The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex-Wife & Her Vibrator

by C. C. Coburn

  Tilly chewed her lip. “Um, hate to break it to you, Hon, but the papers beat ‘em to it.”

  “Oh, no.” Beth hid her face in a pillow. “I wonder if I can emigrate to Timbuktu after this is all over?”

  “Probably not, with your record. But I’m sure we can find some obscure country that will take a big payout to let you.”

  It took a few moments for Tilly’s attempt at humor to penetrate Beth’s exhausted brain. When it did, she broke into a wide grin and hugged her friend. “I’ll only go if you and Chris and your kids will come with me, okay? I really couldn’t live without friends like you.”

  “If it’s a tropical paradise, then you’re on,” Tilly told her.

  “Get me an atlas and I’ll start looking right away for one that could be bribed.”

  Tilly grinned as she stood up and said, “How about you catch up on some lost sleep and I’ll go feed the hungry mob—the kids, I mean, not the media. And then we’ll think about the rest of your life when you’re rested.”

  Beth didn’t hear from Gabe for the rest of the day. She rang and left him a message but he didn’t return her call. All weekend she fretted about what that meant. Obviously he still hated her for prying into his private things, but felt sorry for her kids and that’s why he’d posted her bail. He was that kind of guy. She guessed he never wanted to see her again. How could my life have gone so pear shaped, so fast? Beth wondered.

  Five days later, Victoria managed to rouse herself from her bed to attend her son’s funeral. She sat opposite Beth at the graveside, dressed in black from head to toe. At least someone should look like they were really grieving JJ’s passing, Beth thought as she surveyed her ex–mother–in–law. Beth had opted for a purple suit. She’d teamed it with a brilliant red scarf, then remembered JJ’s throat had been cut and decided the media might make a connection, so she tied it around her waist instead.

  Only Jack had attended his father’s funeral with her. Ben and Mikey had opted to stay home with Tilly. Beth had insisted that a funeral was no place for someone as young as Molly, so Tilly was caring for her as well.

  So on one side of JJ’s graveside service, sat Beth, her mother, Chris and Jack and, on the other, sat Victoria and her lawyer. Beth didn’t like the look of the lawyer. It could only mean one thing: Victoria was after blood!

  “Bring ‘em on,” she muttered under her breath, raising a sideways glance in her direction from both Ellen and Chris.

  Behind Victoria’s side of the grave were distributed various relatives, including JJ’s father, who chose not to sit with Victoria—or more likely had been banned from doing so seeing as he’d turned up with his latest girlfriend. Somewhere in the background someone was sobbing.

  Beth hadn’t booked any professional mourners, so she assumed it was Suzie lamenting JJ’s passing. Too bad. She had no sympathy and no energy to be bothered with the girl.

  Behind all of the family and friends, the media cameras were trained on Beth’s every movement, poised to catch a photo exclusive of the ‘Black Widow’ as she’d been dubbed by the media—that would prove her guilt.

  Beth touched a handkerchief to her eye as though she was trying to stem tears of grief and gave a little sniffle.

  She could have paid her bail bond several times over with the sums she’d been offered for an exclusive interview. That disgusted her, not so much because of their nosiness, but the disgusting amounts of money the media had to splash around for sensational stories, yet they gave nothing to the homeless and destitute who were victims of some far–flung earthquake or to a tsunami–devastated region of the world that had been their bread and butter only weeks previously. Checkbook journalism at its worst.

  But Beth’s lips were sealed and they were going to stay that way. Unfortunately various ex–blind dates had made tidy sums for expanding on their stories of their ‘dates’ with her—in spite of the fact that some had only spoken to her for three minutes. Tops! Douglas and Peter had made the most, of course, and both had implied she’d slept with them. That really made her blood boil. She’d look into suing them just as soon as the loan sharks responsible for JJ’s murder were found and the charges against her dropped. No–one gets away with telling lies about me! she thought as she ground her teeth.

