Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  “We’re not exactly seeing each other anymore,” I answered as casually as I could.

  Shane eyed me curiously and said, “You okay with that?”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. I obviously couldn’t tell him the whole truth so I had to tweak our issues a little. “We could never get the timing right, you know? We just aren’t in the same place right now. And he wouldn’t sleep with me.”

  Shane looked up immediately and said, “Excuse me?”

  I blushed; disbelieving that actually came out of my mouth. “What?” I asked defensively. “All summer I kept waiting for him to make the move but he never did.”

  “So you’re not upset that you guys broke up… but that he wouldn’t sleep with you first?” he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

  “No, I’m disappointed that Aiden and I couldn’t work things out. But I’m ready to start that next phase of my life. I want to move forward.”

  Move forward, in other words, get over you, I thought to myself.

  “And why Aiden?”

  “Why not?” I replied. “He treated me good. He’s nice, and sweet. I like him a lot, mostly… sort of.”

  “No, Hannah, I’m sorry but you can’t waste your first time on someone you only sort of like. It should be someone who really cares about you and you’re comfortable with; someone you trust completely.”

  “Well there’s no one like that around, and I’m about to turn twenty. I have needs, Shane. I’m tired of waiting,” I blurted. How many beers did I have tonight?

  “Hello… what about me?” he asked, shooting me a sultry look that I’d seen from him in the past, only it had never been directed at me before.

  “What about you?” I snapped back, a little too loud. He held his hands out to the sides and briefly looked up and down his chest as if he was telling me with body language to consider him as an option.

  “You’re crazy,” I said. My heart started beating faster.

  “What’s so crazy about it? You know I respect and care about you. I know you better than anyone and you can trust my discretion. We shared so many other experiences, why not this? Plus, you know I’d show you a good time.”

  “Oh, is that so?”

  He just grinned wide and cocked his eyebrow. I was convinced he must have drunk more than he was letting on to suggest such a thing to me out of nowhere like that. Shane was acting much like he did the night I caught him with Wendy at Sigma Phi, only this time his flirting was directed at me. It probably has something to do with the fact I was the only girl in the house still awake.

  We played another round of cards in silence. He got up for another beer and I pressed my cards against my chest so he couldn’t sneak a peek at my awesome hand.

  Shane sat back down and twisted the cap off his bottle. He took a drink and then said, “You know another reason why we should sleep together?”

  He was still thinking about this? I just stared at him as my cheeks flushed again. They were going to be permanently rosy after tonight.

  “You’re a beautiful girl and I’ve always wanted to see those amazing tits.”

  I couldn’t believe he said that! He was teasing me, but something told me he was dead serious about his offer. I pretended to be offended by his remark and he laughed it off.

  “Hmmm, if a comment like that makes you nervous maybe you’re not ready for sex,” he pondered aloud.

  “I am so,” I countered, sounding like a child.

  “Prove it,” he said with a suspicious smile on his face. “Ask me anything about yourself. If I know the answer, you take off your shirt.”

  “No way. I’m not playing strip-gin rummy with you!”

  “Hanny, this is more like strip-twenty questions… and if you can’t even take off your shirt how do you expect us to have sex?” he questioned. He laid his cards on the table face down and crossed his arms over his chest.

  “I don’t expect us to have sex!”

  “The color in your cheeks suggests otherwise,” he teased. It wasn’t just my face that felt hot. His flirting was having a serious effect on my entire body.

  “Fine,” I said. “But we’ll both answer questions in exchange for clothing.”

  “Deal.”

  I gulped down some more of my drink. How had our casual game of gin rummy turn into this? Shane sat there, leaning back in his chair confidently, waiting for me to speak. I had to come up with a difficult question. My long-sleeved tee depended on it.

  “What extracurricular activity did my mother make me join to help with my lack of coordination?”

  He smirked like he was already seeing my breasts in his mind. “Karate,” he answered easily.

  “Shit,” I whispered.

  “Shirt, Sing,” he demanded. I tugged at the cuff of my sleeve and slid one arm out, then the other. I raised my arms and freed myself of the soft cotton that had protected me so well. Thank God I was wearing a pretty bra.

  “If anyone from the living room wakes up I swear I’ll kill you,” I threatened.

  Shane ignored me and stared freely at my cleavage.

  “My turn,” he said as his eyes slowly, finally, drifted back to my face. “Who did I take to homecoming sophomore year?”

  “Ally,” I said immediately. “You guys had just moved to town and neither of you knew anyone. Even Rachel could have answered that one.” I frowned. “You’re purposely trying to get naked,” I accused.

  He just smiled brightly and said, “your turn” as he started unbuttoning his collared shirt.

  He wasn’t wearing anything underneath and his chest was just as smooth and muscular as I imagined. I ached for him. Shane tossed the shirt onto an empty chair, his eyes never leaving mine. I knew I was wearing pajama shorts under my sweatpants so I wasn’t too worried about my next question. I was more determined to get through it so it would be Shane’s turn again.

  “Who’s my favorite Austen character?” I challenged. Good luck, Shane, I thought to myself.

