Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  Shane’s hand ran down my side and started tugging my panties down my thighs. I felt like there was no turning back when I lifted myself up to help him remove the last piece of clothing between us. He tossed them over his shoulder and I giggled. He gave me his golden smile and I relaxed a little more. I always felt safe with Shane and this was no exception.

  Shane pressed more of his weight on me and was touching and kissing me everywhere at once. His lips were searching my skin frantically, suckling and nipping as they went. They caressed over my breasts again and then down to my stomach. I felt uneasy when he reached my pelvic bone, not sure what he was planning to do. He simply kissed a horizontal line from one hip across to the other and then retreated back up to align his face with mine once again.

  The foreplay was over, the time for becoming familiar with one another’s bodies accomplished. I was ready for him to do what we came up here to do. Shane pressed his weight against me and I moaned. I was surer than I had ever been that I could never want anyone else as much as I wanted him, in every way a woman could want a man. Though right then I was focused on one very specific want.

  And then he rolled off of me. I felt the loss of his warmth immediately, puzzled by what just happened. What had I done wrong? Then I saw him reach to the floor for his jeans and fish his wallet from the pocket. He flipped it open and took out a condom. I sighed quietly; relieved to know he would soon be on top of me again. I watched as he rolled the latex over his length and gave me a nervous smile. I was surprised to see the apprehension in his eyes. Finally, he settled himself back over me, and I kissed his shoulder when it was close enough to reach.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I said breathlessly.

  Shane nudged my legs further apart with his knees and swiveled his hips until he found the right place. I expected him to push very gently until he was sure I was okay. But Shane was not the type of person who pulled band-aids off slowly. He found the right spot and thrust inside.

  “Ow, you poked me!” I called out. It was surprising and uncomfortable; not what I’d been expecting.

  He pulled back a few inches and gave a husky laugh. “Hannah, what did expect this to feel like?” he asked in a cocky manner.

  “I don’t know… shut up,” I said defensively slapping his shoulder.

  He laughed out loud and then asked more seriously, “Are you hurting?” He brushed the hair from my forehead in an affectionate manner. And there was my Shane again, the overprotective friend I was expecting.

  “No, you just startled me. Try again,” I encouraged. He was kissing my neck and ear and I could feel the smile spread across his face.

  “Oh, believe me; I’m going to do it again. I just want to warn you that it usually does hurt a little the first time.”

  I weaved my fingers through his hair tightly. “I know that, smartass. Please, I need you inside me… now.”

  “Fuck, Hannah. Say that again,” he whispered. He thrust forward.

  I’d never heard him say fuck before. It was insanely hot. I wanted to see him react that way again. I was starting to feel the discomfort I’d expected as he continued to make love to me, slower this time. I’d twisted my ankle countless times, banged my head on doors and tables, and stubbed my toes daily. I wasn’t a stranger to a little pain. I focused my attention on the way Shane’s body felt rubbing against mine and wanting to make him respond to me the way he did a moment ago.

  “Oh, Shane,” I moaned.

  He pulled his head back and looked me in the eye, pausing for just a moment. The expression on his face was unreadable. And then he pressed deeper than the times before, his hips bumping against mine.

  “You… hurt?” he whispered breathlessly.

  “No. Please don’t stop. You feel so good.”

  He seemed surprised that I was telling him it felt good. Truthfully, his size was making me uncomfortable and I could tell I was getting sore in a strange new way but I hadn’t lied. I’d never felt so good in my life. I was as close and connected to Shane as I had ever dreamed of being. He was mine, for the next few minutes, or maybe hours, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I was changed forever and Shane would always be a part of that; of me.

  His breath was heavy and irregular as he moved above me. I was beginning to feel more pleasure and less pain as the minutes passed and my body relaxed. His mouth covered mine and took my breath away. I turned my head for air and he attacked my neck with kisses. My hands twisted into his hair tightly. I stared at his angelic face in the throes of passion and I lost all control. My back arched off the bed and I moaned.

