Cherishing You

by JoRae Andrews

  “No, but yes.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Ethan, I really am, but we can’t do this. This can’t happen. Even if I wanted it to, it won’t work.” I shake my head and look at the floor, needing to break the connection between us. I have to get out of here; I can already feel the tears in my eyes starting to well up, and I’m not going to let him see me cry.

  I push at his chest and he releases me slowly. I can feel his emotions without even looking at him. I can’t look at him, because I know I’ll lose all control. No, I have to get out of here.

  I start out the door and head to my car. Ethan yells for me, but I don’t dare turn around. He’s confused and mad, I’m sure, but if I look back now and see the same hurt in his eyes that I’m feeling in my chest, it’ll crush me. I climb in the car, start it quickly, and pull out of the parking lot to head home. I have to clear my head and rein in my hormones. I can’t want Ethan like this; he and Kelly are a family, and I’m not going to be the one to tear it apart. And speaking of Kelly, why hasn’t anyone said anything about their baby? Now that I think about it, not one single person I’ve spoken to has said a word about her.

  Hmm, that’s odd.

  Then again, they probably think I don’t want to hear about her. Everyone knew I wasn’t a fan of her back then. It wasn’t like I went around bashing her, but I didn’t try to hang out with her either. She was different from the get-go; she moved to our school during senior year and was snotty from the start. It was easy to see how fake she was. Well, for everyone except Ethan. Yeah, he fell for her hook, line, and sinker. I didn’t have any enemies until she made it her goal to take Ethan from me, even though we were just friends. She made it clear every chance she got that he was hers and I would never have him.

  I pull into the driveway and keep going, around the barn and past the backyard until I can’t drive any further. So I get out of my car and start running, all the way to the pond. As I get close, I start pulling my shoes off then my socks. I unbutton my jeans and shimmy out of them as I go, leaving everything wherever it lands. I don’t care; I want to be free—or as free as I can get, I suppose. I’m finally stripped down to my bra and underwear just as I reach the dock. I pull the hairband from my hair and throw it down then run as fast as I can and jump off the dock.

  As I’m sailing airborne off the dock, the memory of the last time I jumped in this pond comes rushing back to me.

  “One, two, three,” I counted aloud as Ethan and I held hands, ran across the dock, and jumped in. It was the week before graduation and the water was still freezing, but Ethan had dared me to do it. I agreed, but told him he had to jump in with me. So, of course, he did. We jumped in the ice bath hand in hand and both came up laughing so hard and . . .

  Oh, my God, we came up in each other’s arms. Why didn’t I think about that then? Probably because the water was so cold it felt like it was turning our blood to sludge. As soon as we came up to the surface, we scrambled back to the dock then ran to my house to change and warm up as fast as we could, laughing all the way.

  I break through the surface of the water and start gasping for air, realizing I’ve been holding my breath underwater for too long, lost in the memory. Ethan consumes me. Everything I do, I always see him in the back of my mind—every decision, every date, every dream, he’s always played a part in it somewhere. Sometimes he’s my best friend and sometimes I think of him as a lover.

  Whether I want to admit it or not, I want Ethan. Even more so now than I did then.

  I may actually be in love with him.

  Except he isn’t mine to want, and he had no right kissing me today when he has Kelly. Damn him! I never would’ve thought he’d be the type of man to try to have his cake and eat it too.

  Maybe he isn’t who I thought he was all along. What if I’ve just been in love with the idea of him? Being best friends did make us really close; was I making him more than he really was? Obviously so, if he willingly kissed me like that with Kelly at home. How could I be so stupid?

  But then I remember how I felt when he kissed me. Of all the men I’ve kissed before, no one could hold a candle to the ones I shared with Ethan. Okay, so it’s only been a handful of other guys, but it’s still a little bit of experience. I touch my lips and close my eyes as I lie back and float in the water. Just thinking about the kiss we shared sets my skin on fire all over again. The question is, what am I going to do about it? I can’t keep going on like this. I want him, and he sure acts like he wants me, but he has to decide what he’s doing first, because as much as I loathe her, I won’t be the one stealing him away.