  “Elizabeth Bennet,” he answered after a moment. When I nodded sourly, he leaned forward in his chair to look at my legs under the table. I could see him taking inventory. No shoes. No socks.

  “This is so cliché I could hurl,” I said, annoyed.

  “I think it’s more likely you hurl from the booze,” he replied smoothly.

  “I’m not really that drunk,” I assured him.

  “Good to know,” he replied with that look again. The one that made my stomach do flips.

  I stood up and slid my sweatpants down to my ankles and stepped out of them. He took in my appearance much like he did after my shirt disappeared; only this time he obviously had been expecting more skin.

  “That’s hardly fair,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Those are gym shorts.”

  “They’re pajama shorts and they cover less than your boxers do so suck it up,” I snapped.

  “How do you know I wear boxers?” he asked amused.

  “Is that your question for me?”

  “Sure,” he replied casually.

  “I know because your dorm is a mess, and you leave clothes lying around even when you have company over, so I know you’re partial to plaid cotton boxers,” I said confidently. Only someone as infatuated as I was would have noticed that.

  “Let’s see if you’re right,” he sighed.

  Shane stood up and very slowly unbuttoned his jeans and slid the zipper down as far as it would go. He was having fun with this. There was an annoying sensation starting to buzz between my legs. I took a deep breath and tried not to blink so I wouldn’t miss any part of Shane’s pants dropping to the floor. He wore blue and white plaid boxers. I’d even seen them before, crumpled up in a ball on the floor next to his laundry basket.

  I was too embarrassed to ogle him the way he did to me but I did notice a very important part of Shane was at half mast. He chuckled nervously and sat back down. Seeing him in this state of undress reminded me how little I was wearing. I crossed my arms over my chest as I tried
to think of another question. I refused to take off anything else so if he guessed correctly during this round I’d have to declare the game over.

  “Who was my biggest crush back in high school?” I blurted. Maybe I should have taken longer to consider my question.

  “Shit. I know it wasn’t Tommy,” he pondered out loud.

  He honestly didn’t know? All this time I worried about how transparent I had been. He was racking his brain and coming up empty.

  “Ethan?” he finally guessed.

  “No, dumbass. You,” I retorted. Beer manufacturers really ought to put a label on their products that says: Warning: May cause loss of inhibitions and ability to keep own secrets.

  “Really?” he asked. I couldn’t believe I’d just admitted that to him! “You had a thing for me back in high school?”

  I nodded. Men are so dense. If he assumed my crush was limited to our years at Pittsgrove High then so be it. I wasn’t about to correct him. He chuckled, clearly pleased, and it looked like I just boosted his already inflated ego a notch higher.

  “Oh, man. That settles it. We are so deflowering you tonight. Come on.”

  He stood up and reached for my hand. I was reluctant to take it, my knees were shaking and I felt goose bumps all over my exposed skin. My brain was telling me this decision would be the worst I’d made all night. My heart thumped so loudly it drowned out all remotely intelligible thoughts. I told my brain to shut the F up and I took his hand.

  He was dragging me up the stairs when I again wondered exactly how in the hell I got to this point and how I would feel about it in the morning. As we walked into my bedroom and he shut the door behind us I didn’t give two craps about how I would feel tomorrow. I wanted him more than I could possibly explain, and it seemed like he wanted me too. In that moment, I didn’t care about anything else.

  CHAPTER 13: A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

  Shane was still grasping my wrist as he shut my bedroom door quietly behind us.

  “Are you okay,” he asked. He was checking to see if I wanted to back out. I’d never wanted anything more in my life than to keep going so I nodded and gave a tiny smile. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I still didn’t know how this happened. One minute we were playing a card game and the next we standing in my bedroom. It felt like a dream. The best damn dream I’d ever had in my life. As I watched Shane step towards me and return my smile with one of his own I knew that I would never be the same after this.

  His hands moved to my waist, steadying me in front of him. Briefly he studied my face with his intense blue eyes, and then he kissed me. This was our real first kiss. That moment we shared on New Year’s Eve was nothing compared to this. I realized just how reserved and careful with his lips Shane had been that night in his parent’s living room. When he kissed me now it was with all the passion and energy I could possibly handle. I felt him pull back slightly to judge my reaction and when I didn’t pull away he pounced on my lips again.

  His hands slowly explored my waist and hips, and then slid up my back. His lips moved to my neck and I felt his warm breath on my skin. “Put your hands on me, Hanny,” he whispered.

  I was embarrassed that he needed to give me instructions but it wasn’t until that moment did I realize my hands were still hanging straight at my sides. I did as I was told and raised my fingertips to his shoulders. His skin was soft and smooth like silk. My hands made their way gently down his chest and around his back. It felt strong and firm and another wave of desire washed over me. I hid my face in the crook of his neck, touching him everywhere I could reach. When my hands settled on his hips, I finally looked up into his eyes. He seemed reluctant to separate his lips from my shoulder but he pulled back enough to see my face.

  “Still okay?” he asked, a little more confident of my answer this time.

