Not at First

by Phalla S. Rios

  Kevin grabs the bottle from the coffee table and walks to the kitchen. He puts the bottle of wine in the fridge and takes off to his room.

  I slump until my head falls onto the armrest and I close my eyes. No sooner, than I close my eyes, the phone rings, and immediately jolts me from the couch. I saunter over to the kitchen.

  “Hello,” I say into the kitchen phone.

  “Miss Mabbott, may I speak with Mr. Hawken, please.”

  “Mr. Hawken is unavailable at the moment, may I ask who this is.” I say.

  There’s silence from the person on the phone, but I hear Roman’s clipped voice in the background. He’s angry and he’s demanding he be let up to Kevin’s apartment.

  The phone slips out of my hands. I catch myself on the island, my breathing becomes erratic, and I let myself fall to the title.

  Shit.

  He’s home early.

  I hear the person calling out my name from the phone, which is on the floor beside me. I put my face into my hand, and lift the phone back up to my ear.

  It’s time to end this charade.

  “It’s okay, you can send him up.” I whisper and click off the phone.

  There’s no way I can go back into the room and change into my clothes. Kevin will see and wonder what the hell I’m doing. Roman is on his way up. I can’t let Roman confront Kevin, when he’s not in a state to talk reasonably.

  And, I’m a crazy mess.

  I choose my only option, leave Kevin’s place wearing just his bathrobe. The knock from the door sends me into a panic and I rush to the door, grabbing my phone and wristlet.

  I open the door to see Roman in a gray suit, Andres, and a big dude, both in black suits, and the doorman.

  There’s nothing I can say to rectify the situation. I simply step into the hallway, hearing Kevin calling out my name as I close the door. I make sure to stay close to Roman as we all walk down the hallway back towards the elevator.

  “Baby, I don’t want you stepping onto the ground with no shoes on.” Roman says calmly as we are walking out of the apartment building.

  I nod. He picks me up and carries me to the awaiting black escalade. The big guy climbs into the driver seat, Andres in the passenger. Roman and I are in the very back of the SUV and he has a death grip on my hips. It is as if he’s channeling all of his anger to just that part of my body. I wince in pain, but stay exactly where Roman wants me.

  “You were naked in his place.” Roman’s voice is low and deadly.

  “Boss, where to?” The big guy asks.

  “Home,” Roman answer gripping me tighter.

  I bite down on my bottom lip.

  “I let you defy me. I let you get away with more than I have let anyone in my entire existence.” Roman’s voice still calm, but his fury burns around us. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

  I stay silent.

  “Of course, you don’t.” Roman says closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “You will be punished, Angel. For how long I’m not sure, but you will take your punishment. You will not defy me anymore.”

  Roman lifts my chin up with a finger. I stare into his blazing onyx eyes. His lips press into a hard line and I see the muscle in his jaw twitch. Roman is trying to control his anger.

  I suck in a breath and nod, tears in my eyes.

  “Crying will not help you this time, my sweet Angel.” Roman drops his finger from my chin, and turns to look out the window. His arms stay around me, his hands firmly grip my hips.

  “Roman I…” I start.

  He cuts me off. “Your time to explain yourself has passed.”

  He shakes his head and continues to look out the window. I wonder what is stewing in that mind of his. Will he punish me and set me free? Will he still be the gentle loving man? My mind ricochets with questions until the car stops in front of Roman’s house.

  Roman taps the side of my thigh to let me know I need to get out of the vehicle. I want to just shake my head no and tell him I want to go home. Instead, I climb out of the escalade and walk to the front door without waiting for him.

  As Roman unlocks the door and disarm the alarm, I make a beeline to find a bathroom. Roman grabs the back of the robe and I fall back into his chest.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” He growls into my ear.

  “I-I wanted to go to the bathroom,” I stammer.

  “Take the bastard’s robe off and throw it away in the trash…now.” Roman releases me.

  I walk into the kitchen to make my way up the stairs when I hear Roman again.

  “Throw it away in here.” He says. “I can’t stand it still being on you.”

