by J. M. Paul
He considers this late?
Obviously, the time was much different in farm country.
“What are we supposed to do until tomorrow morning? Sleep in the van?” Carly’s expression was covered in dread.
We had slept in the van before, and it wasn’t exactly the most comfortable. But, the other times, it had already been late at night, and we’d only spent a few hours in the cramped space. If we were forced to stay tonight, we would have several hours until we were even tired. Plus, we hadn’t eaten, and we would all have to go to the bathroom several times. The only thing in our favor was, we had a cooler full of drinks, so at least, we wouldn’t get dehydrated.
“Well, there ain’t a lot of choices other than that, or we have a loft over the barn you’re more than welcome to use.” Farmer Guy pointed out beyond his tractor and land.
My attention turned in that direction, and all I could see was acres and acres of green hills. It was beautiful but not very reassuring.
“We couldn’t ask that of you,” Bax said genuinely.
I could tell though that he wasn’t sure if he wanted the guy to leave us be or press the issue and really let us stay with him.
“Well, I know ya don’t know me or my family, but ya ain’t really got much choice.” Farmer Guy shrugged. “It’s a hike up over that them there hills, but it’s just on the other side. My ma keeps the loft nice and cozy, and she already cooks for an army, so she would be tickled pink at having more mouths to feed.”
Bax, Milo, Carly, and I all looked at one other, trying to read each other’s thoughts without having a conversation that Farmer Guy could hear. Our expressions were similar. We weren’t sure if we should take the guy’s offer, but none of us wanted to suffer a long night in the van.
“Well?” Farmer Guy lifted his hat and wiped his face with his arm again.
The guy definitely liked the word well.
“Yes, we gratefully accept your offer. Thank you very much…” Carly left the statement hanging, so he would fill in his name.
“Nicholas.” He stuck out his hand for Carly to shake.
“Carly.” She placed her hand in his. “This is Bax, Milo, and Libby.” She pointed at each of us accordingly.
“Well, nice to meet ya,” Nicholas said once he finished shaking our hands. “We should get going, so I can take ya to the house and get back out here to finish up my work before supper.”
An hour later, we found ourselves comfortably tucked up into a loft over the family’s very large barn. It was peaceful, listening to the horses neighing, the chickens clucking, the pigs squealing, and the dogs barking at the cattle as they herded them into their secured area.
“This is nice but weird.” Carly plopped down on the queen-size bed the two of us had to share.
Across the room, Bax looked out the one large window, and Milo sat on the queen-size bed he and Bax would have to share.
“Yeah. Never thought this would happen on the trip.” I sat on the mattress.
Bax turned toward us. “What else were we supposed to do?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful, but it’s still a little freaky-deaky, don’t you think?” Carly sat up to let us know that she was serious about whatever was going to come out of her mouth. “We’re stuck here, without a vehicle, in the middle of nowhere, with a strange family that’s probably descendants of Hannibal Lecter.” Her eyes widened in horror. “Their goal is to feed us a hearty meal, so we get nice and fat. Then, they’ll chop us up and give the body parts they don’t want to the cows and pigs.”
None of us made a sound. We just simply stared at her.
“Where do you come up with this stuff, Carly?” I choked out a chuckle. I hadn’t had a fear of the nice family who had welcomed us to their home without question, but now, I was starting to think twice.
The world was a scary place—I, of all people, should know—and just because someone appeared to be nice didn’t necessarily mean they were good people. My parents were probably looking down on me and tsking because they had raised me better.
I’m sure I disappoint them on a daily basis. How is this any different?
“You lads and lassies are safe. The animals don’t like human remains. We’ve tried to feed it to them before, but it didn’t take,” a deep voice boomed from the stairs, causing us all to jump.
Carly flew off the bed with a little squeak. I stood, and Bax came to stand in front of me. When I peeked around him, I saw a large, burly man standing at the top of the stairs, sizing us up.
