Trusting You

by Heather D'Agostino

  “Fuck off!” I howled as my head began pounding. Maybe that whiskey I drank last night wasn’t the best idea after all.

  “She ain’t worth this, bro,” I grumbled as I felt the bed shift like he’d kneed it before I heard my door click shut.

  Brandon didn’t realize it yet, but she was worth it. Mel was worth it, but I don’t think she knew it. I still haven’t figured out what went wrong. We had a great week together. Things seemed to be going great. When she came back here with me that night, I couldn’t believe the way it ended. I never thought she’d sleep with me, let alone be the one to initiate it. We molded together like we were meant for one another. The way her body submitted to mine was breathtaking to watch. It seemed like a dream, and now when I look back, I wonder if it was.

  I fell asleep last Saturday with a smile on my face, totally in love with the girl beside me. When I woke up a few hours later, it was nightmare. Mel disappeared the way dry sand does when you try to hold it in your hands. She slipped right through my fingers.

  I’ve spent the last week trying to figure out what happened. I’ve called no less than twenty times. I’ve called Emma. I even tried stalking her on Facebook. I thought for sure with the way she ran out of here that she would have unfriended me, but she didn’t. She never posts much, and there are very few pictures of her. I know them all though. I’ve memorized her face, and when I lie here in bed, or sit on the beach she’s the face I see.

  I’ve been blowing off classes and I guess I should be worried, but I’m not. As long as I pass my finals, I’ll be ok. I’ve talked myself out of going to Eastman so many times I’ve lost count. I want to just show up at the dorms and make her talk to me, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want that. Every ambush I’ve done has turned into a fight. Brandon thinks I’m nuts. He sat out on the beach with me last night as I tried to drown my sorrows. He even brought booze for us. I told myself I’d find a woman to lose myself in, but it didn’t work. As soon as the alcohol blurred my vision, they all looked like her.

  “Sutter! Get your ass out here!” Brock’s voice boomed from outside the front door. I’d managed to move from the bed to the couch at some point, but wasn’t any better off.

  “It’s open, asshole,” I yelled back.

  The door slowly opened, and Brock peered around it like he was afraid of what he might see. He was dressed in his coaching attire, complete with his whistle still hanging around his neck. “What the fuck is going on? You look like shit,” he shook his head in disgust at me.

  “Go away,” I swatted the air as I turned back to continue staring at whatever rerun was currently on TV. I’d been sitting on the couch since midday, munching on snack food.

  “When’s the last time you showered?” he wrinkled his nose as he made his way in the apartment.

  “I don’t stink,” I lifted one arm to sniff my pit. I’ll admit I really can’t remember the last shower I took, but I haven’t done anything to really make myself smell. Well, at least I didn’t think so.

  “You do too,” Brock crossed his arms over his chest. “Just look at yourself,” he motioned one arm up and down in front of me.

  “It’s not that bad,” I groaned as I rolled my eyes. I mean, the shirt I was wearing only had a few stains on it. I’d changed my boxers each day. I stopped shaving, but that wasn’t really an issue. Women liked beards, right? I’d been living off beer and chips, but I’d kept my beach bod. I didn’t understand what Brock was so upset about.

  “Listen. You need to pull your shit together. Emma called me, and if I don’t get you put together and out to Eastman, I’m not getting laid anytime soon,” he moved to stand in front of me, effectively blocking my view of the TV. “So, get up,” he reached for the remote and clicked the TV off, “and get your ass showered. Then you’re going to get in your car, and drive out there,” he tapped his foot. “Tell her you’re sorry for whatever your stupid ass did, and fix this.”

  “I didn’t DO anything,” I glared at him. “She ran out on me,” I pointed my thumb at my chest. “I’ve called, texted, hell I did everything BUT show up at her door, and she hasn’t wanted anything to do with me,” I crossed my arms, mimicking him.

  “I don’t want to beat your ass, but I will if you don’t get up right now!” he leaned down in my face.