  I’m going to steer clear of their marriage, and Ethan. I know, I know, I’ve tried to stay away from him all week, and I might manage a day or two, but then I run into him and I lose all self-control. It’s like as soon as I see him, any good intentions leave my brain. There is no logic; it’s just Ethan and I, with my heart racing and my body on fire with need for him. It’s like he’s the only person who can put out the flames deep within me. Just thinking about it jumpstarts the desire, making it stronger than ever. I think I need to take a long, cold shower to pull my hormones under control.

  I hear some kind of commotion near the barn so I decide I should probably head out and get cleaned up. I swim to the dock and pull myself out of the water. It did feel good to be in the water, but I didn’t get the relaxation I usually do from a good swim; I still feel like a tight wire ready to snap. I better get some clothes on before whoever’s at the barn comes looking for me. It would be awful if it was Dad; the thought actually makes me start laughing. I start putting my clothes back on as I find them thrown on the ground. This would never pass in the city; then again, I wouldn’t be stripping my clothes off and jumping into a pond either. There were no ponds or much grass anyway, except for the beautiful park uptown, and I’m pretty sure that would end in a big fat ticket, if not a little over-night stay at the jailhouse.

  Yeah, I’m definitely going to miss the peace and quiet of this place once I’m back in the city. Not to mention the fresh air. I take a big, deep breath. I can tell it’s fall soon; the summer night air is starting to become a little cooler, and the sun is setting a little bit earlier each night. It won’t be long before the snow will be flying and we’ll all need to be wearing multiple layers. Of course, if I were to be snuggled up with a certain someone, I would be plenty warm. I’m guessing we would both be peeling off the layers. I giggle to myself while climbing back in the car.

  As I pull around the side of the barn, I remember the noise I heard, so I park the car and jump out, shutting the door quietly. I move to the front but just before I open the door, Mom steps out and shuts it fast behind her. Of course, now I’m starting to get suspicious. What’s going on here? Mom’s never usually in the barn unless Dad’s out here working on something. It isn’t like she couldn’t be here, of course; she just never comes out here much.

  Now that I think about it, both my parents have been acting a little strange, like they’re skirting around something. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I intend to find out.

  “Mom? What are you up to? What are you doing in the barn?”

  “Since when did I need to give an explanation to you? In case you forgot, I’m the mother here, not you, my dear.” She sidesteps around me—and the subject, for that matter.

  “You’re right, Mom, you don’t need to give me any explanations. I heard some noise coming from here while I was swimming in the pond, and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

  “I figured you had gone in for a dip, considering your hair is a soaking mess,” she says, laughing. “Now, come on in with me and dry off. Better yet, you should probably go shower after being in the pond water.” With that, she puts her arm across my shoulders and we walk into the house.

  I was going to shower when I finished swimming anyway, so it isn’t like it’s a big deal, but I know the only reason she said anything was to distract me from the barn.

  What’s she up to,
and why is she hiding it from me?

  I stand here with my forehead pressed against the wall, my mind replaying the kiss we just shared over and over again. I can’t believe how insane her lips felt on mine, like a burst of heaven in my mouth.

  “Hot damn!” I yell while smacking the wall. I’m in love with Andi. There’s no going back to being just friends—or anything else, for that matter. The spark I’d felt before was just that—a spark, nothing more. But when our lips met, it was a damn explosion.

  Ron opens the door, making me jump. He’s carrying a white bag and a couple of Styrofoam cups with straws from the café. I pull open the door wider, which startles him; he wasn’t expecting me to be standing there.

  “Why, thank you, Ethan. I thought I would bring lunch back here for us to eat, since you look like you haven’t eaten in days. I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I figured once you smelled the food you might change your mind.” He takes the bag and drinks into the private office behind the counter. It’s technically Ron’s office, where he does all his bookwork, but he never minds if others come in, and we often have lunch in here. I shake my head at him, but I can’t stop the grin that’s now probably permanently etched onto my face. I go into the office where Ron automatically sets up my plate.

