Starfucked

by B L Morticia

  I continued scrolling and came upon my brother Mike’s post. He’d just gotten another tattoo. This time some saying in cursive, but I could tell what it said. I liked it and commented “nice tat”, then moved on through my feed. Laze’s post about the show popped up and I liked it. I didn’t share because I remembered he didn’t want everyone to know.

  Before I scrolled again, I got a notification in my messenger. I clicked the bubble and read. Mike’s profile picture was highlighted, so I clicked.

  “Why you liking my post?”

  I sighed heavily and put my fork down. I typed.

  “It’s a nice tat. I can’t really read it because of the angle, but it looks well done.”

  When I finished, I noticed he was responding, so I waited to see what he’d say. A message popped up and I rolled my eyes immediately.

  “And here I thought you didn’t care about me because I don’t approve of your lifestyle. Plus, you’re the golden boy now. Graduated from college, got a good job. Ma can’t stop talking about you even tho you gay AF.”

  I immediately typed a response because I’ve had it with being taunted today. “If you don’t want me liking it, I’ll unlike. I suppose you don’t want your friends tracing me back to you, huh?”

  “Exactly. The gayness ain’t got to your brain, I suppose.” Laugh emojis.

  I responded. “Fine, I’ll unlike it and unfollow you too.” I went to his page, unliked the post, then deleted my comment. Then I unfriended him too. Brother or not, I wasn’t going to take this crap from him.

  Another message came through. “You ain’t gotta do all that. Just stay off my page.”

  I answered. “Already done, bruh.”

  As I put the phone down, and resumed eating my meal, the phone pinged but I didn’t pick it back up. I didn’t have time to go back and forth with him through a message app because he was too afraid to be associated with me. Though it hurt, I wouldn’t allow him to destroy any joy I’d been feeling as of late. I was out and proud. If Mike couldn’t handle it, that was his problem.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Steven

  Friday had finally come. After talking and sexting with Noah for the duration of the week, it was time for date number two. I’d tried keeping myself busy with writing songs, running, and reading anything I could get my hands on. But the moment Noah and I got on the phone, I couldn’t focus on anything. Perhaps tonight we’d satisfy the need we’d been discussing the last few nights.

  Since he was coming right from work, we decided to meet at the venue. Because of that, I hailed an Uber instead of driving. Haber’s Crown wasn’t in the best neighborhood. Better that my fairly new Dodge Charger stayed in the parking garage at my condo.

  “Hey, Steven Sharpe!”

  As I walked to the line, I heard someone call my name. It wasn’t Noah though, because I was meeting him inside. I turned around, noticing one of the owners of Haber’s walking towards me.

  “Hey, Greg, what’s going on?” I slapped hands with him and shook it.

  Greg returned the handshake. “Nothing much. I heard your new music man. It sounds great.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you touring soon? If you play here, we’ll give you a nice cut of the door.”

  “I might be. Gonna set up something with Jules from Serpentine for Seattle only. I’m sure he’ll do a smaller show just to play your spot.”

  “Ah, that fool. Naw, I meant you, dude. You still got some chops.”

  I smiled at Greg’s compliment. “I’ll think about it for sure. Maybe I’ll do a couple nights after I’m done with Jules.”

  “Alright, keep that in mind. You still got my number, right?”

  “I do. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  “Okay, will do, man. Don’t forget about me.”

  I nodded and turned back toward the front of the line.

  “Hey Paul, let Steven through.” Greg yelled behind me.

  The door man moved people to the side and waved me ahead. He didn’t have to, but I was grateful because it would be easier to find Noah without this mass of people.

  When I walked in, I showed my identification and paid the cover charge. The place hadn’t changed much in the forty years it had been open. Only some minor upgrades to the stage as well as the bars. Haber’s was all rock and roll in that regard. Some of the best had played here. StarHaze had a couple of times, but because we grew up with the guys who owned Hideaway, we performed there more often.

  Once I made it past the first bar, I pulled out my phone to text Noah. I eyed the screen, noticing he’d already messaged me. I tapped it.

  “Meet me at the main bar to the right. I’ll be sitting at the end under the Motorhead concert poster.”

  I smiled, adjusted my bag on my shoulder, and headed in that direction. I looked left, spotting Noah talking with some guy with obscenely long hair. I made my way over and caught his eye.

  “Steven.” Noah stood up and pulled me in for a hug.

  “Hey babe.” I dropped my bag and kissed his cheek. I wasn’t sure how people would react to it, but in all truth, I didn’t care.

  “Dudes, hey, hey… could you be any more obvious?” I heard someone at the bar laughing.

  I flipped whoever it was the bird and moved back, looking at Noah. “How was work today?”

  “Work was work. I’m definitely ready for the weekend. Oh, this is Lazarus, otherwise known as Laze. He’s my bestie and the one who’s promoting this gig.”

  Laze smiled and held out his hand. “Nice to see you again, Steven. Thanks for coming.”

  I accepted then dropped my hand. “No problem. And I guess I’ve got you to thank for emailing me for Noah.”

  Laze’s eyes widened. “Noah, you told him?”

  “Of course. He had to know I wasn’t the one who sent that sappy email,” Noah chuckled.

  “It wasn’t that sappy. Besides, it was true,” Laze countered.

  “Either way, I’m glad you did it. I’ve been wanting to reconnect with Noah for years.”

  “Well, you got your wish. I gotta go check on some things. I’ll be back in a while.”

  “Kay.” Noah said in response as Laze ambled off in the opposite direction.

  I waved at Laze and eyed Noah. “You look hot tonight.” And he did, wearing black jeans and a Dalians classic t-shirt.

  “So, do you,” he said with a loopy smile. “I suppose we both had black clothes in mind.”

  “Well, yeah. You know they say black makes you look thinner.”

  “Are you trying to say I’m fat?”

  “Nah. Not you, me.” I patted my gut and laughed. “You don’t have an ounce of weight on you.”

  “Yeah, my parents say that too. I don’t eat much, that’s why. Plus, I’ve never gained a lot in truth. I love junk food, but it doesn’t seem to stay on me.”

  “High metabolism. A great problem to have.”

  “I suppose,” Noah said smiling. “So, would you like to eat at my place afterwards, or out to a restaurant?”

  “There’s a place closer to downtown we could try, but we might have to leave before the encore. They close at eleven.”

  “Oh. That’s cool. Laze was trying to get me to stay for the afterparty, but I told him we already had plans.”

  “Yes, we do.” I yanked his hand up to my mouth and kissed it. “I really missed you. I’m glad we’re spending the night together.”

  “So am I. Been looking forward to it all week.” Noah grabbed my other hand into his.

  At that moment, the goose pimples prickled on my arms. Tingles and energy ran through my body like a bad drug. These kinds of feelings didn’t come around for just anyone. Only now, I was having them for this man I had the hots for.

  I couldn’t be happier to have him next to me. I would do just about anything to ensure we had a life together going forward.

  “Jesus, I had no idea Haber’s let the queers in here.”

  I shifted to the right to see who it w
as making those snide comments. “Hey pal, last time I checked, this was a public space for everyone. Gotta problem with it? Take it up with the owners.”

  “Hey, hey…” Noah patted my chest. “Let’s just move. There’s plenty of other places for us to sit.”

  I looked back at Noah and shook my head. “Why should we? We aren’t harming anyone. It’s this idiot with the issue.”

  “Who are you calling idiot?”

  “You.” I called over my shoulder. I stalked toward where they were.

  “Hey. Let’s go, okay?” Noah pulled my arm, taking me away from the guy who was sitting with what I figured to be his friends. They were big, but I could take em all on if I needed to.

  I sighed. I wanted to stay and defend my right to be here with my fists. I hadn’t had a good tussle in a while. Might be good to let off some steam. “All right. For you, I will.” I picked up my bag.

