Bullets Will Work: A Vampire Slayer Novel

by Geoffrey C Porter

  "Do I have to pause if you hit me?"

  Ben said, "Nope."

  Manuel stood in the center, and I figured I could bowl him over if I had to. Ben and Lambert were close enough though that they'd cut me to ribbons in the process. Ben stood on Manuel's right, and he looked angry. I think they'd weighed him at 263, and he didn't like that. Lambert stood on Manuel's left and grinned just a tiny bit. Curiosity got the better of me. I ran straight at Manuel and then dodged to the right lashing out at Lambert.

  Lambert caught the blade on his and without a hint of emotion aimed his blade for my hands. An old trick of Ben's, I knew better and dodged my hands out of the way. I slid to the right farther out of Manuel's reach. I aimed for Lambert's neck, and he ducked in low and tried to open my guts up. I caught the blade on the armor on my forearm and pushed him back.

  Ben and Manuel took their cue and moved around Lambert. I dodged towards Ben and aimed a quick shot at his neck. He blocked it and tried to stab me through the heart. I stepped back out of his reach until he leaned precariously forward. I stepped back towards him and grabbed his hand with the sword in it pulling him off balance. Then I thrust my sword point into his armored belly. He froze in place.

  Manuel aimed a sword point at my chest and caught me off guard. I knocked his sword out of the way and lashed at his neck. Lambert dodged in close on my left side and whacked me on the back of the neck. It hurt a lot. I pushed Manuel back and dodged a few paces back.

  Lambert darted right after me. Ben started to move again, and Manuel was advancing slowly, purposefully. I blocked Lambert's sword and countered. He feigned to my right, and I knew it was just a jab, so I didn't bother to block it. Then he did a kind of double tap with the sword and whacked me on the side of the neck. Pain shot through my neck into my skull and down through my shoulder.

  I slashed at him with my sword. He simply stepped back out of the way allowing Ben to step up to his right side. Manuel stepped up to his left, and all three of them grinned at me. I dodged towards Ben aiming my sword point for his heart. Ben knocked my sword off target. I lashed out with my left foot at the side of Ben's head, and my foot connected with a crunch. Ben stopped in place.

  Lambert came at me from one side of Ben, and Manuel came at me from the other side. I dodged towards Manuel and aimed my sword for his gut. He blocked it and aimed for my neck. I side stepped, so Lambert was behind Manuel and dodged Manuel's strike in one motion.

  I lunged my sword point at Manuel's chest, and he simply stepped to the side giving Lambert room to charge me. I blocked Lambert's sword and tried to pierce him in the heart. Lambert was too quick. He blocked my sword and planted the edge of his sword on my neck hard enough to make me see stars.

  I shouted, "Why doesn't the armor cover my neck!"

  Manuel said, "Stop!"

  All three of them stopped in place.

  Ben smiled at me.

  Lambert jabbed rigid fingers into Ben' neck causing him to squirm. "You're getting fat and slow!"

  "I've always been slower than you," Ben said. "I'm a better shot than you, and that's not going to change."

  Lambert said, "Perhaps."

  "Why doesn't the armor cover my neck?" I yelled.

  "Leaving the neck open drives the vampires crazy," Manuel said. "They'll avoid your hands and arms just to get to your neck. You learn to protect your neck. If we protected the neck, we'd have to doubly protect the arms, hands, and legs, and we'd never know what the vampire was going to do. This way, they do exactly what you expect them to do."

  "I don't like that logic."

  Lambert said, "It's how it's done."

  "You'll understand when you get some kills in," Ben said.

  Manuel asked, "Are you ready?"

  I ran away. No, I didn't run away--I ran straight for Ben and aimed high. At the last instance, I flipped the blade downward and aimed at his leg. I caught him off guard, and he froze. Manuel and Lambert quickly maneuvered around his stationary form. I tried to hit Manuel with no luck.

  I spun around him in a circle keeping away from Lambert and trying to keep the heat up on Manuel at the same time. Manuel blocked every strike. I started getting dizzy from going in circles, and every once in a while Lambert snuck in front of me. He'd strike at one spot, and then once I committed to blocking it, he would change direction in mid stroke catching me with my guard down.

