Rae (Captured Hearts Book 1)

by E. R. Wade

  We make very good use of his bed. It’s a couple of hours before I can think clearly again.

  “It’s late. I have to go,” I tell him, but I make no move to get up.

  “Stay. I’ll take you home tomorrow after breakfast.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head and refusing to give in to temptation, even though all I want to do is fall asleep in his arms. “We’re spending a lot of time together.” I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

  “Are you scared you’ll fall for me?” he teases.

  My eyes shift away from him. I don’t answer him because I have no ready answer. And yes, I’m scared. Very scared.

  “You’re scared,” he says, the amusement fading from his voice. He sounds surprised. “Rae, have I ever made you feel like I’m going to hurt you? I’ve made it clear from the beginning how much I want you. If anyone’s going to get hurt, it’s not going to be you.”

  It’s easy for him to say that. Cole can very easily break my heart. I really don’t have any business getting involved with him, especially after what I went through with Jaden.

  “Rae?”

  I mask my feelings and turn to him. “Why would I be scared?”

  “I don’t know but I promise you that you don’t need to be.”

  He pulls me closer to him. We both stay silent, and I make no move to leave.

  Several minutes later, I’m still awake. Cole’s breathing is steady and even, but I know he’s not asleep.

  “I’m divorced,” I say quietly. I don’t know what makes me say it. His arm tightens around me so I know he heard me.

  “I met Jaden, my ex-husband, when I was a freshman at NYU. He was my first serious boyfriend. We dated for ten years before getting married. A few days before our one-year anniversary, a woman who works with him came to our house to see me while he was at work. I have no idea how she knew I’d be at home that afternoon. She was about five months pregnant. Jaden was responsible. She wanted me out of the picture so that they could be a family. She said they’d been together for about ten months and they were in love. I didn’t believe her. I was so certain that he would never do that to me.”

  I pause, remembering that day like it was just yesterday. “I asked her to leave and I called him. I told him what she said, and he didn’t deny it. He was completely silent on the phone. I sat down in our living room and right in front of me were our framed wedding photos. He finally spoke, saying he was on his way home. I remember his voice sounding panicky. That’s when I knew the woman hadn’t lied. I couldn’t believe that he would do that to me. We’d been together for eleven years and he was supposed to be one of the good guys. By the time he got home, I hadn’t moved from where I had been sitting when I made the call. He knelt down in front of me, and told me he was sorry and he had made a mistake. That was the worst moment of my life.”

  The hurt and betrayal from that horrible day faded a long time ago, leaving behind a numb feeling and acceptance of reality – that my marriage was over and I’m better off without him. “He said the woman had been after him for some time and they had sex one night when he was working late. He said he wasn’t sure if the baby was his, and planned to confirm the paternity.”

  Cole’s breathing isn’t quite steady anymore. I don’t know if it’s because he’s upset or angry on my behalf, or if he just feels uncomfortable hearing me talk about that period in my life. He’s the first person I’ve opened up to about it. Ana and Mia know I divorced Jaden because he cheated but I didn’t give them the details. “It turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. They’d been having an affair. You know how they say that the spouse is always the last to know? Well, in my case, it was true. I had no idea it was happening. I don’t know how I could have missed all the signs.”

  Jaden knew what my sister, Kalina, was going through at that time. Her husband left her for another woman a month after Jaden and I got married, and she fell apart. He saw how badly it affected her, and he told her that she was better off without him because he was scum. As far as I’m concerned, Jaden is worse than scum.

  “I asked him for a divorce. I knew that I was not going to be able to forgive that level of betrayal. He refused to leave the house. The next morning, I packed a bag and left. I filed for divorce immediately. He wanted to contest it. Imagine that? I threatened to drag his mistress to court. His company had a non-fraternization policy so one or both of them would have lost their jobs if it ever got out that he was the father of her child. He finally signed the divorce papers, and I never looked back.” Jaden wasn’t pleased that I threatened to expose his affair to his bosses, sue his mistress and confirm the paternity he was quick to deny, and push ahead with the divorce.

