Living With the Dead: This New Disease (Book 5)

by Joshua Guess

  You probably guessed that there's a lot of discussion going on here. I can't say with any certainty which way it will go. There are factors about the prisoners I'm not allowed to share. They matter, I can say that much. I just don't know if they will matter enough.

  I'm done being vague and mysterious for one day. Josh is eager to edit this, and I have more work to do than any three people should have to deal with.

  Saturday, August 25, 2012

  Schism

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Will Price]

  We have come to a crossroads here in New Haven. I talked the other day about the fact that we need to face the future with our eyes and minds open. To achieve much there has to be sacrifice, but we also have to remain willing to bend to the times. You probably guessed that this post has to do with our prisoners. You are right. Not just with the Exiles we have in captivity, but also the ones still out there. Those are the ones making this situation more difficult.

  Within New Haven there is a division between people. Some want the council to follow the path we laid out with the original truce. They want us to kill the prisoners and declare war on the remaining Exiles. Not because those citizens are angry or want revenge. They see a threat to our home and recognize the need to neutralize it. They see enemies who were given a chance to walk away and did not take it.

  That opinion isn't wrong or right. Most of those backing a violent solution to this problem have suffered at the hands of the Exiles or people like them. There are a significant number of new arrivals that have been brutalized by marauders at one point or another. It isn't just long-time citizens that feel this way.

  The other side want us to mitigate our response. They argue that we should have learned a lesson from the debacle with Louisville. That killing is a last resort, one to be avoided if possible. It has been pointed out to me that the Exile infiltrators were working and doing a good job by all accounts. What if this signifies genuine change, a willingness to move beyond the people they once were?

  Both sides have reasoned and compelling cases. The council is deadlocked. I am the deciding vote. It rests in my hands alone whether we spend our efforts working on the expansion or trolling the local fields and woods for enemies. Do we show our strength and determination in the face of enemies or allow for the possibility of their personal evolution and growth?

  I am balanced between them. There are too many variables to consider. A lot can go wrong either way. A good leader should never show hesitation or fear. The person in charge is supposed to be the example for everyone else. Once upon a time I would have agreed with that idea wholeheartedly. Not today. Maybe not ever again.

  If the trouble with Louisville has taught us anything it's that open and frank discussion is important. I need to make a call on this situation very soon, by tomorrow at the latest, and it's important that none of you think I will come to it lightly or easily. Lives could be lost. Probably will be, either way. Not many people are furious enough to kill based on what I've heard, but it only takes a few sparks to start a fire.

  That kind of turmoil is the last thing we can afford. The question or right and wrong in this context is the worst part. We have always tried to fight for life, even when that meant making ourselves violent enough that no enemy would dare come after us. New Haven has been a collection of people painted in contrasts since before it had a name. Even when this was the compound, the cold choice to kill did not come without some cost.

  My only choice is to weigh them now. Wish me luck. Wish all of us luck.

  Monday, August 27, 2012

  Matter

  Posted by Josh Guess

  No little brackets this time. This post is by me.

  I'm not unaware of the goings-on right now. People have tried to isolate me from the facts, but even though my friends were only looking out for my well being, they were wrong to do it. I'm not proud of myself for hiding how deeply hurt I was, but I don't feel guilty for feeling it. Gabby tells me that's a start, really looking at my situation as something that happened and moving forward.

  That being said, keeping me out of the loop isn't going to help in the long term. I'm feeling much more stable than I did even a few days ago. I know I'm a long way from healthy, but there's just no way for me to function in the long view if I can't handle the difficult situations we encounter.

  While I was in my little cell, friends spent time with me. As time goes on I might decide to share some of those conversations, but even if I don't I will make a point to spend more time with them and talk about them. Seeing Courtney, Steve, Pat, Becky, Will, and others so much and so often over the last week drove home how much I rely on them. If I had put more effort into those friendships, maybe my burden wouldn't have felt so heavy.

  And it isn't as though I was cut off from the world completely in there. There were a few surprise zombie attacks on the newest expansion. I heard the bells loud and clear. Even when I was curled up in shame on my cot I felt the overwhelming urge to fight the undead when the bells rang. I wasn't allowed anywhere near a weapon, of course.

  I guess the important lesson I took away from the experience is that I don't want to die. At least, I'm willing to live and fight for others at a bare minimum.

  Another lesson is that all of us are at risk. Not to beat a dead horse, but I want to drive home the point that this has been a long time coming for me. I've held it together in the face of many small disasters but the damage was cumulative. I don't think I'm the only person who has been bent and broken by the things we do. The decisions we've made may have been necessary but that doesn't mean they don't kill us a little inside.

