Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  “Oh, okay. Well, hey,” he said with his typical boyish grin. “Um, Hannah, what are you doing tonight? Going out with friends?”

  “Uh, yeah. I'm going to be at Sharky's around ten. If you and your friends don’t have other plans you should come hang out,” I suggested.

  I didn't know what came over me. Maybe I was just being polite. Maybe I was confused about why he was asking about my plans for the evening, but something inside me at that moment wanted him to come to the bar.

  “Yeah, okay. I've heard that place gets a lot of UD students,” he said.

  “It's a cool place,” I agreed. “Okay, well I hope you aren't waiting around here too much longer. See you tonight.”

  “See ya,” he said as I walked away.

  I was glad that Aiden agreed to come out tonight, if for nothing else than to give me someone else to talk to besides Shane's newest fling.

  Rachel and I ate our salads and discussed wardrobe for the evening. I wasn't allowed to pick out my own bar clothes anymore since the jeans and hoodie incident that occurred last month. I did our dishes and picked up around the house before heading upstairs to change. I showered, blow dried my hair, and touched up my nail polish. Then around 9pm I decided it was time to put on my Rachel-approved outfit. She'd chosen a simple black skirt which was a little short for my comfort, and a slinky red top that hugged my mostly flat tummy with a neckline that plunged down just far enough to showcase my cleavage. I didn't have any black heels so I went down stairs to see what Rachel had in her closet.

  Someone knocked on the door and I greeted Ethan with a smile. “Hey there. Come on in.”

  “You girls ready?” he asked.

  “Um, I need to borrow shoes from Rachel and she's going to fix my hair. Maybe twenty minutes?” I said.

  He groaned and headed for the couch, picking up the remote control on his way.

  “Where's Shane?” I asked.

  “He's picking up Randi and meeting us there,” Ethan replied.

  I scowled and hurried myself into Rachel's room. She brushed my long brown hair until it was tolerable to her standards and then set to the task of applying eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick to my face. We were finally ready at quarter to ten and piled into Rachel’s BMW to drive to Sharky's.

  We arrived just before ten and saw that Shane was already there. He'd gotten a high top table near the bar so we made our way over to him. He introduced us to Randi, who was a brunette with small features and perfect teeth. She was also skinny as a rail. At least my boobs were bigger. She was friendly and seemed to want to get to know Shane’s friends. She asked Ethan how football season was going and thus easily won over her first critic. Rachel went to get us some virgin appletini's and I sat down on the stool next to Shane. I almost fell out of it, trying to hop up onto that ridiculously high stool. I was wearing loaner heels that didn't quite fit while trying not to flash the whole bar in my too short skirt. It really was to my credit I made it up without assistance.

  Shane held his hand out assuming I would need his help and chuckled as I struggled, determined to do it myself. “You look good, Hanny,” he complimented me once I was securely in place.

  “Thanks,” I said. “You too.” I was hoping the dims lights would help to hide my blush.

  We all talked for a while about classes and other college events. Ethan saw some football buddies and went off for a time to talk to them. Meanwhile, Shane escorted Randi over to one of the pool tables and gave her a lesson. I nearly gagged at the sight, but managed to hold down a conversation with Rachel without revealing my disgust. She was scanning the bar for someone to dance with when she spotted Aiden. With all the flirting and touching that was going on over at the pool table I had completely forgotten to look for him.

  “Hannah, that boy is staring at you,” Rachel informed me.

  “Where?” I asked. Usually the boys were staring at Rachel.

  “There, by the wall. See?” she said, subtly craning her neck in the direction she wanted me to look.

  “Oh, that’s my friend, Aiden,” I said. “I'm going to go say hello.”

  I carefully maneuvered out of the stool and walked over to Aiden. I saw he did indeed have friends with him. They were standing on either side of him forming an open circle. Both had slightly longer hair than Aiden which made me think they looked like a boy band standing there together. One was tall and thin; the other was short for guy standards and had tattoos wrapped around both his biceps. Aiden's smile was about as wide as could be by the time I reached him and his buddies.

