The Surgeon's Engagement Wish

by Alison Roberts

  Luke couldn’t go there. Not right now. ‘How’s Maree?’ he asked. ‘And Joan?’

  ‘Coping. John brought his flight from Sydney forward and he arrived early this evening. Kevin’s come back from the funeral parlour. We’re going to keep him at home until the funeral on Monday. The vicar’s been to visit. All the arrangements are made now.’ Barbara’s smile wobbled. ‘Kevin and Jodie are finally going to be together again.’

  ‘Did you remember the tape I made? The music Kev wanted?’

  ‘It’s all done. Joan said to say thank you.’

  ‘I’ll get in to see everybody just as soon as I can.’

  ‘They understand why you’re here, Luke. It’s OK.’

  ‘Do they?’ Luke ran a hand over his eyes. ‘I’m not sure I understand myself. I haven’t seen Beth for six years. How can I feel like this when she’s only been back in my life for a matter of days?’

  ‘I think you always felt like this.’ Barbara smiled. ‘You just did a very good job of hiding it. From everyone, yourself included.’

  ‘So how come you guessed?’

  ‘I’m your mother. It’s my job to know about stuff like that.’ Barbara had to reach up a long way to stroke her son’s hair. ‘You need some sleep. And you need to stay with Beth. She needs you more than Kevin does right now. And who knows? Maybe he’s here somewhere, practising a bit of guardian angel stuff.’

  Luke hoped so. He managed to return his mother’s smile but the moment she turned and stepped into the lift his face crumpled and he had to scrub the burning pain of tears from his eyes with both palms.

  But maybe his mother was right. His thoughts turned often enough to his friend in the quiet moments of the rest of that night, and the feeling of Kevin’s presence was strong enough to make him smile at times. He wished he could have told his mate that he understood now why Kevin had had no fear of dying. Why life without his soul mate had been so grey.

  Luke thought he’d found peace in his own life in the last few years. Happiness, even. But it was so clear now what was still missing, and the only person who would be able to fill that gap was lying on the hospital bed beside him with tubes and wires snaking from her body, attaching her to machines that were, hopefully, improving her chances for survival.

  And those chances needed to improve, dammit. Right now they were probably about fifty-fifty and the odds were terrifying. Luke covered one of the small, cool hands on the bed with both of his own.

  ‘I’m here, Beth,’ he whispered yet again. ‘You’re going to be all right.’

  It seemed so wrong that it was Luke receiving the visitors at the intensive care unit and not Beth.

  Barbara returned early on Saturday morning with a change of clothes and some shaving gear for Luke, and later on Maree came.

  ‘How’s Beth doing? Has there been any change?’

  ‘Not for the better. They’re trying some different drugs to see if they can improve her kidney function and she’s…well, we’re waiting for the results on another set of bloods to see if she needs a transfusion.’

  ‘Why would she need that?’

  ‘There’s a thing you can get from septic shock called DIC—disseminated intravascular coagulation. Basically means that the mechanisms that control clotting pack up so the patient can bleed to death.’

  ‘But you don’t know that she’s got that?’

  ‘No.’ Luke ran his hands through his hair. ‘But some of the puncture sites seem to be bleeding more than they should be.’

  Maree sat on one of the chairs in the relatives’ room and patted the one beside her. Luke obediently sat down.

  ‘Does Beth know how much you care about her, Luke?’

  He thought of the kiss they’d shared in the surf and started to nod cautiously, but then he remembered the conversation when they had been looking after Willy.

  He could hear the angry echo of the list of criticisms he had harboured for so long and the nod turned into a miserable sideways movement. Maybe Beth had responded to that kiss simply because it had represented closure of some sort.

  ‘I don’t know, Maree,’ he sighed. ‘Probably not.’

  ‘Then you’ll have to tell her,’ Maree said calmly. ‘It’s possible she can hear you, isn’t it? Even if she’s unconscious?’

  ‘It’s possible,’ Luke agreed. It was possible that Beth was aware of the touch of his hand on hers as well. Maybe not in any real sense, more like the way he could feel Kevin’s presence. His mate might only be there in his memory but the presence was real enough to matter. Enough to make a difference.

