by Felicia Lynn
Jon: To say I am shocked to see your name across my phone is an understatement.
Want to talk? I’d love to explain and it’s definitely not what you think.
Not what I think? Um… what else could it be? Even though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help but respond.
Whit: Hmmm… I must be so much smarter in real life than I look to you. No thanks on the chat, J. Enjoy your night.
Ha… No Way… No how… am I going to let him sweet talk me into understanding why he’d bring some girl to our best friends home for a writing session. Since when do any of the guys bring wives or girlfriends to work?
He responds immediately.
Jon: Then why’d you text asking if I had a nice day, sunshine?
This is how I get myself in trouble; my passive aggressive, smart ass remarks. I’m pretty sure that someday that’s exactly how I will die. Someone will be fed up with my nonsense. I down the last few sips of my wine and strut to the kitchen to pour the last little bit in my glass and trying to decide if I should open another bottle when my phone chimes.
Jon: Whit…
Again, I don’t respond. I proceed to the wine rack and pull out another bottle. Then I make my way to the iPod dock and put on some Jana Kramer tunes… she’s perfect for my mood. As soon as ‘Why Ya Wanna’ comes through the speakers, I can feel the corners of my mouth lifting into a little smile.
I sing along at the top of my lungs while I open the second bottle knowing that self medicating is the only possible way to ensure a good night’s rest. Tonight I will sleep and the dreams and what-if’s and over-analyzing can just sit back and take the night off.
I’m not exactly sure why I am an emotional tortured person. I feel quite well rounded as a human being. Yet even with amazing parents and family, the best friends anyone could ever ask for and the job of a lifetime, I still feel like there’s a deep hole in my soul. A hole that is in desperate need of being filled with concrete, and sealed shut with lead filled, steel doors.
I take my glass of wine and make my way into my cozy, family room. Switching on the television and deciding tonight I will catch up on Big Brother, since I have missed the last two weeks of episodes. Somehow even though this is one of my very favorite shows, I cannot keep my thoughts from Jon. I want to understand why I’m so captivated by him, and I want to understand why this girl that he brought today has gotten to me.
I successfully made it through the night with no crazy dreams or anymore drunk texts to Jon. Ugh… I think I’m going to need to get rid of my phone if I keep that up.
This morning I am planning our girl’s trip. There will be 6 of us this year. Our little party of four is growing. For many years it was Alexis, Kelsey, Cami and I. But this year, we’re adding Alexis’ sister in laws, Kate and Courtney. We’ve all grown very close over this last year, but especially in the last five months.
We’re heading to a little horse ranch in Ocala to do some horseback riding, pool sitting and good food eatin’ in a couple weeks. Our trips always have some exciting aspect to them, but they are all centered around relaxation, sunshine and lots of alcohol. I quickly email the ladies giving the necessary details and move about with my day.
I walk down the hall to the office of my amazing boss, Adam Bellow. I’ve never met anyone in business more encouraging and supportive, as he has been to me. He often compliments my strong work ethic and encourages me to set high goals for myself.
As I see him sitting behind his antiqued, pecan wood, executive desk buried in paperwork and catalogs, I walk right in and sit across from him knowing I’m going to be pulled into whatever this new project is.
“Mr. Bellow, what are you up to?” I ask as I smile at the very, well dressed man who professionally makes my dreams come true all the time.
For years I’ve had the opportunity to be the lead designer in everything from high luxury condos to department stores. He’s granted me with a tremendous amount of creative control and flexibility and I’ve grown exponentially as a result.
He tells me about an up and coming restaurant chain that’s launching, and that we’ve just been awarded the design contract. This is where the fun is. We are able to go out and acquire the décor sets for each individual restaurant to match the general feel of the geographical location, but also to match the cuisine and feeling of the restaurant. I’m thrilled. This project will likely take us into fall, and although I’m sure I won’t be the lead designer, I know working with him will provide me a tremendous amount of knowledge and additional experience I need to seal the partnership.
After hours of combing through catalogs and starting preliminary design boards we can no longer sit anymore. We are in desperate need of some sustenance since we both skipped lunch unintentionally and lost track of time. I wish I could say that doesn’t happen very often, but it’s actually more common than not with the two of us. We agree to commence with planning tomorrow.
I walk to my office to collect my things to take home, packing a bag with extra catalogs and such, since I know it’s highly likely I’ll work some more tonight. Once my brain starts going, I find it challenging to turn it off. But right now this distraction is welcomed.
As I’m gathering my things, Max from the law office next door pops his head in. “Hey you, where have you been today?”
I smile. I love Max. He’s become a friend and I enjoy coffee and lunch dates with him in the office when time allows. We’re both really career focused, but having the time to briefly connect during the day is nice sometimes.
Max and I met three years ago in the coffee shop downstairs, when I was just starting out here. I was sitting there reading and my tea dribbled right on my boob, front and center on my perfectly pressed white shirt.
I wasn’t really panicking because I always keep a back up cardigan for occasions such as that, but I was annoyed and apparently he noticed and strutted over hoping to save my day with one of those detergent wipe packets.
