by Lucy Ivey
“Well, I think it’s great!” Beth finally said. My eyes set on her swaying to the music again.
“Me, too!” Jessie agreed smiling at her.
“Me, too,” Justin whispered kissing me. “I’ll be right back.”
There was no need to ask him where he was going or trying to stop him. He was going to find his brother. I thought about looking for him myself. I didn’t. Instead, I took Beth up on her offer to pour us another drink.
Before long, my head started spinning. I felt like the room was on fire. I needed to use the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I bumped my way through the crowd, stumbling toward the bathroom.
When I finally reached it, it was locked. I decided to use my mom and Bill’s bathroom, thinking no one would be in their room. When I opened the door, the smell of jasmine filled the air. Joe was lying across the bed. Gray was sitting on top of him, kissing him.
“Oh, I’m … sorry.” I wanted to turn away but couldn’t. “I … I … I needed to use the bathroom and the other one was … I’m sorry.”
Gray was smiling as she bit the corner of her bottom lip but Joe’s expression was indifferent. He slowly pushed her off him and sat up. Both of them still had their clothes on. Whatever I walked in on and interrupted was only the beginning of what they were planning on doing.
“Sorry,” I repeated totally embarrassed. Joe didn’t take his cold eyes off me.
“No, don’t.” His voice was emotionless. “We’re done here.”
“What?” She was clearly upset at his plans to end their time together. He paid no attention to her. He walked out of the room without looking at or saying another word to either of us. She remained on her knees staring out the door in disbelief.
“Gray, I’m sorry.”
Tears filled her emerald eyes.
“Oh, it’s not your fault,” she whined adjusting her dress. “I knew he wasn’t interested anyway.”
“What do you mean? It sure looked like he was—”
“Oh, God, Karley! He was just lying there,” she yelled in frustration. “I mean, all we’ve talked about tonight is you anyway.”
Me?
“What?” I asked, reaching for the door to keep the floor steady under me.
“Yeah, you!” She started to cry. “I can’t believe I am so stupid.”
I staggered over to the bed and sat beside her.
“What are you talking about?”
“All night it’s been Karley this, Karley that!” she said yanking her shoes back on. “I really wish I knew more about you, you know. That way when he asked me a question, I would have known the answer and then he would have been more interested in what it was that I had to say!” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I’m fine. Go pee. I’ll see you when you get back out here.”
I didn’t think she was upset with me but I wasn’t sure. I hoped she wasn’t. I didn’t want her to be. This had nothing to do with her. This was between me and Joe—whatever this was.
I wanted to find him. Demand the answers to my questions. Find out how he really felt about me. Find out why he had to work so hard at hiding who he really was around me. But all I could think about was relieving the pressure in my kidneys and the pounding in my brain.
After I used the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror trying to focus on the image in the middle. It was a struggle. I splashed cold water on the back of my neck and drank a couple of sips of water from the running faucet.
I was still lightheaded but at least the ground wasn’t spinning under me anymore. Fresh air would help. When I opened the bathroom door, Gray wasn’t waiting for me. No doubt she had gone to find Joe, so I walked out the French doors of the bedroom onto the lanai alone.
It was freezing outside.
I wished I had the equilibrium to walk back inside and get a coat. I didn’t. I barely had enough to make it over to the step and sit down. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Any effort would be better than none. I rested my head on my knees and thankfully, within moments, the pounding in my head began to ease. Something gently fell against my back and I shot my head up to see who was behind me.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” Ryan sat down next to me. I was happy to see him.
“You looked a little cold.”
“Yeah, it’s freezing out here.” I pulled his coat closer to my body. “What are you doing out here?”
It was a struggle focusing on the middle image of the three in front of me. I realized I was drunker than I thought.
“I needed some fresh air.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
A cool breeze blew past us. I welcomed it by facing it and closing my eyes. After it passed, I re-opened them. He was staring at me.
“So, Connecticut?”
His eyes were interested and the smile on his face wasn’t being forced. He had accepted my decision. It still caused him pain.
“Honestly, I don’t know … maybe. Things just seem a little crazy right now, you know.”
He nodded.
Another moment of silence passed.
“What if it doesn’t work out?”
His question offended me.
“What?”
“What if you get to Connecticut and he’s not the guy you thought he was?”
I took a deep breath, preparing myself to defend my relationship yet again to someone I thought already understood. But I wasn’t sure if I could defend it anymore. Doubt filled my mind. Joe did that to me.
“Hey,” he whispered nudging me softly. “I’m not trying to upset you.”
“I know …”
“Do you love him?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“I don’t know … I thought I did … but I don’t know anymore.”
“I was in love once.” His voice was soft, careful, and guarded looking up at the silver moon. “But she wasn’t who I thought she was and it took me a while to realize it. She’s was the reason I left California.”
“Where is she now?”
“Long, long gone.” I waited for him to continue. To tell me what happened between them or where she was or what he had done. To give me some kind of explanation of his concern about Justin. Nothing. I wasn’t sure how fresh the memories were but they were obviously still too painful. He wasn’t going to say any more about her.
