Crushing Desire

by April Dawn

  Martin jerked his chin toward the door that led to the garden, eyebrows raised. Reena laughed and turned toward Michael.

  “I’m ready for our dance, monsieur.” She took his hand.

  “Oh come now,” Martin said in a final attempt, and then slumped off into the crowd when she made no move to join him.

  Reena walked to the dance floor with Michael, then whirled into the first steps of the dance.

  Michael kept a respectful distance, never trying to push the contact within the dance to the level of impropriety. When it was over, they moved to the side of the room. Michael seemed amused that his brother had tried and failed to get her to abandon her dance with him.

  “I wonder if you would accompany me on a picnic.” Michael fiddled with the watch fob in his waistcoat. He glanced up, and she followed his gaze to her approaching uncle. “I’ve heard that the weather is expected to be sunny for quite a while yet,” Michael went on to say, his attention swinging back to her.

  “I should love that.”

  He bowed, relinquishing her to her uncle for the next dance.

  Reena had finished dancing with Uncle Howard when Martin came to her once again. Martin was obviously too far into his cups, judging by the smell of spirits on his breath. He pulled her hand to his lips, standing a bit closer than he should. She glanced at the crowded room, noting the sea of society matrons on watch for the most recent scandal. Grasping her arm below the elbow, he towed her toward the garden.

  “Monsieur Dubois, we shouldn’t.” She swallowed hard. “I must stay at the ball.”

  Martin said nothing, dragging her by the arm through the open doors which led to the tryst veiling greenery beyond. Once they were completely alone in the small gazebo at the center of the gardens, Reena’s mind filled with the possibilities. She wasn’t safe here with Martin. He wouldn’t hurt her, but his roaming hands would be difficult to halt. Reena wished that she’d dug her slippers into the floor and refused to budge, despite the scene it would have caused.

  “You’re so beautiful, Reena.” He heaved her close.

  She pushed at the encircling arms. “Martin, we should be inside. Emily is inside, and I’m not chaperoned. What will people think?” she asked, trying to bring some sense into his drink and passion filled brain.

  “Bah, Emily, she is always there. I wanted you to come out here with me to be alone.”

  She twisted her head away, avoiding his oncoming mouth.

  “You’ve been drinking, Martin, you aren’t thinking properly.”

  His hands slid lower and lower down her back. Reena pushed against the wall of his chest.

  “I was watching you dance and flirt with the others,” he snapped.

  Reena pushed harder. She considered the kick to the shin that she and Lily always teased about, but truth told, Reena didn’t want to hurt him if she didn’t have to. He was drunk, and she was sure he meant no harm. Gathering her forcefully to him, he trapped her hands between their bodies. His mouth moved down her cheek toward her neck until his lips found her pulse. She gasped.

  “Martin… Let me…”

  “Am I interrupting something?”

  Reena’s lips parted, and ice chilled her veins. Joshua stood half in shadow with his shoulder leaning against the gazebo pillar. He’d crossed his arms over his chest, his legs at the ankle, as though he were watching a game of cricket. His eyes were the solitary thing that betrayed the image. They were aflame.

  Even if she hadn’t already been trying, Joshua’s stare would have been enough to make Reena want to wrench from Martin’s arms. His touch felt wrong somehow, like a betrayal. And this was worse than a hand on her elbow or an arm on her back. Martin held her too close, and his embrace seemed to claim that she was his. Even a husband wouldn’t hold his wife this close in public without raised eyebrows and whispers.

  Martin let her go, and she all but sighed with relief as he stomped past Joshua without a word to either of them.

  “You shouldn’t have come out here with him.” He pushed off from where he leaned and stalked her, his eyes still lit with a strange fire. “People will talk.”

  Her head swam as he closed the distance between them. “I…”

  Joshua reached out and grasped her forearms, pulling her toward him. His eyes burned into her, melting her insides.

  “I didn’t want to come, but I didn’t want to make a scene,” she whispered. The contact of his fingers, though firm, wasn’t painful.

