Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  We didn't get another chance to talk until the hour was over. As everyone was gathering their books and departing he turned to me and asked, “So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night?” referring to our poetry course. Two and a half hours of sitting next to Shane, watching him take notes in his beautiful script, smelling his cologne, watching him tap his pencil on the desk. Tuesday was my new favorite day of the week.

  I smiled and nodded, unable to speak a coherent thought. “Oh, you know how Ethan’s rushing Sigma Phi Epsilon, right?” he asked.

  “Yeah, he’s so excited about it,” I replied. We stood up and started walking out of the class.

  “Well, the frat is hosting a big welcome back party and I thought you should come. He told me this morning that Rachel is going,” he said.

  “Yeah, sure, if Ethan wants us there to support him, I’m in.”

  “Well, it’s actually me who needs the support. Ethan’s trying to get me to rush too,” he admitted. We were in the hall now and I laughed out loud.

  “You? A fraternity brother?” I asked.

  “I know… it’s not my scene. But Ethan really wants us to do this together. You know me better than anyone, Hannah. If you come see the house and meet the guys you can tell me if it’s a big waste of time,” he explained.

  Comments like that were what drove me insane. Shane had no idea how that simple comment, “you know me better than anyone,” would leave me pondering for days what exactly he meant. I’d be picking that one sentence apart word by word searching for some hidden meaning.

  “Sure,” I finally said. “If it means that much to you, I’ll sniff the place out and give you my opinion.”

  “Thanks,” he said grinning widely. “I’ve got to get to my next class. See you tomorrow.”

  “Adios,” I said as he took off in the other direction.

  *~*

  As much as I wanted to take Andrea's advice, after the first few weeks back in my familiar surroundings, I realized I just couldn't. I'd never had the confidence to tell Shane how I felt before; I didn't know why I thought I could now. Our friendship was just too important to risk the inevitable weirdness that I was sure would follow any kind of admission of love on my part. I decided patience was a virtue and I would continue to wait for him to wise up.

  It should be no surprise then that my love for Shane blossomed that spring. The longer I knew Shane the more I loved him. My reasons for loving him became more concrete as time passed. I loved his face, his body, and the smell of his cologne, but I also loved the relationship he had with his family, the effort he put into his studies, and the loyalty he showed towards his friends. Then there were new little things I was learning about him. Shane never cursed, which was apparently rare for college-aged men. He absolutely always returned the grocery cart to the designated place, and he ate the food on his plate in order of tastiness. Vegetables came first, and then the starch, saving the meat for last.

  He was also more organized than I gave him credit for. His bedroom at home and the dorm he’d shared with Dante were both what I’d call rather messy. But he always turned papers and homework in on time, he was diligent about dirty dishes (which is a big plus, let me tell you), and he was trying to impress healthier eating habits on Ethan.

  I was in Shane’s room during our fourth week into the semester and working on our Longfellow assignment. Shane insisted I be the one to read this time. The poem was about the hope, fear, and sorrow of an aching of heart. I was barely halfway through when Shane whined, “That’s enough Longfellow,” interrupting my recitation. “Can we please do something else for a while?”

  “You didn’t think that was beautiful?” I asked.

  He shot me a look. “Hanny, I may be an English major, but I’m still a guy. Evangeline goes on way too long about her dead lover.”

  Careful not to reveal how much I could easily relate to the concept of a lost love I simply placed my bookmark on the page and closed the book in my lap. His face brightened considerably.

  “What do you want to do instead?” I challenged.

  “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I think Rachel and Ethan are officially dating,” he said with a knowing grin.

  “No way, she would have told me!” I replied.

  “Well, that’s what all the Sigma Phi guys are telling me.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t trust a word those goons said,” I huffed. “You’re really still hanging out with them?”

  Shane had taken me to the Sigma Phi Epsilon party the first week of the semester. He stayed close to me the whole evening, in the corner of the house’s living room. We critiqued each person who passed through the party and I gave him my honest opinion at the end of the night. Although I knew Shane took my advice seriously, he still decided to rush with Ethan. I wasn’t too pleased with his decision and he knew it. My reservations revolved entirely around the amount of time he’d have to devote to the fraternity, and not an aversion to Greek life like Shane assumed. I simply didn’t want to have to share him with twenty beer guzzling frat boys.

  He scowled at me. “I know I may be getting in over my head but I promised Ethan. I want to at least give it a chance,” he explained. I shrugged.

  “If nothing else, rushing Sigma Phi will help me meet lots of sorority girls,” he said winking.

  I stuck my finger in my mouth to illustrate how that thought made me nauseous, which it did, but then I tried to hide my jealously with an equally teasing comment. “Well, fine, but you better use your connections to introduce me to all your single brothers.”

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself there, Hanny. Let’s see if any of them can make it through my rigorous screening process first,” he replied.

  “There’s a screening process?” I asked.

  “Oh yes. Not just any frat boy is good enough for you, Hannah Sing.”I was already drying to decode his statement in my head when he spoke again.