  I started to tire, and all three of them started to score hits on me. Only my neck and hands were really open to getting hurt, and they became the focus of my defense.

  While I realized the advantage to facing three opponents as a training exercise, I was ready for it to end, and it was almost lunchtime. I shouted, "Lunch!"

  Manuel said, "Lunch can wait!"

  "I'm starved!"

  Lambert said, "Liar!"

  Ben said, "I'm hungry, too…"

  "We'll take a break if you're cooking something good," Manuel said.

  Lambert said, "Agreed."

  I sighed. I had nothing planned for lunch that day. "After the beating I've been taking this morning, I think you guys can fend for yourselves today. I will, however, make a batch of brownies."

  Manuel said, "Fair enough. We can break."

  Lambert tossed his practice sword through the air at the rack, and it landed perfectly in its place. "No brownies for Ben."

  Ben said, "Hey!"

  Manuel tried throwing his sword at the rack, and it clanked on the ground. "He's right."

  "I should at least get a half a brownie."

  "No."

  Ben sniffled like he was going to cry, and Lambert laughed.

  Chapter 8

  Manuel cut a tiny ½ inch by ½ inch piece of brownie and put it on a plate for Ben. "We're going back at it after lunch."

  "I'm in enough pain for one day," I said.

  Ben said, "Nonsense."

  Lambert said, "Morning and afternoon every day."

  "No," I said. "I need a break."

  "Do you think you'll get a break from the vampires?" Manuel asked.

  Ben cut the brownie into four sections and ate one piece. "We've been taking breaks every Sunday afternoon."

  "I want another break," I said. "My hands hurt. My neck hurts. My legs hurt. I hurt all over."

  Lambert said, "Take some Tylenol."

  I took a good sized bite of my brownie and washed it down with milk. "I have thick cut center loin pork chops for dinner. If you don't let me take the afternoon off, I'll burn the lot of them to a crisp."

  Manuel said, "You burn the pork chops anyhow."

  Ben said, "I like them burned."

  "I'll boil hot dogs," Lambert said. "I haven't had a good dog in a while."

  "You have to cook pork to a certain temperature," I said. "It's a fine line between poisonous and juicy. You guys know you want chops. I got Bar-B-Q sauce for half and spicy hot mustard for the other half."

  "Let him take the day off," Lambert said. "We'll be well rested for tomorrow that way."

  Manuel said, "Fine."

  I said, "Thank you."

  Manuel looked at Ben. "Run laps in the hallways this afternoon."

  Ben's eyes went wide in terror as he stuffed the last three tiny pieces of brownie into his mouth.

  Lambert said, "It's that, or up and down the stairs."

  Ben frowned. "I hate you guys."

  "You've gotten fat. There's only one way to get rid of it," Manuel said. "We know better than to think you're going to diet."

  Ben glared at them. "I'll take the stair option."

  I went to my room and stretched. Stared at the marks on my neck in the mirror. Decided against a nap and went to the rec room to watch cable. Manuel joined me after a while and simply sat in his favorite recliner with a tall glass of iced tea.

  I turned to him. "Will I be ready when Simon gets here?"

  "No telling."

  "Will you field Simon right away?"

  "Yes."

  "I want you to field me, too," I said. "When he g
ets here. Ready or not."

  Manuel started flipping through channels, even dancing to and from the variety of porn channels we had. "I'm not going to put you in the field until you're ready. No discussion. You may be ready before Simon gets here."

  "Will I have to be able to beat you and Lambert?"

  Manuel laughed so hard he had to set down his iced tea and clutch at his stomach. "Lambert is the best I've ever seen. I think other children teased him about his name as a youth. We'll field you long before you can beat him. We'll see if you can learn to put a mark on me."

  "Will I be ready then if I can put a mark on you?" I asked.

  "We'll have to see. Some take to the final phase of the training well. Others have a hard time and don't learn so fast. You did well today. Although you went after Ben quite a bit, and sadly he has slowed down since your arrival."

  "It's not my fault."

  "No. He has been teetering around 250 for some time. When he first came here, he weighed in at 220. He's on his third suit of armor."

  "It's definitely not my fault," I said.

