Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  I decided to try a few different kinds which would keep me busy longer and be a nice surprise for my friends. I had to make the peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kiss in the middle, those were Ally’s favorite, and snicker doodles for Shane. I thought about making sugar cookies decorated like footballs for Ethan but then decided Rachel might take that to mean I was siding with him since football seemed to be the lynchpin that drove them apart. Or at least the catalyst. So oatmeal cookies for the Rock, since I knew the Hard Place liked them too. I could have run down the street to the convenience store to buy cupcake foils but Rachel had Hershey kisses on hand so all the ingredients for the cookies were in the house already. My friends would probably be shocked to find I made them something other than cupcakes for a change.

  I baked my little heart out and by nine o’clock my feet hurt from standing at the kitchen counter so long. I packed my cookies into tins to keep them fresh and retreated to my bedroom. Half an hour later I was reading over my favorite parts of To Kill a Mockingbird when my phone buzzed. It was Aiden.

  “Hey, Aiden,” I answered cheerfully.

  “Hey, Hannah. How are you?” he greeted.

  “Good. It’s so quiet here since Ethan moved out.”

  “Your roommates are coming back tomorrow, right?”

  “Yep, in the afternoon.”

  “So what have you been doing with the place all to yourself?” he asked.

  “Well, I cleaned the whole house. I found your Phillies cap.”

  “Nice,” he chimed in.

  “Then I spent hours baking everyone’s favorite cookies for their arrival. Peanut Butter kisses for Ally, oatmeal for Ethan and Rachel, and snicker doodles for Shane. Though, I don’t know if he actually likes cinnamon as much as he likes hearing me say the word snicker doodle.”

  “So, did you make me any cookies,” he asked in a teasing tone.

  I took a moment to answer because I hadn’t actually thought of making any for him.

  “You won’t be back till Monday. They wouldn’t have been fresh by then,” I lied.

  “Do you even know what my favorite cookie is?” he replied, the lighthearted tone from his voice all but gone.

  “No,” I said in a small voice. “Why are you getting upset over the kinds of cookies I made?”

  “Because you made snicker-whatevers for Shane, but didn’t make anything for me.”

  “Aiden, don’t be ridiculous. I’ll make you whatever cookies you’d like when you get here, okay?” I offered.

  There was nothing but silence for a moment and I was afraid the line might have gone dead. “Hannah, I wanted to come back to campus and give you and me a real try at being a couple. But then the last month passed with barely any contact from you at all. I know you have a crush or something on Shane, but I feel like you’re more excited about him coming back than me.”

  I didn’t know what to say. His accusations blindsided me. And he wasn’t entirely wrong. Unfortunately, my silence spoke volumes to Aiden.

  “That’s what I thought,” he whispered. “Hannah, I really think we could have something together. But I can’t keep seeing you knowing that you’d really rather be with someone else.”

  “Aiden, please. I care about you. I haven’t been lying to you about that.”

  “But what about Shane? Am I wrong about that?” he countered.

  I knew that my honesty would convince Aiden he would be doing the right thing letting me go, but the truth was the only right answer I could give. I owed Aiden that much. “You’re not wrong. I’ve had feelings for Shane since high school, and they’re as strong now as ever. I’m sorry.” A tear leaked from my eye, taking me by surprise. I had no idea Aiden suspected my darkest secret and I suddenly felt horribly exposed.

  “That’s what I was afraid of. Look, honey, I want to be with you but I can’t set myself up to get burned. I’ll always be expecting you to break up with me one day when Shane finally comes to his senses. Until you are really ready to move on I just can’t see us together. I’m sorry.”

  He sounded devastated, as if he was the one getting dumped. I was speechless. I had no idea this was coming and yet a part of me had expected it to happen eventually. I knew I could never love two boys equally. And I still loved Shane. “I understand,” I whispered trying to hide the fact that I was crying.

