Lizzie's List

by Melling, Diane

  After shooting James my most evil look, I reply, “Yes that would be great!” I am sure I see Mark’s shoulders shudder slightly as if he’s trying to hide an amused chuckle. I shoot James another evil glance, but can’t maintain it as he looks soooooooooooo sexy in his jeans and black shirt.

  Later that evening, after Mark and Tabitha admire James’ cottage, we arrive at the pub, which is about a half mile walk. The Farmer’s Arms is a lovely, typical country pub with attractive hanging baskets and a beer garden overlooking a lazy stream. Once inside, Mark gets a round of drinks and we find a table inside due to the gentle yet persistent drizzle.

  By the end of the third round (3 glasses of wine for me) I can see James and Mark sniggering like school boys and even in my wine-induced haze, I know exactly what they’re up to. “I’m not doing it!” I say determinedly. At this point, even Tabitha starts to giggle showing she’s in on it too.

  “Are they trying to get you to sing Lizzie?” she asks.

  “They’ve told you as well? I question.

  “Well Lizzie–it is on your list. We’re not forcing you to do something that you don’t want to do anyway,” says Mark.

  “I know that, but I haven’t got my head around singing just yet – I need to build myself up to it.”

  “It’s entirely up to you Lizzie, but we’re all here to support you should you decide to do it tonight, and don’t forget you did promise I could watch,” adds James.

  “I know I did, but your being here is not a comfort; it is more likely to put me off. I know you’re all here for a good laugh at me!” I reply, slightly miffed.

  “Well Lizzie, I can’t promise I won’t laugh, but I do honestly admire you for doing it. If you want to sing in your awful voice with less harmony than an out-of-tune violin played badly, I think that you’re brave, if slightly mad.” responds Mark. This makes me think for a moment, about all the times when I thought Mark was better than me or that he disregarded me, but his saying this spurs me on. What have I got to lose? Maybe people (including some locals I know) will think I’m unhinged or a little drunk, but that is the point of this, to overcome my fears and worries and not give a damn?

  “Right, I’ll do it then!” I almost shout. “Just let me compose myself, and I might need a shot of something before I start.” I can’t think about this for too long or I’ll back out, so, fuelled with some wine and a shot of tequila, I get up and just go for it. “Erm can I have every body’s attention please?” I say whilst clapping my hands together. At this, the hum of conversation quietens and people start to stare at me – some of them being regulars in The Tea Cosy and curious about what I am going to say; others wondering what this strange woman is going to announce. “I would like to sing a short song if that’s okay with you, and feel free to join in.” All the eyes in the room are now glued to me, not quite sure if I am serious or not. What the heck – let’s do this!

  Slowly and hesitantly I start my first line. “I am what I am. I am my own special creation.” I decide on Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Am What I Am’ as this seems a fitting song for this task on my list. Smirks seem to spread around faces as fast as fire burns paper, as people realise that I am tone deaf. I start to falter slightly, but glance at James, who is not smirking, but willing me desperately to go on, giving me confidence. “So come take a look,” I continue in the silent room and am slightly horrified by this noiseless trance that everybody seems to be in. Suddenly, as I continue, stammering slightly, Tabitha jumps up and joins in and I nearly collapse with relief that her voice is just as bad as mine. As we reach the second verse, the smirks convert to genuine smiles and it seems that people are willing us on with them gently humming along to the song.

  Gradually, as we enter our final verse, people start to clap along, which triggers Tabitha and I to really go for it, so that the whole pub is singing along with us. “Life’s not worth a damn till you can shout out I am what I am!” Yes they are laughing at us a little, but on the whole they are enjoying our entertainment and we’ve made their night fun. Clapping and cheering could be heard in the next village I am sure. Everybody in the pub has now realised I can’t sing with any melody and do I care? I do not care one bit, in fact, I actually loved singing to them–after the initial stunned silent part, of course.

  “That was so much fun, Lizzie – you know I’m definitely going to write my own list now. I can totally understand why you’re doing it – it’s kind of liberating. There’s no way I would normally get up and sing, but you’ve inspired me Lizzie. Shall we sing another song?”

  “NO!” James, Mark and I all shout at the same time causing us all to erupt into laugher at the sight of Tabitha’s surprised face.

  “Why? Were we really that bad?” she asks.

  “Let’s put it one way – Andrew Lloyd Webber won’t be calling soon my love, but I think you were both great,” answers Mark proudly.

  “As much as we loved it, I think one song is enough,” I reply.

  “Does anybody want another drink here, or shall we open some wine at the cottage?” asks James.

  After a final drink, we all walk or should I say stagger slightly, back to James’ cottage and pretty much fall into our beds in an alcohol-induced haze. “I thought you were amazing tonight by the way,” James says as he cuddles me in his bed.

  “You weren’t embarrassed?” I ask.

  “Why should I be? You were just having fun. So what if you can’t sing. That’s what everybody loved, the fact that you were just singing, having a laugh and echoing the words of the song really – you are who you are, bad singing voice to go with it and you didn’t care.”

