The Dream Virgin

by Don Quine

  Chip knew sooner or later he would have to open his mouth. Knew Leon was trying to ease him into seeing the reporter. Chip remembered Elfri telling him that Bonnie seemed like a straight shooter, so Chip said to Leon, “Okay, I’ll meet with her.”

  Everyone at the breakfast table smiled.

  “In my private room,” Chip said, and the smiles widened.

  When Chip went to his room, everyone let loose the joy that came from finally hearing his voice, and there were plenty of tears to go with the smiles and laughter.

  Chip held a pink toe tarantula during the interview.

  Bonnie hated spiders worse than snakes.

  She asked Chip, trying not to look at the hairy creature, “So after you jumped on his back and bit him, did you ever think a wolf would sink its fangs in the killer’s neck just a few seconds after you did? You sure you don’t have a little werewolf in you, Chip?”

  Before Chip had a chance to answer, the pink toe tarantula hopped off his hand onto Bonnie’s lap. She screamed, jumped up, and fainted.

  But Bonnie recovered quickly and ran her exclusive interviews with the two young survivors of the killer’s attack over to Alec in time to post it on the Lake Meadows and Ventures Nest websites for the media to use on the early morning news.

  And before you know it, Wednesday was back on track in Lake Meadows, everyone scrambling to get ready for Friday and the big Labor Day weekend.

  CHAPTER 76

  Ideas lined up on the access road before dawn to get the good spots, all sorts of eye-grabbing carts, wagons, backpacks, and balloons carried the crazy creations.

  The Nestlings were told by veteran exhibitor Ry Ische a little after 6 a.m., setting up his Orgonerator booth that produced universal energy that zapped parasites, worms, and fungi in the body.

  Ry said about the Bash, “It gets intense when they let the Ideas in to set up their stuff on the Walkway, but there’s respect for rules, so the insanity’s got boundaries.”

  Ideas were what the walkway exhibitors were called.

  The Bash fans were called Crazies.

  How they got tagged is anyone’s guess. But however or whoever started it, the names caught on, everyone down with being an Idea or a Crazy. You’d wear a cap or tee, and a button pin, “I’m A CRAZY Fuck!” or “Love My Bitchin’ IDEA!”

  When the Green Guides let them in at 8 a.m. to set up, the Ideas ran full speed to get the first of the four hundred and eighty numbered spaces that were up for flag grabs on both sides of the winding path. Raced non-stop toward the end of the grounds where the Nestlings and the Crazy Ideas stage were.

  Those were the premiere spots.

  Spot numbers printed on little flags were strung to poles in front of each spot space. When you got to the spot you could get to, you pulled the string and the flag rose up to let everyone know your spot number.

  Pushing or shoving an Idea away from a flag raise was a hefty fine and you got labeled a Bad Idea. The Green Guides were quick to pounce, but a few pushy Ideas didn’t mind taking the chance.

  The best spots on the Walkway were #1 and #2.

  A guy with a programed parrot that you’d swear was real snatched #1.

  The #2’s flag was raised by a gal with gloves.

  Sharona was fast on her feet with even faster hands. Slipped three different pairs of GluvNails on and off in a minute to show six colors; white, pink, red, yellow, brown, and black gloves with dazzling nails on the fingers that complimented each of the glove colors. Sharona said GluvNails were not suited for gardening or housework. They were meant for play.

  Jesse was a techie who programmed Polly Cracker to record up to sixteen words then say them like a parrot with a wing-flap and a laugh. Polly could record whatever a customer said, then Polly would say them. Humorous, romantic, sexy, all kinds of cool remarks were quoted on signs if you wanted to borrow them for Polly to use. Change a word or two, make it a more personal Polly Cracker.

  The Nestling stood near their project sets with their Greenhorn teams and watched the walkway transform in front of them.

  Flags got raised and spots were set up that turned the Walkway into a bazaar of astounding, outrageous, mind-boggling Ideas.

  When the Third Annual Crazy Ideas Bash opened its gates, Oliver and Nicole and key Associates were at the entrance to welcome the Crazies. Oliver thought, all things considered, it would be a significant turnout.

  That Reimer would not be attending.

  CHAPTER 77

  Friday night’s second show of the Labor Day weekend was a chick trio called Turnin’ Tricks, raunchy tunes about the pleasures and perils of stripper life that Leah wanted to check out and convinced Elfri to go to S2S with her. She could get some stimulating material for Dream Lovers.

  Halfway through a song called “Pole Cum Prison,” Elfri told Leah who was snapping pics and shouting fashion notes into her phone that she needed a nap.

  Elfri turned the pillow so it fit her neck better. She hadn’t drawn a strip in weeks, mental notes but nothing on paper. She stretched her feet in the remodeled bus bunk. No matter what came of Dream Zoo she’d be staying in Lake Meadows. Not going back to Texas like she planned.

  She closed her eyes and visualized drifting on a fluffy bed with Oliver telling her what Jar taught him about dreaming when he was a little boy. That shaped the man he was.

  Saturday was fantastic.

  From 9 to 10 a.m., and 1 to 2 p.m., Bashers browsed around the project sets, got to talk with the Nestlings about how their contest wins got Venture Nest funding, learn what made them so unique and marketable.

  11:00 to 11:30 a.m. and 3:00 to 3:30 p.m., project sets were just for presentations. Investors only. Closed to the Crazies.

  To get reserved seating for each of the Nestling presentations, the investors registered at the Investor booth next to the First Aid station by the brook, across from the Make It Happen tent where you went to talk deals and invest in a Crazy Idea.

  If you filled in the Bash Investor form online, all you needed was to show ID and you’d get your badge and numbered hand sign to hold up for when you did your bidding. Otherwise it was a long line at the booth.

  Bonnie Whittle didn’t have to go through all of that.

  Bonnie got a press pass that let her sit in on the Nestling presentations and do exclusive write-ups for Ventures Nest, then edit her words to go with videos of each project pitch and turn them into what smart Alec tagged Bash Blasts that let the millions of online Bash lovers in on highlights of the three-day weekend.

  Bonnie stood in the back of the make-believe TV set, behind selected investors, taking it all in with her XA30.

  Bob and Sweet Teeth and the other hand and pulley puppets worked up yummy delights with a real baker’s oven for an audience of local kids, did the Sugar and Snails show for fifteen minutes, then Bob had his select team of Greenhorns do a dramatic set redo for Star Treats with the Sweet Gourmet, Bob baking a personal goodie for his surprise celeb.

  PewDiePie loved nut bread.

  Bonnie grabbed a chili dog at Meat Me, delivered the Bob Bonet Blast to Alec, headed off to cover a Green Guide tour of the campus.

  Alec really was smart, smarter than anyone Bonnie had ever known. She wouldn’t mind crawling all over Alec. Loosening him up.

  The giant kid mouth with the huge funny tongue looked slick and shiny.

  Bonnie had her camcorder pointed at Wayne, who stood proudly at its tip in the Mighty Tiny Vits outfit Leah custom-tailored for him and the little vitamin boys and girls: B, C, D, E, Cal, Mag, and Iron.

  Wayne pointed out potent powers and directed Vits into the mouth on bouncy music cues, then joined hands at the end when Wayne praised the Mighty Tiny Multi-Vit as the kids went inside the mouth together.

  Alec told Bonnie that her Bob and Wayne Blasts looked good. The more he got to know her, the more A
lec recognized the depth of Bonnie’s talents and wondered what the name of the perfume Bonnie wore was. It turned him on.

  Sunday morning Bonnie took time to do a short piece on Ed the raven that belonged to Oliver and acted like the Bash belonged to him the way he flew around, showing off, snatching a Snow Cone and cawing, “I’m cool!”

  Bonnie did some Spot Interviews on the Walkway, had to shake her head in wonder at the wild Ideas and their crazy creators; then she got the chance to sit and interview Bill “Itty Biddy” Cassidy.

  The little motor mouth worked the Spot stage in half-hour shifts, took the same time off in between each Spotlight for larynx r&r. Because Itty was only ten years old, his mom and dad had to travel with him from Taos, and see he sipped plenty of kombucha, which they brewed in several flavors. Hands-on parents who owned income properties and home-schooled Itty.