  Luke squeezed his eyes tightly shut but couldn’t prevent an errant tear from escaping. ‘I’m going to miss your big brother,’ he told Maree. ‘So much.’

  Maree just nodded, silent for a minute as she struggled with her own tears. Then her lips twisted into a crooked smile.

  ‘Kev approved, you know.’

  ‘Of what?’

  ‘You and Beth. I told him that you were looking pretty cosy as you looked after that baby whale together. He gave me a thumbs-up sign and I couldn’t stop him talking for ages after that.’

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Oh, that she was the one for you. I’m supposed to tell you to do the job properly this time or you’ll be the first person he’s going to haunt.’

  Luke groaned. ‘What are we going to do without him?’

  ‘I know what you’re going to do.’ Maree hugged Luke fiercely as she took her leave. ‘You’re going to go in there and tell Beth how you feel. Tell her just how much she’s got to live for.’

  It took an hour to get a private enough moment. Luke had to wait until Beth’s consultant had been and gone yet again, having reviewed all available results, adjusted some of the settings on the life-support machinery and ordered another raft of tests. Then the blood-sample technician came and went and finally Beth’s nurse, Claire, frowned at the chart.

  ‘Why haven’t they been in for that chest X-ray yet? I’d better go and ring. Can you watch Beth for a minute, Luke?’

  ‘Sure.’

  He could do more than watch. He took her hand, carefully avoiding the IV port and line taped to the top but managing to twine her fingers with his own. He leaned very close so that his lips brushed her ear.

  ‘I love you, Beth Dawson,’ he whispered. ‘I didn’t realise till now but I never stopped loving you.’

  He had to pause long enough to swallow the lump in his throat and take a deep breath.

  ‘I always will love you,’ he continued softly. ‘I hope you can hear me but it doesn’t really matter if you can’t because you’re going to get better and I’m not letting you leave here until you understand just how much I do love you.’

  Was it his imagination or did Luke feel a tiny flutter from the fingers laced with his own?

  It was probably just that he had to let go of Beth’s hand hurriedly as her nurse returned. He was providing enough food for gossip by being here as an old friend for Beth. How much worse would it be if everyone knew how much he was really suffering?

  And it was hardly a professional look for those who didn’t know him. Like the man wearing a gown and mask to accompany the nurse to Beth’s bedside.

  ‘Beth’s got a visitor, Luke.’ She turned to the newcomer. ‘Brent, this is Luke Savage. He’s one of our surgeons and a friend of Beth’s.’

  Luke stood up slowly. Claire hadn’t finished her introductions yet. She hesitated just a fraction, as though wondering how Luke was going to react. She was, no doubt, as curious about his relationship with Beth as everybody else probably was.

  ‘This is Brent Granger, Luke,’ she said finally. She bit her lip but her tone was calm. Admirably professional. ‘Beth’s fiancé.’

  CHAPTER NINE

  STAYING positive was going to be a big ask.

  Not on Beth’s account, thank goodness. The improved results on all the most recent tests filtered back as Ocean View’s ICU consultant arrived to speak to Beth’s visitor in th
e privacy of his office. There was no real reason for Luke to be present other than his delivery of the chest X-ray, which he clipped onto the viewing box and then perused intently.

  The consultant shook hands with Brent. ‘You’re a cardiologist, I hear?’

  ‘That’s correct. I’m in private practice at The Sisters of Mercy in Auckland.’

  ‘And you’re Beth Dawson’s fiancé?’

  ‘Also correct.’

  The short silence echoed with the unspoken question of why Beth had come to Hereford if that was the case, but the consultant let go of any curiosity quickly.

  ‘Beth’s been a very sick young lady,’ he told Brent, ‘and I wouldn’t say we’re entirely out of the woods yet, but we can at least be confident that she’s going to pull through this.’ He smiled as he scanned the biochemistry report he was holding. ‘As you’ve seen, renal function is almost back to normal and we’re definitely onto the right antibiotics.’

  ‘Which are?’ Dr Brent Granger’s tone was clipped. He could have been speaking to a junior houseman rather than an experienced specialist.