  I turn slowly around to face him. This is it. I’m demanding he takes me home. I will not put up with him being such a lunatic. But, one look at him washes the anger from my body. His hurt is emanating around the room, his eyes, narrow, dark, and glistering.

  I step closer to him, untie the robe, and slip it off my body. I fold the robe in half not breaking eye contact with him and toss it in the trash. I reach out my hand to take his, to take him upstairs. To explain to him, there will be no more Kevin. I belong to Roman.

  Roman takes my hand and hauls me to his body. He bends me forward onto the island, my naked breasts pressed onto the chilly granite counter top sending shivers down my spine. Roman thrust two fingers inside of me. I gasp from his forcefulness.

  “This is mine,” he pushes his fingers further into me. “You belong to me. Now, tell me Angel: who do you belong to?”

  “You,” I whimper.

  “Say it all,” Roman roars.

  “I belong to you, Roman, only you,” I cry softly, tears streaming down my face.

  Roman slides his fingers out of me slowly and stands me upright. “You should put on some clothes now my family will be here soon.”

  I want to tell him I’m not in the mood to pretend to his family, and that I’d rather lock myself in a room. Crawl into a nice comfortable bed for the rest of my life.

  I state the obvious. “Roman, I don’t have any clothes.” I wrap my arms around my body.

  “You do, it’s all in the Master. Make yourself at home this will be where you will reside indefinitely.” Roman locks his gaze with mine.

  I stare back and open my mouth to speak when the doorbell chimes.

  “Saved by the bell,” I mutter turning on my heel and climbing up the stairs.

  I make my way right into in the closet and gasp. I slap my hand over my mouth and look around the walk in closet.

  What the hell?

  Roman’s clothes have been moved to one side, and what looks to be clothes for me lines the opposite side. I run my fingers along the materials as I walk down to the end. Nostalgia curses through my body. I close my eyes and try to picture my closet back home, a home that I am no longer welcomed in.

  Roman appears by my side. “Everyone is demanding I come get you.” He brushes my hair off my shoulder to my back.

  I nod and pick out a pink and white Gucci sweat suit. Roman moves around me and picks out my panties and bra.

  “Let me put these on you,” Roman murmurs.

  My loving and attentive boyfriend is back. I give him a small smile and nod my head again.

  Roman gets down on one knee and hold out the panties for me step into. He stands back up and holds the bra up for me to slip into it. I lift up my long dark brown hair as he secures the clasp. Roman gives me an open mouth kiss on the back of my neck.

  My body immediately responds to his touch, I close my eyes, and moan softly.

  “You like that, baby.” Roman’s soft voice whispers in my ear.

  “Yes,” I breathe.

  “Later, if we take any more time up here, they will come get us.” Roman laughs low and throaty.

  Even though he’s smiling his eyes are still dejected.

  “Roman,” I press my hands on his chest.

  “Later, baby.” He takes off his suit jacket and tie. “Put on your clothes.�
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  I do as he dictates, and we make our way back downstairs.

  “Oh, you look so cute. Did Roman buy that for you?” Ellie smiles brightly.

  I look up to Roman and he shrugs. His mom is busy stirring something over the stove. The kids are sitting on the bar stools playing with their toys and Ellie is drinking a glass of wine near her mother-in-law.

  “Yes, he surprised me.” I answer.

  “Good, he should spoil you as often as possible,” she laughs warmly. “Do you want some?” She lifts her glass up.

  His mom dries her hands on the kitchen towel and grabs my head with a hand on each side of my face. She plants a kiss on my forehead, and then on both cheeks.

  “Bella, it’s so good to see you again. Is my figlio mio treating you well?” She asks, genuinely.

  “Yes,” I smile my voice soft.

  “Eccellente,” She says, plopping me onto a barstool.

  Ellie comes over to me with a glass of wine.

  “Can we say hi now?” The kids both ask at the same time.

  “Yes, you may now.” Their mom tells them.

  Sophie climbs onto my lap and hugs my neck. “You smell pretty.” She tugs at a strand of my hair.