  As James’ breathing deepens to greet his slumber, I think about what he’s said and the night in general. James accepts me for who I am and so did the people in the pub. Again, I find that completing my list brings me a confidence I never knew I had. Things that I would have previously found embarrassing or scary are no longer quite so daunting. Rather than feeling I must apologise for myself all the time, I now think, why I should apologise for myself or what I do. Shouldn’t having fun be more important than worrying about what people think – after all I am what I am!

  Feeling James’ erection against my back, I find myself in an unfortunate predicament. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about what to do; however because I thought he’d gone to sleep I allowed myself a little fart under the covers. I am slightly certain that it might be of the silent, but deadly version – beans (which I had at the pub) can sometimes have that effect on me. As I haven’t yet broken wind in front of him, I debate whether I should pretend I’m asleep with the covers trapped tightly around me trapping the smell – or consider my previous thoughts about being I am what I am and lift the duvet with pride.

  Note to Self

  Never be afraid to sing out loud, although not too much in The Tea Cosy – after all I do want some customers – seriously describing it a strangled cat, is a positive spin on my singing.

  Try not to eat beans before seeing James.

  Chapter 16

  Love is in the air

  As August passes and September races by, Kate and I put all of our energy into getting the Tea Cosy 2 ready. Laura is pretty much running The Tea Cosy with the help of another lady we hired. We are aiming to open Tea Cosy 2 on the first weekend in October. With it being autumn, we thought we’d do autumn crafts for children and other activities to try and attract families. The owners of the barn are also organising activities, such as pumpkin carving and apple picking from the orchard in the side field.

  James and I are still very much in love and have been together for two months now. In fact we have both used the L word! I would like to think I’m sophisticated and cool about the whole thing, but honestly ... I can’t hold back, so must tell you about it. I totally understand that listening to other people’s tales of love can sometimes be quite sickening, but don’t forget this is the first time I’ve
fallen in love or had anybody in love with me.

  It happened two weeks ago when we had our first argument. I hadn’t seen James in over a week and was feeling a little neglected as he had barely had time to talk to me, let alone see me. Then he informed me, by text, that he had to go on a visit to France and would be away for a week – something to do with a French holiday company. Looking back now, I can see that he was just too busy, but at the time, I thought he was getting fed up with me. All confidence that I have recently developed had gone on its own trip away, just like James.

  Anyway, I was due to meet him at his cottage the night he returned, but by this time, I’d built up a whole picture in my head of him with chic French lady and decided that if he wanted to see me, he could bloody well come and find me. Obviously when he arrived home and I wasn’t waiting at his cottage with his tea in the oven, a loving smile on my face and the kettle boiling away happily, he realised that all was not quite right.

  Ten minutes later, he was on my doorstep looking very tired and confused. “Lizzie, I thought you were coming over – what’s the matter? he asked as he saw my expressionless face.

  “You mean you’ve only just noticed that I may be slightly annoyed? I haven’t seen you in ten days and you just whizz off to France, without so much as a hug goodbye and expect me not to be a little bit pissed off?”

  “Honestly Lizzie, I am so sorry, but I’ve been struggling to find time for you. What with the centre being so busy, and then the trip to France was so last minute, but I had to go – it could bring in lots of business.” James then moves towards me for a hug.

  “Struggling to find time for me?” I shout. “Well don’t bloody bother, if I am an inconvenience to you.” At this he looks bewildered; he’s never seen me get so angry before. I would also like to point out that it was the time of the month and I did have an exceptionally bad bout of PMT, causing me to be completely unreasonable.

  “I didn’t mean it like that Lizzie – look you know how much I love you – please let’s not argue. I am recruiting some more staff and things will start to slow down in a few months, so we’ll have more time. I’m sorry I dashed off to France like that, and I should have come to see you rather than just sending a text.” He had me at ‘love you’! I slowly smile–a slightly shy smile and then leap into his arms with joy.

  “You love me? You’ve never told me,” I say between kisses.

  “I just assumed you knew and also assume that you love me too,”

  “Men! James you don’t just assume love. Women need to be told these things–frequently!”

  “Well I just thought you knew, but Lizzie, I do love you very much.”

  “Well James, I love you too!” I shout happily.

  “I know you do, but thanks for telling me anyway.”

  “How do you know I love you?” I ask slightly puzzled that he knows and I didn’t.

  “Lizzie, I’ve not seen you quite a while. Please stop asking me questions and let me come up to your flat and make passionate love to you.” he says whilst carrying me over his shoulder up the stairs.

  “Well actually no you can’t – it’s ... erm ...you know?”

  “No I don’t know? What’s the matter now?” he asks with a patient sigh.

  “My woman’s thing.”

  “What woman’s thing – Lizzie, please just tell me what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh for goodness sake – it’s the time of the month!” I practically shout at him ruining my attempt to be discreet and dignified.

  “Bugger! If I’d have known that I wouldn’t have bothered coming round!” he answers laughing as I spank his bum in protest. “Come on then – let’s do kissing and cuddles instead,” he replies with a prolonged and exaggerated sigh.

  So there you have it–I, Lizzie Parker, am officially loved by and also in love with my boyfriend.

  Notes to Self

  He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!

