Masked Feelings

by Lechna Baram

  Bad feeling.

  “Come,” I said as I walked to the living room and motioned for him to sit on the couch while I paused The 100. Damian raised his eyebrows at the ice cream box on the table but then shook his head to himself. When he turned his attention back to him, I noticed his eyes skimming my legs. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.

  “Can you put some clothes on?” he asked sternly.

  “What do you mean?” I asked. He already saw me naked, for God's sake!

  “I can't think straight with your ass showing,” Damian deadpanned. I huffed and walked to my room. I pulled out denim shorts and quickly put it on before walking back to the living room.

  “So what is it about?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest to look more serious than him. He lifted his face from his phone to look at me. I hated that frown that was constantly present on his beautiful face. He looked so confused and frustrated, the poor thing. By the look on his face, I knew that it was something that I wasn't going to like.

  “Athena, I'm here because we have to talk about the deal,” Damian said.

  “What about it?”

  “We need to end it,” he simply said as he took a deep breath and quickly pulled on an emotionless expression on his face. Did you hear that? Yes. It was my heart breaking. I tried to act normal. I acted as if it didn't hurt me at all.

  “For what particular reason?” I asked.

  “I feel like you're getting too emotionally involved,” Damian said, totally indifferent to his words. Not even a hint of hurt in his voice. I rolled my eyes. I could feel my pride taking over. I didn't want him to crush my fucking pride and dignity. I scoffed and chuckled.

  “It's all over then,” I confirmed, not even denying the part where he said that I was getting too emotionally involved. Why should I deny it when it's the truth? “You may leave now.” I motioned him to the door as I took the remote in my hand to press the play button. I needed to be alone with my ice cream bowl right now.

  “Athena,” he said, but I shook my head. I turned to look at him right in the eye and put a smile on my face to show him that I was fine with it.

  I wasn't.

  “Don't worry. I'm good. I get it,” I told him. “Now go. I gotta watch my series before Rose and Jace come back,” I said and slightly chuckled.

  He gave me a small smile before making his way to the door.

  “I'll talk to you later,” Damian said as he closed the door, answering his phone which was by then, ringing in his hand. Once the door was closed, a sob escaped my mouth.

  No.

  I shouldn't be weak.

  I sat on the couch, realization hitting me like a train. Damian ended our deal because I was getting emotionally involved. Why the hell was I even thinking that Damian and I might have a chance? He most probably still had feelings for Rosemary. I should have seen it coming. A tear rolled down my cheek as I pulled a pillow to me.

  I lost him.

  I clutched tighter to the pillow as I sobbed louder. I never cried for a man before. Why was I crying for him? I should have known from the start that the only one who was going to get hurt in this, was me. As if including the 'No feelings involved' rule was going to stop me from having feelings for that asshole.

  I had feelings for him?

  My sobbing stopped when I started thinking about it. I had strong feelings for him. Otherwise, I wouldn't be this hurt right now. I pulled my ice cream to me and dug my finger in it. What? I forgot the spoon by the door. I wiped my cheeks with the pillow before throwing it to the other side of the room. I need to get control of myself. I blinked several times before finally taking a grip. I needed distraction. Staying at home wouldn't help me. I hadn't found a job yet. Maybe I could go visit Thomas. I picked my phone and dialed Jeff's number.

  “Hello, Spear's residence,” a feminine voice responded. I somehow, knew that it was Celina by the voice.

  “Hey Celina!” I greeted. “It's me, Athena,” I told her, quite unsure how to actually talk to her.

  “Hey sweetheart, how are you?” she asked, happiness filling her voice. A smile spread on my face at her motherly tone. I missed this to be honest.

  “I'm good. What about you?”

  “I'm pretty fine! I'm glad that Thomas is living with us,” she said.

  “About that, I was wondering if I could come over to visit,” I asked hesitantly.

  “Of course, dear! It's like your own house! Of course, you can,” she answered, sounding a little offended that I even asked.

  “Okay, I'll be coming in an hour or two,” I said, happiness suddenly engulfing me. My life wasn't that bad after all.