  I responded by kissing him deeply, quickly sweeping my tongue into his mouth to get a taste of him. It was the first time I had initiated the contact between us. I had dreamt about this moment for so long. All my repressed desire and longing for this man that I’d buried deep inside me suddenly broke free and took control of my body. The nerves I’d been feeling moments ago disappeared and I lost my ability to second-guess my every move. It was like a switch deep inside me flipped on and my body was now controlled by the Hannah in my fantasies, the one who was never too nervous to act on her impulses. A woman who took what she wanted.

  He was certainly pleased by my actions because his hands quickly gripped the back of my thighs and lifted me off the ground, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist. He pushed me up against the back of the door and pressed his body against mine without even breaking the kiss. My arms went around his neck and I grabbed his auburn hair in my fists. In my more risqué fantasies Shane would have made love to me against that door but in the real situation I realized it would have been rather difficult, and we were also still wearing our underwear. As much as I wanted to try that position, and every position, this was my first time and wanted it to be a little more traditional.

  “Do you feel that?” he said, his voice somewhat strained. “Can you tell how you’re making me feel?”

  He pushed his hips harder against me and rubbed up and down. I knew what he was referring to; kissing me had given Shane an erection. Kissing me gave Shane an erection! I could hardly believe I wasn’t dreaming this whole scene, but even my sexually repressed mind couldn’t conjure up something as wonderful as this felt.

  He was waiting for me to respond. I realized I hadn’t spoken a single word since we were down in the kitchen. I wanted to say something reassuring, something to show him how much I was enjoying this. I tightened my legs around him, grinding up on him, and breathed, “Bed.”

  It was a one word plea that told Shane everything he was waiting to hear. He took a few steps backwards and fell onto the bed taking me with him. I landed on him making an “oof” sound and he laughed. His hands cupped my cheeks lovingly and he placed another string of kisses on my lips.

  I braced myself with my hands on either side of his head and straddled over him. I nearly lost my mind when his hands moved to my back and set to work unhooking my bra. I was suddenly self conscious about him seeing my breasts but I didn’t have time to react before he was sliding the straps down my arms. My skin was suddenly covered in goose bumps. I bravely sat up so he could see, slowly tossing my lacy covering aside.

  His fingertips dug into my hips as he got a good long look at me. “I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this gorgeous body from me all this time,” he whispered. I felt my face blush.

  Shane brought his hands together over my stomach, my skin tingling as he slid them up between my breasts to either side of my neck and then back down again. I made a moaning noise as each hand covered a breast and gently squeezed. I had never been touched quite like this and it was the most exhilarating feeling I’d ever experienced. I was scared to move and completely unaware of what he expected me to do now. I just stayed perfectly still as he acquainted himself with my body. I blushed tomato red at the realization that he would soon be shifting his exploration lower. He smiled at the color in my face.

  I cowered away from his touch and lowered my body so I was lying down on my bed beside him so we were now facing one another. He raised one eyebrow at me and I looked away from his gaze. “I’m fine,” I said before he could ask.

  I reached out with my hand to stroke Shane’s cheek with my fingertips and he closed his eyes in response. I’d wanted to touch his face since the day I met him. I felt the stubble on his chin and smiled. He was so handsome. My hand moved down to his chest and he gently rolled onto his back. My peripheral vision caught sight of the tension in his boxers and I slowed my hand on its descent down his chest to buy me some more time. I wanted badly to touch him but was also extremely worried about doing it wrong. I knew Shane was much more experienced than me. I was embarrassed and aroused at the same time. The two emotions fought for control as my hand reached his stomach. I inched my w
ay down the mattress until my face hovered over his stomach. I bent down and kissed him just below the navel.

  He must have sensed my apprehension because he opened his eyes and grinned. “First time?” he asked, with a quick glance down to his, um, length.

  “Not with this part,” I replied softly.

  Shane surprised me by grimacing at my admittance. He’d seemed to have found everything else amusing up to this point, but learning that I’d fooled around with Aiden didn’t seem to sit well with him. He slowly reached for my hand that was still hovering over his abdomen and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.

  His other hand lowered to his boxers and he slowly released himself from the confines through the opening in the plaid fabric. I smiled up at his face and then kissed his stomach again teasingly. He fidgeted nervously then let out a long guttural moan. It was the best sound I’d ever heard. I rubbed his hips with my hands and worked his boxers down his legs. I tried to sneak a peek at him completely undressed and he caught me.

  Shane’s expression quickly changed from playful to needy. He opened his eyes and sat up slightly, supported by his elbow. “You’re making me crazy,” he said in a seductive voice.

  He pulled me up to him and kissed me hard. As our lips danced together I felt him kick off the boxers from around his ankles. With a chuckle Shane pushed me back against the mattress and knelt between my legs. I was suddenly consumed by Shane, his face hanging over mine, his body completely covering me. He held up most of his weight but applied enough pressure for me to feel his control over me. It was quite the turn on.

  “I want your panties,” he demanded, his voice full of impatience. He was staring into my eyes with a hunger I’d never seen in him before.

  “Then take them,” I begged.

  I stole another kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed me back feverishly and then trailed his kisses down along my neck to my collarbone. When his lips reached my breast I tightened my grip on his back and I gasped.

  “Liked that, did you?” he asked amused. His mood had shifted to playful and teasing again.