  “I suppose that you were letting him hold you so intimately, because you didn’t want someone inside to hear your complaint?” Joshua shook her slightly.

  “I was—” His lips crashed into hers. The kiss was hard, crushing her mouth beneath his. Her bones became water at the exquisite feel of his body against hers. She flowed against him and he moaned, his lips softening as they slid with gentle pressure over hers. He released her arms, his hands slipping around her and roaming her back. The excruciating pleasure of his caress filled her with a longing that begged to be fulfilled. His tongue slid along her lips, encouraging her to open for him, and with a whimper, she did. Her fingers surged up to his neck and into his hair. The firm demands of his hands drew her into his body, fingers slipping lower on her back. His fingertips grazed her hip sending tremors through her body. The pleasure of his caresses overwhelmed her, and she gasped into his mouth.

  A loud groan tore from Joshua’s throat, and he thrust her from him. He stood motionless with his gaze rooted to the floor, his arms apart, and his breathing ragged. Reena’s fingers flew to her lips and the still moist flesh.

  Did he really just kiss me?

  “You see what can happen now? You need to be more careful who you retire to the gardens with, Miss Harrison,” he grated out, his eyes still on the floor.

  Without waiting for a reply, not that she could form one, he strode off in the direction of the party. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cool post of the gazebo.

  Mrs. Whitmore had said that balls were the most important social occasion for a young girl, but Reena was having a terrible time of it. Already she had been in the garden twice, but neither experience had come out as she had wished. She wanted to kiss Joshua again. To have him slide his arms around her and assure her that she would be all right. To assure her that they would both be all right so long as they were together.

  Reena clung to the beam, her muscles still jelly from the powerful kiss.

  Who wants a simpering fool that only wishes to talk about embroidery and the marriage market? His words flew unbidden around inside her head and mingled with the ones he’d spoken after they’d kissed. Her chin trembled, and she pressed her lips together at the bittersweet memory of his mouth on hers.

  “It was a lesson,” she said to the trees. “He was trying to teach me a lesson.”

  The realization snapped her out of the strange spell. She shook her head when her body had calmed some and moved to the bench. They would never be together, not truly. He’d never shown her any real interest. Reena had to stop thinking of childish fantasies and start thinking realistically. She had to grow up, learn to enjoy their friendship and expect nothing more, for there would never be more between them.

  Chapter Six

  Reena stood in the tiny shop, examining all the delicate hair ribbons and lace that filled the tables and shelves. Not quite a week had passed since the ball, and she and Emily had taken Lily out for one last day of shopping before she returned to school. She would be gone until her wedding day in four months time. The next months would be hard without her. Reena had become even closer with her over the last few months and would miss her terribly.

  “Oh, Reena, must you cover yourself like that?” Lily pulled the thick modesty piece from Reena’s hands.

  Emily rolled her eyes, and Reena frowned at her.

  “You are too beautiful to hide away behind lace and Buffons,” Lily continued, placing the silken cloth back on the pile.

  “I have been trying to tell her
that for years.” Emily hoisted her eyebrows at Reena, daring her to dispute the fact.

  “Don’t be silly.” Reena’s fingers twitched, and she glanced at the charming modesty piece. “It’s no more than a bit of fluff. Something to make my dresses more attractive. I’m not hiding from anything.” As she spoke, she plucked the material out of the pile again and handed it to the waiting seamstress who put it in a bag.

  Lily stared at her with soft eyes and shook her head. “You’re a hopeless case, my dear.” Emily nodded in agreement, and they laughed as they headed for the next store.

  While they were walking into the store, Reena spotted the Dubois Brothers. Dan, Michael, Martin, and the youngest Dubois brother, Henry came toward them. The men swarmed around them, complimenting, chattering, and making them laugh. Lily and Emily didn’t appear to notice that Martin had sidled closer to her. He leaned into her ear, his eyes still on the others.

  “I was hoping to find you here. I wanted to apologize,” he whispered.

