Cherishing You

by JoRae Andrews

  Darting up the stairs towards my room, I run and jump onto my bed. Curling up into a fetal position, I hug my pillow and let the tears fall.

  Once again, Andi’s darting away from me before I can stand my ground. Quite frankly, it’s starting to piss me off. Why does she keep pushing me away so hard? She isn’t the only one who’s been suffering, and I don’t know about her, but I’ve been missing her like crazy. Now that she’s back, there’s no way I want to keep going like this. For her to be so close and not be able to talk is hell. No, this fight has to stop. Maybe she’s right, maybe we can’t go back to the way it was before, but if last night proved anything it’s that she feels something too.

  I remember the first time I felt it. We were at senior prom. I was rocking my tuxedo, of course, and Andi . . . Shit, she was so damn hot in that floor-length aqua dress of hers that I thought I was going to come undone as soon as I saw her. Several of our friends were going stag, but I’d figured out what color her dress was going to be so I got my cummerbund and tie to match. Corny, I know, but I wanted her to be my date so bad, I just couldn’t get up the courage to ask her.

  When I pulled into her driveway, as I had done a thousand times before, my palms were all sweaty and my heart was pounding. Then, when she came down those stairs, my heart stopped until she was standing in front of me. I held up the corsage I had surprised her with, and I swear she had tears in her eyes for just a split second before she smiled that big smile of hers, showing me her perfect teeth. Yeah, that was the first time I truly thought I might swallow my tongue, wishing she would sink those teeth right into me.

  Just the memory of that night, standing right here in the same spot, is enough to make me hard. Fuck, I need to get my head straight and stop thinking about the past. The past is over, and it’s apparent that we aren’t going to have a future.

  I don’t know though; I saw the fire in her eyes last night on the dock just before my eyes locked on those succulent lips of hers. Man, I wish I knew how those lips would taste on my tongue. Yes, it is definitely time to make a decision—seduce her until she caves and admits she wants me just as much as I want her; or not say a word, steer clear of her until she leaves, and then go back to life as it was before her visit this week. Except this time, I’ll know we aren’t meant to happen and will let her go.

  Hmmm, it’s time I did some serious thinking.

  I head back out to my truck, nodding at Ron on the way off the porch.

  “Hold up, son. I’ve decided I’m going to ride to the shop with you this morning; that way, Andi can use my truck if she needs to go anywhere. You wouldn’t mind now, would you?” Ron says as he kisses Bev good-bye and climbs in the passenger side of the truck.

  “No, guess not,” I reply, turning the truck around before heading to the shop. Of course, it isn’t like he gave me a choice.

  “So, that was pretty quick in there. Did you and Andi make up?”

  “Ron, I appreciate your concern where Andi and I are concerned, but there is no need for you to be involved.”

  “Is that so? Well then, do you care to explain to me why it’s taken my daughter this long to come home for a visit? Not to mention, it took you almost a year before I saw your face again. You make sure to not ask any direct questions, yet your ears are always perked when anything is being said about her. Son, you two may have been fooling yourselves all this time, but you’re not fooling me, her mother, or anyone else for that matter. You two are meant to be together, and the only ones who don’t know it are you and Andi. Now, you already lost her once; are you honestly willing to do it again? Are you really willing to risk her meeting someone she decides to settle down with while knowing she couldn’t have her soul mate?”

  I pull up in front of the shop and sit there staring out the windshield, not really seeing anything but her face in the glass. I realize Ron is still sitting there too, and I feel his eyes on me. I turn to look at him, but before I speak he holds up his hand.

  “Ethan, I think you have a lot to think about today. I want you to take the day off and do just that. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll be here, and if I need to I’ll drive the tow truck to the house, no big deal. Go on now, get going,” he tells me as he climbs out of the truck.

  Sticking his head in the window with a big smile on his face, he says, “Oh, and by the way, I’m hoping you make the best choice.” Then he unlocks the shop door and disappears inside.