  “My only real concern with rushing is the amount of commitment they expect. I still want enough time to study for classes, go to Mass on Sundays, and visit my mom whenever Ally needs me. Fraternities tend to monopolize their brothers’ weekends.”

  “Holy macaroni,” I said. “Shane Decker goes to church every Sunday? How did I not know this?”

  “It’s a rather new development, that’s why,” he replied looking guarded.

  “Oh,” I said. I didn’t like feeling as though Shane had been keeping a part of himself from me. Did he think I would be judgmental?

  “It was my father’s idea. I talked to him on the phone almost every day last fall to check on my mom. I told him how helpless I felt being an hour away worrying about her, knowing there was nothing I could do about it. He suggested I go to church and I was surprised to feel better after spending a little time there.”

  “My childhood was basically godless, but I think I’m technically Lutheran,” I admitted.

  “My parents took Ally and me to church every once in a while but never forced us to do CCD or anything like that. I think they were torn about how to raise us because of the adoption. They knew our birth parents weren’t Catholic,” he explained.

  “Every time I’ve tried praying I end up feeling silly, like I’m just talking to myself,” I said. I worried my honestly would make him think less of me. I hated that feeling.

  “I know what you mean, but I feel good in church. Like I’m in the presence of something awesome. It’s confusing,” he responded softly.

  “So you’re like me? You don’t know what to believe?” I asked hoping that was the case.

  “I feel like it’s okay to just have faith sometimes even if you’re not sure what to believe. Following the Ten Commandments and the golden rule can only make you a better person, right?”

  I smiled at him. “You’re amazing to me, Shane.”

  He playfully kicked my foot with his a couple times and then left it next to mine, slightly touching. I looked at the clock and realized how late it was.

 
“I should get going. I get scared walking home late at night. Hey, I wonder where Ethan is?” I said; my differing thoughts rushing out in one breath.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m going to drive you. And I bet when we reach your house we’ll find out where Ethan’s been all night,” he said smirking.

  *~*

  I woke up the next morning and went downstairs to confront Rachel. Shane had been right about Ethan being in my house. I found Rachel in the living room doing her Pilates tape. She’d pushed all the furniture out of her way. I knew there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell it would be placed back the way it had been, but I reminded myself that wasn’t important right now. I flopped down on the sofa and watched her.

  “What’s up?” she finally asked.

  “I was just wondering when you were going to tell me you and Ethan were together?”

  She stopped the exercise she was doing and looked at me over her shoulder. “You look pissed,” she accused.

  “Well, to be honest Rachel, I am a little. I thought you said you didn’t want to be tied down with a boyfriend right now?”

  “I know, I know,” she huffed, lying back on the floor. “You know I’ve always had a hard time resisting him. He just sprung it on me the other day and I didn’t want to hurt him so I figured it was worth a try. I really do care about him, Hannah.”

  “How did he spring being your boyfriend on you?” I asked aggravated.

  “I mean he asked me to be exclusive with him. He just blurted out that he hadn’t slept with any other girls since we started hooking up and asked me if I had with any guys. I told him no, which is the truth, and he said that he wanted to keep it that way. It just sort of happened.”

  “You know he’s crazy about you, Rachel. He always has been,” I warned her.

  “I understand that, Hannah. I don’t intend on hurting him, you know. Every relationship carries the risk of an eventual breakup. He could end up breaking my heart too,” she challenged.

  “I know,” I sighed, “I just see it being much more likely the other way around.”

  “He makes me happy,” she said. “Please give me the benefit of the doubt that I can be a good girlfriend.”

  “Alright. I’m sorry,” I replied.

  “Thank you. Now, what about you?” she asked turning the tables on me.

  “What about me?” I asked, feeling my cheeks turn pinker.

  “I thought you and Aiden would have found your way together by now,” she said.

  “Oh, well we don’t have any classes together this semester. I’ve only seen him a couple times.”

  “So? He lives on campus, doesn’t he?” she asked.

  “Yes.” I actually had been thinking about Aiden lately. I still didn’t know if I wanted to date him, but it would be nice to hang out once in a while.

  “So, I thought you liked him? Why don’t you just call him? See if he wants to hang out with us again,” she suggested.

  “I do like him. I think. I don’t know,” I mumbled.

  “Hannah,” she said laughing. “I’m not telling you to marry the guy. This Aiden kid is the first boy I’ve ever seen you remotely interested in! Just invite him out somewhere and see where things go.”

  If Aiden was truly the first instance where she saw me get excited about a boy then she obviously has never paid much attention to me before. Every time I was around Shane I felt like my body was screaming out to him to take me wherever we happened to be.

  “Yeah, Aiden’s sweet,” I said casually. “Maybe I’ll see if he wants to get lunch with us this week.”

  “Praise the Lord!” Rachel replied sarcastically.

  “Moving forward,” I mumbled under my breath.