  I wouldn't be posting today--and believe me, it's taking a lot of effort to remain calm while I type--if Will and the rest of the council weren't still weighing the future of the captured Exiles and what our stance will be on those free Exiles who threaten war on us if we kill the captives out of hand.

  For the first time in a very long span, I'm not a part of the discussion. The council wouldn't ask me my opinion right now even if they didn't care about putting pressure on my brain. My judgment may not be sound. I recognize that as a real possibility. Part of my breakdown has been the constant violence we've lived through. If I say that we should negotiate for peace at all costs, that might be a sign that I'm now too damaged to properly respond with force when needed.

  That's entirely possible. In fact, I'm worried that might be the case. It's still early for me, yet. Only time will tell. Instead of suggesting a way forward and hoping that I will influence the council enough to make my choice rather than their own, I will just make a statement and hope that we come to the right decision.

  To the council and all citizens of New Haven:

  No. To everyone, everywhere.

  I ask you to take a few moments to stop. At some point today when you feel overwhelmed or angry or just sick of it all, I would like you to pause. Close your eyes and let the breeze move over you. Focus on something around you. Maybe the noise of children playing or men working. Could be the smell of lunch being made. Take that time and let yourself simply be a person in a place, with no larger context than that.

  No matter who you are, whether you're an Exile or a marauder or a citizen of a community like our own. Please stop and take a calming breath when you need it. After that refreshing moment, I want you to remember that every other person out there is just like you. They might be an enemy bent on ending your life, but history is full of foes having respect and understanding for each other.

  We are all matter. From the most base subatomic particles, we're the dust of stars given shape and life. We share a common origin and the unique pain of watching the same beloved world die in front of us. Every living person now has had to end the existence of beings that were once what we are now. Some of the walking dead were loved ones, others strangers, but I doubt that many of us ended those dreary second lives without some degree of regret.

  I have gained so many new pieces of perspect
ive from my breakdown. We have allowed the pressures of life, so hard now and such a struggle, force us into corners. Yes, building the future is the only goal we can strive for, but Will was right. More than I realized when I first read his post.

  We don't have to continue the cycle of violence to prove anything. We don't have to maintain some abstract sense of toughness to those who would call us enemy. We are the ones in control of our decisions, not them. Not only can we choose to be compassionate to those who may not deserve it, but it's our responsibility to set the tone. We've done that in the past, most notably in the very structure of our community. But turning points such as this demand that we step back and take a hard look at our recent history. We have to decide if the time has come to raise the bar for ourselves ethically and morally.

  In short, we have to choose whether or not the risk of seeming weak is worth setting a better example.

  I don't know if it is or not. Honestly. I'm not qualified to even speculate on that right now. I'm not proposing any particular plan. God knows I've been wrong enough in my life to question every choice I make. I'm simply asking everyone out there to stop and calm yourselves, try to imagine the point of view of the enemy. See if there isn't some common ground to work from.

  It may be that the Exiles are bloodthirsty to a fault and not open to compromise. We've seen that before, which is why they became an enemy in the first place. If that is the case then we may not be at a point of stability that allows us as a society to take a leap of faith. Only two and a half years into these new dark ages, I admit the possibility that it may take years before we can begin to trust enough to risk ourselves on principle.

  If, however, the Exiles and others like them are willing to listen and at least try to work something out, then I ask only that you give the possibility a chance. The thought of cutting down people who genuinely want to change themselves for the better because we once said some words and feel bound to follow through makes me nauseous.

  Again, it might be necessary. That is your collective call to make.

  I meant this to be a plea for sincere deliberation to all of you out there, but yeah, it ended up being pointed mostly at my own people. I will back whatever call you make. I beg that you only remember that no matter what they've done, these are human beings whose fate you're deciding. If they have to die, please be sure that you're acting out of real need and not obstinate ego.

  If we have to commit to war, I only ask that you make sure it's one we have to fight for ethical reasons. Not because the only way to prove we're morally superior is by killing the enemy. Humanity has had enough of that over the centuries.

  We're all specks wandering this great big globe, made up of the same stuff. There aren't so many living people left that we can afford to lose any for stupid reasons. If this rambling post makes any sense at all, I hope that last part sticks with you. In the final equation, it boils down to the same mentality that makes all of us survivors in the first place: waste nothing that can benefit the group.

  Think about it. That's all I can ask.

  Tuesday, August 28, 2012

  Cusp

  Posted by Josh Guess

  [Post by Kincaid]

  Today is the day. The council has been deliberating for most of two solid days now and tensions are jacked up beyond what most people can tolerate. It isn't a situation like most before. There's no shadowy fear of unknown consequences. Everybody knows that we could be in the middle of a guerrilla war by this time tomorrow, fighting heavily armed people with righteous fury on their side.