  “Oh, shit. Fuck,” Shane muttered as his face changed and tensed up confirming what I thought was happening. I watched his expressions change until I saw exhaustion and elation in his eyes. He collapsed on me, burying his face into my hair.

  After a minute or two Shane slowly moved to my side and laid next to me. I was afraid at any moment one of us would start to regret what just happened. I waited for his smile to turn into a worried frown but he surprised me by wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing my forehead. I had never been happier in my life. I had no idea what was going to happen later but right then I didn’t care. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. I couldn’t believe I’d just watched Shane have an orgasm. Because of me. In me. He held me a long time and I reveled in the feeling of lying in his arms. I didn’t want to move a muscle in fear that he might get up to leave. Eventually we both drifted off to sleep still wrapped in each other’s embrace.

  *~*

  I woke the next morning to find Shane in bed next to me. Naked. I peeked under the sheets and when I saw that I too was completely unclothed I remembered the events of the night before. I started panicking, wondering what in the world I was supposed to say to him. Were things about to get really awkward between us? Had we just ruined our friendship with one night of sexual intimacy?

  Shane sat up when he realized I was awake and smiled at my worried face. “Hi Hanny,” he whispered soothingly.

  I relaxed a tiny little bit. “Hey there,” I replied.

  Shane reached over the side of the bed for his clothes. He awkwardly slid his boxers up knowing I was watching him and then stood up, looking around at the floor. He laughed nervously and ran his hand through his tangled hair.

  “Hannah, we left our clothes downstairs,” he reminded me with concern in his voice.

  My eyes popped open. How would we explain that to our friends? Were they awake yet? What time was it?

  “Crap,” I said my voice still full of sleep. “Open my second drawer and get me a t-shirt, please.” He tossed me a shirt and then opened the drawer below and found me a pair of shorts.

  “Thanks,” I replied. I quickly dressed the same way he had under the covers and sprang out of the bed. I crept to my bedroom door and carefully opened it a crack, listening for voices downstairs. I heard muffled sounds floating up the stairwell unable to make out any words. It sounded like whoever was down there was intentionally speaking in a low volume.

  “Double crap,” I sighed.

  Shane was standing right behind me. “What do you want to do?” he asked.

  “Crawl back into my bed and never come out again,” I replied sarcastically.

  He smirked in reply and then said, “Hannah, I know I promised you discretion but it looks like that isn’t going to happen. I’m sorry.” I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off. “I hope that doesn’t make you regret what happened last night, because I don’t.”

  He smoothed my tangled hair with his hand and my heart rate increased. I didn’t regret sleeping with Shane. Our night together had been everything I ever expected for my first time and more. And it had been with Shane, as I had always dreamt it would be. My only fear was that now our relationship would go back to the way it had been, leaving me as love sick as ever, only now I knew exactly what I was missing. The only thing I could imagine being worse than everything changing between us would be if absolutely nothi
ng changed.

  “I don’t regret anything about last night,” I assured him. “I just wish there was a way for our friends to not find out.”

  “Well, if I go down there in my boxers or worse yet dressed in your clothes, it will be hard for me to convince them of anything else,” he pointed out.

  “And if I go down there my face will turn beat red and they’ll know immediately!”

  He thought for a moment and said, “Okay. We’ll go down together, as if nothing is different. I’ll tell them the truth about losing our clothes during the card came. I’ll say we stopped when you got embarrassed. That will explain your red face. I’ll say you let me sleep in your bed since there was nowhere else to crash. Give me a pair of your sweat pants so they think I slept in them all night,” he said.

  I hurried to my dresser and fished out a pair. “Do you really think they’ll believe that?”

  “Yes,” he replied confidently.

  He reached out and touched my cheek with his hand and I closed my eyes, trying to relax my body. “Thank you for last night; I hope you know that it meant a lot to me. I mean that you chose me instead of… someone else,” he whispered.