  “Ron, you didn’t need to do this, but you’re right; it does smell amazing, and I’m actually hungry now.” I sit across from him at the desk and start on my plate. The cheeseburgers from the café are amazing, and Ron knows I can’t pass up a bacon cheeseburger with BBQ sauce and pickles on it. Something about the combination is perfect. Although, this burger pales to the taste of Andi’s mouth on mine.

  “So, Ethan, tell me, does that shit-eating grin have anything to do with the fact that my daughter just left the shop?” Ron sits there smiling away as he takes another bite of his fish sandwich.

  I’m choking on my food before he even finishes his question. I take a drink of the sweet tea he hands me and finally clear my throat. He already knows I love her; he stated it a few days ago. So I guess I shouldn’t be shocked, but I’m still taken by surprise. I know I should probably feel guilty, but the truth is I love Andi and I’m done hiding from it. There’s no way I can deny it any longer, so I might as well tell him the truth.

  “Actually, yeah, Andi was just here. She came in looking for you, and I told her you were at the café. I thought she was heading that way to come see you. I actually figured she would join you for lunch.” Although I know better, now that I think about it; she left in such a hurry, and headed in the opposite direction of the café. She went towards home. I don’t understand why she was upset though; she seemed to be enjoying our kiss just as much as I did. I don’t know what her feelings are for me—if any—but the way she kissed me back, there’s no way she wasn’t feeling the connection between us.

  “She didn’t come in while I was waiting, but I did see her leaving in Bev’s car as I was walking back here. She looked like she was in a hurry. You wouldn’t know anything about that now, would ya?”

  “Well, we may have talked for a little bit, and I may have told her just a few things about how I’ve been feeling,” I say, grinning sheepishly. I love Ron like a father, but I don’t know how he’s going to take Andi and me being in a relationship. Teasing me about it is one thing, but for it to actually happen, and for him to know I’m going to make love with his daughter, is another.

  That thought alone floors me. Just kissing Andi made me come unglued; I can’t wait to feel her fine-looking body under mine.

  “Just remember, Ethan, she is my daughter. Now, I know you’ll do right by her—of that, I have no doubt—but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to see how you two plan on making things work. After all, she has a new job in Texas, and your whole life is here.” Ron picks up his food wrappers, wads them into a ball, and throws them into the garbage can. “Now, I think we’re almost caught up for the day, aren’t we?” he asks as he stands up.

  “Yeah, I finished the Chevy, I just need to pull it out of the bay and hang the keys up.”

  “We only have a couple more on today’s list, and I can handle them. Why don’t you go ahead and take the rest of the day off? I figure you have some things to take care of today.”

  I stare at him for minute, trying to figure out what he means.

  He smiles at me and says, “Ethan, you’re a smart man, but sometimes you’re as stubborn as a mule. If you love my daughter as much as I think you do, then you need to go find her and convince her of it. She’s set to be leaving in a few more days, and if I were a betting man, I’d bet you have a lot to say that just may change her mind. I don’t want to lose either one of you, but you two have to make some decisions and stick by them. I’ll be damned if either of you will keep going the way things have been. So, go on, go find Andi.”

  With that, he walks out to the bays, pulls out the Chevy, parks it then comes into the main office. Hanging the keys on the hook in the key box for customer cars, he looks over at me and says, “What are you still standing there for? I thought I told you to get out of here and talk things out with Andi.”

  “I’m going, but I wonder, what are you pushing so hard for? Why do you keep giving me time off to try to work it out with her? You keep saying you’ve known it all along and we’ve just been too blind or stubborn to see it, but if that’s the case, why are you just now saying something? Why didn’t you say something to one or both of us when we had that big fight all those years ago?”