  "If the stairs don't work, I'm going to threaten to cut out his moonshine."

  "I think you've already put the fear of God in him."

  "We're not going to order a new suit of armor for him. I'll take him out of the rotation first."

  I nodded.

  The next day bright and early, the three of them met me at my room and pounded on the door. I could almost set an alarm by it, but there was no alarm in the room when I found it.

  Once I made it to the basement, they lined up shoulder to shoulder in a row all three grinning wide like cats with fish, and I sighed.

  "Change that attitude!" Ben shouted. "You should be interested in only one thing, killing us. When you freeze all three of us at once, then we'll let you loose, no sooner. So if you want to see any action anytime soon you best get on the ball!"

  It was like the light at the end of the tunnel hitting me square on. I howled, "Aroo!" like a wild coyote and charged for Lambert. He deftly dodged out of my way, and the dance ensued.

  For days we went at it. Finally, I scored a hit on Manuel, and he froze. I turned quickly and pierced towards Ben's heart. Ben froze. I turned on Lambert, and he laughed at me. Caught his blade on mine and pushed it down. Then I pulled back my left and threw a quick, hard jab at his nose. It connected, and he fell backward onto the ground.

  Manuel was already in motion again, so I turned on him and started raining blows. I backed him up to a wall, and that's when Ben whacked me on the back with his sword. I shouted, "Arrgh! This is impossible."

  Lambert started to pick himself off the floor. "How can it be impossible? You almost had us a minute ago."

  "I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere!"

  Manuel said, "You are, though…"

  "It's all about the quick kill," Ben said. "Take them down fast before they kill you."

  "Let's take the rest of the day off," Manuel said. "Relax, Sidney, you're getting there."

  "If the church were to train you to be a slayer, first, you'd have to freeze all three of us on a six-second freeze," Lambert said. "Then we'd only freeze for three seconds, and you'd have to get all three of us. Right now we're freezing for six seconds, and that's all we'll ask of you. Using the Church's method can take years."

  I did this little shrug thing that I had been practicing in the mirror.

  "Stop hitting me in the nose," Lambert said. "You might break it."

  "Where would you like me to hit you?" I asked.

  "The chest or the belly; anywhere but the face."

  "I'll try and keep that in mind the next time you hit me upside the head with that wooden stick."

  Ben laughed.

  Manuel threw his wooden sword at the racks, and it landed perfectly then some unforeseen vibration made it bounce out. "No new rules. Learn to protect yourself, Lambert. You can't stay focused on the steel every second."

  "I have never once seen a vampire throw a left jab!" Lambert shouted.

  "If they did, you clearly wouldn't be ready."

  "Ben, have you ever seen a vampire get close enough to me to put a hand on me?"

  "No, but is that because of your swordsmanship or my marksmanship?" Ben asked.

  Lambert hissed. "You only shoot the ones that are far away. I kill most of them."

  "You only kill most of them because you go in first."

  "What are they talking about?" I asked.

  "When we nail a nest there's almost always a front and back door," Manuel said with a low, little chuckle. "We blow both doors at the same time. Then I run in the front door while Lambert and Ben run in the back door. Lambert always goes in first wielding cold steel with Ben following behind him with all guns blazing to back him up."

  I said, "You go in the front door alone?"

  "We don't go in at exactly the same time," Lambert said. "Sometimes Manuel has been known to sit out front and just wait for any who run."

  Manuel scowled, and his forehead wrinkled up. "That's not true."

  Ben said, "Three nests in a row you did that."

  "One of those times I lost my helmet. One time I saw movement in the front room. It looked like a master with a rifle, and they had me pinned down."

  Lambert said, "What about the third time?"

  "My boot came untied!"

  I looked at the three of them. Both Ben and Lambert were glaring at Manuel as if he had committed a prime evil. I just shrugged and took my practice sword to the rack. I went upstairs and took off my armor. The armor had become almost a life force of its own. When I wore it, I felt unstoppable. When I felt it flex around me when I moved, it gave me a sense of warmth and home.

  After a week I had my strategy down pat. I would single out Manuel as much as possible until I got a lucky hit in. Then I'd go after Ben. I saved Lambert for last almost every time. And I knew the only way I'd get past Lambert quick enough to beat the clock would be if I got lucky.