I pressed my shoulder gently into his. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”
He rested his head on mine. “I am your friend. That’s why I’m not sure moving to Connecticut is the best thing for you.”
“He’s a good guy, Ryan.”
There was something convincing him otherwise. If I asked him, he wouldn’t tell me—unless he knew for certain it was to protect me. He only had a gut feeling. It wasn’t enough in his mind.
“Good. You deserve a good guy, Karley.”
As much as I wanted to stay outside and talk to him, I needed to go back inside. Justin was probably looking for me and I didn’t want him to find me with Ryan. Again. I slipped Ryan’s coat off my shoulders and handed it back to him.
“Thank you.” I stood up, expecting him to do the same but he remained sitting. “Are you coming inside?”
“No,” he said quietly. “I think I’m gonna go home.”
“Why? It’s almost midnight.”
“I have no one to kiss.” He grinned looking up at me.
His feelings for me were still strong.
“Ryan—”
“Don’t,” he interrupted standing up. “It’s obvious he cares for you. I mean, he didn’t look at Sarah the way he looks at you.”
What?
Sarah?
His words were confusing to me.
“Sarah?”
Now Ryan was confused.
“They dated last summer. Didn’t you know that?”
“No.”
“I thought that’s why you got so pissed at her?”
My silent stare gave my answer.
> “Well, fuck, don’t tell him I told you,” he said swallowing the last bit of alcohol in his glass. “The last thing I need is to be involved in one of the resort’s many scandals … or worse.”
He winked trying to lighten the moment.
“Worse? What do you mean?”
“Like getting fired!” Ryan chuckled. “I’m sure your boyfriend will want to kick my ass after you tell him I told you. So don’t. I mean, I can handle myself physically but the one way he can overpower me is by causing me to lose my job.”
“Why would you lose your job?”
“Because I told his girlfriend one of the secrets about him he doesn’t want her to know.”
He was still smiling when he leaned down and kissed my cheek. He obviously wasn’t taking our conversation seriously. “Happy New Year, Karley.”
He placed his coat back over my shoulders.
“Keep it,” he said. “It looks like you plan on staying out here a little longer.”
He walked inside leaving me out in the cold, my head throbbing from the alcohol and confusion of his words. I sat alone for a few seconds as the spinning in my head returned at a faster and harder pace.
“Change your mind about going inside?”
I turned toward the deep voice coming from the shadows behind me.
Through blurred vision, I saw Joe sitting in a chair in the corner of the lanai. His body covered by the darkness. His piercing blue eyes were wolf-like in the dark like a true, patient predator.
“How long have you been out here?”
“Longer than you.” He brought a bottle of something up to his lips and took a long drink. “Longer than your friend.”
Surrendering to the pain in my head, I rested my head on my knees again, letting Ryan’s coat fall behind me. I heard Joe’s footsteps behind me. He knelt beside me and placed the coat back across my shoulders.
He was being nice to me again. I wanted to ask him all of my questions but my head was hurting too bad to focus on anything but the pain. I wanted to ask him about Justin and Sarah, too. I knew better. Even if I asked him about his brother and Sarah he wouldn’t tell me the truth. He would use some coy maneuver, a clever phrasing of his words, to make me realize I had gotten myself into this situation and he wasn’t going to help me out of it. The only protection he would give would be to his brother. I refused to give him the satisfaction.
“You’ve been getting a lot of bad news lately about people you care about … not knowing them the way you think you do.”
“Yeah, seems that way doesn’t it?” I whispered in a whimsical tone.
I shifted my body to face him. When I did, the coat slid off my shoulder and he replaced it allowing his finger to brush my collarbone softly. I tilted my head to extend his touch on my skin. He held his fingers against my neck and his stare on mine. I closed my eyes while he caressed the side of my face. I needed him to tell me he was feeling the way I was feeling.
“Tell me not to worry, Joe … tell me everything is going to be okay.”
I wanted him to say those words to me. I opened my eyes to see his cool stare assessing me. For a moment, I thought he might tell me what I wanted to hear.
“Things usually do … ,” he whispered pulling his hand away, “before they get worse.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I could have done both that very moment. Maybe it was the alcohol taking effect. Maybe I knew he was right. I was in a mess. I had gotten myself into it, and now I didn’t know how I was going to get myself out.
He reached his nearly empty bottle to me before getting up and walking away. I didn’t want him to go but knew he needed to. With every drink I took, the burn in my throat reminded me of his words and how things could only get worse.
Somehow I made it back inside the house and over to my friends. Justin was standing near another group of people I didn’t know. When I walked over to him he put his hands on the sides of my face. Concerned immediately.
“How much have you had to drink?”
“Too much,” I confessed leaning into him. I wanted to ask him about Sarah but I couldn’t focus. The room was spinning and everything was a blur.
“Are you good?”
“Good or good enough for you?” I asked. I wanted to know if what Ryan said was true. Had they dated? Why would he keep it from me? We’d said we wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other. Did he have another big one he wasn’t telling me?