  We exchanged a few more words and then said goodbye. We made no plans to see each other in the near future. I sat on my bed for what seemed like hours and allowed myself to grieve. Not only were my feelings for Shane making me miserable, now they were preventing me from living my life, and making other people miserable too. I hated knowing that I had hurt Aiden. Even worse was the fact that he had to call me out on it. I didn’t have the courage to face the problem myself and take responsibility for whatever happened as a result.

  Once I had finished crying I went down to the kitchen and opened the tin of snicker doodles, staring at them as my mind thought over everything Aiden had said. My emotions were hard to describe. I felt the sting of rejection in his words. What I didn’t feel was the despair of lost love. I wasn’t desperate to get him back or make him change his mind. It did hurt to know Aiden wanted to stop seeing me. I wasn’t exactly relieved, not by far, but my subconscious could make the distinction between Aiden and Shane. The love of my life hadn’t broken up with me, Aiden did, and that was more tolerable than had it been rejection coming from Shane. And in that realization, I knew Aiden was right. I didn’t deserve him and I was thankful he had the courage to walk away before we got more serious. Though, I did regret that we’d never even slept together. Not once. I finally felt ready to share that experience with someone and had managed to screw it all up.

  I ended the night by tossing all three tins of cookies into the garbage and taking the trash can out to the curb. I had only twelve hours or so to get myself together before Shane, Rachel, Ally, and Jack showed up at the front door.

  CHAPTER 12: IT WAS ALLY’S FAULT

  “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”

  “No, baby. You’re doing the right thing. We’re going to be fine, I promise. Thanksgiving isn’t that far away,” Jack insisted as Ally clung to him by the front door.

  “I’m going to miss you so much,” Ally whispered.

  Jack picked her up off the floor and kissed her passionately. He didn’t seem to care we were all staring at them. When he finally set her back on her feet he said, “I’m gonna miss you too. But, sweetie, I really have to go or I’ll miss this flight too.”

  For heaven’s sake, he wasn’t going off to war, it was just California. Ally sniffled back her tears and slowly nodded her head. Rachel hugged her brother and told him to have a safe flight; then we all waved as he drove away in the airport shuttle van. Shane put his arms around his little sister and tried to comfort her as she watched her boyfriend disappear down the road.

  I had about all the tears and sad goodbyes I could handle. Not one of us was optimistic or excited about the fall semester at UD. Ally was a weepy mess. Rachel and Ethan were still too hurt and stubborn to talk to one another. Shane still thought all women were out to screw him over and didn’t even want to take Ally out for her first night in Newark. And me, well, no one knew about my breakup with Aiden yet. Could I even call it a breakup since we were never technically a couple? Good grief.

  “You know what we all need?” I said. “Ice cream. Let’s all walk down to Scoopy’s and get some.”

  Rachel scoffed and muttered something about having spent all summer working off her freshman fifteen. Ethan rolled his eyes and said he needed to get back to the frat to help some of his brothers move in.

  “I’ll go,” Shane said with a smile. He kissed the top of Ally’s head. “What do you say, Al? Will an ice cream cone cheer you up?”

  Before she could reply I added, “By the time we get back Jack should be at the airport and you can call him to make sure he found his way to the right gate.”

  “Fine, but one of you is buyi
ng,” she agreed with a grin. Shane playfully jabbed her ribs and she giggled.

  *~*

  Ally was turning out to be a great roommate. I had no idea how helpful she was around the house, doing the dishes and picking up after herself all the time. It was refreshing. I loved Ally and it was great having her back in my everyday life. My one grievance was her unrelenting energy. She was more exhausting than the two year olds I babysat at the Rec center. During our first week of class Ally dragged me to the welcome freshman party in the student center, a poetry reading the next day, a comedy show the day after, and movie night in the student lounge on Thursday. She was well on her way to freshman burnout and it was only Friday, September 10th. The only reason I didn’t fight her more was because the busy schedule was helping me keep my mind off Aiden.