  “Sophie didn’t I tell you not to play with her hair unless Angel tells you it’s okay.” Ellie narrows her eyes at her daughter.

  “Hi,” Marcus punches my arm.

  “Hi to you too,” I nudge him back with my fist.

  Marcus slips off the bar stool and grabs Roman’s hand. “Let’s leave the girls here. I want to play with your cars.”

  Roman messes up Marcus’s hair with his free hand. “Let me tell Angel first.”

  “Fine,” he pouts.

  “Baby, you’ll be okay?” Roman kisses my temple.

  “I’ll be fine,” I try to focus on Sophie, instead of looking up.

  I see his sister-n-law and mother watching our exchange. Roman kisses my temple again before he walks off with Marcus.

  Sophie snuggles up closer to me with her Barbie doll.

  “You can tell her to get off your lap, you know.” Ellie laughs.

  “It’s okay, she doesn’t weigh much.” I caress Sophie’s hair.

  “Bella, do you like chicken primavera?” Roman’s mom asks turning around from the stove.

  “Yes, I do. But, I have never had it homemade before.” I smile.

  “Molto buono, molto buono.” She kisses her fingertips.

  “So Angel, Roman told us you moved in.” Ellie says her eyes studying me.

  “Yes, I have.” I made sure I sound extra happy.

  “He has never asked anyone to move in before.” She states. “So…when is the wedding?”

  If I had been drinking wine at this moment, Ellie would be wearing the wine all over her designer clothes.

  I shake my head. “We want to see how well we will adjust to living with each other first.”

  “Angel, you should know by how he treats you.” Her eyes widen. “I bet he already has the ring picked out.”

  Roman’s mom turn back around. “Cara, watch my sauce while I’ll go have a word with my mio.” She rushes off to the garage.

  Ellie gets up to stand by the stove. “Don’t worry, she’s not telling him not to marry you, she’s telling him that she wants to be here to film the whole proposal.”

  I gape at her.

  She laughs. “Sorry, Angel we come as a package deal.”

  “Can I get more wine, please,” I hold up my glass to her.

  She comes over and fills the glass to the rim. I drink down the wine until the glass is half full.

  Roman’s mom comes back to the kitchen singing something in Italian. She grabs my head again and kisses my forehead. The kiss ends with a pop.

  “Bella, you make my mio happy and it makes me happy.” She lets me go and takes over the stove again.

  “The food’s almost ready, let’s set the table,” Ellie reaches for her daughter and takes her off my lap. “Sophie, you go play with Uncle Roman.”

  “No, boys have cooties,” She wails.

  “Sophie,” her mom warns.

  “Fine,” Sophie says, and then she stomps off.

  Ellie and I set the table in between our wine break. I stop and take a seat on the dining table chair.

  “You okay?” Ellie asks sitting down next to me.

  “I think I had too much wine,” I giggle and stop pressing my hand to my mouth. “Oh no, when I get drunk I can’t stop laughing.”

  “Good, now you can enjoy yourself,” Ellie says.

  “I can’t, Roman’s mad at me,” The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them.

  Gah, unable to keep my trap shut is another symptom to my drunkenness.

  “Don’t worry he will get over it.” She gives me a knowing look.

  At this very moment, I think I like Ellie more. I smile appreciatively at her.

  “Food’s ready.” Roman’s mom sets down a bowl of salad on the table.

  We follow her back, each of us bringing back a big serving plate of food. We place everything in the middle of the table.

  “Bella, can you go call them.”

  I make my way to the garage and gasp when I open the door. Roman has three classics cars parked next to each other. One is still being worked on. There’s a pearl colored Rolls Royce parked at the far end of the garage and a black Lamborghini parked right in the middle.

  Roman, Marcus, and Sophie are under the hood of the classic cars engrossed in whatever Roman is showing them. Roman looks up when he senses me.

  “Food’s ready,” I say, meeting his dark eyes.

  “Go on ahead,” he tells the kids.