  “I'm going to tell your brother that you're coming over. Or maybe I shouldn't! He'll be so happy if you surprise him,” Celina gushed, making me laugh at her enthusiasm. “I'll see you in a few, honey,” she then said before ending the call.

  I rushed to my room and quickly looked for nice clothes to wear. I finally pulled a nice blue summer dress from my wardrobe and put it on. I untied my hair and groaned when I saw the mess it had become. I took my hairbrush and started brushing it. When I saw that it wasn't going to be tamed, I tied it in a ponytail. I did a winged eyeliner and applied pale lip gloss before taking my handbag. I checked for my keys and my wallet. Once I made sure that they were all in, I got out of the house after leaving a note to Rose. I preferred leaving a paper note because most of the time, Rose does not use her freaking phone.

  “Athena?” Just as I was about to open the door of my car, I heard someone call. I turned my head to see Alena and Dean stopping just in front of the building in their car.

  “Where are you going?” Dean asked when he saw that I was in a hurry.

  “Going to visit Thomas at your parent's,” I told him with a big smile on my face.

  “I came to visit you.” Alena pouted.

  “Get in the car. We'll go to my parents together,” Dean said with a smile. I thought about it and realized that it was a good idea. I quickly ran to his car and got in the backseat.

  “Let's go,” I said happily. Alena stared at me in the rearview mirror and smiled. Once Dean started driving, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was much better than earlier. Keeping myself busy will keep me from thinking about Damian and his indirect rejection to my feelings.

  “I heard you were looking for a job,” Dean's voice made me open my eyes again. When I realized that he was talking to me, I nodded. “I can get you a job,” he said.

  “What kind of job?” I asked reluctantly, suspicion obvious in my voice.

  “Better than your previous job,” Dean said with a grin. I glared at him while Alena playfully smacked his arm.

  “Babysitting is not that bad,” Alena told him. Dean snickered and I glared harder at him, making him laugh.

  “Alena, tell your husband to shut up,” I muttered.

  “Show me some respect. I might just throw you out of my car,” Dean told me.

  “You are not throwing my sister out of this car,” Alena deadpanned.

  “Ha!” I snickered when Dean groaned at my sister's words.

  “You're twenty! Not two,” Dean retorted at my behavior.

  “You're twenty-six. What's your excuse?” I asked and then laughed when he huffed.

  “Sucks to be me,” he muttered under his breath.

  “Excuse me? You've married me! So many people would have wanted to marry me. But I still chose you,” Alena exclaimed with pride.

  “Why did you choose me?” Dean asked with a smirk. I could see my sister drooling over his smirk.

  “Yeah, why did you choose him?” I asked, faking disgust making Dean huff again.

  “See how rude she is to me?” Dean exclaimed to my sister, making me laugh in the backseat.

  “Athena, don't be rude,” Alena scolded. I nodded but still laughed.

  “She married me because I'm sexy, hot, and amazing,” Dean said with pride and I scoffed.

  “She got married to you because you got
money.” I lied.

  “So you're saying that your sister is a gold digger?” Dean asked with amusement as Alena turned to glare at me.

  Damn. Trapped in my own trick.

  “I didn't say that!” I exclaimed.

  “You guys are so childish.” Alena chuckled as she stared at the road, chuckling and shaking her head. At least we were all in a good mood and Dean was less of an asshole compared to his totally hot and annoying brother.

  Chapter 26

  Visit

  “You can't just open the door!” I exclaimed as I watched Dean opening the door to his parent's house.

  He gave me a grin before opening the door and stepping inside.

  “It's the house of my parents,” Dean said.

  “Exactly. It's not your house,” I mumbled. Alena sighed and shook her head before walking in the house, leaving me and Dean to glare at each other in front of the house.

  “Come inside already!” Alena shouted in exasperation, making both Dean and I run inside. Alena could be very scary when she wanted to. Once I was in the house, my mouth dropped open at how huge it was. It was much bigger than my parent's.