  I sit here for a few more minutes, stunned. Finally, I put the truck in gear and just drive. I’m not letting my mind think about what Ron said, or Andi, or anything else; I just need to separate for a bit, get my emotions in check so I can think clearly. It’s impossible to make a logical decision when my hormones are screaming for a release with Andi being so close.

  I drive for a few hours and end up at some park. Getting out, I walk around for a bit, stretching my legs. Finally, after slumping down on a bench and sprawling my legs out in front of me, I let my mind wander to Andi. I can see her clearly in front of me, her head dipped a little to the right and her beautiful, honey-colored hair hanging down in waves on that same side. She gazes up at me and locks those big brown eyes on mine, and I swear I get lost in them every time. I see her look down all of a sudden and smile big as she picks up a little blond-haired boy. She bounces him a bit then swings him onto her hip. Then they both glance up at me and show their matching smiles. Except I realize they aren’t looking at me—they’re looking at someone behind me. I turn around and see they’re staring at some guy who’s waving to them. Then he starts running and scoops them up, twirling them around before he lands a big kiss on her lips.

  I feel like someone just sucker punched me in the gut. Sucking in deep breaths, I finally stand and get back to my truck. Sitting there, I realize Ron is right—I’m going to lose Andi for good this time if I don’t get through to her before she leaves.

  I just hope it’s not too late.

  “Andi? Where are you? Come down here, we need to talk!” I hear Mom yell for me from downstairs.

  “Be down in a few minutes, Mom!” I yell back. I get up and go to the restroom to wash my face. How stupid am I to be crying over him after all this time? It must be from being back here, bringing the past front and center. All the emotions and heartache I felt all those years ago came rushing back in an instant when he walked into the kitchen today, and it’s just too much to bear. I probably should cut my visit short, because it’s killing me being here. After all, the idea to stay clear of him isn’t working so well.

  I head downstairs to see Mom has laid out two settings of hot tea and, my favorite, chocolate chip cookies. I instantly start crying. It wasn’t until that second that I realized how much I’d missed home. Most people say you can’t go home again once you move out, but then again, most people don’t have parents like mine. Growing up, I didn’t have to worry about much of anything important. I realized that, of course, after moving into the apartment in Texas just down from the college. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the value of the dollar; it was that I didn’t ever see my parents struggle financially. And, come to think of it, I’ve rarely even seen them have an actual argument about anything. They are truly happy with one another. They are soul mates.

  Mom reaches around me and gives me a huge bear hug. Man, have I missed her. She guides me over to sit beside her at the table.

  “Now, what are all these tears for? If I’d known it would make you cry, I wouldn’t have made these cookies,” she says while smiling at me.

  “Oh, Mom, you know I love your cookies. I’ve just missed you both so much, and I didn’t realize how much I needed to come home until just a minute ago.”

  “Honey, I understand exactly how you feel. I felt that same way after I moved into our first apartment with your dad. It wasn’t that I was unhappy with him, it was just a big change from living at home, and it’s scary no matter how old you are. I’m going to tell you the same thing my mom told me the first time I moved away from home. “You a
re always welcome to come home any time, and I mean it. If you decide this isn’t what you want, it doesn’t matter if it’s 3 o’clock in the morning, you call me. Or, if you aren’t too upset to drive, you’re welcome to just show up. No questions asked, and no explanations needed.

  “Now, while I’m at it, I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Ethan, but you both need to figure it out before you leave. You aren’t leaving this house again and staying gone for so long. I’m no dummy. I know you’ve been avoiding coming home in order to not see him, and that is not acceptable. I love you, Andi, and I’ve been missing my baby girl for far too long. Okay, that’s all I’m going to say about him, so eat up these cookies and tell me all about Texas.” Mom bumps me in the shoulder, laughing.