  ‘We’re using clindamycin with gentamycin and cloxacillin. We wanted to make sure we were covering any anaerobic organisms as well, of course.’

  He glanced up at the X-ray illuminated on the wall. ‘Looking good, isn’t it, Luke?’

  ‘Hell of a lot better than last night’s. Lung fields are almost completely clear.’

  ‘The fluid balance was tricky,’ the consultant confessed. ‘We had a bit of a juggling act to improve perfusion without aggravating her pulmonary oedema.’

  ‘You’ve been combining an albumin infusion with diuretic therapy, I suppose?’ Brent’s gaze left the X-ray and settled on Luke for a split second. Then he, too, was seemingly dismissed as irrelevant.

  ‘Yes. I’m happy enough with her pressures to take out the Swan-Ganz catheter now and we should be able to get her off the ventilator later today. Then it should just be a matter of keeping a close eye on her for a few days.’

  ‘There’s no reason she couldn’t be transferred within the next day or two, then, is there?’ Brent reached to pick up Beth’s notes from the desk and began to flick through them.

  ‘I’d prefer to keep her in Intensive Care for another twenty-four hours or so.’ The consultant smiled at Brent. ‘Then we’ll certainly transfer her into our medical ward.’

  ‘No.’ Brent shook his head. ‘I’m talking about taking her home. To Auckland.’ The cardiologist certainly had a charming smile but its effect was lost on Luke. ‘Beth may prefer to stay in Hereford,’ he suggested mildly. ‘She might not have been here very long but she’s made a lot of friends.’

  The flick of a dark eyebrow was subtle but the message was clear. Like you? Luke held the eye contact steadily, refusing to be intimidated. Yes, he said silently. Like me.

  ‘I think discussion about discharge could wait a while yet,’ the consultant said.

  ‘Of course.’ Brent seemed happy to co-operate. ‘The plane I chartered will be here until I have to head back on Monday. That should give us plenty of time.’

  ‘And you have somewhere to stay in Hereford? The hospital has a good relationship with one of the closest motels if—’

  Brent waved his hand. ‘No need. My secretary made arrangements for me to stay at the Millhouse. I’m hoping that will be quite satisfactory.’

  ‘It should be, at the kind of prices they charge.’ Beth’s consultant looked amused. ‘In any case, perhaps Luke could show you the facilities we have at Ocean View. Beth’s going to be asleep for a while yet. You’ll need to know where to find our cafeteria and so on. Luke? Have you got the time?’

  ‘Sure.’

  The need to get away from the hospital and spend time with his own family and friends would be satisfied very soon. Luke could hardly continue his vigil at Beth’s bedside playing musical chairs with her fiancé, could he? He might even try and fit in a walk on a beach because some breathing space was definitely called for here.

  It was impossible not to feel alarmed at the turn of events. Luke was quite sure that Beth had been sincere when she had told him her engagement was over, but Brent Granger was clearly a man who was used to getting what he wanted and why would he be here now if he had no interest in reclaiming Beth’s affections?

  As if he guessed the direction of Luke’s thoughts, Brent caught his gaze as soon as they had left the consultant’s office.

  ‘I expect you’re a bit curious.’

  Luke tilted his head fractionally. ‘Beth did mention a fiancé. An ex-fiancé.’

  Brent’s confident gaze didn’t flicker at all. ‘Beth needed a little time to think about things. I’m sure she’ll be delighted that I’ve made the effort to rush to her sickbed.’

  It was certainly a lot more than her family had done. The thought that Beth might well be delighted at such an obvious expression of concern was not a pleasant one. If Brent had been looking for a way back into Beth’s life, he’d just been handed a golden opportunity here.

  Maybe Luke’s challenge, given the short time since Beth’s arrival in Hereford, was not going to be to convince Beth that he had changed. Or that his love for her was strong enough to give them a future together.

  He hadn’t expected to be faced with competition from someone who had already come a step closer to marrying Beth than Luke had. Her relationship with Brent was so much more recent as well. Could six-year-old memories measure up in comparison? Could he measure up? Luke flicked another glance towards the man walking alongside him as he led Brent towards the lift at the end of the corridor.