“What? What does that mean?”
“You tell me.” I was sure my words were slurred.
Curiosity filled his sapphire eyes. God, he was beautiful.
“I think it means you’re officially drunk and it’s time for me to take you to bed.”
Wanting to forget about Sarah and Joe and all the shit going on in my life right now, this is what I needed. Him. He was a good guy. A good guy I deserved. A good guy I deserved not to hurt.
“Finally!” I playfully fell forward into his arms.
“Oh, is that what you’ve been waiting for?” I smiled up at him and nodded. He whispered a seductive warning my entire body welcomed. “You may want to be careful wishing to be alone with me. You have no idea what I want to do to you.”
“Such big words,” I whispered putting my hand in the crotch of his pants. “Now prove it.”
He hardened immediately.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
I tightened my hold and hummed my answer into his ear. He tossed me over his shoulder effortlessly and carried me past the crowds of people.
My half-opened eyes met a pair of hard blue irises across the room. They watched him carrying me up the stairs. There was envy in them until they disappeared with the closing of my bedroom door.
As we kissed, Justin unzipped the back of my dress. It fell to the floor like a puddle of dark blood beneath my feet. I closed my eyes and saw the eyes of his brother staring at me. I needed to get Joe out of my head. Keep him out of my bed. I couldn’t unbutton Justin’s shirt fast enough. I couldn’t unbuckle his belt fast enough. I couldn’t stop thinking about his brother.
“Here, let me do it,” he said raising his hands up to mine.
“No,” I said. “I want to.”
I was being rougher with him than ever before as thoughts of Joe exploded in my head. My behavior excited Justin. He played along, putting his arms to his sides. I flung my hands apart, tearing a few of the buttons from his shirt. My strength surprised us both.
“You like it rough, don’t you?”
“You have no idea.” His breath was heavy. “But you will.”
I pulled his shirt down below his shoulders, exposing his perfectly chiseled chest. I began to kiss it before firmly jerking at the buckle on his belt. He continued to smile as I slid it through the loops with one quick pull. With one sudden move, he picked me up in his arms and threw me down on the bed. Before I could catch my breath, his body was lying over mine, and he was holding my wrists in his hands and kissing my neck.
His tongue traced the curves of my chest. My thighs tightened around his waist.
“I want you so bad.” His breathing was thick. Heavy. His hold tight.
“I want you, too.” My head spun around forcing me to close my eyes longer than I wanted. The grip his hands had on my wrists was painful, but I didn’t want him to let go and I couldn’t free myself if I tried. I wasn’t trying. I was allowing him to have complete control over me. That was how he liked it. I was ready for him. Ready for what he wanted to do to me.
There was a loud knock at the door.
“Go away!” he yelled.
Someone on the other side called his name.
“What?”
“Man, you better get out here and take care of your brother.”
“What did he say?” I whispered.
“Be quiet!” Justin commanded putting his hand over my mouth before raising his voice to the person outside the door. “What did you say?”
I struggled to free myself from
his tight hold. It was useless. I could barely move my head from the force of his hold. He was too strong. I couldn’t breathe. He didn’t flinch.
“I said, get out here, man. Your brother is fighting with some guys downstairs.”
He released his hold and raced to the door, opening it wildly and leaving me lying on the bed gasping for air.
“What’s going on?”
The growl in his voice surprised Danny and Paul. They looked a little scared staring at Justin’s towering, shirtless body standing in front of them as he demanded to know what was going on.
“Your b-brother is downstairs fighting some guys, man,” Paul stuttered.
Justin didn’t let him finish before he ran past them.
Paul looked over at me and gave an awkward smile. I was still taking in deep breaths trying to refill my lungs with air.
“Sorry, for interrupting Karley,” he said peeking into my bedroom.
“What’s going on?” I gasped, quickly pulling the covers over my body. I was sure both of them saw me lying in my bed with my bra and panties on even though they pretended not to notice.
“Joe is fighting two guys downstairs!” Danny said.
“Why?”
“He’s nuts!” Paul laughed.
We all stared at one another, unsure if anything else needed to be said.
“Ah … see ya later, Karley,” Paul mumbled.
They looked at each other and grinned as he closed the door.
I jumped out of bed and almost fell down from the pain in my head. I threw my dress back on and ran downstairs to see Justin and Joe fighting three guys I had never seen before in the middle of the living room.
“Oh, my God, Karley!” Gray said as I made my way over to her. “Joe knocked that guy out with one punch!”
My eyes followed her shaking finger to the people helping another guy who was lying on the floor barely moving.
“Yeah! It was awesome!” Paul laughed. I was still focused on the guy lying facedown a few feet away.
“No it wasn’t!” Gray screamed at him. “He might be dead!”
As Joe left another guy lying motionless on the floor, he walked over to his brother still fighting the third guy and threw him off Justin. With one massive punch to the guy’s face, he knocked the stranger to the ground hard. He didn’t move again. The power behind his punch was frightening. No one moved.