  “Hi, Hannah. You look beautiful,” he blurted. His friends found that amusing.

  “Hey, Aiden. Thank you,” I replied politely.

  “Um, these are my friends, Keith and Ron,” he said. “We all went to high school together.”

  “Nice to meet you. I'm here with high school friends too,” I said. “The tall blonde at the table, that’s Rachel. And next to her is Ethan. And the one shooting pool is Shane.”

  I hung out with Aiden for a while and then took him over to our table to meet the others. After a while I noticed Aiden's wingmen seemed to have disappeared and Aiden stayed with us the rest of the night. Rachel and Ethan danced together and so did Shane and Randi. I tried not to stare at Shane on the dance floor but it brought back memories from prom and I just couldn't help it.

  Eventually, Shane and Randi said their goodbyes and left hand in hand. Aiden was still chatting away when I involuntarily yawned.

  “Am I boring you?” he asked.

  “No, I'm sorry. It's just a little later than I'm used to staying out,” I said feeling embarrassed by my admission.

  “Oh, well, would you like me to walk you home?”

  “Yeah, thank you,” I said. I went to tell Rachel I was leaving. She was talking to Ethan and one of his teammates.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to drive with us?” Rachel asked.

  “No, it’s not that far. I’ll be alright,” I replied.

  “Okay. Have a good walk with Aiden,” she said shooting me an evil grin.

  “Shut up,” I said curtly and left her there at the bar; still smiling at me.

  Aiden and I talked more on the walk back to my house. It was easier to hear each other without the noise and music in the bar. He told me about the old Jeep he was rebuilding back home. It turned out he and his friends grew up in Pemberton, New Jersey, so his family wasn’t too far from Pittsgrove. I told him about my mom and how she was always so busy with work that I felt like I lived alone most of the time in Baltimore. I explained that my mom worked in the public relations department for the Orioles’ baseball team. Aiden thought that was awesome and mentioned he was a big baseball fan; loyal to the Phillies, of course, but could still respect the Orioles. Before I knew it we were at my front door. I noticed Rachel’s car was already parked in the driveway so she and Ethan must have left Sharky’s shortly after us.

  Aiden followed me up the steps to the front door as I fished around in my purse for my keys. It felt awkward with him standing so close behind me and then it occurred to me he was going to try to kiss me goodnight. I had conflicting emotions about that prospect. My heart sped up with excitement. My brain told me this was a rite of passage I’d been looking forward to. My conscience told me I was leading this boy on. I pulled my key out and turned to face Aiden.

  I had to look up to see his eyes as he was still taller than me despite my wearing Rachel’s killer heels. Before I could tell him goodnight Aiden placed one hand on my shoulder blade and gently pulled me closer to him, closing the gap between us. His mouth pressed softly against mine. When I didn’t pull away, because I was paralyzed in fear, his lips parted and surrounded my lower lip. For a moment I forgot how to breathe. My arms were limp at my sides and all I could focus on was how Aiden’s masculine scent and gentle touch combined to send an electric spark through my body. I opened my eyes as he let go of my shoulder and took a step back. I felt embarrassed and self conscious. My mind was such a jum
ble I didn’t even know if I had kissed him back.

  He smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, Hannah.”

  I cleared my throat awkwardly and replied, “Goodnight.”

  I jiggled the key into the lock until it turned and walked into the house. I smiled at Aiden and waved goodbye to him before closing the door behind me. For a split second I’d allowed myself to get close to someone that wasn’t Shane and it felt good. I took a deep breath and laughed quietly to myself; my first kiss had come quite unexpectedly. I was still riding that high as I walked through the dark hallway to the living room. Rachel must have gone straight to her room but left the television on. I hit the off button on the remote that was laying on the arm of the sofa.