  Righteous from their point of view, anyway. A comment on Josh's post yesterday struck me funny. The comment said that they could almost see Josh's point, but that the difference between the disaster with the Louisville crew and what we're going through with the Exiles is that the Louisville crew are friends, if only casual ones. We weren't sure what their intentions were. With the Exiles, the comment said, we know exactly who and what they are, and they can't be trusted.

  Just have to point out that New Haven was sure what I was when I took the offer of amnesty. A lot of communities did the same. We were murderers, thieves, abusers, some were even sadists and rapists. Most marauders tried to weed out the worst elements before taking the amnesty, but some were bound to have gotten through.

  I'm still not taking sides. I'm just pointing out that there is precedent for giving the Exiles a chance. I'm just as unhappy as the rest of you that they chose not to take the amnesty when offered, and angry that they tried to kill over it. I'm certain that many of the Exiles, especially the women and children, weren't given much choice.

  As for the rest? I don't think it's impossible that they might have finally come around. Living in peace, cooperating with neighbors, is a hell of a lot less stressful than the life most marauders lead. We still have to fight and kill, but it's the difference between being the enemy of everyone and having to be afraid all the time that any one of them will decide to strike at you, and just facing whatever problems come up. I chose the amnesty because I was sick of living that way. I wanted something better.

  Maybe the Exiles have seen the light. I don't know. Hell's bells, I used to be one of them and saw the light myself and even I have a hard time believing it.

  One way or another, today is going to be one for the record books. Speaking of record books, I have some interesting news on that front, but I'll let Josh fill you in on it tomorrow. Starting then he'll be back on here full-time, assuming he feels he can handle it.

  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

  Wednesday, August 29, 2012

  While The World Watches

  Posted by Josh Guess

  Yesterday evening, the council announced their decision regarding the Exiles. Actually they announced two decisions, and I'll get to the second one in a minute.

  Many of us expected a call for a general vote. I won't bore you with the humdrum details of how the process for getting a general vote to happen works, so let me just say that there was reason to think the choice would be left up to us. That didn't happen. I'll admit to a certain amount of relief that Will and the others in charge made an executive call, the consequences of which will be on their shoulders.

  Here's how it works out

  All Exiles--indeed, all remaining marauders--are being given a chance to submit to New Haven. Will, with Courtney and Steve's help, contacted every allied community to try and coordinate another amnesty. This time things are going to be a little different. More organized. We have the capacity now to keep a large number of prisoners, and that is the plan for anyone who takes the deal. If you come willingly, you live in a cell and do hard labor for a year and a day. After that time there will be individual hearings for each person to determine whether they should be allowed in the general population.

  If they are, it's five years limited freedom. Think of it as a sort of probation. During that long span, they won't be allowed weapons or certain freedoms that others enjoy. They will have to work like anyone else, but won't be asked to do more than any other person. During the probationary period, the measures they would live under are really more for the protection of others rather than any kind of real punishment.

  Any current prisoner who accepts this deal will start their time on September first. Any who decline will be tried for their crimes and punished in a manner decided by a tribunal. In some cases that may mean death.

  There is a good chance that the Exiles out in the wild--and those few still hunkered down in the fallback point--will band together and fight us if they find these terms unsatisfactory. We're prepared for that possibility as well as we can be, and most citizens seem to think this decision is a fair one. Anyone who chooses prison and hard labor on the off chance they might get to be under our watchful eyes for half a decade is likely the kind of person who can move beyond what they once were.

  What can I say, I'm an optimist.

  There are a small number of people (relative to our staggeringly large population now) who th
ink the prisoners should be used as advance units to fight zombies. The logistics of actually making unwilling people do such a thing aside without them just escaping aside, that attitude is exactly what I'd expect of Exiles, not New Haven citizens. It's not surprising, but it is a disappointment to me and it hurts me to know that even a few dozen can still be so driven by vengeance.

  Then again, I've been pushed by that very same spirit a time or two, and I might have felt the same way before my recent troubles. So who am I to judge?

  I doubt that we'll see much action from any resistant Exiles still out there in the near future. Right now we're strong and watchful. If they're going to hit us they'll do it when we're weak. Maybe during a zombie attack (new influxes of the undead have begun streaming in from Louisville now that there aren't many people there to stop them) or perhaps while we're ferrying in another wave of settlers. Now that we've begun the process of relocating the remaining Louisville people to our hastily (but cleverly) built isolation area, there isn't a buffer to slow down the undead. They're still a threat. As it turns out, so are the Exiles.