  “Hannah, please? It will be so much fun!” Ally begged.

  I was lying on the large sofa with my arm across my face, trying to get a few moments of peace. I’d had class at 8am and then worked all afternoon. I’d been sneezed on, got poop on my shirt, and had a mild headache from the two toddlers’ screaming contest. I was not in the mood for any more excitement today.

  “Ally, why don’t you see if your brother is going to Sigma Phi tonight? Maybe he can pick you up on his way there,” I suggested.

  She shook her head. “Nope, Shane said he’s not doing any frat parties for a while. He only goes there for meetings and fundraisers now; the mandatory stuff.”

  I sighed. I knew Rachel wouldn’t be up for a Friday night at Ethan’s fraternity. “How about we skip the frat house tonight and we throw our own party next weekend?” I said.

  Ally’s eyes lit up at the prospect of planning her own party. I knew her weaknesses. “I can make some food, and you can decorate. We’ll invite Ethan and his friends, maybe my friends from work?” I encouraged.

  “Okay, fine,” Ally said. “So next Saturday night we’ll throw a big party here? And I get to put it together?”

  “Sure. We should just check with Rachel first,” I replied.

  My brilliant plan to get Ally off my back that night turned into a much bigger commitment than I’d anticipated. I don’t know what I was thinking, letting a Decker throw a party in my house! Rachel was on board with the idea and didn’t even object to inviting Ethan and his friends. I was in charge of food so I had to go out shopping after work the following Thursday to get everything I needed. I was going to make pepperoni pinwheels, a veggie tray, nachos with homemade salsa, and red velvet cupcakes with butter cream icing. There would be no cookies at this party; I couldn’t stand the sight of them ever since the night Aiden dumped me. I should never have deviated from my love of cupcakes. Ethan’s frat brother agreed to bring beer and vodka. I wasn’t sure if I felt comfortable drinking while hosting a party but we had to have it for guests. Rachel and Ally strung up tiny white Christmas lights outside the house along the porch railings and down the mailbox.

  When Saturday night arrived the house looked amazing. Ally fluttered around fluffing pillows and straightening the pictures on the walls while I set out all the food and drinks.

  “When is everyone supposed to get here?” asked Rachel.

  “Anytime now,” Ally said looking at her watch. It was almost nine o’clock.

  By ten the house was buzzing with conversation and music from the stereo. Shane came with Ethan and some of their frat brothers arrived shortly after. Carrie and Derek were there too. Ally had invited a few new friends from class who all showed up together. True to form, the frat boys started drinking immediately. Ethan’s friend, Riley, brought enough booze to get every one of us trashed and I suspected that was his goal.

  “Welcome to UD, Ally,” Ethan said, clinking bottles with her at the kitchen table.

  “Take it easy, Al, you’re a light weight,” Shane warned. Ally stuck her tongue out at him and took another swig.

  “Alright,” Ethan said loudly, clapping his hands together once like he was preparing to get to work on something important. He pulled a deck of cards out of his hoodie pocket and slammed them down on the table. “I’m going to teach you how to play Asshole.”

  Ally smiled and sat up straight in her chair, eager to learn. Carrie, Rachel, and one of Ally’s friends came into the kitchen wanting to join the game. I went upstairs to get my desk chair and Shane fetched Rachel’s from her room. It was a tight squeeze around our little kitchen table but somehow we managed to get everyone situated.

  “Sit down, Hannah-boo. You’re playing with us,” Ethan commanded with a wink.

  “No way,” I complained. “Not unless Shane plays too.”

  Shane raised an eyebrow at me. “Hanny, this is a drinking game. I think I need to supervise.”

  “Oh, come on. We both need to have some fun so I say we’re playing. Please?” I begged with a big smile I knew he couldn’t resist.

  He finally agreed and everyone shifted their chairs to make room for us around the table. Ethan was explaining the rules to Ally and she looked completely lost.