  Reena glanced up at him. There was a darkened spot beneath his right eye, and his expression seemed more serious than she’d seen it in a while. “Whatever do you mean?” she asked, her attention sliding to the shop’s door.

  “I’d had a bad time of it the night of the ball. I shouldn’t have allowed myself so many drinks, please forgive me. I promise not to do it again.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Unless you ask me to.”

  Reena couldn’t help it; she grinned, eyes rolling heavenward, and slapped him lightly on the arm.

  “Well,” Martin said loudly. “We must insist on escorting you delightful ladies to your noon meal. There are dangerous fiends lurking about waiting to snatch young beauties such as you.”

  “That would be lovely.” Lily’s hand fluttered up to her chest.

  They left the shop together, the men joking and entertaining the women while they walked. It wasn’t long before the twins began to argue and then wrestle. The women laughed, watching Martin hold Michael’s leg, and Michael hold Martin’s neck. Both men appeared as though they were about to topple, hopping about precariously.

  After a long meal filled with laughter and conversation, the women were once again about their shopping. Emily hadn’t said much, knowing of the alleyway and the kiss, which had made the boys infatuated with her wicked side. Lily, not knowing it, couldn’t stop talking about how romantic the brothers were.

  “The rivalry that the twins have over her! Oh, and the dashing older brother, so handsome.” She gazed up at the sky, her hands clasped before her. “It was all simply too romantic.”

  Lily hadn’t stopped talking about it since they left the restaurant. Reena couldn’t stand listening to her friend gush when she was so clearly mistaken. If she knew the truth, she wouldn’t speak so.

  Reena ignored the sinking of her stomach and nodded as Lily took her arm. “Martin was so terribly sweet. You are so lucky that he cares so much for you.”

  Reena shook her head as they entered a sizable store filled with exotic figurines and chess sets of stone, ivory, and marble. She walked around the building, staring at the intricately carved pieces on an ivory chess set. Lily stood in front of a marble statue of Adonis. Reena could hear her soft giggles and moved to where she stood. Following Lily’s gaze, Reena’s came to rest on the anatomically correct statue. Her cheeks flushed hotly, and she averted her eyes.

  “Lily, you should be ashamed,” Reena said, a smile on her lips. “Look away.”

  Lily leaned in and whispered. “If I’m to be an old married, I must prepare myself.”

  They broke into fresh peals of laughter.

  “And what is so terribly funny over here?”

  At the sound of the familiar voice, they turned, keeping close together in an effort to block the statue. Before them, in all his splendor and glory, stood Joshua Sinclair. Reena wondered how many people they would run into today, and why of all times they had to run into him. And why here with the statue of a naked man behind them? She bit her lip, unsure for a moment of what to say with the devastating kiss having been their last interaction.

  Lily started to laugh nervously. Reena elbowed her, but the giggle was infectious, and soon they were in hysterics all over again. Joshua’s face was covered in a knowing grin, and he craned his neck, looking around them. His eyebrow cocked when he saw the statue, and that being his sole reaction made Reena double over with laughter. The girls were near cackling now, and Joshua’s grin widened, showing his deep dimples.

  “Perhaps I should escort you ladies out of the company of this...” Joshua glanced at the statue again, “gentleman.”

  Grateful for the mood breaking laughter, Reena smiled up at him.

  9

  Joshua extended one hand to the girls and the other toward the door. He picked up the plain wrapped package along the way and told the storekeeper to bill him.

  Reena’s cheeks blazed, and she was gasped for breath. Her eyes were red, and tears streamed down her cheeks, still he had never seen a more beautiful woman. She saw the world in a fresh and new way, a way that he never could. Seeing the beauty in things he had long taken for granted and noticing the things that he had long forgotten. He escorted the girls into the street, turning a reprimanding eye on them. They stood, wiping their eyes and trying to breathe while their giggles subsided.

  Reena was lucky to have Lily for her friend and Emily as well. They were staunch in their protection of her and loyal no matter the situation. He was glad that Reena had chosen them, penchant for nude statues aside. Averting his gaze to hide his amusement, Joshua remembered the way they had looked, standing guard for their Adonis, their laughter ringing out in the store. He wondered what one said in a situation like this because words failed him.