  “Damn,” I mumbled, blinking my eyes several times. It was really modern. Something was lacking though. The house seemed so empty. Until Thomas's laugh broke through. A smile lit my face when I realized how lively the house seemed when I saw my little brother walking down the stairs, laughing at something Jeff said. Yes. His presence only changed everything. Thomas turned towards us and as soon as his eyes met mine, his eyes lit with excitement. He ran to me, making me glare slightly.

  “Thomas! Don't run down the stairs,” I scolded. Soon he was in front of me, panting and already sweating. I kneeled in front of him and took him in my arms. “How are you, sweetheart?” I asked as I pulled away. He was now breathing properly.

  “Just a little bit tired because of running,” he told me with a little sheepish smile.

  “What did I tell you about running?” I asked, pretending to glare at him.

  “To run only if it's necessary, such as a kidnapper running after me or Hulk running after me,” he said as he rolled his eyes. I chuckled. He was no longer that small.

  “Hello! I'm here too,” Alena exclaimed as she stared at our brother.

  “Oops,” Thomas said and walked up to her. I stood up and watched as Jeff and Celina walked to me.

  “How are you feeling?” Celina asked while she hugged me.

  “I'm good. What about you?” I directed the question to both Jeff and Celina.

  “We're good as well,” Jeff said, chuckling.

  “This boy is something else,” Celina whispered with adoration in her eyes as she stared at Thomas. That's what my brother needed. He was getting the love and the affection that my parents couldn't give him. I could feel my eyes tearing up.

  “Honey, are you okay?” Celina asked, concern could be detected in her voice.

  “Thank you,” I unwillingly sobbed. She gave me a smile and pulled me in for a hug again. “Thank you.” I repeated as I buried my face in her shoulder. She patted my shoulder.

  “Sweetheart, you're one strong and independent woman. Helping you take care of this little amazing boy is normal and the pleasure is ours,” she told me as she pulled away and wiped my tears away.

  “My wife and I know the situation between you and your parents. You're fighting for what you believe in, and we like that,” Jeff said and kissed my forehead. I took a deep breath to control my emotions. I shouldn't be crying but knowing that there are people with good souls surrounding me, makes me feel safe.

  “Athena! Do you want to see my room?” Thomas asked with excitement as he walked to me and took my hand in his.

  “Of course!” I replied in happiness as I tried not to show that I had been crying.

  “Well, go sweetheart,” Celina said with a smile. “When you're done, we'll be in the kitchen,” she continued. “And you mister! You need to sleep,” she playfully scolded Thomas after tapping him slowly on his nose, causing him to laugh.

  “I'll put him to sleep then I'll meet you in the kitchen,” I told her. After she nodded, Thomas walked me to his room. I followed behind because I didn't have a clue about my whereabouts. I'd definitely be lost if I was Thomas. But the little guy seemed to remember where he was going. I smiled when he started humming a song. Soon we reached a corridor and I noticed a door on which 'Thomas' was written beautifully.

  “Welcome to my kingdom!” Thomas exclaimed as he jumped in front of the door. He stood in front of the door with pride and opened the door slowly for dramatic effect. That was cute. I laughed and walked in after he motioned me to. I mean, we shouldn't disrespect the king, right? My eyes widened when I saw his room. His room was thrice as big as my room back in the apartment. He had a car which was in the form of a car and the walls were painted dark blue with little designs in white. There were a lot of toys, teddy bears, posters of hulk and Spiderman were plastered on the walls.

  “This is a really nice kingdom,” I told Thomas. He stood by his bed, assessing my reaction. He then smiled when he realized that I was observing him too.

  “Yeah, but this kingdom needs a queen,” he said and walked to me. “So now, you're the queen,” he continued. I smiled and sat on the floor next to his legos. He sat in front of me.

  “Do you like being here?” I asked, trying to know how he really feels about this whole situation. I didn't actually talk to him before making him move here.

  “I love it here. I miss Doctor Jace and the nurses but I hate the hospital,” he explained. My little seven-year-old brother didn't seem seven. He seemed more mature.