  And, through it all, she’d wondered what Gabe thought. Did he believe the stories? Had anyone tracked him down and offered him vast amounts for all the dirty details of their relationship?

  She guessed not, because there was nothing about him in the papers. Besides, Gabe was too much of a gentleman to kiss and tell. Especially for money.

  He’d apparently given a statement to the police, providing an alibi for Beth for the night JJ was killed but there were no other witness to her being at the ranch with him at that time of night, apart from her children and there was no way she was going to involve them any more than they were.

  Suzie’s sobs reached a crescendo. “Someone smack some sense into that silly woman!” Beth wanted to yell at the gathering, but caught herself in time.

  She was aware that the service which, in her opinion had dragged on for way too long, the droning voice of the minister having sent her off into her soporific state almost as soon as they’d been seated, was finally drawing to a close. Victoria was standing over her son’s grave with a tiny silver spade in her hand and sprinkling dirt onto his coffin, murmuring something Beth couldn’t hear. Judging by the look Victoria shot her, it wasn’t anything positive about Beth.

  Victoria handed the spade to the minister who then handed it to Jack with a nod. Jack sprinkled dirt and didn’t say anything, just handed the shovel to his grandmother who did her thing with a couple of words which Beth hoped were condemning JJ to burn in the fires of hell forever.

  Beth eyed the back–hoe parked at a distance and used to dig the graves and then fill them in when everyone had departed. She was tempted to run over and start it up and plow the rest of the dirt over JJ so there was no chance of him suddenly opening his coffin lid and climbing out—a recurring nightmare of hers over the last few days.

  But she had to respect Jack and any feelings he might have towards his father and so she repeated everyone else’s little fond farewell gesture and took her seat again to await the minister’s final words. But Suzie, not to be left out and making the most of the media attention, burst through the assembled mourners, ripped the tiny spade out of Beth’s hand and shoveled some dirt in on top of JJ’s fake mahogany coffin then almost jumped in the grave, only she was held back by Chris and the minister from doing so. Of course the media didn’t miss a breathless second of Suzie’s performance and flashbulbs went off all over the place, almost blinding Beth with their intensity. Trust Suzie to go for the dramatic effect. Beth smiled to herself. JJ would have liked that.

  The service finally over, Beth rose from her seat and turned to leave and came up hard against a broad chest. Arms came out to steady her, then released her just as suddenly. Beth looked up into Gabe’s beautiful, familiar face. His features were passive, as though schooled to show no emotion. It confused her and scared her until she realized he was probably doing that because of the media.

  “Hi,” she squeaked and then cleared her throat.

  “Hi,” he said and turned away from her, leaving Beth bereft. He shook hands with Chris and Jack and introduced himself to her mother.

  So Gabe had been at the funeral, probably standing right behind her the whole time. Then again, maybe not; he wouldn’t want to attract any media attention. If he’d been standing that close, surely she’d have sensed his presence?

  “Will you join us at the house for the wake, Mr. Hunter?” she heard her mother asking.

  “Thank you, but no. I have to return to my ranch,” Gabe told her.

  She saw her mother’s eyes light up and before she could stop her, Beth heard her mother exclaim, “Oh, so you’re the rancher I’ve been hearing so much about. You really must come back to the house, I’d like to get to know you better.”

/>   Beth could’ve jumped into the grave with JJ right then and there, she was so mortified. Over the course of the weekend, Ellen had managed to drag out of Beth the story of the man she’d been heading out on a date with that ill–fated night only a couple of weeks ago, when Gabe had greeted her with a rose in his mouth and Beth had been wearing her ratty robe. With her teeth blacked out! Beth shuddered. No wonder Gabe was giving her the cold shoulder. He’d realized she was bad news to be around and, worse still, realized his mistake in letting her into his life.

  “Mom,” Beth said, “I think it would be better if Gabe didn’t.” She indicated the waiting media, still with their cameras trained on them.

  “Oh, pshaw! Who cares about them and what they think!” her mother flapped her hands and exclaimed in a voice that Beth recognized as her own. Was she turning into her mother, or was her mother turning into her?