  Out of the corner of my eye I realized there was someone sleeping on the couch. I saw immediately that it wasn’t my roommate, but Shane. I had no idea how he’d ended up in my house, but seeing him snuggled up with my favorite afghan churned my stomach. All the happy feelings I’d experienced only moments ago drained away. I’d always envisioned my first kiss being with him and the realization that I’d just shared it with someone else, a boy I hardly knew, left me more desperate for Shane’s affection than ever.

  Afraid to face him if he woke up, I quickly turned around and hurried up to my room. I brushed my teeth and slipped into some of my nicer sleepwear. My mind kept replaying the walk home with Aiden and I found it difficult to fall asleep. I couldn’t help wondering if Shane would still be downstairs when I woke in the morning. It was completely absurd but I felt like tonight I’d cheated on my love for him. I’d betrayed my heart. The neurons in my brain kept firing off contradictory signals and it was impossible to relax when I closed my eyes. At some point exhaustion won out over worry and I slept.

  *~*

  I woke the next morning to a quiet house. As I expected, I found myself feeling guilty that I’d let Aiden kiss me the night before. I’d enjoyed the way he made me feel desirable and I let my defenses down. I was selfish. He obviously had a crush on me and I did not feel the same way. As much as I wanted to, I just didn’t get the same feelings from thinking about him as I did when I thought of Shane. It wasn’t Aiden’s fault; it was the way I felt about every new guy I met. It was a real problem.

  I took my time showering and washing my face; putting my camisole and boy shorts back on afterwards because it was Saturday morning and I felt like bumming it for a while. I went downstairs and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. I peeked into the living room to make sure my overnight guest had left and was startled when I saw that he was still there. Shane was awake this time and staring at me.

  “Nice PJ’s,” he said grinning. His hands were resting behind his head, the picture of ease.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Waiting for Ethan to wake up,” he whispered, pointing to Rachel’s closed bedroom door.

  No. I couldn’t believe it. “Ethan’s in there with Rachel?” I hissed under my breath.

  He raised an eyebrow and smirked. He stood up and came to join me in the kitchen.

  “How did you end up here last night? What happened to Randi?” I questioned. I turned my back to him to get the eggs and butter from the fridge.

  “We had a good time. I dropped her off at her dorm and then went home, but Dante had people in our room and I just didn’t want to be there. So I came here,” he explained.

  I wanted more information about his evening with Randi. “You came here instead of going back to Randi’s room?”

  “Hannah, I just met her,” he said, pretending to be appalled. “Besides, her roommate was there.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. I was relieved to know there had been someone else home when Shane went to Randi’s dorm room because it meant they hadn’t been alone.

  “Pancakes or scrambled eggs?” I replied.

  “Both?”

  I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling. Boys and their bottomless stomachs.

  “Alright, but you have to help me then,” I said.

  I pointed to an overhead cabinet where we kept the flour and sugar. Shane pulled down the necessary ingredients for me and a large mixing bowl. I handed him a wooden spoon and put him to work on the pancake batter. I whipped the eggs and got them heating in the frying pan. We were both silent while we worked; I was thinking about how fun it was cooking with a helper for a change.

  “You seem kind of quiet this morning. Is everything okay?” I asked after a few minutes.

  “Yeah. I’m fine,” he said. He pushed the mixed batter aside and started filling the coffee pot.

  “Okay. It just seems like’s something’s on your mind,” I guessed. If he was having girl troubles with Randi I wasn’t sure I wanted to know about them even though I had promised to give my opinion after meeting her. I chewed on my bottom lip waiting for him to ask me about my first impressions.

  He hit the brew button on the Mr. Coffee and then leaned against the counter with his arms folded.

  “Well, honestly I’m just waiting for you to tell me about your evening,” he said softly.

  I looked up at him and shrugged as casually as possible. “I had a good time. Randi was very nice and didn’t seem like a psycho. I hung out with Aiden some more after you left and then he walked me home,” I said. I really didn’t know what details he was asking for, and I didn’t want to tell him about the kiss.

  “You like this Aiden guy?” he asked.