“Uh, I-I’m sorry. I was just kidding. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Carly gave the guy a sheepish look.
“Not to worry. Humans don’t offer enough protein.”
I thought I saw a hint of a smile on the big guy’s face.
“I-I was just trying to be cautious, and…and…I don’t know.” Carly lowered her head.
“As you should be. Means your mama raised you right.” The guy took a step forward and stopped, catching himself. He was being careful for us, especially after the conversation he’d heard, and I was thankful. “I’m Butch. I know that don’t make you feel any better, considering”—he lifted a shoulder—“but it’s the name my mama gave me, and, well, it stuck.” He scratched his chin. “And, just so you know, this ranch is named the Butcher Ranch. It’s named after me but we don’t butcher anything. Animal or human.”
A strangled giggle bubbled up Carly’s throat, and I turned to shake my head at her. She wasn’t going to make this night any easier for us.
“Anyway, Ma’s just about got supper ready, if ya want to get cleaned up and come grab some slop.” Butch adjusted the cap on his head.
“Well, did you tell ’em, Pa?” I heard Nicholas’s voice carry up the stairs.
“Yeah, son, that’s what I’m doin’. I’m also sizing them up to see if they’d make good scrapings for the goats tomorrow.” Butch’s immense belly bobbed with his laughter.
Carly choked.
In a confused voice, Nicholas said, “What?”
“Nuttin’, kid. Just messing with these here kind folk.” He turned toward us and gave us a grin.
“Is there anything we can do to help?” I asked to change the subject.
“Nah. Ma can do this in her sleep. Having more mouths to feed makes her happy.” Butch pulled at his ear. “Ya ready?”
“Yes!” Carly said a little too enthusiastically.
We all piled down the stairs, through the barn, across the expansive lawn, and into their much-nicer-than-I’d-anticipated farmhouse.
“Welcome.” A tall lady wearing an apron approached us once we entered the large eat-in kitchen.
A buffet was set up along the island in the kitchen, complete with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, vegetables, and a few other side dishes I couldn’t decipher.
“I’m Maggie, and these here kids are the rest of our brood.”
I eyed the people standing next to Maggie. The kids ranged anywhere from two years old to—if I guessed Nicholas’s age right—seventeen.
“Butch is feisty for his old age.” Maggie winked at me when she noticed me counting their twelve children.
My cheeks pinked, and I looked away. I guessed it really wasn’t any bother to feed four more people when you were already feeding a small army.
Everyone loaded their plates, piled into the wraparound nook, and dug into the delicious food. Even though I had grilled and tried my best to feed us well, this was real home-cooking. Each of our eyes rolled back the minute the chicken, potatoes, and gravy hit our lips. It wasn’t any of our mom’s cooking, but we could tell the food was made with a mother’s love from someone used to spending mass amounts of time in the kitchen.
When dinner was finished, Carly and I offered to help clean up the kitchen, but Maggie refused.
“No guests of mine are going to be put to work in my kitchen. If you wanna help, go ask Butch what he needs done in the barn to prepare the animals for the night.” She shooed us out of the h
ouse.
I would much rather have worked in the kitchen than the barn. Throughout my life, I hadn’t really been exposed to many animals, and they tended to make me a little nervous, which I guessed was status quo for most things I came in contact with nowadays.
I’m working to change that, I reminded myself.
Suddenly, I found myself in coveralls, feeding the horses, while Carly raked the new hay Bax had carted into the stalls. Milo dealt with the pigs since he’d lost the straw bet. They were more aggressive and stinky.
When I dumped the last bucket of feed, I found myself running upstairs for my camera to capture pictures of everyone working on the farm. I took pictures of Carly laughing as a horse sniffed her ear, Bax sweaty and glistening in the setting sun as he lifted a bundle of hay, Butch’s and Milo’s hands tying some type of farm knot, and Maggie laughing at her children who were enjoying the perks of living on a farm.