  “Rae,” Cole says softly. “Baby, I’m so sorry you went through that.”

  “Don’t be. The experience made me stronger, and ensured that I’d never, ever be gullible again.”

  TEN

  Cole

  For the first time in my life, I am jealous. I am jealous of the faceless man Rae married, the man she had a lot of firsts with.

  When Rae told me that she had been married, I couldn’t believe it. It was at that moment that I knew that I wanted to be her first and only husband. I want to marry her and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I want to wake up next to her every morning. I have a bone deep certainty that she’s the only one for me.

  How do you marry a woman as amazing as her and then cheat? It’s beyond comprehension. Her ex must surely be an unappreciative asshole.

  I wish I could take away all the hurt she went through.

  I always thought that Rae was opposed to dating because an ex-boyfriend hurt her but I never thought it’d be an ex-husband. She must have really loved him to have married him. I understand better now why she has been fighting her feelings for me, why she’s been resistant to the idea of us as a couple. How do you trust a man you’ve known for such a short amount of time with your heart when the man you’ve known for a decade could betray you so badly? Would you still trust your instincts if you felt they’ve let you down in the past?

  “When did you get divorced?”

  “We split up three years ago, and the divorce was final a year later.”

  So she’s been single for the past two years. I don’t get the vibe that she’s still carrying a torch for him.

  “Are you still in touch with him?”

  “No. I’m not interested in talking to him. He called me a few times until I got fed up and changed my number.”

  I press my lips to her hair and pull her even closer to me. I don’t ever want to let go.

  “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to love you, Rae. No one will ever hurt you again.” That’s a promise I intend to keep.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she says, her voice small.

  “I won’t ever break a promise I make to you. I want you to give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me, and to show you what our future would look like.”

  “Cole –”

  “Don’t say no. Please think about it. I’m just asking for a fair chance. I want to be with you.” I wish I could keep the emotion out of my voice but I can’t. I know Rae wants me, not just for sex. I see it in the way she looks at me, when she talks to me and her body language screams it. She unknowingly touches me and leans towards me a lot. I wish she wasn’t fighting her feelings so hard. But I understand why, and I’m not going to pretend that I can imagine what she’s been through. The only thing I want to do is make her happy. The times I’ve seen her with her guard down, she was so soft and feminine and yet so strong. And when we’re having sex, she doesn’t just chase her release. It’s much more than that for her, for us.

  “What if . . . What if you change your mind?”

  She sounds so vulnerable. I’ve never heard her sound this way. I get up slightly, leaning on an elbow and turn her to face me.

  I cup her cheek and stare into her eyes. Even though all the lights are off, there’s enoug
h moonlight streaming into the room for me to see the worry on her face. “I’ll never change my mind. Never,” I tell her, willing her to believe me. “I want you. I’ll never stop wanting you.” I wasn’t talking about sex and I know she knows that. I want to tell her that I’m in love with her but I don’t think she’s ready to hear it.

  ***

  Rae

  When I woke up this morning, I felt unusually self-conscious. I hoped Cole wouldn’t bring up our discussion from last night, and thankfully, he didn’t so I was able to relax.

  I still haven’t gone home. I should have for the sake of self-preservation, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave especially since he made it clear he wanted me in his home. And I want to be with him. It’s like I can’t get enough of him, and I’m not referring to the amazing sex we always have.

  We spent the entire day together. We talked, laughed, watched a movie and worked in his library for a couple of hours. We made sandwiches for lunch and ordered out for dinner.

  “I have an older brother and a younger sister. My sister, Jess, lives in San Francisco with her husband and two daughters, and my brother, Drew, lives in Seattle.” We’re in bed but instead of sleeping, Cole and I are talking about our families.

  “They must miss you,” I say. From his tone, it’s obvious he loves his family a lot.