  “Aw looky there guys, the queers are leaving,” the guy laughed again, as did the others.

  I walked up to him. Nostrils flaring, fists clenched, I was ready for a battle. “Shut the fuck up, okay? You want a piece of me, we can take this outside!”

  The guy stood. He was shorter than me, but to his credit, he didn’t back down. “Yeah let’s. I haven’t beat down any faggots recently!”

  “Steven, c’mon.” Noah yelled again and yanked my hand, pulling me away.

  The guys continued to talk, but I ignored then. I cursed and turned around in the other direction. Feeling something tightening in my chest, I clutched it. I hadn’t had any episodes in a while. Perhaps it was for the best that I was walking away.

  Relax.

  “Fuck.” I started walking with him and shaking my head.

  “Dude, we don’t need to get into any fights, okay? It’s a charity event.”

  “I know, but… shit.” I stopped and dropped the bag again. The tightening got worse. Felt like someone squeezing me in a fucking meat grinder. I blinked, then knelt down on one knee. I could barely catch my breath.

  “Steven. Are you okay?”

  “No. I… something.” I blinked several times, seeing spots before my eyes. I wasn’t able to talk in full sentences. “Noah… I… call a doctor.”

  “Okay. Just stay calm. It’s gonna be all right. Hey, I need someone to call an ambulance. Please?” Noah yelled, but didn’t leave my side.

  I held onto my shirt, muttering under my breath. Was I having a freaking heart attack?

  What a way to start off the first official out date with your future boyfriend, asshole.

  “Dude is he okay?” I heard someone say. It sounded like one of the douches that sat at the bar.

  “I don’t think so. Steven, just hold on alright? The bartender’s calling now.” Noah’s calm hand rubbed my back.

  I leaned into him for support and closed my eyes to calm down. I hadn’t had any blackouts in recent memory but knowing my condition it could happen at any time.

  * * * *

  Noah

  No way did I believe that I’d be spending my Friday night in the emergency room, but that’s exactly what happened. I shivered, staring at others in the waiting room, wondering what their stories were.

  Had they also been clamoring for news on someone they cared about?

  Truth was, I’d always hated being in hospitals especially after my Father was rushed in because he thought he was having a heart attack.

  When the ambulance arrived, Steven told me, it was just an episode and for me to stay at the concert. Regardless of who was playing, I couldn’t do that. I cared for Steven and wanted to make sure he was okay.

  Since Steven didn’t have close family, I fibbed and said I was his husband. That was the only way I’d be able to get information. The only person I called was Eva, letting her know Steven had been admitted to the hospital.

  Still nervous, I sipped from the coffee I’d grabbed out of the vending machine. It was nasty as hell, but still something I sorely needed to stay awake. I’d left my car at the venue with Laze, so I could ride in the ambulance. I’d have to go get it in the morning.

  “Mr. James?”

  I looked up at the doctor who greeted me with a smile. “I’m Doctor Leonard. Your husband will be fine. He had a mild heart attack, but he will recover. He’ll have to stay here awhile because we want to make sure he’s stable.”

  I sighed in relief and ran my hand over my head. “Can I see him?”

  “Yes. I’ll take you. We’re getting a room ready now.”

  I nodded and followed the doctor through the locked doors. She ran her badge over the sensor and we ambled together through the triage unit.

  The minute we passed through, smells of ammonia hit me like a ton of bricks. Beeping sounds filled my ears. I wished I could cover them just to shut them off.

  I’m here for Steven.

  As I repeated that in my head, I inhaled sharply. I wanted to see Steven, so I’d have to forget my fears for now.

  When I ambled in, Steven was hooked up to a bunch of machines. His face had gained some of the color it had lost from earlier, which was a good sign.

  She patted my arm and left, closing the door behind her.

  “Steven? Hey, it’s me, Noah.”

  Steven opened his eyes slowly and smiled. “I know. I smelled your cologne the minute you walked in.”

