing drugs?”

  She nods.

  “Yes, he is. I tried to stick by him, to help him out of it but I can’t get through to him. I honestly believe you are the only person who can fix this Violet.”

  I am shocked by her words.

  “He hates me.”

  “No,” She says softly. “He adores you, you are his soul and no one will ever compare. You are the only person who can fix him.”

  “Please, won’t you at least stay and make things right, let him say goodbye?”

  She shakes her head.

  “If he gets clean, he can see her, I swear that. For now, I have to protect her. Tell him I am sorry.”

  “Please Anna!”

  She gives me a pained look and gets into the car. I watch as she gives me one last weak smile and drives away without looking back. I stand on the drive way just staring for such a long moment. I sit on the drive way needing to process everything I just heard. Travis is on drugs, God, why is he on drugs? He loves me? I can’t seem to get all this through my mind in one hit.

  I look up a moment later to see Travis standing in the front yard shirtless and staring at me, he has obviously been to the beach swimming. I gape at the massive tattoo across his chest; it says “Mischief.” I can’t believe he has that tattooed on him. What is with the two men in my life tattooing my name on them? I blink at it a few times, before taking note of his perfectly muscled body. My heart thumps a little, and I quickly look up at his face.

  “Has she gone?”

  I nod.

  “How long?”

  “Pardon?”

  “How long is she going for?”

  “Until you are clean.”

  He looks down at me, and takes a few steps closer.

  “She told you?”

  I nod, swallowing.

  “Well, good riddance.”

  “Trav?” I ask when he begins walking over to his house.

  “What?”

  “Why?”

  He turns and stares at me.

  “Why what?”

  “Why did you fall so hard when I left?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Are you really that stupid? What did you think we had Violet, because you clearly didn’t feel how I felt if you didn’t die without me. I fucking loved you, you were more than my heart; you were my soul and you just up and left.”

  I step closer and whisper. “It doesn’t feel nice when someone you love leaves you, does it?”

  “So that’s what this is about? It is about the past, when I left you? That is childish Violet.”

  “No Travis it isn’t about that, but you did the same thing to me all those years ago. I left because I was hurt, and I don’t have to explain myself over and over to you.”

  “No, because you are too fucking good for that aren’t you? Well good, because I couldn’t give a fuck what you have to say.”

  “What happened to you?” I whisper.

  “YOU!” He roars, “You happened to me.”

  I shake my head and turn, walking off across the road. Travis comes after me.

  “Don’t walk away, you always have your little say and then walk away.”

  I spin on him.

  “What do you want from me Travis? A sorry? Is that what you need? Well, I am sorry ok? I am sorry I hurt you; I am sorry I ran but guess what? You hurt me too, so when am I going to get my damned sorry?”

  He closes his eyes a moment, and then opens them.

  “It won’t change anything, the damage is done.”

  “You know what, you are right. It is done, so maybe it’s best if you just stay away from me.”

  ~*~*~*~

  A week passes and I don’t see a lot of Travis. He is out constantly partying and drinking. Furious, I have avoided him at all costs. I am out with Reagan one afternoon, lying in the sun on the beach when we are approached by three men. The first one stands out to me because he is sun kissed HOT. His hair is light blonde, his skin is olive and his eyes are light blue.

  “Hello there ladies.”

  I lift my sun glasses and sit up, Reagan does too.

  “Well, hello.” I smile.

  “We couldn’t help but notice such pretty girls.”

  “Do you use that line on all of us?” I grin.

  Sun kissed hotty smiles. “I try.”

  “I am taken,” Reagan sighs, eyeing tall dark and handsome standing next to sun kissed. “But she isn’t.”

  I give her a look.

  “Well in that case, what line do I have to use to get you to have a coffee with me?”

  “Seriously? You don’t know me, are you a stalker?”

  The three men laugh.

  “That’s how I get to know you and no, I don’t like to consider myself a stalker, more a…persuasive man.”

  I feel my cheek flush as I grin.


  “Ok then Mr. Persuasive; I will have a coffee with you. Only because my friend here will be watching and will call my biker Father if you touch me.”

  His eyebrows rise and he grins, showing me perfect white teeth.

  “Oh, biker Father?”

  “Phoenix Motorcycle club President.”

  “The Phoenix Motorcycle club?” He asks, shocked.

  “The one and only.”

  “Ok, well noted. I still want to have a coffee with you.”

  “In that case, I accept.”

  I stand and extend my hand out.

  “Violet.”

  “Jacob.”

  “Nice to meet you Jacob.”

  “And you, Violet.”

  Reagan winks at me, and then lies back down.

  “Right here girl if you need.”

  “Thanks Reag’s.”

  “I will catch up with you guys later.” Jacob grins and his buddies leave.

  We walk to a café over the road, and order a coffee. When we are seated, we begin chatting. The conversation flows surprisingly easily.

  “So, do you normally pull random women up and talk to them?”

  He laughs. “Not usually, but there aren’t usually pretty ones lying around.”

  “Half naked.” I add in.

  “Yeah, that. So, tell me daughter of scary biker man, what do you do?”

  “Nothing currently; I only moved back a while ago.”

  “Oh? So you are on the job hunt?”

  I sigh, tipping a sugar in the coffee just placed in front of me.

  “Something like that, it’s draining.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “What about you stalker, what do you do?”

  He grins. “I am studying to become a Police Officer at the moment.”

  “A cop hey? Sexy.”

  He laughs. “Something like that.”

  “Why law enforcement?”

  “I like the action.”

  “Fair enough, and how old are you?”

  “Twenty six.”

  I nod. “You seem to know what you want.”

  “I do, what about you Violet, do you know what you want?”

  I flush. “Mostly.”

  We are chatting and talking about our lives and family when I hear some women scream and a bunch of them stand.

  “Travis, oh my God, it’s Travis Phoenix.”

  I feel my cheeks go red and I lean down in the chair.