  When the kids leave the garage, Roman holds out his hand for me to go to him. I saunter over, the wine taking effect on my body again and I bump the front of the Lamborghini. My body jerks backwards and Roman rushes over to stop me from falling.

  “Sorry, I had too much wine,” I giggle and snuggle my body closer to him.

  Roman wraps his arm around me from behind and nestle his face onto my neck.

  “Baby, I’m taking you to lie down,” Roman hooks one arm under my knees and lifts me up. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.

  He carries me to the master, settles me on the bed, and pulls the duvet over me.

  “Thank you,” I say to him as I close my eyes.

  The kids come rushing in thirty minutes after Roman leaves. Sophie is holding her Barbie doll and Marcus is carrying a tray of food. Roman walks in after them.

  “Mom said I had to bring you food,” Marcus waits patiently for me to sit up and rest my back on the backrest before he hands me the tray.

  Sophie climbs onto the bed and scoots over to sit right next to me. “Do you want me to feed you? Mommy always feeds me when I’m sick.” She bats her eyes at me.

  I laugh and tell her no. Roman lifts my chin up and studies my face.

  “Feeling better,” he asks.

  “Yes,” I say.

  Marcus sighs and leaves the room.

  “Do you want Sophie to stay here with you?” Roman glances over at Sophie.

  “Yes, she can stay.”

  “Eat, baby, I’ll come back up later.” He drops his hand from my chin.

  “Can you bring me my phone?” I ask as he turns to walk out the door.

  “No, baby.” He says and leaves.

  I stare after him as Sophie tries to feed me. The chicken and pasta hits my cheek instead.

  “Oops,” She drops the fork and wipes me down with a napkin.

  Punishment number one…

  Night falls before Roman comes to bed. I lay awake, bored, but my heart and soul keeps me grounded to the bed. When I’d finished eating, Sophie left, and takes the tray with her. No one else came back up to see if I am okay. The one person that I really wanted to comfort me didn’t come back up to see me. I never felt so alone in my life.

  Roman comes in, he crawls under the covers, and lays next to
me. Resentment and hurt fills the room, it’s luminous around us. He stays silent and he doesn’t reach for me.

  I am going insane inside.

  “Roman,” I whisper, turning over to face him.

  I find him lying on his back on the bed and he’s staring at the ceiling.

  “Yes, baby?” He murmurs, not looking at me.

  Roman is a man who will give me the world, who will give me whatever my heart desires. I’ve hurt him, more than once and he continues to love me. And I love him.

  “I’m sorry, so sorry. I don’t know how to make you and I better.” I say my voice just barely above a whisper.

  “Baby, I’ll make us better,” he promises.

  Roman rolls over and zips open my sweater, tugging my arms loose. He strips me of my pants, leaving my thong and bra on. He scrapes my lacy cups and pushes them underneath my breasts.

  Roman spreads my legs wide and lifts my hips up, moving my thong to the side. He’s on his knees when he thrust inside of me. I scream out. This new angle hits me hard and deep. He pulls out and slams back in.

  He’s relentless, hitting me to the halt every time. He lifts me up and up and I break losing all control. My mind is foggy and hazy as I come back from my earth scattering ecstasy.

  I open my eyes, Roman is on top of me now. Sweat glistering around his forehead, he looks content, but the hurt in his eyes remains.

  Roman tilts his hips up and I realize he’s still inside of me. He didn’t use a condom.

  “I’m not on birth control,” I say more to myself than to him.

  “Do you need to be?” he asks deadpan.

  I look away and swallow down my heart that has lodged in my throat. There’s no arguing with him at this point.

  I whisper sadly, “No.”

  Roman rolls off me and cover us both with the sheet.

  “Come here,” he says to me.

  I know he wants me to be the one to go to him. He’s testing me. I hitch my legs over his stomach and wrap my arms around him. When his breathing turns shallow is when I finally let the tears fall onto his chest.

  The next day, Roman is nowhere to be found. I stumble into the kitchen to find his mom cooking and the big, bald guy sitting at the island eating breakfast. He salutes me with a fork full of pancakes.