Mending Heartstings

by Felicia Lynn

  They open a door and there is a nurse and a doctor attending to the patient there but I can’t see her yet, they are standing in front of her so I push the others out of the way to get a view from the side that the physician is at.

  The sight of her knocks the wind out of me.

  “What... What happened to her? Who did this?”

  I’m asking and reaching for her hand. I grasp her fingers but she does not grip them back. She’s not awake but she’s not dead. The doctors are talking and I cannot begin to process any part of what he’s saying.

  I drop to my knees. I’m kissing her hand.

  “Whitney… please… please wake up. I need you, my love. I need you.”

  I say to her. I feel a tear stinging my eyes and I don’t care. I don’t care for one minute.

  She needs to wake up so she can listen to the doctors. She needs to tell us who did this. She can do anything she fucking wants if only she shows me her pretty little eyes.

  I can’t fucking take this. I’ve been sitting with Kelly for days while I thought she was fighting for her life. Kelly woke up and I thought the nightmare was over. I thought I was finally going to have my happy ending with Whit. I was coming for her. I needed her. I missed her and she was on her way here.

  The doctors tell us the few details they know and our security team is able to gather more details while we listen to the diagnosis of her health. I understand that she’s been temporarily sedated due to a head injury and they do expect that she’ll regain consciousness and be ok, but right now there’s a lot of swelling that needs to go down which can take days to weeks.

  I need answers on how this happened and who hurt her. I’m seeing red. I’m not pissed… No… I’m fucking irate.

  I leave Whitney momentarily with Alexis by her side to find answers. Garrett is talking to our security guy and a Hillsborough County Sheriff Officer when I walk out into the hall. He sees me coming and intercepts me before the impending explosion.

  “Jon, they have the bad guy. It’s okay man.” He says attempting to calm me but that doesn’t even begin to make me feel better.

  “What bad guy? What the fuck happened?” I ask when the officer tells me she was injured in the gym sparring with another fighter and I immediately know who she was sparring with.

  He tells me it got out of hand. The other fighter lost control. Others in the gym had to drag him off of her in the ring. They took him in for questioning and are waiting for Whitney to wake up so they can question her but they feel pretty certain charges will be filed and he’ll be held until they can determine what level of assault he’ll be charged with.

  The fact that he’s at the station for questioning or behind bars or wherever he is right this minute doesn’t make me feel any better. I’d be happy to handle this on my own.

  I asked her not to go there. I fucking told her I wasn’t comfortable with her being there. Whitney isn’t a girl you can tell not to do something clearly; but this was our thing and a deal breaker for me. She hasn’t gone in weeks. What changed her mind? How did she end up there?

  Jon

  After a couple hours here, it finally dawned on us that we needed to get in contact with Whitney’s parents. They’re on the way from North Carolina. She’s still sleeping but they have taken her off the medicine to induce her sleep. Now we just wait for her to wake up. Once her parents are here I’ll lose control over her care, even though it was Alexis’ lie that awarded me that temporary privilege. It’s been nice to get answers promptly and not having to deal with disclosures and shit.

  I’ll no longer be the first to know everything happening and I’ll be relying on them to share the information promptly. I’m hoping they will be considerate and share the information. The people here are as much her family as they are and we love her dearly and are desperately waiting for details and updates from the doctors. But regardless, she’d want her parents here by her side. I’m nervous and don’t really know what to expect.

  I had to have someone go to her house and grab her phone and move my truck while they were at it. When I called they were shocked to hear that Whitney had a boyfriend and apparently it’s not public knowledge. That hurts a little but I guess in perspective it’s only been a month or so.

  Although she was in an induced coma her fingers are moving and it’s a little strange. It make’s me think she’s dreaming and I hope it’s not a bad dream. She has bad dreams a lot and I wish I could talk to her about them but that conversation is off limits. She’s made that pretty clear but considering she promised she’ steer clear of the gym and Shorty Douchebags and didn’t I think the dream question is back on the table.

  I’m still angry and I’m trying to be careful not to misplace my anger and take it out on her. Should she have gone there? Absolutely not. Is this her fault? Never in a million years.

  It was my understanding she was holding her own. She was tough until she tripped and fell on her back and he sat on her, bashing her, beating her, and when she’d had enough, he picked you up only to drop her back on the mat and she hit her head on the fucking pole.

  It’s also my understanding that she was upset when she walked in gym. She’d run all the way from home and we’re not sure why she was crying or what happened a long the way but because her home was left with the front door open and all her belonging we expect that whatever happened, happened there but we won’t have those details until Whit wakes up.

  The doctor comes in the room and checks in on her. He tells me that it takes a few hours for the medicines to wear off but that she could wake up at any time. I know she loves to hear me sing to her. I’m not a public singer. I hate being center stage but for Whitney, there’s no other place I’d want to be. I’m singing softly in her ear when I’m finally alone, just Whitney and I for a few short minutes. But then her parent’s and brothers rush into the room and it knocks the wind out of my sails.

  I step back allowing them space to see for themselves what I’ve already told them on the phone. No one has spoken to me yet. Whitney’s mother is crying and bent over her daughter crying as if she were dead. Her father is reaching for the medical charts. I sense that he’s a no nonsense kinda guy. Whitney’s brothers are Protectively standing beside their parents but the concern for their sister is etched in their skin as they look down on their little sister in the bed.