  “Son, what does it really matter? Why not now? I don’t like to meddle in other people’s business, and I’ve tried to let you two work it out for yourselves. But neither of you has gotten around to it in, what, fifteen years or better, so now’s the time. If you let her leave again without telling her everything then I will tell her. I’ll tell her about all the times I picked you up from the bar, plastered drunk and crying all the way home about how much you missed her. How about when you found out Kelly was faking the pregnancy and you came running to the house, yelling for Andi that it was over with Kelly and it was her all along you were meant to be with, her you wanted to have a baby with? Ethan, I know you’re prideful, and not one time have I said a word against you—hell, I’d probably be in a lot worse place if I were to ever lose Bev—but now is your time to show Andi just how much you love her. Now, Ethan, go get her!”

  “I never have said thank you, Ron. Not one time did you say a word to me about anything I said back then. I honestly didn’t even know I told you any of that stuff. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

  With that, I grab my keys and jump in the truck, fire up the engine, and peel out of the driveway. I decide to go straight to Andi’s house and talk to her.

  Ron’s right—it’s now or never.

  I climb into the shower and rest my forehead against the wall, the hot water landing on my upper back, giving me a much-needed massage. It feels amazing. I take a deep breath and let go of all the tension in my neck and shoulders. I don’t know why my muscles are so tensed up; I hadn’t even realized they were until right now. Then I see Ethan’s face and understand what has me all messed up; it’s being around Ethan, and that kiss today . . . Damn, it makes me hot just thinking about it. Never in all the years that I’ve known him did I ever suspect he could kiss that good, and it makes me wonder—if he’s that good at kissing, how is he at making love?

  Just thinking about him in bed fans the flame building in my core. It makes me so hot I have to relieve it. I switch the water from hot to cold, trying to cool myself down, but it doesn’t work. I put the water back to hot and slide my hand down to my core. Between being worked up from the kiss and imagining Ethan’s hands there instead of my own, I find my release in just a few minutes.

  Right as I finish washing off and climb out of the shower, I hear Mom talking to someone.

  “Come on in, honey. How have you been? I haven’t seen you for a few days, and I’ve missed you at supper.”

  Supper? I didn
’t know someone’s been coming here for dinner with my parents. Why didn’t they say anything about it?

  “Well, I didn’t want to interrupt your family time, Andi being home and all.”

  As soon as I hear his voice, I freeze, my stomach filling with butterflies as my heart races. What is he doing here? I start running around, getting dressed as quickly as possible. Of course he would show up, since I haven’t put my makeup on yet, and I just had a great orgasm with his image in my mind. How am I ever going to look at him again?

  I decide to hell with it; he’s seen me without makeup thousands of times, and today shouldn’t be any different. Besides, his opinion doesn’t matter. I’m not trying to impress him—he has Kelly for that. Not to mention, I’m not looking for a relationship with him either; I’m going back to Texas in a few days, and I won’t have time to deal with anything long-distance.

  I start heading down the stairs and see Ethan standing by the door with Mom. He stops in mid-sentence, staring at me.

  “Uh, hi. What you doing here?”

  “I actually came to see your mom. It’s been a while since I stopped in and I haven’t seen Bev at the shop, so I figured I would check on her. I figured since I was here, I’d see if you were busy. I thought maybe you’d want to take a walk or ride with me. You know, if you weren’t too busy and all,” Ethan says, locking eyes with me. I love those crystal-blue orbs.

  “I’m actually kind of busy, was just going to help Mom start dinner. Dad will be home soon, and we usually have everything done by the time he gets home. It makes for a relaxing evening.” I know I’m babbling, but I can’t seem to stop. I can feel my cheeks getting warm. Great, so now I look like a jackass on top of everything else today.

  “Oh, sweetheart, you’re fine. Go on and talk with Ethan, I can handle dinner on my own. I’ve been doing it by myself for over twenty years now, in case you didn’t notice, and amazingly you’ve all survived.” Mom puts her arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze.