Living With the Dead: This New Disease (Book 5)

by Joshua Guess

  Saturday, August 18, 2012

  Not Forgotten

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [This post was written by Kincaid. That's me. But going through the blog I see I'm supposed to mention it in brackets for some reason. Other people did it, so I will too.]

  Josh has asked that we give it a few days before anyone who posts on the blog starts updating about him. I can understand the need for privacy. Nothing on that front from me today.

  Otherwise New Haven is moving forward very well. Franklin county isn't zombie-free yet but the assault units have done a great job thinning them out. It feels strange not to be out there with them. Stranger to know I won't be any time soon. They don't need me, though.

  I'm surprised they're letting me step up and take over Josh's spot. Given my history I never would have expected it except on an as-needed basis. Dodger trusts me, but it took a while for him to get there. Not many others in the defense sector here do. It doesn't exactly come as a shock.

  On second thought it may not be that they don't trust me. If there wasn't a minimum level of trust I would be in a shallow grave right now. No way I could be allowed to make a leap up the ladder if a bunch of people had the idea I was going to sell them out. There must be trust. It might be thin but it's there. They just don't like me.

  Hard to hold that against you, kids. I don't like me much either.

  That's the way it is and there's nothing any of us can do to fix it. Until and unless I'm removed I'm going to do the best job possible. It isn't a need to appease any of you that drives me to that. It's not to make me feel better about myself, either. I couldn't make up for my sins if I live a thousand years. I will try anyway. A million small deeds to make some kind of amends.

  I'm out of joint this morning, I know. Maybe this isn't the most informative or lengthy post but I'll try to do better tomorrow. Honestly I'm still shaken about Josh. What he's going through, I went through. It's terrible. The difference is, I did it alone in my car at night where the other marauders couldn't see it. Couldn't see my 'weakness'. I did it alone.

  I've seen friends visit him several times. They pass this way. I don't envy him for having support. I couldn't be happier about that. I don't think it makes me tough to have worked through it alone. Just unfortunate. I only wish I could be there for him like they are. I don't have many friends. I don't make people laugh. Josh doesn't need a reminder of bad times by seeing someone who used to do far worse things than he has ever dreamed of.

  Huh. Look at that. I managed to talk about him and what's on my mind without divulging any details and violating his privacy. Maybe I'm getting the hang of the whole writing thing.

  Sunday, August 19, 2012

  Gamble

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Kincaid]

  There is going to be an interval before the next phase of the expansion. We have exhausted most of the supply of easily found shipping containers North Jackson can spare. With the number of people we have here, it's now possible to do some deep searches around the area for more of them in the area. We can use the reworked containers we have already used as templates to make our own sections of wall.

  That's where I come in. Now that the county has a manageable zombie population we can spare assault teams to clear areas where we know there are clusters of shipping containers. There's a train full of them sitting on tracks a few counties over. We'll have to take out a lot of undead to get to it but if we can figure out a way to remove them and transport them we'll be ahead of the game.

  Will is trying his best to make people more comfortable around me. It's not that bad and I told him so, but he doesn't want personal dislike to endanger any of our programs. Josh being unavailable is making it harder for us to all get along in the planning meetings. I guess they feel like I'm trying to take his place. Like an intruder. From their point of view, I suppose I am.

  I spent a good amount of time with Josh's brother and Patrick yesterday. David and I worked on ways to quickly remove shipping crates from train cars. Transport is something we will tackle later. David has a surprising talent for physical problem-solving. Not even knowing what difficulties we might face dealing with the train, he still came up with several ideas that have a good chance of working.

  My time with Patrick was more personal. I'm getting deeper into this job. Josh's job. I see how many people he has to talk to in a given day. I try to solve the huge number of problems and complications he worked on. I interact with the same folks as him. I find myself wondering how he did it for so long. It's like keeping two dozen plates spinning while finishing a crossword puzzle.

  I decided to take a risk. I don't know how Josh's friends and family will react to me trying to get to know them on a personal level. Patrick was my experiment. He was nice to even give me the time of day. There are few people I can rely on for support. I don't expect Josh's friends to suddenly forget who I am and invite me over for tea. I'd settle for willingness to help me out only to keep his work from being screwed up badly by me.

  Patrick doesn't think many people will warm up to me. Before now most saw me as that quiet ex-marauder who led dangerous attacks on the undead or worked a scout team. They didn't have to deal with me or understand me at all. I was doing a dangerous job instead of one of them, so at worst I was ignored. Now I'm helping do a job most of them aren't able to do. It requires experience with the assault teams and skills honed by more time in the field than any three average people here have.

  They don't like that. I understand why. I won't allow friction to screw anything up. If I can't figure a way to smooth out the situation, I will ask the council to appoint someone else. I can think of two or three candidates that might do for the job. I can go back to killing zombies and taking orders instead of giving them.

  I don't want to fail. I will take risks to avoid it even if it means upsetting Josh's loved ones by approaching them with an olive branch. If I don't succeed, I won't push. I'll step back and let another take over.

  Monday, August 20, 2012

  For Tomorrow

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Will Price]

  Each of us makes choices as individuals. The Fall brought death into all our lives. We have survived for a lot of reasons. Some of us were lucky. A few saw the zombie plague for what it was and prepared. Others had been prepping for some kind of cataclysm for years.

  All of us have done bad things to get here. Nearly two and a half years after the end of the world and still alive. We protect ourselves fiercely and have to weigh every decision against the cost in lives that might result from it. History is full of those choices. World War II was and is an example we cannot forget. If America had entered the war sooner, if we hadn't waited until the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor to finally join the battle, how many lives would have been saved?

  As a nation we looked at the potential lives lost for our people and decided that it wasn't worth the risk. At the time most people didn't know the real happenings in Europe. We were unaware of the atrocities of the Third Reich.

  When we dropped the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, we were doing the same thing. Untold thousands died in a flash, entire family lines wiped from the earth between heartbeats. There are many conflicting opinions about the morality of that action, but even after the first bomb dropped the Japanese refused to surrender. Centuries of honing an indomitable warrior spirit boxed them in to a mindset that made death preferable to giving up the fight.

  My opinion has always been that we acted in the only way possible. I believe that countless millions were saved by making the world aware that we were truly in an atomic age.

  And now that we are in many ways back in the middle ages, those kinds of choices become much more commonplace. On one side of the scale we looked at our own people and those to migrate here. We measured the stability we're building and the potential we would be harnessing. On the other side were the Louisville group, ravaged by disease and desperate for help. To many it seemed
like an obvious, if not easy, choice.

  In the rush to defend ourselves we left one factor out of our equation. We didn't think about the cost it would take on us as people. I have been rereading this blog off and on for weeks, and this morning I thought to ask some of the younger kids what they thought of the situation with Louisville. Their responses made me take stock of who we are and what our ultimate goals are. Those kids thought we did the right thing. Without hesitation or thought. They didn't make the point that we could have done more, earlier. They broke it down into survival or death.

  They are our future, and after speaking with the council about this, we've come to the decision that our future may not be as bright as we'd hoped for. It isn't that our young people lack compassion. They do have it. But we as adults have been too rigid and focused on pure survival and pragmatic choices to realize the lessons we were teaching.

  That is why, as of tomorrow morning, we will be going forward with out plans to build a small but secure quarantine area for whatever Louisville survivors are left. We have twenty-one volunteers out of the new arrivals that are willing to risk infection to go bring them here and to care for them. We won't be allowing any contact, because we aren't suicidal, but we will provide for their needs through a system of dead drops so the two groups never come close than a few hundred yards.

  Josh played a role in this. His breakdown was the wake up call some of us needed in order to understand our flaws. To expose them to the light of day. I told him about it before I wrote this post, and something in him, some long-held tension, seemed to vanish. By no means did he heal miraculously, but I think some portion of the burden he has been feeling lightened.

  ...

  P.S. As part of his...therapy, I guess you'd call it, Gabrielle has ordered him to start getting back into some of his normal routines. He's still in the clinic being watcher at all times, but I take it as a very good sign that he edited this post. The sentiment is mine, the better phrases are his. I sat here while he did it, and while he isn't impressed with my writing, I was happy for each little groan at my bad writing as much as for each nod of his head or tiny smile at something he liked. You can shatter a thing and sometimes it's impossible to put back together. But if you can, it's a wonderful feeling to see those edges fit together and to hold. They might not be perfect, but each one is progress toward making a thing whole.

  One piece at a time.

  Wednesday, August 22, 2012

  Hiding In Plain Sight

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Gabrielle]

  I've been working with Josh for the last several days. Between trying to help him along, which includes being a friend as much as it does supplying him with some needed pharmaceuticals, and trying to organize physicals for all the new arrivals, I've been busy. Not as busy as everyone else, but still pressed for time.

  Evans is overseeing the quarantine area. Phil is doing most of the grunt work in the clinic. There are a few nurses in the group of newcomers but the two doctors joining us won't be here until the final wave. The only reason I'm writing this is because everyone else who might do it is running their asses off.

  So much going on. Teams running physicals, teams out to the four corners hunting. Teams stocking up firewood. Teams dismantling train cars. All over the place, groups of people trying to meet a wide range of goals. Right now is the best time to build stores and prepare for the winter. Too many projects going at once. The council wants to make this expansion work and they aren't holding back any effort. No reserves.