  Chapter 17

  Tea Cosy 2 triumph

  Kate and I are now in the thick of planning, organising and adding final touches to our new cafe – The Tea Cosy 2. We are over the moon with its style, very much in keeping with The Tea Cosy, but it has a slight independence of its own, mainly due to the additional space.

  The location is superb and the more we have visited to make preparation, the more confident I feel about its potential. The owners of the barn are working hard to develop the whole centre and are using our autumn launch as a method of increasing the barn’s identity as a lovely place to visit.

  Not forgetting our original Tea Cosy 1–Laura is doing a wonderful job. She’s slid gracefully into the role of manager, handles things without fuss, and is fast becoming indispensable. I am also miffed that one customer told me her chocolate brownies are the best she had ever tasted, but she did explain that nobody could beat my scones and shortbread, so I felt a little better. Kate and I have both agreed to give her a pay rise as soon as we can afford to – right now all the funds are being ploughed into Tea Cosy 2.

  After my little tiff with James, I am feeling rather humbled because at the moment I am the one who is too busy to fit him into my life. He did point this out to me, but quickly regretted it when he saw my glare and nostril puffing like an irate dragon about to blow fire–although he was quite right to point it out.

  This brings me to the present, which is the day of our grand opening. We have struggled to estimate how much food we will require, but have enough cakes to feed the British Army – well nearly! “Well we can’t do any more now Lizzie – it’s a matter of waiting to see if the advertising has worked and then all systems go – hopefully.” says Kate.

  “I feel excited. I would normally be nervous, so I’m not sure what’s wrong with me today.”

  “It’s your confidence Lizzie – you’re more confident these days. I think your list and your lovely boyfriend have done wonders to it. Right now, though, we need to grab a cup of tea and cake, because I am hoping we’ll be so busy, we won’t have time later.” I ponder Kate’s words briefly and think that she may well be right.

  “What are you having Kate? I’m having a Smartie biscuits, because I feel strong, slightly silly with excitement and also looking forward to the element of surprise we may get today.”

  “Seriously–you think too much Lizzie – just give me anything sweet and large and I’m happy,” Kate laughs in response. “Shall we get something for your mum and dad? They’ll be here soon.”

  “Yes we’d better. I can’t believe they are actually coming to help us out for the day and Tabitha too.”

  I am ecstatic that my family are rallying around. After they all visited the barn and I talked to them about our plans, Mum suggested she and dad could help. We didn’t want to recruit too many staff too soon, until we were certain of our customer base. She loves the place so much (I think the quirky little shops help) that she has even said she’ll help on busier days until we are more established. The extra help today has meant that Kate can plan lots of children’s autumn crafts and will be able to run activities, whilst Mum, Dad and Tabitha serve. Dad still prefers the peace and tranquillity of Tea Cosy 1, but mum has already organised luncheons with her ‘Golden Girls’ here soon.

  “Wow girls, this truly looks amazing!” beams my mum as she and Dad arrive. You might not quite believe how much this means to me. Having felt that I am a constant let down to her, she’s finally enthusing over something I am doing. “I think you’ve done a great job and I just love the bunting – my Golden Girls will love it here.”

  “The bunting was all down to Lizzie. Thanks so much for helping today – it’s difficult to know how busy we’ll be,” replied Kate.

  “Yes thanks, to you all, and it looks like our first customers might be here already,” I say as we hear the distinct noise of a car arriving on the car park. We all down our teas/coffees and don our welcoming s
miles in hope that this is the start of a hectic day.

  Before we know what’s hit us, The Tea Cosy 2 is a bouncing and bounding puppy full of new life, activity and zest. The flow of customers is constant and steady throughout the day with a noisy peak during lunch time. I’ve tried to take moments, whenever the opportunity has arisen, to soak up the atmosphere as if I’m a customer myself. The experience felt like a buzzing bee, with lots of activity around, but time and places to stop, pause and unwind amongst the cheerful and vivacious surroundings. We’ve just about coped with the demands of our guests, allowing them enough time to relax and have this experience, not just a beverage, but the constant flow of new customers arriving has ensured people don’t stay too long.

  The hum of noise is enough that families don’t feel they are unwelcome with children, but the size of the cafe allows people to escape and rest in quieter areas. We have cleverly (if I say so myself) sectioned the space into designated areas to attract a diverse clientele. The family area is close to the large doors opening out onto the play area with an activity table for children. The central area is designed for people who want food, and we have a cosy corner with books, magazine and squishy sofas for people who want peace and quiet. Our aim for this is to provide customers with the experience they desire. We have also lined the walls with Welsh dressers and various shelves that we have sourced from local antique fairs to display our items for sale. As with The Tea Cosy 1, we have many local artists who are displaying their artwork, which they will hopefully sell through our cafe.

  By the end of the afternoon, we are utterly shattered. My feet feel as though they have been pummelled with hot bricks. To give Mum her credit, she was fantastic as a waitress and seemed in her element mingling with customers, chatting tumultuously enjoying their company. Dad now looks tired, but seemed to have enjoyed the day, probably because he enjoys seeing Kate and I succeed.