  I poured myself a bowl of cereal and took it upstairs to my room. I checked my e-mail while I ate and responded to one message from Andrea and two from my mother. When I was done I took my time in the shower and slowly got dressed. It was nearly eleven am and I figured it was safe to call Aiden. I had many classmates who considered noon too early to wake up but I hoped Aiden wasn’t one of them. For some reason I was getting excited about hearing his voice. I scrolled through my phone until I found his number and quickly hit send before I could change my mind.

  “Hannah?” he answered after only one ring. Real smooth, Aiden, real smooth. I laughed under my breath.

  “Yeah, hey,” I replied. “How are you?”

  “Um, good. I got a good schedule this year, no early classes. What about you?”

  “About the same. I have an 8am history class but I’m off Fridays,” I said.

  “Nice” was his only reply.

  “Aiden, I was wondering if you’d want to grab lunch with me and my friends later this week. We usually go to Anna’s on Thursdays,” I said.

  There was a pause on the other end of the phone as if he was considering my offer, or maybe trying to figure out why I was asking him to get together all of a sudden. Shane’s comment about sorority girls wafted through my mind as I waited for a response.

  “Sure, I know where that is,” he answered.

  “Okay. I thought it would be nice to hang out, you know, since we didn’t get any classes together this semester,” I explained nervously.

  “Yeah, I’m glad you did,” he replied, a more serious tone to his voice.

  “Me too,” I said. “I’ll see you Thursday. Around 12:30?”

  “Yeah. See you then,” he said and hung up.

  That was easy. I had successfully scheduled a lunch date with Aiden DeLuca. We’d enjoy a meal where he’d get to talk to my friends outside of a noisy crowded bar. Lunch… with Rachel and Ethan, UD’s newest couple… and Shane, the man of my dreams. Hmmm, Thursday I would have lunch with my first college semi-crush and the man of my dreams.

  Yeah… this was a great idea.

  CHAPTER 6: HOSPITAL

  The next few days seemed to drag on forever. I was troubled by the predicament I found myself in. On one hand, I hadn’t seen Aiden in a couple weeks and was eager to spend some time with him. As my mind wandered that Wednesday night I made additional plans in my head to ask Aiden to walk me home after our lunch outing assuming it went well. On the other hand, it had been nearly 24 hours since I’d seen Shane and I was starting to get antsy. I thought about him frequently throughout each and every day. I missed his smile, his voice, and simply being in his presence.

  I was worried there was a new woman on his radar. The last time we saw each other was the night before in class and his phone repeatedly lit up from incoming text messages. He was slick not to allow the professor to notice each time he smiled and sent a response. Not too long ago I heard him mention someone named Wendy. He was speaking guy language to Ethan at the time, so I didn’t know who she was or where he met her, only that she was tall, thin, and had curly red hair. That was enough for me to start worrying.

  Rachel and I had dinner together that night and discussed normal everyday topics. She updated me on her relationship with Ethan which was still sailing smoothly. In fact, he was expected to arrive at our house not long after I turned in for the night. I lay in bed trying to fall asleep when I heard the front door open and Ethan call out for Rachel. I thought about how Shane would have the dorm room he shared with Ethan to himself that night. I hoped he truly was there alone. I told myself I shouldn’t care. He had a right to be happy as much as I did. I tried to focus on seeing Aiden’s bright happy face the following day and at some point sleep claimed me.

  Thursday at noon Rachel and I started walking towards the tiny town on the north side of campus. It was about a fifteen minute walk to Anna’s and the weather was cold but dry. College students are conditioned to walk just about anywhere, even in winter. We were wearing heavy coats and carried hats and gloves just in case bad weather should strike. As we approached the café I saw Shane had already arrived. So had Aiden. What a way to start this get together!

  I couldn’t tell if they had exchanged many words as both were silent and watching me approach. Aide
n greeted me with a bear hug and Shane held the door open ushering us all inside. We took a booth near the window; Aiden sliding in next to me. Rachel asked Shane to take the inside seat, unintentionally situating him across the table from me. We began looking over the menus and before the waitress was back with our drinks Ethan made his appearance. He pulled up a chair from a nearby table and made himself comfortable at the head of the table. He pecked Rachel on the cheek and she grinned.

  Conversation flowed smoothly for a while. Rachel and Ethan are both outgoing people. She did her best to make Aiden feel welcome, including him in discussions on the quality of food in the student cafeteria and which local hangouts were best. Ethan started telling us about the experiences he and Shane were having with Sigma Phi but Aiden seemed disinterested.

  “You ever consider Greek life?” Ethan asked him conversationally.

  “No,” Aiden replied. “I’m not into all that.”

  Ethan tried not to look offended but his silence gave him away. Aiden backpedaled.

  “I don’t have anything against people joining frats and sororities. They’re just not my idea of fun,” he said politely.

  “I didn’t believe Shane when he said he was joining,” I added.

  Rachel laughed and said, “Rush week was hilarious.”

  “They made us do some dumb shit, wait on the brothers, make them dinner, do their laundry, stuff like that,” Ethan explained.

  “It was not my idea of fun at first, either,” Shane said addressing Aiden. “But once rush week is over you’re treated as family and it has been a good experience so far.”