  I wanted him to lean forward and kiss me but he didn’t. I opened my eyes to study his face. He looked complacent and calm. We stared at each other for a few moments with his hand still cupping my cheek. I saw no remaining traces of the lust that filled his eyes the night before. My heart sank as I slowly accepted that a repeat performance was probably not in our future. I was a practical person and hadn’t expected Shane to wake up this morning in love with me, but it still stung.

  Finally, he let out a breath and his gaze fell away from my eyes. He slowly removed his hand from my face and said, “Ready for this?”

  I nodded and followed him out into the hall. As we descended the stairs I recognized the muffled voices of Ally and Ethan. Ally was holding up our clothes in her hands as we entered the kitchen. Ethan stared at me with a knowing grin and Ally never took her eyes off her brother.

  “Shane? What the hell?” she demanded, shaking the clothes in her tiny fists.

  “Calm down sis,” he said firmly. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Oh, no? Well, um, Shane why don’t you tell me why yours and Hannah’s clothes were on the kitchen floor this morning and you’re just now coming down from her bedroom wearing nothing but her ratty old sweats!” Then she turned to me and added, “And Hannah, I thought I told you to throw those nasty things away!”

  I rolled my eyes and sank into the seat next to Ethan.

  “Hannah and I were playing cards after you all passed out in the other room. We had a lot to drink as well and I admit it was me who suggested we make the game more interesting by playing for articles of clothing.” Right on cue, I felt my face warming.

  “Hannah quit the game when we got down to underwear because she’s a wuss,” he winked at me, “and we both decided to call it a night. You were all passed out over every inch of the living room so Hannah let me sleep in her room. End of story.”

  Shane crossed the room to the coffee pot and poured two cups. He handed one to me and casually sat down on the other side of Ethan as if his sister’s inquiry was completely resolved. I knew Ethan doubted our story but thankfully he was a good friend and kept his mouth shut. If I hadn’t of been so open with him over the summer he may not have been able to keep a straight face. Ally was still standing against the counter eying us suspiciously.

  “If that is true then why didn’t you sleep in my bed?” she questioned him.

  Shit. I hadn’t thought of that. Ally slept downstairs all night so her room was empty. Shane looked at me for an answer.

  “I don’t know, Al, I guess I was too drunk to think about that. I’m still not used to there being a bed in your room,” I fibbed.

  Ally scowled at her brother, still reluctant to believe our story. Finally, her face relaxed and she tossed Shane his shirt.

  “Put this back on,” she mumbled. “People are trying to eat in here.” Then she giggled and glided off into the living room.

  Shane and I both sighed in relief and Ethan chuckled under his breath. We both snapped our heads up towards him and he whispered, “Don’t worry love birds. Your secret is safe with me.”

  CHAPTER 14: FOOTBALL AND FRIENDS

  “Go, Ethan! Sack him! Whoooo!” we shouted together.

  “Come on, Rachel. Show some school spirit,” Ally yelled over the crowd.

  “I’ve been clapping,” she retorted.

  “Yeah, but we’re out here freezing our tushies off to cheer for Ethan. He’s still your friend, isn’t he?” she whined.

  Rachel huffed loudly and was about to reply when I interrupted, “Of course they are still friends. Rachel just isn’t one for participating in rowdy sporting events, right?”

  “Exactly,” she said. “Speaking of Ethan’s friends, where’s Shane?”

  “Finishing a paper on Chaucer,” I responded. I had been with Shane earlier, studying and working on my own paper. Although I was the one with a part time job, I was just about done the assignment and he had only just started. And it was due before we left for Thanksgiving.

  Shane was right that having sex wouldn’t affect our friendship. Life after Ally’s party went back to normal, my time split between classes, work, and study sessions in his dorm. But he was dead wrong if he thought sex with him wouldn’t affect me. Every night when I lay down in my bed I thought about how empty it felt without him. I’d close my eyes and could still see his perfect naked body in my memory. I yearned for him more intensely than I ever had before, my desires escalated to near maddening levels. I was officially losing it.