First, let’s be clear, the wipe thing didn’t work. I still needed to change but before I did, we sat and talked for a good fifteen minutes about the great growth and changes that are happening downtown. I actually enjoyed our mindless first chat. I never expected that dumb conversation would turn into a friendship, I typically don’t like people, but it did.
“New contract. I’ve been in planning meetings all day. Miss me?” I ask with my smart ass-ness in full effect, although the grin on my face is likely giving me away.
“Always Whit, want to grab a bite to eat before you head home? I’m starved but I’ll be working late tonight so I’m going to need a quickie.”
This is what you need to know about Max. He’s the king of sexual innuendos. He loves to make comments that he knows could be viewed as sexual in terms that aren’t; and when people blush or giggle he makes them look like perverts but secretly, it’s all him, and it’s completely intentional. It’s comical to watch his little game in action.
Unfortunately for him, I don’t get uncomfortable with shit like that so I just ignore it or respond with an equally perverted response in most cases.
“That would be great, I’m starved and desperately need to put something in my mouth.” I respond without even batting an eye or peeking in his direction. These comments could go on all night.
Max and I end up at the corner burger restaurant down the street and I tell him about our new contract, and as always he tells me my partnership is just around the corner and how ready I am to take on that commitment. See, Max and I mutually understand being married to a job.
Max, although two years older than me is also single and at the rate he’s going, he’ll probably always be. No one understands a man that sleeps on the pullout sofa in his office at least twice a week, just so he can work until the wee hours of the morning, and wake up and get an early start the next day. No one except me, but I know things about Max that most people don’t know; things that make us incompatible. Max is a great friend and will never be anything more, and I a
m thankful for that.
After dinner I run back in my office to pick up my bags, and realize I’d left my phone in my desk all day which isn’t uncommon. Most people know to call me at the office if they need me.
I pick up my phone and briefly check my notifications. I’ve missed a couple calls from Lex, I’ll call her in the car on the ride home. I have texts and emails all confirming our girl’s weekend, which is exactly as I expected. Now that the plans are finalized, I’m actually looking forward to this trip.
And then him… he’s texted 3 times today with random little quips to entice me into conversation.
Jon: Good Morning sunshine. I’m sorry we weren’t able to continue a conversation last night. I can assure you, you were the last person I thought of before I closed my eyes. I hope you slept well. Can we talk today?
Right… like I was really his last thought. Clearly this guy just wants in my pants.
Jon: Eating a Cuban sandwich from Pipos… your favorite. Thinking of you. Can I bring you lunch?
Um… that’s probably the better way to get in my pants. If he’d have actually brought me my favorite lunch today, I may have actually gone down on him in my office. That’s just how much I love Pipo’s Café.
Jon: I had dinner at Garrett & Lex’s last night. Any chance you’ll have dinner with me yet? Can I bring you dinner? Not that I’m begging… But seriously… Can I?
Why is he telling me this? And why is he begging to hang out with me? He needs to stop that nonsense. It’s making things weirder than they already are. I slide my finger to select deleting the texts. Not only will I not respond, I don’t need the added reminders that he exists.
If I had any clue how to get him out of my head I one hundred percent would do it in a second. I briefly think as I’m heading to the elevators. Why is it challenging for me to find some common ground for just a friendship with him?
When I reach my car I sink back in the seat taking a brief moment to decompress before pressing the ignition to start the car. When the car turns on ‘If this were a love song’ by Brett Young sounds through the speakers and I think for a minute how perfect this song is for this moment, and I lose myself in the music. I don’t return Lex’s calls on the way home, and my mind is racing a million miles a minute again. Trying to understand my attraction to Jon; trying to rationalize my reasoning behind ignoring him.
By the time I’m pulling up to my townhome in Carrollwood Village, I am in desperate need of some sort of physical activity. Yoga might just be what I need, but for now, I’d rather hit things so Kick boxing it is. I run in the house, leaving my phone in the car since just looking at it right now causes some level of anxiety for me. I change into gym gear and grab my bag feeling sure I can work out my frustrations and anxiety there.
Jon
She ignored me again today. I’m not surprised. Actually I would have been surprised if she responded.
We’re prepping for the fall tour and I’m dreading going back on the road. I love to make music with these guys, but the stage, the travel, the screaming people, the loudness, the atmosphere… it isn’t what it used to be for me anymore. I wish we could have one without the other and we probably can, but Garrett is at the prime of his career.
Him taking a step back from touring would be a huge mistake and one in which he may someday regret. Although, I don’t even want to think about how hard this trip will be with Garrett and Drew both leaving their families. They don’t want to be on the road any more than I do. Eric, on the other hand, is thrilled.
Garrett hired a new tour manager since he fired Charles, our previous tour manager that said some nasty little things to Alexis. It didn’t end well for that man. He kept threatening lawsuits, but that never happened since Garrett found substantial evidence to show that Charles was really dishing out much of what was ending up in the tabloids. It didn’t take much money to make Charles go away, but truthfully Garrett would have paid a lot more to have him out of his life.
