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The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

Page 46

by A. J. Jacobs


  weird and little, AJ as prone to, 148-49

  Rivka (cousin), Sabbath freezer rules observed by, 72

  robe, biblical, 304

  as embarrassing, polarizing, and ego rattling, 305

  Robertson, Gordon, 191

  Robertson, Pat, 11, 191, 262, 293, 296

  Romans, Epistle to:

  on the holy kiss, 296

  on how God punished the sins of the Gentiles, 263

  Rome, ancient:

  apocalyptic literature on, 192, 339

  book about an atheist arena carnage cleaner in, 97

  Roose, Kevin, as AJ's biblical slave, by agreement, 244-45, 247, 305-7

  Roosevelt, Eleanor, 7

  Rosh Hashanah, 78

  regretted solo observance of, 214

  Rubin, Jordan, 170, 173, 174

  rules, biblical:

  AJ's OCD comfortable with, 48-49, 148-49

  in Amish Ordnung, 30-31

  as benignly choice-restricting, 142-43

  for building a sukkah, 78-79 choice-restricting, how to choose among, 143

  ends-justifying-means outlook vs., 139

  forty-five on idolatry alone, 30 4,649 needed for creating a certified mezuzah, 156

  learning to take joy in, 250-51 oft-neglected, 4

  picking and choosing of, see cafeteria religion

  reasons for discontinued

  observance of, 12, 47-48, 160, 170, 240

  revising original rule for

  obedience to, 29

  Sabbath, 71-74, 119

  for sacrifice, 160

  sanity loss risked by wholesale pursuit of, 119

  for slaveholding, 245

  on tassels, 338

  as time consuming, 28, 119

  as time saving, 148-49

  see also laws, biblical; Most Perplexing Rules; Most

  Violated Rules

  Rules of a Godly Life (Amish book), 31

  Russell, Bertrand, 80, 98

  Ruth, Book of, Ruth's gathering of gleanings and Boaz in, 166

  Sabbath, 143, 144, 220, 329

  Christian debate over, 48

  Karaite disengagement from

  electric company on, 69 obeying traffic laws as urban

  version of, 285

  Pharasaic legalism about, 119 punishment for breaking of, 91-92 syncopated list of those banned

  from working on, 156

  two-hour headache caused by

  paradoxical thought on, 71 unusual bathroom simulation of,

  see bathroom Sabbath

  weekdays, Saturday, or Sunday:

  now everyone works, 71 week oriented around, 250-51 Sabbath year, 63, 336

  sacrifice:

  in Abraham and Isaac story, 109 crucifixion as, 47

  of time, 208

  tithing as, 38

  Samaria, ancient, 117

  Samaritan Bible, 218, 339

  Samaritan calendar, 336

  Samaritans, 11

  AJ/CJ reference as icebreaker for,

  216

  biblical literalism of, 216-19 in Jesus' parable, 215-16, 219 lesson in Jesus' embrace of, 328 menstruation separation as

  practiced by, 218-19

  as one of Israel's lost tribes, 217 in "what if" scenario, 219

  Sammy's Roumanian Steak House,

  dining trauma at, 173-74 Samson, Delilah's doing and undoing

  of, 181

  Samuel, mother's prayer answered

  with birth of, 20

  Samuel, Second Book of:

  on Absalom's death, 188

  on David dancing, 84

  Sank, Lew, peritectomies performed

  by, 319-21

  Sara (cousin), wedding of, 125

  Sarah (biblical):

  eventual pregnancy of, 19

  Pharaoh understandably put out

  about, 144

  Saul, increasing paranoia of, 18 Save Darfur, 38, 327

  Scalia, Antonin, "originalism" of,

  65-66, 66

  scapechickens, see kaparot, ritual of scapegoats, 161-62

  Schlessinger, Dr. Laura, 202-3, 339 schmaltz hazards, 174

  Schneerson, Menachem Mendel, proclaimed as the Messiah, 56, 163

  Schoenberg, Doug, 320

  gossip (technically) about, 81 Schoenberg, Eric:

  as AJ's polymathic tormentor, 276

  circumcision jest of, 320

  on jam buyer experiment, 143

  on miracles and science, 276-77 Schoenberg, Larry and Barbara (Julie's dad and stepmom), 307 Schulze, Reverend, 4

  sciatica, risk factors for, 70

  Scrabble, when not to play, 72

  Seagal, Steven, beardlessness of, 3 Sea of Galilee, oceanographic

  conditions met for Jesus walking on, 276

  Second Commandment, 30

  on AJ's Most Violated List, 104

  as writers' rallying cry, 106 Second Temple, Roman destruction of (70 CE), 48, 51, 160

  see also forbidden images; idols, idolatry

  secular humanism:

  AJ's alter ego on, 201

  lure of, 96

  seders, 211

  see also Passover seder, Jacobs family

  serpent handling, 280, 294-99

  origin and spread of, 296

  see also Church of God with Signs Following; Morrow, Jimmy Set Table, The (Shulchan Aruch), 143 700 Club, The, 191, 262

  Seventeen magazine, Bible

  camouflaged as, 9, 29

  Seventh Commandment, 135

  see also adulterers, adultery Seventh-day Adventists, 313

  sex, sexual activity:

  AJ's G-rated history of, 129

  bathing (individually) required after, 8, 240, 339

  celibacy or marriage as biblically

  approved alternatives to, 134,

  286

  contraceptive, Onan's fatal

  recourse to, 338

  monthly abstention from, 48-52 taking your mind off, see lust

  avoidance

  when it's a capital offense, see

  capital punishment, biblical Shake Rabbis and Roll (SR2), 68 shaking hands, purity laws supportive

  of germaphobe's views on, 240 shatnez (mixed fibers), 15, 22-25, 43,

  68, 91, 111, 122, 149, 203 testing for, 23-25, 36

  Shayna (Jasper's friend), enviable

  vocabulary of, 26

  sheep, shepherding, 7, 204, 210,

  211-12

  as ideal entry-level job for

  patriarchs, 212

  an invitation to Samaritan

  sacrifice of, 218

  surprising noisiness of, 211-12 "Shema, the," 155, 242

  shmata trade, 94

  shoes, enigmatic rules for putting on,

  142

  shofar (ram's horn), 89, 90

  a couple of clear notes produced

  with, 206

  forgetting to take it to New Jersey,

  147-48

  instructions for monthly blowing

  of, 47, 206

  Shulevitz, Judith, 71-72, 183, 251 side locks, see payot

  sign of the cross, 255

  Simchas Torah, 84

  sins, chickens as vicarious atoners of,

  160-65

  sitting shiva, for potential life, 50 Slate magazine, 183

  slave/intern, 244-45, 247, 305-7 slavery, 71, 244-47

  benefits seen in, 246

  cursed by inability to sell oneself

  into, 113

  slavery (cont.)

  forcing kidnap victims into, 138

  unpaid internship as closest we have to, 245

  sleeping:

  problems bearded people have in, 106-7

  vulnerability in, 242-43

  sleeping around, biblical restrictions on, 135-38

  Slifkin, Natan "the Zoo Rabbi," 338 Smucker, Amos, 31-35

  enviable monosyllables of, 157

  guests entertained with jokes of, 32, 33-34

  harmonica playing by, 34

 
; Smucker, Anna, 31, 33

  Smucker, Christian, 32

  Smuckers, the strawberry-jam people, 32

  snow, estimating Eskimo words for, 336

  Sodom:

  God's destruction of, 57

  Lot's family in ill-starred flight from, 232-33

  negotiating with the Lord about, 127-28

  Sojourners magazine, 269

  Solomon, King, 10, 114, 122

  Book of Proverbs attributed to, 39-40

  seven hundred wives and adultery concerns of, 135, 137

  Song of Solomon:

  on being sick with love, 133

  B-word in, 134

  as paean to erotic love, 134

  soup kitchen (Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen in Chelsea--incredible place), 81-83, 186, 249

  AJ asked, impolitely, to go away from, 82-83

  AJ as victim of power play at, 82

  AJ demoted to garbage duty at, 82

  church youth groups often at, 301

  hot female volunteers near front door of, 301

  speaking in tongues, 298

  speed limits, 284-85

  Spicoli, Jeff, on the totally bogus, 233 Spinoza, Baruch, 107, 153

  spiritual advisory board, 66

  advice and context expected from, 11-12

  on original menstruation laws, 50 Spong, John Shelby, on

  overliteralizing God's words, 290, 341

  Starbucks:

  AJ in meeting with delusional other self at, 7

  guy who for forty-five minutes monopolized the bathroom at (same person?), 81

  kindness to strangers in, 188

  lying about internet costs at, 53

  stealing straws debated in, 139 Star Trek, 198

  status quo theology, 284

  stealing, 112-13

  of neighbor's wireless signal, 112-13, 138, 139

  rationalizing about, 139

  unprincipled niceties spurned in, 138-39

  stem cells, religious controversy on, 6, 308-9

  Stone, Oliver, 131

  street corners, how you can observe a lot by just watching on, 284, 285

  street juggler, mid-act cell phone call taken by, 81

  strychnine, drinking of, 296

  subway, subway riders, 120

  Bible reader as viewed by, 29

  Hasidim as, 85

  homeless ignored expertly by, 228

  Mr. Kindness to Strangers flees from merry mendicant on, 228-29

  sukkah (hut):

  putting up of, 78-80

  taking down of, 84

  Sukkoth (Feast of Ingathering), 77-80 supplication, prayers of, 95

  synagogue, passionate attendance at, 142

  Taliban, 104, 293

  Talmud, 36

  on details of capital punishment, 94 on gossip as murder, 99

  interpretive role of, 68

  scholarly depth and breadth of, 182-83

  semantic fine-tuning of scriptures in, 12

  story of a pious fool and

  drowning neighbor in, 119 walking in a jaunty, hoity-toity manner banned in, 187

  Tamar's tale, 146-47, 315-16

  Onan's actual offense in, 146, 338 twins in, 147, 315

  tassels, 6, 17, 88, 92, 122, 142, 180-81, 192

  biblical directions for, 338

  on every corner of ex-uncle's clothes, 103

  prefab (tzitzit), 180

  purpose of, 80

  safety pinned to shirt, 17, 80

  Tassels without Hassles, 180

  taxonomies, OCD religions replete with, 148

  Taylor, Rip, gay reaction to shtick of, 56

  tefillin (phylacteries; Jewish prayer straps), 103, 198-200, 221 AJ's previous brushes with, 198 free associating easily done with, 199

  history and origins of, 198

  how bird droppings can signal a problem with, 222

  lesson in wrapping of, 198-99 rules for wearing of, gas ban included, 198

  Teletubby Tinky Winky, evangelical outing of, 260

  Temple Institute, The, 191

  Temple Mount, in apocalyptic setting with red cow, Third Temple, and embattled messiahs, 190 Ten Commandments, 3, 10, 39, 52, 92, 138

  in Ark of the Covenant, 84

  Christian views on, 48, 254-55

  constructing Tabernacle for, 77

  dietary laws in spirit of, 170

  disputed "Ten" in, 156, 338

  minimalist beauty of six through eight, 156

  Samaritan version of, 218

  Scotch-taped copies of, 15

  tied to head and hand, 35, 149, 198

  written on doorpost, 154-56, 243

  see also specific commandments Ten Commandments, The (movie), 13

  glorious cheesiness of, 227

  Tenth Commandment, 27

  see also coveting

  terrorism, post-9/11 jitters about, 209

  Testaments, Old, New, or both, 10, 335

  Thanksgiving, Passover compared with, 233

  thanksgiving, prayers of, 94-96, 208, 322-23, 329, 331

  theocracy, 253

  Thessalonians, First Epistle to, on heathenish passion of lust, 285 Thessalonians, Second Epistle to, on giving thanks, 268

  Third Commandment, 21, 281

  see also God, name of

  Third Temple, Jewish Messiah waiting for, 189

  Thomas Road Baptist Church, 258- 63, 265

  AJ's lying spree at, 262, 291

  "cry rooms" at, 261

  disorientingly friendly people in, 260, 294

  singles group at, 260-61

  see also evangelical Christianity; Falwell, Jerry

  Tijuana donkey shows, feared coming accessibility of, 39

  Tillich, Paul, 153

  Timothy, First Epistle to:

  on honoring widows, 313

  on medicinally useful alcohol, 232 on modestly dressed women, 296

  Tip (evangelical greeter), 260

  tithing, 37-39

  after-tax, 38

  AJ's mental strategy for, 38-39 gleaning vs., 116

  God's pleasure and AJ's pain in, 272

  literary agent's fee not regarded as, 37-38

  toilet paper, pre-ripped, 72

  Tom (Falwell pastor), 262-63

  tomorrow, God willing, 236-37

  Torah (five books of Moses):

  annual reading of, 85

  Aunt Kate's passion for, 46

  divine and animal nature seen in, 86

  laws totaling 613 in, 69

  Samaritan take on purity laws of, 218

  supposedly written by J, E, P, and D, 201, 339

  Tower of Babel, 314

 

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