  It feels like several minutes pass before introductions are finally made and thankfully they were all very friendly and extremely thankful for my presence in Whitney’s life even though she’s tight lipped about the relationship.

  Her father gently asks that I leave them to have some time with her and unfortunately I can’t deny them even though it kills me to leave her. I make sure they all have my cell phone number and they promise to call as soon as she’s awake.

  The tears that I have gone years without shedding are trickling down my face as I walk down the hallway to leave the hospital.

  I can’t go home. I can’t be alone, so I go to the only place I know will understand and accept my worry and concern and be feeling the same. I type out a quick message letting them know I’m on the way and why. I don’t wait for a response. I just get in my truck and drive.

  When I arrive to the house, I press the keys for the gate code and I feel like I’m functioning on autopilot. I am not in control of my movements. The only thing I have the ability to care about in this moment is lying in a hospital bed.

  I need to hear her sweet little voice say my name more than I need air at this point. I sit in the driveway for a little while before I muster the strength to walk into the house. Garrett is waiting by the door when I walk up.

  “Hey… I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get out of your truck.”

  He says trying to be a smart ass but I see the worry in his face and I know why, he’s doubting my strength, he’s doubting my ability to deal with real problems, something that rips my heart apart at the seams, without running to the bottle or a pill.

  I
can’t speak. I can’t reassure him that I don’t want to run for the hills and escape this pain but the only thing keeping me from that is I want to be awake and alert when I get that call. The only thing I want more than I want to get drunk is to hear her voice or to know that she’s okay. I’d take that over anything.

  I walk into the house and sit on the couch staring out at the lake. I don’t have the mental capacity to handle conversations and they know it. They’ll give me space. I’m grateful for that.

  Whitney

  My ears are ringing a little and the headache is massive. I open one eye and the brightness feels too strong. “Ouch!” I say to myself a little unsure of where I am and what’s happening.

  My parents and brothers all start speaking at once and I’m really confused now. I open my eyes to see my mama and daddy standing at each side of me, and the boys there as well.

  “Well… hi… explanation please?” I ask and they laugh as my mother laughs with tears still present.

  “Doctor’s, she’s still a smart ass, I think she’s going to be ok.” My brother says making me smile but the pain of the smile is too much so I close my eyes briefly before asking again what in the hell is going on.

  As they tell me what has happened, I realize that Jon isn’t here. I would have thought he would have stayed but I remember the dream. I remember the distance. I think I remember it all… but did any of that really happen?

  Jon, the guy I’ve spent the last year trying to forget is my first concern when I wake in the hospital. I was trying to pretend that my feelings weren’t real but they are. I love him and I want him here. I need to know if he will really come when I need him or if he will stay watching from a distance.

  “Mama…Can you please find Jon? Can someone please call Jon? I need him.” I ask knowing there are tears in my eyes and my family is seeing them. The tears are new for me but I’m not embarrassed by them.

  It’s seconds before I hear my dad speaking to someone on the phone.

  Jon

  My phone ringing pulls me right out of the trance that I’m under. I see the number on the screen and immediately know its Whitney’s dad.

  “Hi…How is she?” are the first words I speak. There’s no time for a more detailed greeting. He has answers and I need them.

  “Jon, she’s awake and she’s asking for you.” He says with strength and a hint of happiness in his voice.

  I am on my feet and walking toward the door as I tell him I’ll get there as fast as I can.

  “I’m on the way. PLEASE… tell her I’m coming.” I say.

  I yell to Garrett and Alexis that she’s awake and I’m leaving. I don’t have any other answers and I don’t have any time to make plans for what to do next.

  My girl is awake and she’s asking for me. I have only one mission right now. I feel like I could jump in the air and click my heels as I run out the door. My girl. My Whit. She wants me. All my doubts are quickly subsiding.

  Acknowledgements

  So many amazing people have helped me mentally and emotionally along the way of writing this book. I love you all.

  To my BLOG friends, readers and everyone who supports me, please know that you are priceless to me.

  Mike & Skylar, everyday I wake up feeling grateful for our little trio. I love our life and our bonds. Thank you for loving me even when I escape into my own world to live with fictional people. I love you both more than life.

  To my parents, thank you for reminding me to breathe. I often need your strength and love and it’s always there waiting for me. I love you dearly. Forever.

  To my grandmother, I will always remember how much you’ve loved me. That’s a promise. I love you back just as much. Only you and I know how very much that is.

  To Mr. Chris Bell, you provide the best form of happiness and fun. Thank you for taking time to talk to me or text when I’m stressed and need a little smile time. So many of my smiles come from you.

  To Dan DeDomenico and Dave Adams. You have been invaluable to me while writing this book. I can never thank you guys enough for your knowledge and willingness to educate me. I love you guys! Dinner soon?

  R.L. Griffin, you’ll never know how much my time with you means to me. Thank you for being a rock solid friend through everything including the writing of this book. You are amazing! #milliondollarfriendship

  Wanna go to the fountains?!? Spend an entire day at Starbucks?? HABACHI?!?! Parade anyone??

  Harper Sloan & Andee… My heart smiles when I think of our times together. I’m never bored and I love that we can always find something to laugh at or do. Thank you for your amazingness. Can’t wait to see what this year brings.

  Leslie and Rosie… There are no words for how much I appreciate the time you’ve taken to help me with everything cruise and blog related. THNAK YOU times a MILLION. XOXOXO

  Leslie, can’t wait to finally go on this trip with you. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE YOUR FACE!