  We sit at the table together for a few hours while I catch her up on my life in Texas and she tells me about everything here in Georgia. When Mom gets up to start dinner, I tell her I’ll cook for them tonight, but she insists we make dinner for Dad together instead. It’s so nice and comforting to be home. There’s a big smile on my face at the thought.

  Dad comes home right on time, and we decide to go on the back deck and sit down together. We’re all enjoying our mouthwatering dinner while Dad talks about the shop and all the changes he’s made since I’ve been gone. It feels really good to know some of them were inspired by me. I didn’t think he was paying attention to me that much when we’d talked about the shop before, so it warms my heart to know he really cared about the different business techniques and marketing tools I’ve learned about in Texas.

  After dinner, we all pitch in and clean up the kitchen before heading back out on the porch to watch the sunset as we have dessert. It’s so peaceful to sit back, relax, and talk with them while watching the stars. I decide this is exactly what I needed.

  This becomes our routine for the next couple days during my visit. I’ve really been enjoying myself, and even caught up with a few of my old girlfriends while shopping in town one day. One of them, Leah, invited me out to lunch with her, so we’re meeting in town today. Mom will be busy anyway with a meeting at work.

  Leah and I meet up at the local pizza parlor and decide to order a pizza to share.

  “So, how have you been, Andi? It’s been a long time since anyone’s seen or heard from you,” Leah says after the waitress walks away from our table.

  “I’m doing good, actually. I just graduated college and landed what I’m hoping is going to be a great job. I start in a couple weeks and am pretty excited about it.”

  “That’s great news, I’m so happy for you!

  “Thank you! So, what about you, how have you been? What did you get into after high school? Anything exciting going on with you?” Mom already told me she and Drew got married and had a baby. I’m truly happy for her, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a pang of envy over her. Everyone knew she and Drew would be together forever—they were perfect for each other. That’s the kind of relationship I thought I would have with Ethan, but Kelly got that happy ending, not me.

  “Well, Drew and I got married, of course, and we have a son named Tanner. He’s just over a year old. He’s with Drew now, actually. We’re doing great. We’re buying a house just down from his parents’ farm outside of town, should be closing on it in the next week or so. I’m so excited about it, and I can’t wait to decorate it.”

  This doesn’t surprise me at all about Leah and Drew. Okay, maybe having a kid already did, but I’m happy for her and I tell her so.

  The pizza arrives and we eat and chat for a while, catching up on all the drama from town and what everyone’s up to lately.

  “What about you, Andi? Ever think about settling down and having some kids of your own?”

  I ponder this for a few minutes before answering. I always thought someday I would have my happily ever after with a great marriage and wonderful kids, white picket fence and all, but this is reality, and the truth is that dream went out the window when Ethan and I had our big blowup. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to see it. It’s like there’s a huge black space where my future dreams should be.

  Of course, I know that’s way more than she’s asking for though, and even more than I care to admit, so instead I say, “Oh, yeah, of course. Just not right now.”

  Shit.

  I have to drain all the new oil back out of the engine and put the synthetic oil in. I just looked at the damn ticket too. “Pull your shit together,” I tell myself, banging my head on the side of the car lift. I can’t afford to keep making stupid mistakes like this on customer’s vehicles. At least Ron’s at the café getting lunch and not here to see this one or he’d be busting my balls again. He’s been catching me in stupid mistakes left and right the past few days, and of course he isn’t shy about pointing it out either.

  It’s been a few days since I’ve seen Andi. I feel good about my decision, but if I don’t get up the nerve to talk to her soon it’ll be a waste. The same thing that’s always held me back in the past is the same thing that haunts me now. What if she doesn’t see me as anything but friends? What if she doesn’t feel this electric fire that I do every time we’re near one another? One thing’s for certain, I know I can’t go on like this. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. Okay, so maybe I haven’t rested much lately because even if I do fall asleep, she’s right there in my mind, front and center.

  Yeah, something is going to have to happen. I’m not losing her again. Hell, I don’t have her now. Fighting for her is my only option, and I have nothing left to lose.

  I finish draining the oil and pour it in the waste barrel. Then I double check the ticket with the oil label and fill it with the correct oil. At least I found the mistake before I fired up the engine and the customer left. It probably wouldn’t have hurt anything, but the way my luck is running lately they would have blown it up or something then tried to say it was because of the wrong oil. I top off all the fluids and have to once again remind myself to pay attention to the task at hand. All I see is Andi—her beautiful hair cascading down her back, batting those strikingly long lashes. How she bites the inside of her lips when she’s deep in thought or concentrating really hard on something. You don’t even know the torture I endured all those years while studying together. I can just picture what those lips will taste like.

  As I drop the hood and start wiping my hands, I imagine Andi walking into the bay, those lips all pink and shining. I lick my own subconsciously.

  “Umm, hi?

  Startled and embarrassed, I drop the rag I was using as I realize she really is here—I’m not daydreaming this time.

  Great start, Ethan, show her what a real dumbass you are.

  “Hey. Sorry about that, I was lost in thought.”

  “I would say so. You looked like you were about to devour your first meal in days,” Andi says, laughing.

  “Well, when you put it like that, maybe I was.”

  Andi looks me square in the eye, her smile fading.

  Oh, shit, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. She’s going to freak out, isn’t she? Shit, shit, shit! This is it. Our whole future going down in flames, and I’m the one holding the lighter.

  “Uh, okay . . . Well then, I guess I’ll let you get back to this car. I just came by to see Dad for a minute anyway. Bye.” She starts to head through the office.

  I’m frozen to the floor for minute. “Hell!” I finally say aloud and start running for her. “Andi, wait. Please?”

  “Yeah?” She turns around in the doorway of the office and looks up at me.

  I quickly scan the office; for once, there’s no one else in here.

  “Hey, uh, I just wanted to tell you that Ron isn’t here. He went down to the café to grab some lunch. So you should be able to find him there, you know, since you were looking for him and all,” I say, taking a step closer to her.

  “Oh, okay . . . Is that all you needed? I mean”—she coughs nervously—“uh, was there anything else you wanted?” Andi asks, moving forw
ard, never losing eye contact.

  Hooking my arms around her waist, I pull her tight against me and she gasps.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact . . . This.” I barely manage to get it out before lightly kissing her precious lips. Hell yes! They taste even sweeter than I imagined. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her, and kisses me with so much passion I think my head might explode. She opens those luscious lips and my tongue is quick to explore. For the first time in my life, I think I could come in my jeans just from how good her mouth tastes. I ease her back against the wall next to the door and we continue to assault each other with our tongues until we have to come up for air. I pepper her face with feather-light kisses.

  Now that I’ve finally kissed her, I don’t ever want to stop.

  Oh, my God! I’m dreaming, that’s what this is. It has to be. There is no way a kiss could feel this amazing. I’ve heard of people saying there were fireworks shooting up or how nothing else existed but the two of them, but come on—those were fantasies, right? Weren’t they? Just then, he starts covering my face with the gentlest, sweetest kisses, and I feel myself smiling. This is one of the best dreams I’ve ever had, and I don’t want it to end.

  “I take you it you’re enjoying this just as much as I am, Andi?” Ethan asks in a very low, seductive voice, so close to my ear I can feel his breath against it. Let me tell you, that’s so hot!!! Who knew the ears could be so sensitive?

  Holy shit! I jerk open my eyes and realize this isn’t a dream. And I actually felt the whole shebang—the fireworks, the tunnel vision, and the fire.

  Oh, my, the fire! The one that’s built throughout my body and is aching for release. Yeah, it’s there. But as amazing as it felt, this can’t happen. He isn’t mine for the taking. Damn it, why does he have to feel so amazing?

  “Andi, do you want me to stop?” His eyes are locked on mine, mesmerizing.