  Maybe not as fast as the kid on the Little Big Shots show with the great Steve Harvey, Itty’s words were quick and playful, plus he wasn’t auctioning off the Ideas, he was outlining them, so if you were turned on by any particular Idea, what you heard from Itty was the Idea’s features and what the Idea was looking for in terms of investment.

  Ideas had to be showcased fast when you had four hundred and eighty to show in three days and this being Sunday, the last day of the showcases, there was more than a hundred still to go.

  Bonnie covered Itty up on stage, viewed how his day-glow finger would point at an Idea and say, “. . . And look here what we have—whoa! What we have here is Idea #374—Do-Tatts! Temp tattoos with a seven-item hand list, forearm list has room for a dozen plus the Do-Tatts come with a green veggie ink pen to jot down all your to-dos . . .”

  A Tatt Idea gal waved a hand, Tatt guy flexed a forearm, the Do-Tatt duet showing how the lists looked filled in, doing dramatic peel-off and jot-down gestures, while Itty-Biddy pitched.

  “. . . Do-Tatts! Whoa! These attention-grabbing temporary to-do lists are the perfect solution for short-term memory types, let you meet shoppers you might like to know. Whoa! Idea #374 is looking for a $20K investment for 20 percent stake in the company. If this Crazy Idea grabs you, set up a Do-Tatts sit down to talk biz and Make It Happen!”

  Itty-Biddy saying all this in under thirty seconds.

  Then there was maybe fifteen seconds to get the pitched Idea off stage and the new Idea up, while Itty-Biddy swallowed kombucha and checked the video screen on his podium that cued him on the next upcoming Ideas and spot announcements, like how you needed to be aware of pickpockets, shoutouts to the Crazies for their patience on getting to look at the five amazing Nestling projects, that the long lines were worth it.

  At the end of the interview, when Itty had to rest up, he told Bonnie he got to meet the boy who the crazy killer tried to kill.

  Bonnie told Itty she knew Chip and Itty told Bonnie that Chip told him he hadn’t talked to anyone for a long time and liked how Itty talked. They were going to talk more tomorrow at the Crazy Ideas Awards and Itty could see more of Chip’s comic about these rotten-toothed monsters and a guy who fights them.

  Bonnie said she thought The Driller was a cool superhero and asked Itty if Chip had one of his pet spiders with him when they met.

  Itty nodded that yeah; it was a tarantula like his cousin Waylon’s who also collected snakes and cussed when his folks made him do extra chores.

  CHAPTER 78

  On Sunday afternoon, Elfri ended Dream Zoo’s presentation to rousing approval from her sixth and last selected group of investors.

  She felt both good and bad that none of them were going to be investing in Dream Zoo. Just outbidding each other.

  After handshakes with the money people and hugs from the Nestlings and Greenhorns she needed to grab a nap. Rachael told Elfri to grab one but she needed to meet and greet all the Crazies lined up outside waiting to get in to see the set up. In twenty minutes.

  Coming on as Elfri’s Commander In Chief, Rachael was not shy about informing anyone who questioned her authority that she was responsible for Elfri winning the Mine The Mind contest. Rachael had driven all the way up from Tulsa. Her Avalanche broke down outside Fort Collins, so she got in last night, pissed that the driveshaft chewed up $793. Rachael had her boyfriend with her, Mick, a down-to-earth geek who helped her rebuild the Dream Zoo site.

  Both wore oversized tees with Dream Zoo comic book covers printed on the front and back, THEDREAMZOO.COM slashed across them.

  Rachael was a promoter. If she thought you were someone, she’d hand you a DreamZoo biz card—Rachael Klemp—Director.

  Then she’d asked you curious questions like “What’s the gnarliest REM wave you ever surfed?” “Got a simpatico blog?” “You into the Everly Brothers?”

  Rachael brought along her collection of dream songs. Insisted that the Dream Zoo team set up speakers and play them for the Crazies lined up outside. Get them in a dreamy groove.

  Nicole sold eighty-one tickets to the private showing of Oliver’s Obstickle project.