  I chuckled, set the coffee down, and took his hand in my own. It felt rough on the palm, but soft on the back. It would be a while before I felt them on me, but such is life.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Like shit. Had a mild heart attack. The doctor says I’m lucky it wasn’t a bigger one. I don’t know what brought that on.”

  “Maybe getting excited about a fight at Haber’s?”

  “Or stressing out about these songs, either one.”

  “Why? People love the songs. I checked the hits and they’re rising every day.”

  “Not mine. Remember I told you I’ve been working on songs for a pop band? I did them and I don’t like them all that much. When I wrote the words, they sounded okay. Now that I put the music to them, not so much.”

  “I’m sure they’re fine. You’re being anxious when you don’t need to be. You’re good at what you do, Steven. I’m sure they’ll appreciate what you did for them.”

  Steven shrugged. “Maybe. Anyway, with my condition as it is, I might not be able to make the trip to Los Angeles. They’ll need to fly here.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem. We’re relatively close.”

  “Guess not. Anyway, um… thanks for being here. Lord knows I ain’t got no one but you and Eva to look after me.”

  I ran my thumb over his hand. “And just letting you know, I’m fine with that. I care a lot about you Steven.”

  “More than the Dalians?”

  “Obviously,” I laughed and pressed my lips to his forehead. “Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  “Okay. I’m gonna hold you to that,” he said, closing his eyes.

  I leaned in and kissed him again before straightening up. I stepped back and grabbed my coffee. I sat down in the chair, watching him intently.

  The night had been scary, but at least I knew Steven would be okay.

  Between me and Eva, we’d do all we could to nurse him back to health.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Steven

  A week passed, and I was released from the hospital. After days of being prodded, poked, and eating nasty food, I could finally go home and sleep in my own bed. I was grateful too because despite the place being top notch, there was nothing like being at home. Staying there reminded me of being in rehab. And although that helped me greatly, I didn’t want to remember the six months it took to get clean.

  Noah kept his promise and hardly left my side. When he went to work, Eva would stay with me, making sure I took my pills and ate. Then Noah would come back to sit with me. I loved hearing the doctor refer to Noah as my husband as though it was the most natural thing in the
world. Gave me hope we could have that for real in the future.

  “Alright, nice and slow.” Noah held me around the waist and helped me to the sofa. Eva had walked ahead of us, moving the coffee table so I could sit down.

  “I’m fine, guys. I had a mild heart attack. I can walk,” I barked.

  “The doctor says you should take it easy.” Noah answered. He let go and assisted me in sitting down.

  “Yes, and that means no stress or strenuous activity,” Eva chimed in. “Are you hungry?”

  “Not now. I’m good guys, thanks. I should be able to walk around on my own without help.”

  Eva smirked at me. “Regardless, we want to make sure you don’t have any issues. Would you like water or juice?”

  “Yeah, water would be fine.”

  “Noah?”

  “No thanks, Eva.”

  Eva nodded and left the living room for the kitchen.

  Noah sat next to me and took my hand into his. “Feeling winded?”

  “A little, but not by much.” I let go of his hand and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. Then brought his hand up to my lips. “I’m so glad you’re here with me. I should get sick more often.”

  “Don’t kid like that.” Noah playfully slapped my knee. “The doctor called you lucky. And although I knew about your heart condition, I had no idea it could flare up that easily.”

  “Well, it wasn’t the argument. I have a bad heart and I’ve tried avoiding surgery at all costs. I really don’t want anyone cutting me open.”

  Eva walked in and handed me my water. “I’m going to the store to grab some things. Do you need anything, Noah?”

  “No, ma’am. Thanks.”

  Eva smiled again and left.

  I took a drink and eyed Noah, sheepishly. “Now, like I was saying, I’m gonna be fine.”

  “I know, I just…” Noah dropped his gaze. “I was worried, Steven. We just started reconnecting and there you were in the hospital bed, barely able to breathe.”