  Emily exited the statuary shop, joining them.

  “Shall we?” He lifted a hand, indicating the next shop to them.

  Reena walked next to him as they stepped into the store. The small shop advertised exotic items from far places. Joshua picked up and examined a few of the items on the nearest shelf. It seemed, though, that many of the trinkets were made locally. He returned the item back from where he’d retrieved it and glanced over at Reena. She stood nibbling her bottom lip as she studied one of the decorative hand-crafted pieces in her hand. He ran his thumb over his fingers, the memory of her body suddenly coming back to him. The remembered loss of control made him cringe. His intention had been to teach her a lesson. To show her how unsafe her actions had been. When he’d kissed her, though, her soft skin beneath his hands, and her supple mouth had been his undoing. In his mind, his fingers still caressed her yielding flesh, molding it to his. His lips still tasted the sweetness of her mouth, her utter surrender to him fresh in his memory. If he hadn’t gotten control of himself...

  Closing his eyes, he ignored the clenching in the pit of his stomach and tried to rid himself of the memory of her touch. He had to keep his body, and more importantly, his mind well regimented.

  “What did you get?” she asked, shaking him from his thoughts.

  For a moment, he merely stared at her. She pointed, indicating the box he held. “Oh, this.” He leaned in, whispering so only she could hear. “Not the statue, if that is what you were hoping.” Reena’s slippers were all at once of great interest to her. “I purchased a magnificently carved ivory chess set. I shall have to show it to you one day. The queen reminds me very much of you,” he said, still near her ear.

  9

  The intimate way he leaned into her, and the way his breath fanned her neck while he spoke made Reena shiver, but his words knocked the breath from her. He thought of her when she wasn’t around. The idea caught her off guard. Before she had a chance to process it, Lily was there.

  “Reena,” she said, with an apologetic nod to Joshua, “You have to see this.”

  Lily grasped her wrist and pulled her off toward the corner. Reena let out a shaky breath, walking to a shelf lined with jade. Lily lifted a charming box from the shelf and started rambling
about the exquisite detail of the carvings that covered it, but Reena couldn’t focus on what she was saying. Joshua’s words still rung through her mind. She couldn’t imagine what, if anything, his revelation meant. Their relationship had always been a bit of a mystery to her. Did he care for her? Did he want her too, or was it all a little girl’s fantasy? She kept trying to forget it—to forget him—but she always seemed to find hope in the little things.

  Lily went on, but she didn’t hear her words. She glanced at Joshua. He stood nearby, apparently admiring a small jade elephant, but she thought that she saw his eyes flicker from her to it when she moved.

  Had he been watching her? No. Surely, he saw her as nothing other than a friend. There was no use in trying to fool herself into thinking there was more. She glanced back to Lily and tried to focus on the necklace that Lily now held. But her mind kept wandering back to Joshua, his new chess set, and his apparent thoughts of her. She needed to talk to Emily.

  9

  Later that evening, Reena lay on her stomach on the soft bed in her room. Lady-like manners set aside, she lounged with her friend in the soft splendor of blankets and pillows.

  “Reena, you love him. Perhaps if you went to him and you told him, he would come to court you,” Emily said.

  “But what if I was imagining the entire thing? What if he was merely being polite, and I was seeing the whole affair as being more than he intended?” Reena inspected the white lace that trimmed the pillow she held. “What if he thought the chess queen looked like me because she was tall, ungainly, and had big feet?”

  “Oh dear girl,” Emily laughed, rubbing Reena’s arm with amused sympathy. “You still don’t realize it yet, do you dear heart? You are an attractive woman. Not all men want what society deems perfect. Some men prefer different kinds of beauty.”

  Emily sat up.

  “I believe that there is a man for every woman. There is a man somewhere in the world that will value every woman’s special type of beauty. How will you ever know if Joshua is the man who will appreciate your loveliness, if you never give him the chance to see it?”