  I was very uncomfortable talking about guys with Shane. I felt like I had to watch every word that came out of my mouth or I would blurt out something embarrassing. Knowing me, I’d probably let it slip that I found Aiden attractive and sweet but he didn’t make my heart flutter. That would be disastrous because then Shane would ask me who does make my heart flutter and I’d have to lie which I’m terrible at doing. He always knows when I’m bullshitting him.

  “He’s a nice guy,” I said slowly, “but I’m not really interested in him as anything more than friends.”

  “You seemed to like him more than friends last night at your door,” he said sternly and started pulling coffee mugs down from their little hooks.

  “You saw us? Why did you pretend to be asleep when I came in?” I demanded.

  “I don’t know,” he said, finally looking me in the eyes. “I’m not used to seeing you with a guy. It was weird.”

  “My being with a guy is weird to you?” I was humiliated. I felt my face turning red. “What business is it of yours who I date? It doesn’t even matter because I’m not dating him!” I huffed.

  “You’re right; it’s none of my business. I just feel protective of you, and I’ve never heard you mention that guy before. I don’t want you to get hurt,” he admitted.

  “Well, it’s sweet that you worry about me, but trust me, Aiden’s not going to hurt me,” I said.

  “Damn right he’s not,” Shame mumbled protectively.

  I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I couldn’t help but mentally laugh at the irony in Shane’s concern that some other guy might break my heart meanwhile he unwittingly did so on a daily basis. I transferred the eggs to a plate and wiped it clean to start cooking the pancakes. Shane busied himself by setting the table for four, assuming our friends would smell food and finally come out of Rachel’s room. There was an awkward silence between us and I think Shane sensed it too.

  “This doesn’t count as the home cooked meal you promised me, right?” he joked, poking me in the ribs.

  I sighed. “No, I’ll make you something real good for dinner one night. Maybe if you’re nice I’ll marinade a steak and do mashed potatoes.”

  “Yes, please,” he said giving me a smile he knew I couldn’t resist. I smiled back. Our little mini-squabble was over.

  A few moments later a sleepy Ethan emerged from the hallway clad only in a pair of sweatpants that looked like they belonged to Rachel. He rubbed his eyes looking surprised to see us.

  “Oh, hey guys,” he said, his voice thick with slee
p.

  “You know, Shane, it’s ironic you asked about my friend last night, because it seems Ethan here has a much better story to tell,” I said shooting him a sly grin.

  “I think you might be right, Hannah,” Shane said, clearly amused. “Ethan, take a seat... Have some pancakes and tell us all about your evening.”

  Ethan groaned and pulled out a chair. “Fine, but I’m gonna need some of those eggs too.”

  It appeared to me that Rachel’s use of Ethan as a friend with benefits was becoming a more regular occurrence than I suspected. I knew Shane didn’t approve of the arrangement. He was Ethan’s closest friend and probably knew more about how much he cared for Rachel than even she did. Shane didn’t want to see his friend get hurt, just like he didn’t want to see me get hurt either. As much as I hoped that Shane’s little rant earlier was out of jealousy, it was more likely that he was looking after me the way he did for all his friends. It was just in his nature to protect the people he cared about.

  CHAPTER 4: HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

  The first semester at UD was over before I knew it. We all went home for Thanksgiving and I was able to convince my dad to celebrate the holiday at the Decker’s. It was great seeing Shane’s family again and Elise seemed to enjoy having company over. December was a crazy time between studying for finals, Ethan’s football games, and doing Christmas shopping.

  I didn’t go out with Aiden DeLuca again after the night at Sharky’s. We still sat next to each other in class twice a week. He invited me out with his friends a few times but I always made excuses for why I couldn’t go. I felt bad for blowing him off but he never actually asked me out on a date so I never had to deal with my conflicting feelings about him.

  The week before Christmas we took our final exams and our first semester of college was officially behind us. Shane and Ethan had to move out of their dorm rooms and both headed home for the winter break. Although Rachel and I rented the house for the whole year, we both opted to return to Pittsgrove to be with our families too. I was looking forward to seeing Jessa and Andrea, and spending time with Ally.