  The startup investors who had put money into the prototype were comped, but when they learned the ticket money was going into the P.P.P.P.’s charitable pockets, they insisted on writing their $1,000 checks that could be written off.

  Akizu and Marc ran the two Challenges that showcased the Obstickle course. They wore their game masks, belts, and gloves.

  The standing audience watched and applauded and laughed along with the two Associates who laughed in fierce competition through the Mouth Off and the Lickedy Split. They dodged icky tongues and stumbled over giant bananas that rose from the goop with fruity fingers that tried to trip them up, tickle their toes while blubbery lips spit funny-looking loogies at them.

  When the show was over, Akizu and Marc had taken a pretty good licking. Oliver led the group in acknowledging their performance.

  Oliver had scheduled himself to play host for an hour.

  No snacks or beverages.

  He explained that an Obstickle competitor would use the trademarked, patent-pending face mask with the game belt and accessories that merged virtual and actual reality with each fifty-foot-long challenge, how each of the twelve challenges could be attached and configured in a variety of shapes, from a 200 yard straight-ahead approach to a serpentine form that took up half the space to assemble.

  Target market was amusement parks, fairs, and carnivals.

  The Obstickle was also being considered as the lynchpin for a humor park called Laugh Your Ass Off that Irene Elizabeth and several other R&D Associates were working on. The park mascot was a funny looking mule that would take a clue from the famous Francis and have a few humorous things to say.

  Near the end of the hour when the Green Guides ushered the guests toward the studio exit, they stopped to observe the model of the Obstickle and the larger model of the lake with its water sport amusements.

  During the Q&As, Oliver had to deal with Randall who pointed to the north end of the lake model and asked where the casino was. Why wasn’t it part of the lake model?

  Randall bought ten tickets to the Obstickle showing for friends that he was trying to get to invest in his floating casino project: Ingrid, Rory, Hillary, Clifford and Ken, Packy, Skip, Jack, Wendy and Sally Singleton.

  Sally was a new friend through Wendy Robinson who was a damn good salesgirl; but the only reason Randall bought a $1,000 ticket for Wendy was she introduced Sally to Randall. Wendy told him that Sally was a very classy gal, and was thinking of buying a place in Lake Meadows.

  He might want to talk to Sally about his casino plan.

  What Randall learned from talking briefly with Sally was the one million dollar investment that included exclusive casino membership to the Celebrity Parlor seemed to present no problem to the jet setter.

  Sally waited to see how Oliver would respond to Randall’s question on why the casino wasn’t on the lake model. He didn’t seem in
a hurry.

  “Randall Roberts, a distinguished Lake Meadows citizen and an outspoken advocate of gambling on the lake in Lake Meadows, questioned why I haven’t included his casino project in my model and my response is,” Oliver stopped eyeing the guests and focused in on Randall, “I believe the city council members that you are trying to win casino votes from will see the inherent dangers and pitfalls that gambling brings to the table.”

  Oliver turned from Randall to Randall’s guests, looked at them for a moment, then turned back to Randall, disarmed by Oliver’s response.

  Until Oliver smiled and raised a finger.

  “Unless the casino had a philanthropic philosophy in place that channeled a percentage of the gambling revenue to worthy causes.”

  Randall went from brokenhearted to beaming and insured Oliver that any cause he was involved with was more than worthy.

  Oliver introduced Randall to the five P.P.P.P. guys and told all the guests he was looking forward to seeing them later in the evening at the Labor Day concert. He shook hands with each of them at the exit door.

  When Oliver shook Sally’s hand and told her he appreciated her being concerned for Elfri and Chip after Reimer Gore attacked them, Fred thought the handshake was warm even though she could tell that Oliver wouldn’t let that get in the way of business. She said he exuded charisma and told Wendy that she’d never met someone that young who acted so sure of himself.

  Wendy whispered that the word was Oliver was worth at least a billion.

  Randall told Sally and Wendy and his other guests to have fun at the festival and text him if they ran into any worthwhile Ideas they wanted him to look at or go in on.

  Fred nodded, knew this Labor Day weekend was going to be a life changer. She was going to be playing Sally into the foreseeable future.