  Physically, Brent wasn’t dissimilar to himself, being just as tall and just as dark. He was older than Luke by a good ten years but if anything that probably gave him an advantage in terms of confidence and sophistication. Not being on duty, Luke was currently wearing the comfortable old jeans and shirt that Barbara had brought in for him. Brent was wearing a pinstripe suit and carrying a briefcase, which made him look far more the part of a consultant than Luke did.

  More worrying, however, was the sense of power the man exuded, which could only come from being very successful and probably very wealthy. Combined with that charming smile and an attractive British accent that hinted at a northern upbringing rather than public school, Brent could have stepped from the pages of some romantic novel. It wasn’t hard to believe that Beth had accepted a proposal from the cardiologist. What Luke would dearly like to know at that moment was why she’d felt such an urge to escape.

  He pushed the button to summon the lift. ‘So, how did you meet Beth?’

  ‘I worked in the same London hospital as her older brother, David. When I decided on a sabbatical on this side of the world, I wanted to meet his family.’

  ‘So you’re on sabbatical?’ A temporary stay, then. This was good.

  ‘It was supposed to only be for a year but Beth wasn’t all that happy about the idea of living in London.’ Brent’s smile at Luke would have been engaging if it wasn’t for the underlying hint of triumph. ‘I’ve got a little surprise for her now, though. I’ve purchased a property and signed a contract for permanent employment at Mercy.’

  The lift doors slid shut, trapping the two men in a rather too confined space for Luke’s liking. He could smell the aftershave Brent was wearing. It was as inoffensive and subtle as many aspects of this man’s personality, so why did they all add up to a force that felt like a human bulldozer?

  Because there was steel beneath the silk, that’s why. That glance Luke had received when the ‘little surprise’ had been revealed had carried a disturbing undertone. Brent Granger expected things to go his way. And they would, because he was very charming and generous about setting the process into place. And because he wasn’t going to tolerate anything else.

  Had Beth simply been railroaded into an engagement? Flattened by charm and confidence and sheer power? If so, what chance would she have of harbouring whatever doubts had caused her to break off the engagement in
the first place? Right now, she would be weak enough to be incredibly vulnerable.

  Luke didn’t like the knot forming in his gut. Beth needed protection but what right did he have to offer it? Brent had stepped into the space he had willingly taken from the moment Beth had collapsed. Maybe neither of them had a right to assume that role, but Luke couldn’t compete on the same playing field as Brent. He wouldn’t even want to try exerting that kind of control.

  Brent cleared his throat into the silence. ‘Is there a florist of some kind based in the hospital?’

  ‘The gift shop has some flowers available. We’ll go past it on the way to the cafeteria.’

  ‘Good. Beth’s parents have asked me to organise something on their behalf.’

  Luke kept his tone carefully bland. ‘It’s a shame they couldn’t be here themselves.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Brent shook his head sadly. ‘Beth’s been estranged from her family for some time. In fact, that was how I met her. I was visiting a patient in the hospital she worked in and Nigel and Celia asked me to deliver a birthday gift that was too fragile to post.’ He stepped out of the lift ahead of Luke.

  ‘Beth refused to accept it. She actually got rather upset and I ended up taking her out to dinner.’

  Luke could feel the tension building in his jaw. This man had started using Beth’s vulnerability to his advantage right from the beginning, hadn’t he? What woman wouldn’t respond to someone taking charge at a time like that?

  ‘She was such a lonely little thing,’ Brent added fondly. ‘Despite all her friends. What Beth really needs in her life is a family and I’m hoping things between her and her parents will improve. I expect once they’ve got grandchildren nearby, they’ll appreciate what they’ve been missing.’

  Grandchildren?

  Brent’s children?

  An image of Beth holding a baby in her arms sprang into Luke’s mind. And then one of her watching over toddlers playing. Brent was right, of course. Beth deserved the security and love a family of her own could provide.

  It was what Luke needed in his own life.

  He wanted to be a part of that picture he could see so vividly. He wanted to share the joy that a child of their own could bring.