  “Fine!” I stuck my chin out as I stood chest to chest with him.

  “That’s what I thought,” he smirked. “Take some flowers with you. I don’t think your face is enough to get you in the door.”

  I didn’t think about the fact that it was Saturday when I hopped into my Jeep to make the six-hour drive Eastman. It didn’t dawn on me that she wouldn’t be in her room. Mel went home every weekend for some unknown reason. She wouldn’t tell me anything about her family. All I knew was that her mom picked her up every Friday after class, and she had some warped sense of duty that she owed her family. For all I knew, they treated her like a servant.

  When I pulled up in the parking lot outside the dorms, it was evening. A few street lamps lit the parking lot and co-eds were wandering in and out of the buildings. I glanced at the flowers sitting on the front seat of my Jeep. My mom had told me that Mel would like them when I picked them out at her shop this afternoon. They were purple and white lilies with accents of forget-me-nots. I thought it was stupid, but Mom seemed to always know best. At least this mom did. Avery wasn’t my mom, but she’s raised me since I was baby. I’ve always felt more loyalty to her, than anyone else.

  I jogged to the door, and waited for someone to exit so I could get in. Instead of waiting on the elevator, I took the stairs two at a time. By the time I reached Mel and Emma’s floor I was completely out of breath. I made my way to their door and paused before knocking. Right when I lifted my hand, the door flew open.

  “It’s about time you got here,” Emma was standing there in an oversized t-shirt with her hair twisted up in a towel.

  “Sorry,” I grimaced. “She’s been ignoring me. Why should I keep trying? Am I the only one in this whole situation that has a brain?”

  “She needs you more than ever. I just think she’s scared,” she stepped back and pulled me through the door. “She went home yesterday. Aaron,” Em sat down on her bed, “she hasn’t been herself since we got back here. Something’s wrong. I’ve watched her go through the motions all week, but the gleam that used to be there is gone. She didn’t even argue when her mom came to get her yesterday.”

  “So how am I supposed to fix this, if she’s not here?” I cocked my head to side and gave her a look.

  Emma smiled like she was getting ready to share a secret, “You go to where she is.”

  “Nice try. I don’t know where her parents live,” I rolled my eyes.

  “I don’t either, but I’ve got mad detective skills,” Emma waved a piece of paper between us.

  I yanked it from her hands and stared down at it. There in little black print was what I needed. It was a credit card bill with Mel’s home address. “Where did you find this?”

  “Mel brings back mail from her parents’ house all the time. I just dug through the trash,” she shrugged like it was no big deal that we were doing this.

  “I don’t think this is a good idea, ambushing her,” I clarified.

  “I think it’s romantic,” Emma swooned. “Besides, Brock never did this stuff for me. This way I get to live through you guys,” she giggled before jumping up and prancing to the door. “What are you waiting for?” she opened the door and stepped back.

  I shook my head, but let my heart lead the way. What was the worst that could happen? Let’s think about that… I’m going to show up at her door, a place where she’s worked really hard to keep me away from. I’m gonna come unannounced, something that she hates. I’m coming when I wasn’t invited, something that’s probably going to really piss her off. Yeah, this is a great plan.

  It only took me about ten minutes to get there. Mel’s parents lived in a small subdivision not far from campus. The
place where I took her on our first date wasn’t far away. It was a stately two-story brick home with a manicured lawn. I didn’t know what her dad did, but he must have done well for himself. A gas light was burning by the front door which had an old-fashioned iron door knocker on it.

  I sat there in my Jeep for what felt like hours, trying to convince myself to go up to the door. I imagined her, inside with her parents. They were sitting in their family room watching TV together, or they were reading… something that families do. I had that growing up, but I wanted to have it with Mel. What the hell was wrong with me? What did she do to twist me up so bad? Maybe I just needed to taste what we had one more time to get my head on straight. I was in no condition to be professing something like that.