As I walked up the stairs to the loft, I thought about how it filled me full to further allow myself to photograph people so willingly, to break myself open to them even if they didn’t realize my heart was on my sleeve.
Little by little, I’m letting myself heal.
“Want to take a walk?” Bax said from behind me.
I jumped, thinking no one was around.
“Sorry.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I stomped up the stairs, so you would hear me coming, but you were too engrossed in your camera.” He jerked his chin toward the device in my hand.
I had been looking through the images, pleased with what I had taken.
“Can I see?” Bax asked.
Handing over my camera, I sat on the bed, anxiously trying to read every feature on his face, as he filtered through my photos.
“Libby, these are fantastic.” His hazel eyes met mine, and he ran a hand through his dark hair. “There’s talent, and then there’s you. You’ll have no problem being accepted into any of the master’s programs you want or obtaining a prestigious job right after graduating with your bachelor’s.”
I shook my head and lowered it, so he couldn’t see me. He set the camera on the bed, lifted my chin, and leaned in to place a gentle kiss against my lips.
“I’m serious. You take talent to another level. You were born to do this, and it shows in everything you capture. Mountains, raindrops splashing in a puddle, animals, and most especially, people. Your eye, when it comes to finding the beauty in humans is”—his eyes bounced back and forth between mine—“astounding.”
A shy smile tilted my lips. “Thank you.”
“You’re most certainly welcome.” His lips covered mine again in an innocent kiss.
I wished it were more, but we were too exposed here.
When he leaned back, I slowly blinked my eyes open and found Bax smiling down at me. “What?”
“Nothing. I’m just happy to see you coming out of your shell and finding happiness.”
“All thanks to you.” It was out of my mouth before I’d thought about my words. I wasn’t sure if that was going too far, too fast for Bax, but it was how I felt. If it wasn’t for him making me feel safe, secure, and able to believe in myself again, this trip would never have turned out half as good as it already had.
“Do you want to go for a walk before bed?” Bax brushed my blonde hair back from my shoulders. “Have I told you how much I love your natural color?” He lifted a strand and held it up, so the light casting from the lamp shone against it. “Not that I didn’t love it before, but this is you.”
After a few seconds of us simply staring at each other, I said, “I’d love to take a walk with you.”
He grabbed my hand, pulled me up from the bed, and led me down the stairs.
“Where are you two headed off to?” Carly asked from the barn office.
It was the only room with a television, and she and Milo were curled up on the couch with popcorn and a movie.
“I’m sore, and I need to stretch my legs before bed. We’ll be back in a few.” Bax pulled me toward the barn door.
“I bet that’s not the only thing he needs to stretch,” I thought I heard Milo mumble before we exited.
The night was gorgeous. It was warm, clear, and full of sounds. The animals had settled down for the night, but periodically, I could still hear the horses neighing, the pigs snorting, and the chickens pecking at the side of the coop. It was peaceful, in a way only a farm could be.
Bax and I walked silently, hand in hand, until we came to a creek. He led me over to a boulder to sit and listen to the water running along the bank.
“Can I ask you something?” Bax broke the silence.
“Anything. You know that.” I picked up a stone and tossed it into the water, listening to the blump.
“When we were in the Smoky Mountains, early that first morning, you said your selfishness was the cause of your parents’ deaths,” Bax said quietly. “What did you mean by that?”
At his words, my body stiffened. There is no way I admitted that to him, is there?
“Wh-what do you mean?” I questioned, avoiding his stare and allowing myself time to gather my thoughts.
“You don’t remember? I’ve wanted to ask you about it several times, but I never wanted to upset you. But”—he grabbed my hand and pulled it into his lap—“we know each other better now. We’ve shared secrets, and I want to know everything there is to know about you, Ad Lib.” He inched closer, so any part of our bodies that could touch did. “And I think you’ve kept so much bottled inside. It’s time you share all of your burdens, even the ones you think might make me walk away from you—or whatever other reason you have going on inside of that beautiful head of yours.” He brushed his thumb over the inside of my wrist. “Will you tell me?”