  “Well, he better get his ass here before half-time or Ethan’s going to realize he’s late,” Ally said.

  We’d all missed at least one of Ethan’s games for various reasons but this game was different. It was the homecoming game. Ethan’s parents hadn’t once made the trip to see him play last year and when it appeared the same would happen this time around we all promised to always be there supporting him.

  “Flag! False start, right there!” I yelled to the ref.

  “Geez, Hannah. When did you become such a fanatic?” Rachel asked.

  I laughed. Spending three months with Ethan certainly left me more informed on the rules of the game. Since my knowledge had improved I found myself enjoying watching Ethan play. And I was off baseball indefinitely; too many Aiden memories.

  “After hearing the play by play of every practice game over dinner all summer long.”

  “You guys got pretty close, didn’t you?” Ally asked.

  “Yeah, you could say that. There’s a lot more to Ethan than just football and fraternities.”

  Rachel rolled her eyes. “Well, Hannah, maybe you should date him then,” she spat. She was so irrational when she was jealous.

  “Come on, Rachel, don’t be like that. You know he’ll never be anything more than a brother to me,” I chided. “And he spent most of the summer going on about you so don’t worry about me stepping on your toes.”

  “Really? What did he say?” her tone softened.

  “I can’t repeat what he said to me in confidence. But I’m telling you, I don’t think it’s over between you two,” I hinted.

  “I agree,” chimed in Ally. “He hasn’t even dated anyone else since you two broke up.”

  Rachel looked down at her hands, her body language guarded. “So, Shane hasn’t dated anyone either. You think that means he still has feelings for that Wendy girl?”

  My body tensed up at the mention of her name. Blood boiled in my veins as I waited anxiously for Ally to respond.

  “I don’t know… maybe we should ask Hannah?” she replied.

  Rachel turned to me with one brow raised. “What?” I asked innocently.

  Ally snickered and said, “He doesn’t tell me anything since I’m his little sister. So you tell us, what’s going on with him?”

  “Yeah,” Rachel
encouraged. “He went from dating every girl in sight to practically joining the priesthood. What gives?”

  “Well, except for his half naked sleepover with Hannah,” Ally amended. “Don’t forget that.”

  Rachel chuckled. “Please don’t gang up on me you two,” I pleaded. “I’ve told you a million times, nothing happened. We’re best friends, that’s it.”

  I was a terrible liar and as the words came out of my mouth I knew how forced they sounded. Luckily, the Blue Hens scored a touchdown and the crowd went wild, rendering our conversation closed.

  As half-time began we all got up from the freezing bleachers and made a bee-line for the restrooms. We got hot chocolate from the snack stand and worked our way through the crowd of people over to the sidelines of the field so Ethan would see us when the team came back out for the second half.

  “When does Jack get in?” I asked, hoping to prevent either of them from starting in on the topic of me and Shane again. I couldn’t handle the questions I asked myself about that night, let alone answer theirs.

  “Three more days!” Ally cheered.

  “He’s coming in on Tuesday?” Rachel asked.

  “Yeah, I asked him to fly into Philadelphia after his class ends so we could have Tuesday night and Wednesday together here before going back home.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense. He’s flying into Philadelphia so you’re going drive up to Philly to pick him up and drive together back down to Newark? And then back up to Pittsgrove? Why don’t you just go home Tuesday and be there when he gets in?”

  I smiled at Rachel’s naivety. She was usually better at stuff like this. Maybe the fact that Jack was her brother caused her to have blinders on.

  “Rachel, Ally is looking forward to welcoming home her long distance boyfriend without parental supervision,” I said gently.

  Rachel crinkled her nose like she was smelling something foul. “I really did not need that mental image, Hannah! Thank you. Now I need to change my plans so I won’t be in the house while Ally is screwing my brother!”