I check my phone again for the forty-seventh time this morning hoping for a change, and still I have no responses from Whit. That girl has mastered the hard-to-get game, and even though she is very hard-to-get, that doesn’t make me want her any less.
On the other hand, I’ve had countless texts today from Kelly. As her friend, I worry about her. I’m picking her up for dinner and a movie tomorrow afternoon, but she really needs a better support system. I’ve also texted Dave to let him know my opinion on how she’s doing`. I’m not really sure what he can do but something has to happen, and I’m worried about who will spend time with her when I’m on tour. She just needs someone to be her friend.
Alexis and I spent the better part of last night talking about Whitney and Kelly and every other woman that’s ever been in my life. Alexis was really upset with me at first. She really thought Kelly and I were and item and I was bringing her around to rub salt in the wound for Whitney blowing me off. I explained the situation and told her I wasn’t going to get my hopes up that Whitney would come around. I needed to let that go and move on with my life. It was really all lip service. I’m not sure I meant any of that part.
I get the impression from Alexis that Whitney has had a rough past and I’m not quite understanding how that’s the case. Alexis keeps telling me that Whitney’s walls are there for a reason, but she has a large family and from appearances, they’re all really close and very normal. Guess everyone has secrets.
It’s after seven when I’m finally pulling up to the house and I’ve texted Whit several times today. I thought we were getting somewhere last night that we were possibly over the hurdle and she was done running, and we could at least be friends, but clearly I was wrong.
She’s back, the same Whit I know, the girl that runs without any warning and regardless of the fact that I want to get to know her, I won’t keep chasing her. It goes against everything I am.
Whitney
The past two weeks have flown by. I guess I’ve been so immersed in my work life that I didn’t realize how desperate I was for some downtime. I mean I’d like to think I take really great care of my self. Hell… I work out, I love going to yoga, and my kick boxing lessons have quickly become my newest addiction, even though my instructor is the king of douche baggery, but I actually like hating him. It makes it so much easier to kick his ass.
I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with Alexis and I haven’t really spent any measurable amount of time with the other girls, expect for Facebook chats the past few weeks. This trip is much needed and is going to be a great time to reconnect.
My excitement is boiling over as I arrive to pick up Alexis. We’re riding together because she’ll never get there on her own. To my utter shock, she’s ready when I arrive which is a first for her in years. The last couple girl trips I’ve had to drag her kicking and screaming. It’s not that she doesn’t like the time with us, she does. She just really hates being separated from her family.
Sierra is clearly looking forward to her weekend with daddy. She’s excitedly telling me all the things they have planned which include a trip to the Lowry Park Zoo, her favorite restaurants and getting frozen yogurt everyday. Garrett just smiles and shrugs his shoulders as he looks at his daughter adoringly; already conceding to allow Sierra to be in charge of their weekend.
“Alexis, time to get in the car, sweets.” I tell her and she eyes the luggage in the corner and looks at Baby Mason in her arms. I see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Normally, I’m really uncomfortable around people that cry but I’m immune to Lex’s tears. I’ve lived through enough tears with her that I truly understand them.
Garrett slides in next to his wife and starts whispering in her ear. I know that his words are giving her the strength to go on this trip. We all know she could use the time away to relax and reenergize. Hell… it’s only one night away. We’ll be back tomorrow night after dinner. All I asked for was two full days. I know her well enough to know that three days is a deal breaker.
I watch as she passes the baby to Garrett and bends down to hug and kiss Sierra. She’s not worried about them not being cared for while she’s away. That’s never her concern. Alexis just has a serious case of separation anxiety. I don’t know what the hell she’s going to do when Garrett leaves to go on tour. I’ll probably be spending a lot more time at her house, holed up in that guest bedroom suite upstairs that I designed with my very own preferences in mind.
After she says her goodbyes with her quiet tears and gets in the car I know that she’ll need ample distractions to get her through this hour car ride and the right music is just the key. I have my new playlist with all my favorite new female musicians locked and loaded. I’m so ready to get this party started and it won’t take long for Lex to get into it.
I expect the conversation to be light and fun but almost as soon as we pull out of the driveway she mentions Jon, and I know that she’s on a mission to get to the bottom of my relationship issues. She’s in full-blown ‘Fix Whit’ mode and I am screwed.
She turns the music down then turns in her seat so that she’s facing me. The look on her face tells me I’m in for an unexpected and unwanted full on therapy session. I’ve been in therapy on and off for 20 years and avoided talking about the things that happen in my head. I’m sure as hell not starting now. I have no interest in people feeling sorry for me or treating me like a victim. I’m wasn’t a victim then and I won’t be now.
“Whitney, I get that you have stuff and I know because of your ‘past’ that you struggle to open up and trust people. Hell… I’ve been your best friend for a third of your life and I barely know anything, but at some point love, you need to let people in. You are far too amazing to spend a lifetime alone because you’re afraid of getting hurt.”