  “I miss them too. We’re all pretty close.”

  “That’s how families should be.” Unfortunately, mine aren’t that close. Mom has been gone for years, Dad is busy with his new family, and Kalina is . . . Kalina.

  “My parents are great, and I think it helps that there isn’t a huge gap in our ages. Drew is three and a half years older than Jess. But since he turned thirty, he’s been teasing Jess and I about being not being grown-ups yet,” he says, chuckling.

  I freeze. What? I can’t have heard him right. His brother – elder brother to be precise – is thirty. That can’t be possible.

  “Your brother is thirty?” I ask carefully.

  “Yeah, but going on twenty.”

  “And he’s older than you?” I have to be certain.

  Cole realizes that I may have a problem with that. The smile fades from his face and is replaced by a serious expression. “Yeah.”

  Oh no. How young is he exactly? He said his sister is younger than him, not older, right? “How old are you?” I have to know.

  “I want to ask what does it matter but somehow I think I may not like your response.”

  “Cole.”

  “Twenty-eight,” he responds, watching me closely.

  I sit up, suddenly feeling vulnerable. I’ve fallen for a man five years younger than me. Why didn’t it ever occur to me that he’s younger? I let him seduce me with his gorgeous face, perfect body and charm.

  “Rae?”

  I clutch the sheet to my chest, covering up my nudity. I need to leave his house. I need to remember where the hell my clothes are.

  Cole sits up too, eyeing me warily. “Rae, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I had no idea you were much younger than me,” I say, and start sliding off the bed.

  He stops me with a hand on my arm. “Why does it matter?”

  “I know it shouldn’t since we’re just having fun. I mean it’s not like we’re serious or anything . . .” My voice trails off as his mouth tightens at my statement. I quickly add, “We’re exclusive but . . .” I trail off again. Looking into his eyes, I tell him the truth, “It bothers me.”

  “It shouldn’t, Rae. It doesn’t change who I am, and what’s between us. I don’t care if you’re twenty or forty. That’s not what matters to –”

  I cut him off. “I’m not forty.”

  “I didn’t say you are,” he says soothingly. “I’m just saying you’re important to me, and I don’t care if you’re older or younger. I want to know your age not because it’ll have any impact on the way I feel about you. I want to know because I want to know everything about you. I want to get to know you inside out.”

  His words are causing a raging storm in me. On one hand, I’m excited and I want to jump into his arms, but on the other hand, I’m scared and I want to run far away from him. I choose the safe option.

  Shaking my head, I make another attempt to leave the bed. “Cole, I can’t –”

  He places a finger on my lips. “It doesn’t change anything.” There’s sincerity in his beautiful gray eyes. “I’m fine with what we have. Nothing has to change. We’re good, Rae. Okay?”

  Nothing has to change.

  “Okay?” he asks again, his tone gentle.

  He removes his finger and I realize that I’m nodding. I don’t want anything to change. I’m really happy with what we have, much happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

  “I’m thirty-three,” I tell him, watching his reaction. He doesn’t reveal anything. “Did you know?”

  “Not your exact age, but I figured you were older last night when you told me about your ex-husband,” he says. “I wouldn’t have guessed. You look younger than thirty.” He kisses me softly on my lips. “I meant it when I said it doesn’t matter to me.”

  “It may not matter to you but what will people think?”

  He looks surprised. “What people? And when did you start caring about what people think?”

  He’s right. I’ve never cared what anyone thinks about me. But this time I do, and I know why – Cole Mardsen. I don’t want anyone’s negative opinion or reaction muddling up what we have.

  “Your friends and family might not like it.”

  “Rae, it’s no one’s business. And my friends and family won’t care, they’ll love you.”

  I knew I was in serious trouble the moment I started thinking about what his family and friends would think of me. I knew Cole would be dangerous, and the worst part is that I’m not willing to walk away just yet.