  I almost never hit to his face. I played nice, and I wanted to save my left jab for special occasions. I'd tried it a few times going after Lambert first, but with the support of the others, I was no match for him. Without the support of the others, I was no match for him, but I saved hope as I had hit him a few times.

  Finally, the day came when Manuel said, "Simon is due to arrive tomorrow. If he gets in early enough, we've got a nest lined up. We're going to hit it without you, if you don't get your ass in gear."

  I stepped forward as if in a dream. My heart started to race as my adrenalin gland gave its best push. The three of them started to move ever so slowly. My eyes focused on Manuel and nothing else. I darted straight at him aiming my sword high.

  Once he committed to blocking it, I used the technique painfully learned from Lambert switching the direction of my sword to his stomach. Out of the corners of my eyes, Lambert and Ben both aimed for my head. My hit connected on Manuel, and I ducked under both Lambert and Ben's swords. I lashed out at Ben's knee with my foot, and he went down, screeching.

  I turned to Lambert who for the first time showed a tiny edge of fear in his eyes. I hit his sword with mine, and he tried to keep his guard up high. Closed in on him and dropped my sword. Grabbed his sword with my left pulling it out of the way. I lashed out with my right at his jaw and connected with a bone crunching jolt. Lambert fell backward a few steps and started to shake his head as if to clear it.

  Manuel started to clap.

  Ben said, "My knee!"

  "No way!" Lambert shouted. "You can't just grab somebody's sword. He has to do it again."

  "No new rules," Manuel said. "He's ready as he ever will be."

  Lambert said, "Bullshit!"

  "Give it up, Lambert. He won," Ben said. "He hurt my knee."

  Manuel said, "How bad is it?"

  "I'm not sure. Hopefully, it won't swell up. I don't think he did any permanent damage. It still hurts, but not as bad as a minute ago. I think chocolate will cure it."

  I said
, "Ice."

  "Yeah, yeah," Ben said.

  Lambert spit on the floor. "You could have knocked a tooth loose."

  "You told me not to hit you on the nose," I said.

  "I said the face!"

  "I am going to open a few jars of moonshine to celebrate," Manuel said. "Who's with me?"

  Ben raised his hand. "I'll drink with you."

  Lambert said, "None for me. He didn't pass."

  "I'll pass on the moonshine," I said. "If you make me do it again, Lambert, I will break your nose." I meant it, too.

  Lambert's eyes went wide, but he didn't say another word.

  Chapter 9

  It was four o'clock in the afternoon when the perimeter alarm sounded throughout the warehouse. We raced down to the first floor, and Manuel sat at the defense control panel. A car sat outside our gate with tinted windows in the back. And I mean tinted black.

  Manuel hit a button, and the gate opened for the car. He hit a second button, and one of the garage doors opened. The car pulled into the garage and stopped. A priest stepped out of the driver's side, and a slayer in full gear stepped out of the back seat of the car. He reached into the car and pulled out a duffle bag.

  Manuel hit a button, and the garage door closed. Manuel said, "Father Titus, how nice to see you again. And this is Simon?"

  The priest smiled, and the slayer nodded.

  "We don't wear masks in the warehouse," Manuel said. "Let us see your face."

  Simon turned and looked at Father Titus. He nodded. Simon sighed and ever so slowly reached up to his ski mask and lifted it off. He was maybe seventeen, maybe eighteen with brown hair trimmed neatly at the ears and blue eyes. He straightened out his hair and looked around as if confused. He had broad shoulders and a pencil thin waist. Manuel said, "I'm Manuel."

  Ben raised his hand. "Ben."

  "Lambert."

  I took my cue. "Sidney."

  Manuel said, "Sidney is our cook."

  "Fuck you. I passed your tests."

  "You're still the fucking cook," Lambert said.

  "Only because I'm better at it than the lot of you. At least I'm not doing dishes."

  Simon asked, "Who's the boss?"

  "I'm the boss. Your room is on two," Manuel said. "Our rooms all have our names on the door. Pick any room you like unless it's taken. Write your name on the door. We've got a nest lined up for tomorrow."