  “I'm sure Doctor Jace will visit you,” I told him as I ran my hand through his blond hair.

  “I know that too,” he said, offering me a smile. We played with his figurines for a few minutes. When I realized that Thomas was staring at me instead of playing, I stared back at him and tilted my head slightly in an intrigued way.

  “What's wrong?” I asked. He gulped and moved to me. He let his little body fall on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around him and pecked the side of his head.

  “I don't want you to be sad,” he mumbled sadly.

  “I'm not sad, Tommy,” I said in disbelief. I pulled away to look at his face. His eyes were full of tears. “Why would I be sad, sweetheart?” I asked after pecking his forehead.

  “Athena, I know I'm going to die,” Thomas said slowly, as if scared of my reaction. My heartbeat raced in my ribcage. I felt like crying. I didn't know how to deal with his situation. I didn't want to lie to him. I didn't want to tell him the messed up truth. I didn't know what to do. “It's okay,” Thomas whispered and pecked my cheek. “It's okay, Athena,” he said. I chuckled slightly. This was crazy. Instead of me reassuring him, he was the one reassuring me. I hugged him tighter.

  “Listen buddy,” I said as I stared at him right in the eye. “Yes, you're sick. But no. You're not going to die. You're not going to die if you fight,” I said, trying to keep my tears to myself and to be strong for once. “You fight to live. You're a beautiful person and everyone that surrounds you, loves you,” I told him as I touched his chest, where his heart was. “This will keep beating for a long time,” I told him. And even if it stopped, each of my heartbeat will be his. I didn't say that part. Right now, he needed reassurance. Thomas yawned slightly. He was sleepy. Maybe it was due to the new medicines that he was being given.

  “Your father doesn't love me,” he whispered. This whole situation was tiring for Thomas. He wanted my father and my mother to love him. “Why doesn't he love me, Athena?” he asked, for the first time. I blinked several times. I didn't know what to answer. The truth was too bitter for his seven-year-old self. I smiled and pulled him to me.

  “Because Athena loves you more than him. He's just jealous.” I turned to see Dean standing by the door. I gave him a smile and quickly wiped away the tear that was threatening to escape.

  “Ye
ah, that's true,” Thomas said.

  “You need to sleep, lil buddy,” Dean told Thomas as he walked to him and lifted him from my lap. He carried him to bed and put him under the blanket. I walked to Thomas and gave him a peck on his cheek.

  “I'll see you later,” I whispered and he nodded while yawning.

  “I love you,” Thomas said as I tucked him into bed and smiled.

  “I love you too sweetheart,” I whispered and watched as his little eyes closed slowly and sent him to dreamland.

  “Come on, let's go,” Dean whispered. I nodded. We ninja walked to the door but Dean being stupid as usual had to trip on one of the car toys and fell down. I wanted to laugh out loud but I knew that Thomas was sleeping so basically, I was laughing on mute mode. Dean glared at me. “Help me, you dumbass!” he whispered shout and I shook my head.

  “Learn some manners first,” I said teasingly. After a few minutes, he stood up while glaring at the car on which he tripped.

  “What's happening here?” I turned around at the familiar voice. Damian stood by the door, his eyes skimming over us. Dean was rubbing his ass while my eyes were teary due to the excess laughing. “Do I want to know?” he asked, making me nod and Dean shook his head. “You are being called downstairs,” he simply said before walking away. What was he doing here?

  Well, it's his parent's home. Not yours.

  Good point.

  Dean and I walked out of the room after we checked that Thomas wasn't awoken by the noises. Damian didn't seem surprised to see me. Maybe Celina and Jeff told him that I was here. I missed his asshole self. I missed his touch already and it's not been a day yet. Maybe it was a good idea that he stopped the deal. Maybe if he didn't, I'd be in deep shit later.

  Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

  “What are you thinking about?” Dean asked curiously as he walked next to me.

  “So many things,” I mumbled with a sigh.

  “You look constipated when you're in deep thought,” he commented out of the blue. What? That fucker. I slapped his arm, making him hiss in pain. “That hurts!” he exclaimed.