“I-I…don’t think I can.” It was instinctual for me to deny anyone anything they wanted to know about me, but I had been changing that thinking pattern with Bax.
But I knew this secret would change his opinion of me. Anyone who had killed their loved ones out of selfishness didn’t deserve to have as good of a person in their life as Bax. I wasn’t worth his time, I wasn’t worthy of his attention, and I definitely wasn’t worthy of his affection.
Don’t push him away when he’s finally gotten close enough for you to care…
“Libby, I promise you, I won’t—”
“You know the problem with promises, Bax? People always have good intentions. They’ll promise you the world, but something always happens to make them break those promises. As much as we like to think our words mean something, in the end, they’re just words strung into a bunch of pretty sentences.”
Bax was simply trying to get to know me better, to take our relationship one step further than it had already gone, and I was getting defensive.
Do I expose myself to him to see if he’s able to put action behind his assurances?
I won’t know unless I try, and if he can’t handle it and leaves, it’s only more of what I deserve.
I released a heavy exhale. “My parents, sister, and boyfriend were killed in an accident, and if it wasn’t for my selfishness, my one-track mind, they wouldn’t have been left vulnerable to the situation. But, instead, I’d only thought about what I wanted, and they were the ones to suffer.”
I waited for him to say something, but he remained quiet. I wasn’t sure if he anticipated me saying something more or if he was revolted at what I had revealed.
Without finding out, I stood and ran back to the barn. I heard Bax shout out to me, but I had already closed into myself for protection. Bax’s rejection had sliced me open when I hadn’t thought it was possible to wound me anymore.
I guess I got what I deserved.
The Butcher Ranch had certainly shown us the best hospitality, and I made a note to send them a thank-you gift once we got to a larger city.
After our good-byes we loaded into our newly fixed van, set the GPS for Spokane, Washington—we had decided to go farther than our originally planned destination of Coeur d’Alene—
and headed on our merry way with enthusiastic waves to the generous family.
As we pulled onto the two-lane road toward our next adventure, the silence in the van was deafening. Milo and Carly usually filled the cab with their nonsense and chatter, but the busy day yesterday had worn us out.
During the ride, there was no hand-holding with Bax and no stolen glances between us. The easiness that usually surrounded us was noticeably absent. The awkwardness made me feel lonesome in a way I hadn’t felt since we started this trip.
Bax and I had spoken yesterday and had fun together, riding the horses and four-wheeling while we waited for our van’s tire to be replaced, but then he had given me my space. I wasn’t sure if it was because he had known I was uncomfortable from our conversation at the creek, or if once he had found out a portion of the truth about me, he had started distancing himself.
The ride to Spokane was uneventful, and we were all thankful for the trouble-free trip. After our busy couple of days at The Butcher Ranch, we were ready for a low-key evening after checking in at our hotel. Carly and Milo left to find a camera store because Milo had broken one of his memory cards. Thank goodness he had already saved his photos. And Bax and I both said we wanted to shower.
The water beating down on my sore muscles felt like heaven. I took extra care to shampoo and condition my hair, and shave my legs, while the hot shower worked its magic on my tight muscles from the chores on the farm.
I thought I heard a noise out in the hotel room, followed by the handle of the bathroom door jiggling, but I had locked it out of habit.
I pushed the shower curtain back to peer out. “Carly?”
There was no response.
I shook my head at my overly active imagination as I rinsed the soap from my skin. Then, I towel-dried and dressed in my maroon capris and white shirt with gray speckles. I was amazed at how comfortable I was becoming with wearing clothing that wasn’t black. It helped me feel lighter and brighter—not only on the outside, but also deep down where lightness hadn’t touched me in years.
I ran a brush through my blonde hair, took care to blow out the natural wave, and put my dark eyeliner and eye shadow on but with a softer hand. Even that portion of me was changing.