  “When’s your birthday?” I ask.

  “February fifth. Yours?”

  “May fifth.”

  He grins at me. “We have the day in common.” I don’t know why but that makes me smile. “And in February, we get to celebrate twice.”

  “Twice?” What’s the second thing? His birthday and –

  “Valentine’s day.”

  My smile dims. “That’s in seven months’ time.”

  He shrugs. “I like to plan ahead.” He tugs the sheet, and reveals my breasts. My nipples immediately harden. “Yeah, I definitely like to plan ahead,” he says in a husky voice.

  Before I can blink, I’m lying on my back and my nipple is in his mouth.

  And just like that, any problem I have with our age difference is quickly forgotten.

  ELEVEN

  Rae

  Cole and I have just had dinner at a charming seafood restaurant, and we’re walking on the sidewalk when we should be looking for a taxi. As always, the streets are well lit and busy with people heading to their various destinations. I don’t pay any attention to them. My attention is on the man next to me. I feel enchanted, not because of the delicious seafood dinner and the cool, starry night, but because of Cole. He’s attentive, charming, sweet and perceptive. We’re laughing and holding hands like any other couple when I hear my name. The voice doesn’t sound familiar, but when I look away from Cole and turn to the direction of the voice, I recognize the face. Devin I-have-no-idea-what-his-surname-is. A regrettable one-night stand from eight months ago, made worse by him coming by my office the next day to look for me. He wanted more than one night, I turned him down flat. I also refused his offer of friendship. I had no intention of being friends with a lousy lay especially one who had made it clear he wanted more. Unfortunately, I remember how loud-mouthed he became after my rejection. What the hell is he doing in London?

  Studying Cole, Devin says, “Is it because he’s white?”

  Cole stiffens beside me. “What?” I ask, puzzled.

  “You never gave me half a chance. I figured your ex must have done quite a number on you. Now I see you here with
him,” he says, gesturing at Cole, “so I guess the problem was my skin color.”

  Damn. Who knew men could be bitchy? Cole makes a furious sound beside me and moves towards Devin. I look up at him and place a hand gently on his chest. “Please,” I murmur. He looks at me. I silently plead with my eyes. He relaxes slightly, giving me permission to handle this my way. I turn cold eyes to the mistake from my past standing in front of me.

  “No, Devin, it’s not because he’s white. I wouldn’t care if he was purple. It’s because you are not, and will never be, one percent of the man that he is. You are absolutely nothing but a drunken mistake and a waste of time,” I say icily.

  Devin’s dark brown eyes fill up with hate and his lips twist in anger. “Is that why I had you screaming all night?”

  I feel Cole’s anger, and I subtly tighten my hold on his waist. I’m actually so amused by Devin’s comment that I laugh. Screaming? All night? “That’s one thing you’ll never have to worry about. I may have had a little too much to drink but I clearly remember that you can’t get the job done.” Devin looks furious. I wonder why since I’m just being honest. My voice turns arctic again. “Now, why don’t you get lost before my man decides to teach you a lesson?”

  Devin looks furious, and turns away but not before muttering, “Cold-hearted bitch.”

  Cole snaps. “What the fuck did you say?” he asks angrily, breaking free from me. Cole sounds extremely menacing and Devin is smart enough to hurriedly start walking away.

  I hold on to his arm. “Baby, please. He’s not worth it. Just let him get back to whatever hole he crawled out of.”

  Cole looks down at me. My hands are gripping his arm, willing him to ignore Devin. I refuse to allow the loser ruin our evening.

  “I believe we were going back to your place for a nightcap?” I ask, hoping to coax him out of his anger. It works.

  “Yeah, we are,” he says. Some of the anger has cleared from his face. He glances back but Devin has disappeared into the crowd. “That asshole is lucky.”

  “No, baby. He’s not. But I’ll make sure you get really lucky tonight,” I say suggestively. I lean into him and brush my lips on his jaw.