  I've been writing this for about an hour. That, kids, is how fucking crazy it is here right now. I get in a few words or a sentence and then have to go do something else. Whoever kicked this anthill can kiss my ass. I haven't seen my husband in two days. I think my kids have joined a roving band ofLord of the Flies-style savage children.

  I don't have to spend the time with Josh I do. I dedicate an hour to him at a time. I could beg off and make headway on the truly irritating amount of work in front of me. I don't abandon my friends. Good thing I don't, too, because this morning he pointed something important out to me.

  Can't really get into details. But before I cut this post very short, I will say that we've become very lax in one area. Too comfortable. We're still watching but there are some serious possibilities we didn't take into account before the migration started.

  I'm talking about the Exiles. And why we may have a war on our hands.

  Thursday, August 23, 2012

  Fadeaway

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Dodger]

  This isn't one of those pretty philosophical things everyone else seems to write on here. I'm in charge of security and defense. We got a problem.

  Josh is sitting next to me, and he isn't getting a chance to mess with this one. If I hand it over to him he'll edit and make it all pretty. Screw that. This isn't a happy-feely post about how we should all get along. I'm not telling you how we've made mistakes. This is a warning. You can call it a threat if you like. I don't care.

  To all you Exiles across the river: stay there. Don't even think about fucking moving.

  To all you exiles that have been sneaking away from the fallback point, I suggest going home or elsewhere if you read this. If we catch you there are gonna be consequences.

  Now that's settled. To fill you in, we got snookered by those tricky bastards. My watchmen have been making sure the people across the river haven't been making any moves. The Exiles used that to lull us into a false sense of security. We kept seeing more of them get sick and vanish over time. We never questioned why more of them didn't reappear. We made assumptions. We were wrong.

  In the last day our watchers have seen the same twenty-seven Exiles over and over again. Took a while to realize some of them were changing clothes and their appearances slightly to look like different people. There were hundreds of them at one time. So where the hell are they now?

  We don't have a clue, but they aren't in the fallback point. This message is for every newcomer and every community out there that has any association with us at all. Watch out for strangers. We're going through the process of asking all our new arrivals to point out anyone they don't know. It's a fucking beast of a problem. There are a lot of people in a group of five hundred that don't know others. Then we have to take the suspicious strangers and parade them through other groups to see if anyone knows them.

  We're pretty sure none of the homesteaders will try to get back in New Haven. Too many of the old guard know them. They know we'll kill them on sight. They're only a small number of the Exiles.

  Keep your eyes open. Keep your defenses up, and I don't just mean weapons. Remember who these people are and what they're capable of. They had a chance to change their ways. They are the enemy. Don't forget it for even a second if you like breathing through the right holes.

  I take the blame for this. We watched them fade away and didn't even question it because it was good for us. We thought they were dying. Instead they were escaping. Right out into the world.

  Our world.

  Friday, August 24, 2012

  Infiltrators

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Kincaid]

  We have ourselves a few prisoners. Some of the Exiles passed themselves off as stranded travelers a few weeks back and worked their way to North Jackson. Not sure how they got into the group coming here as part of the first big wave of migrants, but they did. We caught them.

  The question now is what to do with them. People think I must lean toward going easy on them because I was a marauder too. They're wrong. The prisoners were part of a group that chose not to take the amnesty when it was offered. They claim they couldn't because their leaders threatened to kill them if they tried to leave. We can't be sure.

  Killing them offhand isn't something most New Haven citizens are comfortable with. The infiltrators haven't caused any trouble that we know of. They've worked and taken risks just like everyone else. That isn't
to condone what they've done. There was a very specific set of simple rules in place. The Exiles broke them. Consequences are going to happen, no two ways about it.

  I'm the last person that should have a public opinion about this. I have been on both sides of the issue and either way people are going to think I have an agenda. Either I'm trying too hard to win the trust of my fellow citizens if I side against the Exiles, or I'm a sympathizer if I suggest leniency. Call me Switzerland on this one. I'm out of the game.

  I do have a few thoughts. Maybe an observation or two.

  Context matters. When the truce went into place there was a lot more turmoil in the Exile camp. They were strong, then. There were more of them and the group was under the thumb of a bunch of tyrants.

  Then again, they could have kept going their own way. The new plague gave them a chance to kill off those tyrants. They took it. Scar and his lieutenants are dead. The remaining Exiles had everything they needed to survive on their own. But for whatever reason they risked breaking the terms of the truce to come here.

  So far the ones we've captured have given a variety of answers to the question 'why?'. No one knows what to believe, but the immediate inclination for most people here is to suspect them of a larger plot. If they were planning to weaken us from the inside we might find hard evidence of it. If they really did want to make a better life, it might have been worth the risk to simply ask us to come here. If recent events are any indication, the leadership might have taken another look at their hard line stance against the Exiles. We've all got enough blood on our hands. Compassion can be risky, though.