  I glanced over at the flowers, and then checked myself in my mirror one last time before climbing out. I made my way up the front walk, flowers in hand, and mumbling to myself what I would say to her when she opened the door. After taking a few deep breaths, I lifted my hand to the knocker and propelled myself forward. It was now or never.

  Melinda

  “How was your vacation?” I could tell my mom had been wanting to ask me about my trip since she picked me up yesterday.

  “It was fine,” I mumbled as I turned the page on the book I was reading. We’d finished dinner a little bit ago. Mom was watching some home show on the TV and Dad was buried in the newspaper while Brooklyn played on the floor. I’d been pretending to read since we sat down. My evening had been anything but relaxing, and my parents knew this, but they kept pushing.

  “Just fine?” Mom smiled as she nudged me.

  “Un huh,” I murmured as I refused to look up.

  “Most college girls go to the beach for spring break to meet a guy,” she chirped.

  “I’m not looking for a guy. You know I can’t do that,” I huffed as I set the book down. “The trip was nice. The water was too cold to swim, but we had fun on the beach. Happy?” I snapped.

  “Melinda,” my dad warned but before he could finish, there was a knock at the door.

  “Who could that be?” Mom glanced at her watch and scrunched her brow like it was odd that someone would stop by at 8 at night.

  “I’ll get it,” I jumped up before they could stop me. I just wanted any excuse to get away from the conversation. I didn’t want to talk to them about Aaron, and I knew if my mother kept pressuring me, I’d soon slip up or begin crying again.

  Aaron

  “Coming,” I heard the voice through the thick door and knew it was her. She was talking to someone, but I couldn’t figure out who. Her tone said that she was happy though. When the door opened, I watched as the smile on her face dropped and sheer panic seemed to washed over her. “What are you doing here?” she swallowed and shifted a toddler on her hip.

  “I came to see you,” I smiled weakly and held out the flowers I’d brought her.

  “You need to leave,” she started to close the door, but I reached out and grabbed it, stopping her.

  “I just wanna talk to you. Can’t your parents watch your brother,” I motioned to the little boy that was grinning and clinging to her.

  “No, they can’t,” she glanced around like she was worried that someone else was going to ambush her.

  “Mama,” the little boy giggled before stuffing his fingers in his mouth and bringing me to a screeching halt.

  “Mama?” I gulped.

  Mel’s shoulders straightened before she looked at me with a hollow stare, “This is Brooklyn, my son. You can leave now,” she pointed at where my Jeep was parked before she pushed the door shut in my face, leaving me standing there dumbfounded.

  Holy shit! She had a kid.

  Chapter 15

  Melinda

  I pressed my back against the door, and tried to control my breathing. Why was he here, and what the hell did I ever do to deserve this?

  “Mel?” he pounded on the wood. “We need to talk!”

  “Go home, Aaron,” I shouted back just as my mom came around the corner.

  She wrinkled her brow as she stared at me sitting there on the floor with Brooklyn happily clapping beside me. He thought it was a game of some kind, and between the three of them, I was ready to break down again.

  “Who’s at the door, honey?” she reached down and picked up Brooklyn.

  “It’s nobody,” I muttered as I kissed my son goodnight. I nodded a silent ‘thank you’ before watching as she carried him up to bed.

  “You should deal with ‘nobody’ before the neighbors start to notice,” she tipped her head toward the door just as Aaron pounded again.

  “Melinda! Please?” his voice became muffled like he was leaning against the door, and my heart cracked a little more as I ignored it. Nothing good would come of us talking. He had to see. Now that he knew about Brooklyn, how could we ever work?

  Aaron

  What just happened? How did we go from one of the best weeks I have had in a long time to me begging her to open her door and talk to me? How did I not know that she has a son? How did Emma not know this? I thought they talked about everything. I thought girls didn’t keep secrets from each other.

  I stood there like an idiot, staring at the door to her house. I could hear muffled voices on the other side, and then the porch light went out. I cursed as I backed up and looked up at the house. Lights from inside slowly went out until I was bathed in darkness. She really wasn’t going to let me in, and what little hope I’d been clinging to was slowly slipping away.