  “Thank you all the same, Ellen, but I really do need to be getting along.” Gabe nodded to Beth and left.

  She watched his retreating back as he made for the car park. Was that just for the benefit of the media, or did he really want to get back to the ranch and as far away from her as possible?

  The queasiness that had struck Beth on awakening this morning, hit her again. Was it because she feared Gabe might be walking out of her life forever that had her feeling like bringing up her breakfast? Or was it because she was pregnant?

  One thing was for sure, Beth was absolutely, positively, under no conditions whatsoever, going to tell Tilly that she’d taken a pregnancy test that morning and had a positive result from it! Her friend would be on the phone to Gabe and blabbing to him in no time.

  Beth needed to think about all the ramifications of being pregnant with Gabe’s child and what she was going to do about it.

  She’d first suspected she was pregnant the day she fainted in court. Beth never fainted. Except when she was pregnant. She’d felt queasy every morning, afternoon and night since, but had at first put it down to the stress of being arrested and all that entailed, trying to convince herself she’d fainted because she was so tired and wrung out after her night behind bars. But this morning, on waking, she’d still felt like death warmed over and so had slipped out early to purchase a test kit from the pharmacy.

  She’d sat on the toilet and awaited the results.

  Then she’d vomited. What was she going to do?

  She couldn’t keep this child. She was facing twenty–five years to Life behind bars for a crime she didn’t commit if the cops didn’t uncover some evidence to prove she was innocent and someone else had killed JJ. But the evidence trail had gone cold—except for any evidence, no matter how hysterical or circumstantial, that linked her to JJ’s death.

  And even if she was cleared of all charges, what would she do then? The father of the child she carried wanted nothing to do with her, she was about to turn forty and she was already the single mother of four young children. Beth couldn’t see how she could possibly care for and provide for another child. The thought of terminating the pregnancy had her stomach roiling again.

  And now, here she was, back at home with a houseful of guests at JJ’s wake, the one that Ellen had insisted on holding—“To honor the dead and to give the living something to talk about,”—and Beth was retching up the tiny sandwich she’d managed to stuff into her mouth between attending to everyone else’s needs.

  Beth washed out her mouth, closed her bedroom door and lay on her bed. No one would notice she was missing from the gathering. She suspected at least half of them had come along in order to catch a glimpse of themselves on the evening news arriving at, or leaving, the home of a convicted killer.

  “Oh, God, my life is in the toilet,” she moaned to no–one in particular.

  “And why would that be?” Tilly asked from the doorway.

  Beth sat up abruptly and then decided that wasn’t such a good idea. Her head spun and she raced for the bathroom again.

  A damp cloth was pressed to the back of her neck and Tilly said, “You’re pregnant aren’t you?”

  There was no point in arguing. “How did you guess?”

  “You told me you only ever faint when you’re pregnant.”

  “Me and my big mouth.”

  “And I can see the pregnancy testing kit in your bathroom trash.” Tilly bent to retrieve it and whistled when she saw the results. “You’re going to tell Gabe, aren’t you?”

  “It looks as if I don’t, you sure will.”

  “You got that in one, hon. He’ll be over the moon!”

  “I’m not so sure about that,” Beth told her. “He’s barely speaking to me. I hardly think he’ll be overjoyed if I just ring him up and say, “Hi Gabe, how’s things, blah, blah, blah and, by the way, I’m pregnant. And guess what? Contrary to various news reports, it isn’t any of those creeps I dated and allegedly slept with.” Beth threw up her hands. “Yeah, I can see that going over really well!”

  “I don’t think you’re giving Gabe enough credit. He’d be delighted to know he was going to be a father. Don’t tell me you’re contemplating going through this on your own and not telling him?”

  “I’m contemplating not going through with it at all.”

  Tilly’s face lost all its color. “You don’t mean…”

  “What alternative do I have, Till? I’m nearly forty. I already have four children to care for. And even if I don’t end up going to jail for the rest of my life, I’d go crazy trying to raise five children on my own. I’m just not that strong.” She flopped down on her bed on her stomach and buried her face in her pillow.

  Tilly sat on the bed and stroked her back. “You won’t be spending the rest of your life in jail.”

  Beth turned to her. “How do you know? They haven’t found anything to prove otherwise. I can’t have a child behind bars. I can’t even bear the thought of having my children visit me every second Sunday or whatever they allow at that God–awful prison!”

  Beth voiced the fears she’d been trying to keep inside, the choking fears that filled her dreams of her children being wrenched from her arms and her mother trying to calm them as Beth was dragged away after a guilty verdict. She bit down on her lip.

  “I’m so scared, Till, I just want to take my kids and run away somewhere that no–one will ever find us. But then I’d be letting Gabe down and he’d be half a million dollars in the red.” A thought occurred to her. “Just where do you suppose he got that sort of money?”

  “He used his ranch as collateral.” And when Beth gasped, Tilly assured her, “Don’t panic, Gabe’s ranch is worth a heap more than that, you won’t be sending him to pauper’s court if you skipped bail. But you would break his heart.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “He loves you, Beth. When I rang and told him you’d been arrested, you should have heard the expletives he uttered and then he didn’t even say goodbye, just hung up the phone and was on my doorstep demanding to know everything virtually within the hour.”

  Beth felt at least a little cheered to know Gabe had acted so quickly and maybe he didn’t completely hate her if he was prepared to put up that much bail. “Where has he been all week?”

  Tilly pursed her lips as though unsure of admitting the truth to Beth. “We had a long talk. He was mad as hell at you for going through his things without asking. He just shut down, screened his calls and hadn’t watched television because he was in some kind of blue funk, I gather. That’s why he didn’t know about JJ’s murder, he’d cut himself off from everyone. Heaven knows how long it would’ve gone on if I hadn’t called and left the message about you getting arrested. He picked up straight away.”

  Tilly stroked her back. I offered some small comfort, but still Beth doubted Gabe’s feeling for her.

  “He loves you Beth, have no reservations about that. He was just deeply hurt by what you did and he reacted in the only way he knows to deal with big emotional issues. Men shut down, women talk. Like we’re doing now in fact.”

  Bet
h turned to her. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Where would I be without a friend like you to confide in?”

  “Downstairs trying to make small talk with your ex–mother–in–law?” Tilly suggested.

  Beth shuddered. “Please! Don’t remind me. I didn’t get a chance to tell you she turned up at the funeral with her lawyer, did I?”

  “She didn’t!”

  “Oh, yes, she did. I noticed he didn’t come back here for the wake. He’s probably preparing some long–winded document to ensure Victoria gets custody of my kids when I’m locked up.”

  “Don’t talk like that! And anyway, you won’t be going to jail,” Tilly assured her, then contradicted herself by asking, “You have made formal arrangements for your mom to be your kids’ custodian… if… well… you know…?”

  “Gee thanks for the vote of confidence. And, yes, I have. Mom’s surprised me. Said she’s selling her home in Florida and moving back here because there are too many old people down there and she misses the mountains.”

  Tilly laughed. “I’m sure she thinks she’s a lot younger than she is.”

  “You got that in one. She has a sign on her kitchen wall that says, ‘Thirty–nine forever!’”

  “So now she’s the same age as you?”

  “Yeah, and next year, she’ll be younger. Perish the thought!” Beth laughed and fell back on the bed. “Thanks for trying to take my mind off my troubles. You’re a true friend.”

  “And so are you, and that’s why I’m going to call Gabe.”

  Beth caught her arm. “Oh, no you’re not. If anyone’s going to tell him about this pregnancy, it will be me. Just give me a few days, okay? I need to put the funeral behind me and come to terms with being pregnant and consider my options.”

  “Promise me you won’t do anything… You know what I mean, I can’t even say the word… without talking to me first?” Tilly requested.

  Beth nodded reluctantly. “Okay, but can I ask you a favor?”

  “Sure. Anything.”