  “If you have to pass because you’ve got nothing to play then you have to drink,” Ethan explained.

  “If two of the same cards are put down in a row, like I throw down a queen and then Carrie throws another queen then that means it skips you. So you drink.”

  Ally laughed. “Okay, I think I understand now. Let’s play!”

  Poor little Ally didn’t quite get the strategy for a few rounds and was the asshole three times in a row. We were all having fun and we were all drinking. After a while Carrie and Rachel left the game to go sit in the living room and two of Ethan’s buddies took their places. Being Asshole experts, it wasn’t long before they claimed the president and vice president titles.

  “Does anyone want to switch to poker?” Riley asked.

  “I’m going to go sit with my friends and Rachel,” Ally declared loudly. She stood up and wobbled a little.

  Shane jumped up to help her. “I think you’ve drank enough,” he said taking the bottle from her hand.

  She agreed and he helped her into the living room. Rachel was in there chatting with one of Ethan’s frat brothers. I got up to find something that would work as poker chips and took a few bottles out to the recycling bin; they were really starting to pile up. The thought of what my house would look like after all these people left was giving me heartburn.

  As I was coming back inside I ran into Shane in the hall. Like, literally ran into him. “Oh, sorry. I guess Ally isn’t the only one who’s had enough to drink,” I chuckled.

  “Don’t try to blame you clumsiness on the alcohol. You’re not fooling anyone,” he teased.

  I gave him a dirty look and he said, “Are you going to play with us?”

  “Sure, I guess so,” I replied. He smiled and grabbed my hand to tow me back into the kitchen.

  We played poker for a long time and I realized the house was growing quieter as the game progressed. By the time our game was down to three players, Shane, Derek, and myself, Shane had the most macaroni noodle poker chips in front of him.

  “I’m out,” Derek declared after Shane revealed his full house. “I need to get back to my room, it’s really late.”

  “Are you going to be okay getting back?” I asked. “You’re welcome to crash here.”

  “Thanks, but I didn’t drink very much and I walked here. Besides, I don’t think there’s anywhere left to crash.”

  I looked around the living room as I walked Derek to the door. Ethan and his friends were passed out on the floor, each with a throw pillow under their heads. Rachel’s door was closed. Ally and Carrie were also asleep, one on each sofa.

  “I guess you’re right,” I said smiling. “I’m glad you came, Derek.”

  “Thanks for having me. I’ll see you around.”

  I returned to the kitchen table to find Shane shuffling the deck of cards. “How can we play with just the two of us?” I asked.

  He looked up with his brilliant smile and replied, “How about a little g
in rummy?”

  I laughed and took another beer from the counter. “You deal. I’m going to go change my clothes,” I said. I ran up the stairs and traded in my jeans and dressy sweater for a new pair of sweatpants and a comfy long sleeved tee. Shane was still dishing out cards when I sat down across from him.

  “So we’re the last two standing?” Shane asked as he began dealing out the playing cards.

  “Looks that way. Does that make us the winners or the losers?” I wondered aloud.

  “Well, we’re not the ones sleeping on the floor so I say we’re the winners,” he said.

  “Or did we just not drink enough?” I challenged.

  “I don’t know about you, but I got a pretty good buzz going. That’s enough for me.”

  I snorted and pushed my bottle across the table to him. “No, not enough, Shane.”

  “I thought you didn’t like it when I drank?”

  “I’ll make an exception since it’s just you and me. Drink some more; entertain me,” I encouraged. He smiled and finished dishing out the cards before reaching for my bottle and taking a long sip.

  We played two hands of rummy, talking about our classes and how we thought Ally was adjusting to college life. Shane wanted to know how she was dealing with Jack’s absence and I assured him that so far she was enjoying life at UD. Then he caught me off guard by asking about Aiden. I really didn’t want to discuss my relationship woes after I’d been drinking but I knew telling Shane that I didn’t want to talk about it would only make him push me to talk more.