  I made my way back to my Jeep, and climbed in. It was getting late, but I didn’t plan on leaving. There was no way I was going to drive home tonight. Tomorrow was Sunday. I wouldn’t have class, so I had planned to stay. I’d foolishly thought that once she saw me she’d be so excited and happy that she’d beg me stay. We’d spend all night making love and wake up in each other’s arms. I must have been delusional. Mel wasn’t even going to let me talk. She’d completely shut me out. Well, I wasn’t going to give up that easy.

  I pulled the blanket that I kept in the back of my car out, and covered myself up. It wasn’t freezing out since it was spring, but the nights were still chilly. I said a small prayer hoping that tomorrow would be better, and then fell into a fitful sleep by the curb of her house.

  I was awoken to tapping on my window the next morning. I blinked against the sun, and shielded my eyes as the man standing outside my Jeep tapped at the window again. “Can I help you?” I rolled it down and sat up.

  “I’m just wondering what you’re doing in front of my house?” he crossed his arms over his chest and in that moment, I saw where she got it from. This was Mr. Brooks, Mel’s father.

  “I’m waiting to talk to someone,” I cleared my throat.

  “You’re the boy from the beach,” he nodded thoughtfully. “I knew there had to be one.”

  “Excuse me?” I sat up straighter.

  “She came back here all sullen. Been snapping at her mother, and threw herself completely into Brook. I knew there had to a guy involved. I haven’t seen her this twisted up since she told us she was pregnant,” he shook his head. “She must really like you.”

  “I slept in my car,” I pointed at myself. “All I wanted to do was talk. If she liked me that much, I would think she’d at least talk to me.”

  “You’re not trying hard enough,” he tucked the newspaper he was carrying under his arm.

  “Huh?” I started to open my door, and froze when the front door to their house slowly opened, revealing Mel dressed in a pair of sleep shorts and a sweatshirt.

  “She’s a tough cookie, and she’s not thinking for just her anymore. She has him to consider,” he pointed in the direction I was staring and that’s when I noticed the little boy from the night before clinging to her leg. Her eyes met mine and she just stared. “I’ll get her to talk to you, but you better have something to say.” Before I could respond, he was walking toward the door.

  I watched as he said something to her, and then took the
little boy’s hand. He led him into the house, leaving Mel to stand there and continue staring. She didn’t blink, not even once, as she watched me. Her head slowly shook like she was warning me of something before she followed the same path her father had, leaving me there alone once again.

  Melinda

  “I don’t think he’s going anywhere anytime soon,” my mom’s teasing voice filtered through the kitchen. I’d made lunch for Brooklyn and myself, and Mom was cleaning up the dishes. Aaron had been sitting in his Jeep in front of our house, since last night apparently. I don’t know what he was trying to prove, but whatever it was wasn’t going to work.

  “You should at least talk to him,” she urged as I peeled another banana and placed it on the high chair.

  “There’s nothing to say to him. I told him not to come here, and he did. I told him we couldn’t have more than something simple, and he made it complicated,” I warned her off, but she wasn’t taking the hint.

  “Don’t you think you’ve paid your penance enough, baby?” Mom turned as she placed the dishrag on the counter. “You made a mistake, but look how wonderful it turned out.”

  “Yeah, wonderful. Having a baby at eighteen is exactly what I wanted,” I grimaced as the words left my lips. Brooklyn was oblivious to what was going on, and I needed him to stay that way forever. Jason and I had made a mistake. We didn’t think about what we were doing, and despite loving my son, I wanted normal. I’d had it once, but my life was never going to be that way again. I was proof. My parents were still helping me.

  “You need to stop punishing yourself for what you did back then,” Dad rounded the corner. Great, I guess he hadn’t moved past the eavesdropping. “That boy out there is determined to talk to you. I promised I’d get you out there, so you need to go so I can keep my word.”